Damn, that girl is toxic. 

Toxic is one of the buzziest of dating buzzwords we’ve been using lately. Whether it’s being thrown around by a guy who’s just been stood up, cheated on, or has taken the dreaded red pill, it’s this word that’s on everyone’s lips.

The thing is, most women aren’t toxic. Crazy thought right? But it’s true.

It’s easy to say someone’s toxic, especially when you’re unhappy with a romantic situation. It’s easy to put the blame on them and walk away conscious-free.

But by doing this we’re misunderstanding what toxicity in a relationship really is.

Let’s peel back the layers and understand what a toxic woman is and identify the signs of a toxic woman. 

Signs Of A Toxic Woman

First off, what is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that generates chronic unhealthy feelings and leads to the deterioration of one’s mental health.

A toxic person may gaslight, control, lie, cheat, and disrespect their partners.

To be clear, there is a difference between a toxic event or comment and a toxic person. We all lose our heads sometimes and say things we shouldn’t have. A toxic person however repeatedly behaves in unhealthy ways. 

Their unhealthy behavior may vary but it inevitably leads to their partner feeling neglected, losing self-respect, feeling alone, misunderstood, and overall unhappy due to their partner’s behavior.

The signs of a toxic woman aren’t always blaring. She won’t always be calling you names or behaving in a way that is physically violent. More often than not, signs are subtle. 

Being able to identify the signs of a toxic woman will allow you to get out of a relationship or even avoid starting one with the wrong person. It will save you time, money, and your well-being.

Not Giving Out Their Number Prior To A First Date

To be fair, this isn’t always a sign of toxicity.

More so, it’s a sign that she’s not 100% committed to getting to know you AND that she is highly suspect of meeting people online (assuming you two met online).

That being said, if she’s willing to meet in person, it’s odd that she’s unwilling to part with her phone number.

More than anything, this is a sign of odd behavior. That being said, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt should she accept a first date but refuse to give you her number.

Just be sure you’re going on a first date that adheres to MegaDating rules to ensure you don’t spend too much money or time on a stranger.

Calling An Expensive Audible On The First Date

At emlovz, we teach our students how to go on compelling 20-dollar dates that last no more than an hour.

We do so because more often than not the woman you take out on a first date is a complete stranger. Why spend so much of your precious time and money on a stranger?

When she rejects your street art tour + ice cream date and instead insists on getting Indian food (which you’ll inevitably pay for) red flags should arise. This is especially the case when she’s already agreed to the outlined date and is now insisting in-person that you two go somewhere expensive.

It’s great and all that you two are foodies, but maybe explore that love together on a third date – not a first.

Part of the reason you don’t say yes to pricey first dates is because she may only want to date you for access to high-quality food. Insisting on a fun–albeit cheap first date–should weed out truffle-diggers.

Being Surrounded By Toxic Friends

You can always tell who a person is by the company she keeps.

Do you have a sense of who her friends are?

Does she tell you they get black-out drunk, are always quitting jobs or being fired, and always giving her ill-advised advice?

Like anyone, your date is a product of her environment. If she surrounds herself with toxic friends, chances are she’s toxic as well. If you have hung out with her and her closest friends and really don’t love the vibe, you may want to consider whether you want to make her friends a fixture in your life or not AND how their toxic values have rubbed off on your new romantic flame.

As Flexible As A Politician

Is it her way or the highway?

Any relationship coach will tell you that a quality relationship is one full of respect and compromise. Yet when you tell her that you want to watch a certain show, eat something different, or go somewhere else, she’s always shutting you down.

When you try to voice that you often do what she wants and would really love to have sushi tonight, she shuts you down. She makes you out to feel like the villain. Not being flexible enough doesn’t jump out as a toxic sign, but it is. If she’s not flexible, it means she doesn’t give a damn about you.

Relationships that bend do not break. 

Heavily Influenced By Others

Having a brain of your own is sexy.

Even men that aren’t flaming feminist still want a woman with thoughts, aspirations, and desires of her own.

So when someone is a people-pleaser or easily influenced by others, it’s a major turn-off and borderline toxic behavior. It may not necessarily be detrimental to your well-being, but it’s detrimental to the relationship.

