There are so many new dating terms that Wordle could create a dating-specific offshoot and I’d still need more than six guesses for all five tiles to light up green.

The mixture of pandemic dating, the ubiquity of technology, and just humans being humans mean that there’s always some new dating habit that needs figuring out and labeling.

We’ve already spoken in-depth about breadcrumbing, ghosting, and pick me boys.

Now it’s time we had a different kind of talk — the one about benching.

We’ve all benched before and have been benched, we just didn’t know what to call it.

But with the proliferation of romantic options, it’s gotten more and more common to place a not-so-romantic romance on the bench until we need them.

In this article we’ll dive into:

• What Is Benching
• Signs You’re On Her Bench
• How To Get Off The Bench with MegaDating

What Is Benching In Dating?

Intuitively I think you know what benching is.

Benching is when you put a romantic prospect on the bench just in case you may want to interact with them at a later time. 

You keep them around not because you’re serious about ever striking up a serious relationship but because sometimes you just need someone to watch Netflix with or get frisky with on a Sunday.

Generally, you’d only agree to hang out with a woman you’ve benched as a last resort.

You’d hit her up because a plan fell through or because you’re lonely and know she’s down to hang.

You’ll never get more serious with this person, but you like them enough to keep them around.

To be clear this isn’t the same as breadcrumbing.

To breadcrumb you have to occasionally reach out to this person, stringing them along all the while knowing you’re not going to escalate the relationship.

Benching someone doesn’t require reaching out.

Instead, the bencher is almost exclusively the one fielding requests to meet up.

Whether you’re the one doing the benching or the one on the bench, it’s never a good look.

It hurts to be benched, but at the same time benching someone else means giving them hope while investing in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.

To avoid spending too much time on the bench here are the signs that you’ve been sidelined.

Signs You’re On The Bench

You my friend deserve to be a starter.

You deserve to be in a loving relationship with a partner that genuinely wants to spend time with you. But instead, the person you’ve got your mind on has their mind on anything that isn’t you.

It’s for that reason you may have spotted the following signs that you’ve been downgraded.

1) She Never Contacts You

The most clear-cut sign that you’ve been sidelined is that she no longer initiates contact.

If she really wanted to spend time with you, she’d reach out.

She’d send you a meme here and there, text you when she’s in your neighborhood, or ask you if you’ve seen the latest season of Bridgerton.

2) Hangs Out Occasionally

Perhaps she doesn’t initiate contact, but when you text her she answers.

That has to be a good sign right?

Well, kind of.

Agreeing to hang out every once in a while means she’s fickle. She’s too busy, too preoccupied with other matters, or just too unenthusiastic to kick it with you that often.

An occasional date means nothing.

You’ll know it’s real when you two are dating every week. When there’s consistent romantic escalation.

3) Off Day Hangs

Do you find it weird that she is only available on weekdays?

Her Mondays and Wednesdays always seem to be free. Is it possible she’s an extrovert that hates to be alone and is always up for grabbing a beer or throwing a bowling ball or two?

She may not be hyped to hang out with you in particular, rather she’d accept any invitation that gets her out of the house.

Don’t think you two have something special going on simply because you’ve seen her on consecutive Mondays.

If she really liked you, she’d spend time with you on a day when she has so many social engagements that she chooses to spend time with you over another social engagement.

4) She Deflects Romantic Overtures

You’re clearly into this woman, so naturally, you’ve attempted to escalate a few times. 

You tried to touch her hand, stroke her lower back, and perhaps even leaned in for a kiss.

Yet despite hanging out with her on various occasions she always seems to deflect. She chuckles awkwardly and perhaps says a flirty line to decrease the tension.

It isn’t that she’s prude, more likely she’s just not into you.

The next time she deflects, ask her straight up what she thinks about you.

Ask her if she’s into you and if she sees a future with you. If she continues to deflect or gives you the answer you’re not looking for, it’s time for you to bench her ass.

5) You’ve Been Canceled On

Being canceled once is understandable.

Life happens and plans have to be abruptly changed — I get it.

But has this become a pattern?

Have you made various plans (good ones too) that she cancels last minute?

If so, it’s because one of her starters decided to make a plan with her. You’re on the bench because of a lack of value. She doesn’t value you enough to make plans with you and keep them. She only accepts your offer because she has nothing else going on.

The second a friend of a romantic prospect reaches out, she’ll ditch you for them.

