He’s pulling away from you -why, you ask?

There is certain behavior that men are universally turned off by.

Chewing with your mouth open, spraying him with spit as you talk, and constantly checking your phone on a date are all turn-offs. But if you’re avoiding the more obvious turn-offs, you might be wondering why he’s pulling away.

The first few dates went so well, yet suddenly, he’s pulling away.

He takes forever to answer messages, has delayed or canceled plans, and isn’t reaching out as he did before.

There are dozens of reasons he might be pulling away, but here are the most common reasons men lose interest and slowly fade into the abyss after an early spark.

Reasons He’s Pulling Away

Keep this behavior in mind when starting a new relationship. I’m not advising you to change the marrow of your bones to appease the man you just started dating. However, I am asking you to reign in certain behaviors that may work against you, at least early on in a relationship.

1) You Had Sex Too Soon

It’s not a given that sex on a first or second date means he’ll pull away.

The opposite could easily be the case. Sex on a first or second date could mean he then becomes infatuated, things continue to heat up in and outside of the bedroom, and you two quickly consolidate your relationship.

But men have been known to devalue and pull away from women who have sex within the first couple of dates. 

Play it safe by waiting until at least the third date to slide between the bedsheets. Better safe than sorry when dating a guy you really like. Having sex too early in a relationship could mean getting relegated to a booty call or someone he calls when he’s lonely.

I understand that in our sexually progressive world this may seem like old-world advice. But just because women are more sexually liberated doesn’t mean men respect that sexual autonomy. Sure, they’ll be more than happy to have sex on a first date, but instead of celebrating a woman’s choice to have sex without fear of repercussions, many will then lose interest.

This is why we advocate for the better safe than sorry approach. 

2) You’re Too Available

Men want to date a woman who has her own life.

They’ll devalue you if you’re always free whenever he reaches out. He wants to imagine you living a rich life full of hobbies, friendships, and interesting experiences.

Yet if you message him back immediately, promptly agree to all his date plans, and appear to be waiting by the phone all day for him to message, he’ll lose interest. 

Don’t believe me?

Imagine if the tables were turned.

How into a guy would you be if it appeared as though he had no social life or hobbies and his whole life revolved around you despite you two just having started dating?

Does this sound like the man of your dreams or a guy who needs to get his stuff together?

Men feel the same way about women – at least the women they want to date.

So what’s the solution?

You might be tempted to play mind games and make up plans, so you have to cancel or set a timer of four hours before you message him back.

We don’t advise doing this.

There’s a much healthier way to date that will reap greater benefits—it’s called MegaDating.

MegaDating is a proactive dating approach that will see you go on 20 dates in 90 days. Yep, that’s a new date every 4.5 days.

With your social calendar filling up, you won’t be nearly as available as you once were. This has nothing to do with you playing games; you’re just an in-demand woman.

But the point of MegaDating isn’t to become less available, that’s just a byproduct. The objective is to find your ideal partner ASAP.

It’s a proactive dating approach that helps manage your energy, avoid settling, refine your dating skills, and of course find not just a partner, but your ideal partner in a matter of months.

3) Labeling The Relationship Too Soon

Trying to stick a label on a relationship too soon will likely lead to that label falling off.

It will only stick when the time is right.

Let’s explore why you might be prematurely labeling this new relationship by asking the following questions:

What if you never labeled your relationship? What would that mean to you? Why are you trying to label it now? Is it coming from a space of love or fear?

When the motivation to label a relationship comes from a place of fear it’s because you want to ensure he doesn’t fall for someone else. Or it’s because you’re unsure of how he feels and need this label to address any lingering uncertainty. Why are his words and behavior not good enough for you?

Only have the exclusive talk when you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. You also want to hit certain milestones before having the “exclusivity talk.” Take a small trip together, weather your first fight, meet his friends and his family, give it a few months.

If this is your forever person, there’s no need to rush into things.

Trying to label the relationship too soon can spook him. Enjoy the connection without adding unnecessary pressure. In fact, what would happen if you let him label the relationship? MegaDating helps too.

If he knows you’re doing a MegaDating experiment (20 dates in 90 days) that can stimulate competition in him, making him want to end your experiment sooner. Don’t play games but make sure you’re having enough experiences to make an informed decision about who you settle down with.

4) Stop Talking About Work

You’ve got to get deep with a romantic partner.

You have to be vulnerable and get them to open up too.

If your conversations are always surface-level or about work, he’s going to get bored (and so will you).

If you two are struggling to open up, I suggest playing the viral NYT 36 Questions game.

No need to ask all 36 questions, just bounce around taking turns asking the questions you find to be the most interesting.

Some questions you might consider asking include:

• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• What is your most treasured memory?
• Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
• Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.