An Itinerant Lifestyle

Is your new lady always moving around.

Whether she’s always on vacation, a nomad, or just can’t seem to sit still, this can be a sign that your relationship will only last as long as her lease.

What’s normal is for humans to plant roots. They settle down in one place, form part of a community, and bask in the love of that company.

What’s odd is when someone can’t seem to find a place to call home.

Is the woman you’re dating always burning bridges and going elsewhere? Is she always looking for the next best thing and trying to level up?

Ask yourself if this relationship will last or if you’re just something shiny that has kept her attention for the time being until she bores of you and goes in search of the next shiniest object.

Having A Cadre Of Single Friends

To be fair, this one depends on her age. If she’s in her early or mid-20s, it’s normal that most of her friends are single.

The eyebrows should rise with her age.

If she’s in her 30s or 40s and all her friends are single, ask why. If she’s had these friends for a while, chances are they may all be friends because the Kool-Aid they’ve been sipping on is toxic.

Self-Centered or Lack Of Empathy

It takes everyone a while to figure out that there are real people on the other side of these dating interactions. If they haven’t realized that yet, then they’re likely to do messed up things to other people because they don’t see them as real. These things aren’t always a chronic/permanent condition though.

We’re all capable of having sociopathic moments without being a 24/7 offender, especially younger immature folks and imbibers.

With any of these traits, if they are chronic habits or paired with other toxic traits, you may want to consider the woman you’re dating a toxic person.

Being Aware Of Her Issues But Doing Nothing To Change Them

We all want a self-aware partner – but I’ll take it a step further. We all want a self-aware partner that strives to improve.

Whether that be improving a work situation, improving manners, or bad habits.

We all have issues and it’s true, not all of us are aware of them. But being self-aware of faults and choosing not to do anything about them is more unfortunate than being ignorant.

She is settling for a standard lower than your own. This is an issue.

Narcissist Behavior

This is another buzzword that we love to toss around when describing that crazy person I used to date. 

But narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder that impacts millions of individuals. Being a narcissist means you’re highly apathetic, have low self-esteem, and must be the life of the party. She, not the sun, is what our planet is orbiting.

At first you may not see any signs of her self-involved behavior. You may in fact fall for her charm. This is one of the many ways narcissism can manifest itself.

Sometimes the easiest way to identify a narcissist is to examine how you feel when you’re around them.

Sending You Pictures Of The Day She Was Placed On Suicide Watch

This oddly specific sign of a toxic woman comes from one of our students (in fact many of these signs do).

If the woman you’re dating is sharing too much too soon, this is either a sign that she feels open with you, or that she has no sense of boundaries and is crying out for help.

In this case, she may have been flexing how far she has come since her depression days – but she wasn’t. Our student saw it as a cry for help, prompting him to then cry for help.

Even if you’ve gone on a number of dates with someone, it’s okay to not progress the relationship after learning about their mental health. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to date someone who deals with chronic depression and has suicidal tendencies.

You can (and should) have compassion for them and wish them the best, but you don’t have to be their caretaker just because you’d feel bad about ending things. 

Having Crap Relationships With Every Breathing Thing

Her Mom is a manipulative person, her friends all suck, and even her dog is kind of an ass.

It seems like everyone in her orbit is a horrible person.

But are they really?

Because you met her friends AND dog and they all seem pretty nice. Maybe she’s the one with a warped worldview.

You don’t want to be with someone who has few if any functioning human relationships.

Plays Hard To Get

Have you ever been breadcrumbed or warmed on a romantic bench?

Both toxic dating trends have to do with leading someone on while having little to no intention of ever romantically investing in them.

If she’s only responding once in a while to your texts, always making excuses to never go out, and never initiating conversation, just move on. This is of course is easier said than done.

If you only date once in a blue moon it’s difficult to stop dating someone (even if she isn’t showing affection).

You can more easily move on when you MegaDate. MegaDating is all about dating multiple women at once. By doing so you’ll never feel the need to settle for a toxic woman. Learn more about how MegaDating can help you avoid toxic women in our free Masterclass here.

Clingier Than Gorilla Glue

Learning about attachment styles will help you spot the signs of a toxic woman.