6) Check Her Status

To know if you’re on the bench here’s two things you can do, both involve a little digital sleuthing.

Is she the type of person that posts things like, “so bored, someone take me out.”

If so, it’s a desperate plea for social stimulation. If she’s throwing this message out into the Twittersphere, she’s pretty desperate for social interaction, any social interaction.

That means she’s not stoked when you ask her out, just stoked that another sentient being asked her out.

The second thing you can do is check her social media after she cancels your plan. If she cancels and says she’s got an emergency or her car broke down or she needs to do more work only to later post a photo of her out with friends, you’ve clearly been lied to.

It’s a lonely life on the bench.

But just because you’re currently playing left-bench doesn’t mean it always needs to be that way.

Here’s how to free yourself of your predicament.

How to Get Off The Bench and Into the Game with MegaDating

Be honest.

Judging from the signs above have you been benched?

The bench is nowhere you want to be.

Luckily, we have a strategy designed to get you off the bench and into the game.

It’s called MegaDating.

MegaDating is the act of going out with various women simultaneously in a low-stakes environment (think coffee dates, not dinner dates).

Dating in this way is a foolproof way to keep you off the bench and in the game.

When you date multiple women at the same time, you’re able to more easily identify when women aren’t as invested in the relationship as you are.

Dating new women every week will equip you with a discerning eye.

The more romantic interactions you have the better you’ll be at distinguishing signs of interest from disinterest.

The second you detect you’ve been benched it’ll be time to move onto the next lady. In fact, even before you’re benched you’ll know it’s time to move on.

But that’s not the only perk of MegaDating.

There are a host of benefits including:

• Refine dating skills
• Avoid settling
• Quickly find compatible partners
• Figure out the type of woman you’re most attracted to

The reason you’re okay with being benched is most likely because of a lack of prospects. 

When you’re dating multiple women a week, you won’t have to worry about finding your next romance. There will be no reason to put all your eggs in one basket if you have a date with Sam on Tuesday and Ashely on Thursday.

But how will you be able to date so many women at once?

MegaDating involves following a strict blueprint.

The blueprint looks something like this.

First Dates

No more than one hour, no more than $10.

Why spend longer than an hour with a stranger? Chances are you met this person online and have no idea if you’ll be repulsed by them the second you see them for the first time. Think of first dates as protracted introductions rather than 4-hour odysseys where you attempt to strike up a romance. These brief dates also work to weed out gold diggers.

Second Dates

The second date should be free and active.

If she really wants to spend time with you she won’t mind going for a free hike, bike ride, canoe, or whatever other free activity you think of.

Active dates as opposed to stationary because it’s easier to build a connection and increase sexual tension when you two are engaging in physical activity.

Third Dates

Only women you’re seriously interested in make it to a third date.

When on a third date there are no more financial or time restrictions. Take her to that swanky restaurant or play. Go dancing, drink fancy cocktails, and maybe just maybe, swap a little love spit.

Dating so many women at once will turn the tables of power.

Instead of being benched you’ll now be the one doing the benching, putting women on the backburners until they’re needed.

But just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

To Bench Or Not To Bench

We’ll teach you the ins and outs of MegaDating.

When you enroll in our coaching program Dating Decoded you’ll learn how to find compatible women IRL and online, how to ask them out, and how to court them.

But these newfound powers present a unique problem.

You’ll now be in the driver’s seat.

With an abundance of options, you’ll now have to turn women away.

In our program we’ll teach you how to tactfully tell women you can no longer date them.

But just because you’ll learn this skill doesn’t mean you’ll use it.

Maybe you’ll love the idea of having women being proactive and reaching out to you for a date. While this may stroke your ego it won’t help you find a long-term partner.

You’ve benched these women for a reason.

They’ve been deemed incompatible and you’ve moved on.

When they reach out, tell them flat out that you can’t see them and no longer wish to continue a romantic relationship. It’ll be difficult initially burning a romantic bridge when you’ve only constructed so few to begin with.

But that will change.

Your new romantic infrastructure plan will see you building bridges every week.

Become good at ending relationships just as quickly as you started them.

Only invest in women that matter.

To learn more about benching, MegaDating, and Dating Decoded, book a 1-on-1 Zoom coaching program intro call with me or a member of my team.

During our session we’ll talk about your dating goals, dating history, and how Dating Decoded can help put you on a course to achieve your romantic goals and find your new partner.