Sometimes we stop making an effort to date because we’re feeling unworthy of love. And that’s a tough place to be.

Tons of coaches and self-help gurus out there will tell you that you have to “feel worthy” to attract what you desire. While that’s true in theory, what happens when you can’t seem to embody that feeling?

Sure, it makes sense intellectually that you deserve the woman you want. But even if you read a million articles and books or watch hundreds of Youtube videos, if you don’t really feel like you deserve her in your bones, it ain’t gonna work.

That said, up-leveling your self-esteem is hard. But as the saying goes, “new level, new devil.” This means, as you work on attracting better opportunities and people into your life, you have to consciously work on your belief system. Quite literally, you must become someone new — by changing your beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

7 Ways to Feel Like You Deserve Her

Below, I give a list of strategies that I have personally used to help me embody self-worth. Try some of these on to see how they work for you.

1. List 100 Reasons Why

Make a list of 100 Reasons Why You Deserve Your Dream Relationship. Obviously, here’s the catch: You’re guaranteed to get stuck. When you’re in a negative state of mind, feeling unworthy of love, positive thoughts about yourself don’t come easy.

So when you do get stuck, enlist others for help. Ask your friends and family what they think you have to offer the woman of your dreams. Tell them to give you as many reasons as you can, and jot them all down.

Keep in mind that because your self-esteem is low, you may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by what your friends say (even though it’s positive!). But don’t worry about that. You don’t need to stay locked in that point of view.

Their suggestions may also surprise you. Remember, other people don’t see you through the same filter you see yourself. That’s why they can remind you what your strengths are from a totally different vantage point. Doing this process will help you to realize just how much you truly have to offer a partner.

2. Use Daily Mantras to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind

Your subconscious mind controls your beliefs. If you hold beliefs that no longer serve you, like “that girl would never go for a guy like me,” then you need to work with your subconscious mind to reprogram those thoughts.

Having a daily mantra, or a phrase that you repeat over and over every day, can help your subconscious mind build new neural pathways. Let me explain: Whenever we think or do something, the neurons in our brain make connections called pathways. When we repeat the thought (or action) the pathway gets stronger. That makes it easier for us to think or do the same thing the next time. So when you repeatedly think negatively about yourself, you’re actually teaching your brain to think negatively.

But it also works the opposite way. A positive daily mantra can help to shift your belief system so you can embody positive thoughts.

Here are a couple of examples of a daily mantra that may help you create this shift:

“Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.”

“I deserve the woman of my dreams because I’m smart, hard-working, kind, and thoughtful.”

Make sure to do this for at least 21 days. Ideally, though, you want to keep it going throughout your entire dating journey. Sure, it might feel silly. But if standing on your head would help you attract all of your dreams, wouldn’t you at least try it?

3. Try Hypnosis While You Sleep

Hypnosis is similar to mantra-work. If you’re feeling unworthy of love, this can helps to reprogram your subconscious mind while you sleep so your limiting beliefs stop repeating on auto-pilot. That way, new beliefs that serve you replace them.

So how does it work? First, a hypnotherapist guides you into a “trance,” which is really just a state of high concentration. They might repeat certain words to get you to focus. You might look like you’re asleep, but you’re fully awake.

Then, your hypnotherapist will suggest things to you to help you achieve your goals. You should be more open to accepting these ideas and suggestions in your trance state than in your full waking state (when you have all those negative thoughts running through your mind!).

Once the session is over, your hypnotherapist will wake you. The suggestions you accepted in your trance state may have more influence over how you think and act later on.

How is this possible? Researchers have found that hypnosis actually alters a part of the brain responsible for connecting your actions to your awareness of your actions. You know how when you’re really engaged in something, you do it without thinking about it? Well, the suggestions you get under hypnosis could become just as automatic once this part of the brain is altered.

If you’re intrigued, there are tons of free guided hypnosis and meditations on Youtube. Give one of them a shot and see how you feel after 21 days.

4. Get Shamanic Healing

Working with a shaman has been one of the most transformative experiences in my life, outside of my 100-date experiment. Shamans help to resolve conflict in our subconscious and unconscious mind, which is where most self-worth and defeatist thoughts and beliefs exist.

If you’re struggling with feeling unworthy of love, chances are, you formed that deeply embedded belief at a young age. Now, while you could talk about it to death, talking it out or recognizing that you feel unworthy won’t change the fact that you feel this way. Instead, working with a shaman can help you to heal things in your subconscious and unconscious mind that haven’t been able to resolve themselves through talk therapy or other modalities.