Unhealthy attachment styles are either anxious or avoidant. If she’s anxious it means her parents were more likely fickle with their love in her youth. One day they showered her with love, the next their living room turned into a desert.

This has led her to become extremely clingy, forever fearful that you may leave her.

It’s unfortunate that she’s like this, but you don’t have to be the one that saves her. It may even feel good to be so loved, but that isn’t love, it’s anxiety and fear.

Super Duper Jealous

A little jealously is normal and even flattering. But demanding the code to your phone, always texting where you are and who you’re with is a bit too much.

This behavior will only get worse as you two progress your relationship

If you get the sense she’s clingy, try asking her what type of girlfriend she is and if she’s the jealous type. Bring it up in a playful way and she may provide you with the information you’re looking for. If she responds negatively take it as a sign of toxicity.

Emotional Instability

Emotional instability is expected when dating as a teen. But when you’re in your 30s and 40s, emotional instability isn’t what you’re looking for in a partner.

You can feel bad for this person and wish her the best but it’s not on you to go about fixing her.

She Plays Games

But not the fun games, more like those carnival games that are designed for you to come close but never actually win the stuffed animal.

Uses You To Boost Her Self-Esteem

She’s not serious about dating you but she loves having you around.

She thinks you’re not in her league but she digs you because of the compliments you shower her with. This woman is in need of constant validation because her confidence is out of whack. Let her fix herself as you go about your life.

This is clearly a one-sided situation. If you’re just being used to prop up her ego but aren’t being considered as a serious partner, then it’s time to move on.

Saying All Men Are Bad or Never Having Had A Solid Romantic Relationship

If she is mistrustful of all men, how is she expected to have a solid relationship with you?

If she has a history of failed relationships and thus doesn’t respect or enter into relationships with any hope, it’s best that you save your time and invest your feelings elsewhere.

Withholding Sex To Change You

I can understand the desire to have a partner change, but using sex as an incentive for change isn’t the healthiest thing to do.

If this is a go-to trick of hers it means she has used her body for transactional purposes in the past. Instead of giving you time to change (if that’s what you even want) she goes for the jugular and withholds sex.

This is the adult equivalent of throwing an unsexy tantrum.

History of Affair

Whether she initiated or has been the recipient of the affair. Both can be seen as signs of a toxic woman or signs that she will develop toxic behavior. If cheating shows as a pattern in her romantic history she has been impacted in a negative way – guaranteed.

Cheating once is an anomaly but if it keeps popping up, there is a deeper issue at hand that needs addressing.

She Creates Rules

The only rule that defines a monogamous relationship is that you can’t do anything sexual with anyone outside the two-man ship.

That’s a widely accepted rule

What’s odd is when she starts creating other rules to define your relationship. Maybe it starts with wanting you to always check in when you get home (normal enough). Then it morphs into her wanting the code to your phone, demanding that you pick her up from work, make dinner, pay for utilities at her home (even though you’re never there) and so on and so forth.

Respect the boundaries, respect the person.

Examine How You Feel

Some of these signs may be difficult to identify. Sometimes the easiest way to recognize a toxic relationship is to turn inward and observe how you feel around this person.

Some of the following feelings are tell-tale signs you’re in a toxic relationship:

• Feeling manipulated
• Always being confused by your partner’s behavior
• Feeling like you’re owed and waiting for an apology that never comes
• You’re always playing defense, defending your actions that you think are normal
• You’re never super comfortable around them and always feel like you need to prove yourself
• Suddenly your self-esteem drops off a cliff

MegaDating

MegaDating is the best way to quickly recognize the signs of a toxic woman AND to easily let her go (because you have an abundance of options).

It’s easy to stay with someone who’s sub-par when you don’t have any other romantic opportunities. Maybe you see the signs of toxicity but opt to stay because you haven’t slept next to a warm body in years. In this case, you may notice that you’re willing to overlook the toxic signs because you’re dealing with romantic scarcity.

MegaDating means prolifically dating around with the goal of ultimately finding the perfect partner for uniquely you. It means never feeling like you have to stick with the wrong person because so many women want to go out with you.

Learn how to MegaDate when you book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with us. We’ll chat about your past relationships, your goals, and see if our program is right for you.

Check out how our students have been able to get out of toxic relationships with the help of MegaDating.