I consult with a shaman regularly to heal limiting beliefs that originated in childhood. For me, their guidance works quickly and effectively. When paired with coaching and/or counseling, it can really supercharge your results.

5. Do Breathwork

Breathwork is a major part of practices like meditation, yoga, and mindfulness. So most likely, you’ve already come across this before, even if it wasn’t described as “breathwork.”

There are many ways to approach breathwork. Basically, breathwork refers to any exercise or technique that requires you to breathe in a patterned, rhythmic way to reach deep states of relaxation or focus. For example, in one exercise you might alternate breathing through one nostril at a time. Or, you might concentrate on breathing from your diaphragm.

No matter what technique you choose, breathwork has tons of benefits. It can help you reduce anxiety and feel more gratitude. This can be especially beneficial for men, according to men’s health advocate Ben Bidwell who says:

“Men in particular … are very caught in this rational mind, constantly trying to control and work everything out. Suddenly through the breathwork, they go into their heart, this space of love and empathy and kindness and connection, and all these beautiful feminine energies that we all have within us.”

Even though I encourage guys to embrace their healthy masculine energy, we all need balance. As Bidwell mentions, breathwork can bring in that heart energy, representing the feminine, that can ultimately stir your feelings of self-love. This can be a relief after dealing with the toxic masculine energy of self-criticism and judgment.

Breathwork doesn’t require equipment or even much time — so why not give it a try? This fascinating healing modality is just a quick Google search away and could change everything.

6. Utilize Your Support Network

Sometimes we get way too deep in our heads, where our past life experiences lead us to believe negative things about ourselves that just aren’t true. Quickly, we start feeling unworthy of love.

But a strong support network can change all that. Friends, but most importantly, a coach or therapist, can mirror back to you what they see in you. This gives you insight into how others really perceive you, which can be critical if you have low self-esteem.

Having a professional support network can be very helpful in these times. A therapist or coach reflects what you’re saying back to you, and provides insight into whether or not those thoughts are even valid.

For example, I hear this all the time from my clients: “My race holds me back in dating.” So, as a coach, I share experiences with them from my own dating process that help them realize this is just a limiting belief — and that holding onto it doesn’t serve them.

Seeing things from a different perspective by working with a coach or counselor can have a tremendous impact on the negative beliefs that are holding you back. This can help you to better embody worthiness in dating.

7. Compare Notes with Others

One of the best ways to gauge how you’re performing is to have a group of peers to compare notes with. This doesn’t happen often in dating because people like to keep their affairs private. But when you can share with other guys who are going through the same experiences, you get a better understanding of where you’re on the right track and what you can improve.

Enlisting a group of friends to chat about dating can be helpful, as can dating classes and meetup groups. It’s nice to have a support network to encourage you too when things don’t work out. Knowing where you stand can help you better embody the confident side of yourself.

This is why we offer group coaching sessions (called our DateHack program) as part of our services here at emlovz. It’s a 12-week group course that brings guys together from all over to discuss what’s working and what isn’t when it comes to their dating lives. This sharing process not only builds confidence but eventually helps everyone get more high-quality dates. Once a week, our members share with each other over video chat.

Getting the support of other guys who are dealing with the same dating situations day in and day out can make the whole process feel much less frustrating. You’ll realize one thing right away: that your dating experiences are common. We all think we’re unique, but most likely you have the same thoughts, fears, and stories as someone else. You won’t take it all so personally if you discuss your experiences with a group on a regular basis.

More Help for Those Feeling Unworthy of Love

While I’ve offered tons of ways to feel like you deserve her in this article, you probably still have your doubts. A negative self-image doesn’t change overnight.

But that’s all the more reason to take your first step now toward better self-esteem. To pull yourself out of a rut, you need to take action — even if it doesn’t feel good at first.

From today’s list, maybe you can resolve to try just one thing. Just introduce a new thought or behavior that supports a better view of yourself. Once you do, you can build on that. After a while, feeling unworthy of love will become part of your history, instead of your present.

That’s what I did with my 100-date experiment. I was thinking negatively; I didn’t believe in love. But I put myself out there anyway. Instead of just going out with a couple of guys, I met 52 of them. By the end of it all, I got such a deep insight into human nature and how vulnerable we all are underneath. This made me not only have more compassion for others but for myself as well — because, at the end of the day, none of us are perfect.

Remember: Just because you’re feeling unworthy of love doesn’t mean you don’t deserve her.

Do you need help getting your mojo back? Then don’t hesitate to contact me. Our team at emlovz can set you up with the program that’s best for your goals, whether it’s one-on-one coaching, group sessions, or full-service matchmaking. Book your intro call with us today.