The modern dating lexicon moves faster than the thumb of a playboy indiscriminately swiping to the right.

With all the simps out there love bombing or breadcrumbing only to be ghosted or cookie jarred it can be difficult to even know what people are talking about.

To understand dating trends you have to keep in touch with the ever-evolving glossary of modern dating terms.

The newest viral term is a pick me boy.

What Is A Pick Me Boy?

A pick-me-boy is a guy who fishes for compliments by using self-deprecating humor. It’s something in-between a simp, a narcissist, and that shy kid in the back of class that would always ask his friends to ask girls out for him.

He’ll say things like…

And…

I’m surprised you matched with me. Most girls are just interested in players.

Here’s a pretty illustrative conversation between a pick me boy and his unwitting romantic target:

But PMBs don’t just use self-deprecation to flirt, they also shout about their feminist viewpoints as a way to prove they’re better than other guys. 

They’ll talk about how other guys are superficial, are misogynistic, and are just bad dudes. They on the other hand have morals, are woke, and won’t stop telling you how they won’t stop fighting until the gender pay gap is closed.

This is all well and good but it all comes off as a bit of a show.

The last trait pick me boys share is that they fall in love quicker than you’d expect. This is probably because they struggle to connect with women, don’t have a whole lot of confidence, and incessantly poke women with their rods as they fish for comments.

Here’s a pick me boy in action.

Why Women Don’t Like Pick Me Boys

Here are some traits most pick me boys share:

• Jealousy
• Low on confidence
• Approval seeking
• Fake feminism
• Vocal about their insecurity

None of these are features women look for in men.

Women want confident, fun guys that are sure of themselves and don’t need to constantly be validated by others.

Here are the main reasons women run from these types of men.

Super Anxious

Cool, calm, and collected.

These three words describe every woman’s dream man.

Pick me boys however are anxiously attached, diffident, and insecure.

They’re too inside their own heads. Instead of being able to focus on the conversation or her needs, they’re too busy being self-conscious.

They wonder if they’re too nice, too ugly, too whatever trait that may turn her off and leave him permanently alone.

These men can’t ever form a bond if they’re only having internal conversations.

Too Needy

Everyone needs validation from others.

We look for validation at work, at home, and in our romantic relationships.

A little validation once in a while can be a nice ego boost, but looking for validation constantly is a sign of low confidence.

Pick me boys have fragile egos in need of constant coddling. They fish for compliments and will keep their rods in the water until something bites. This is a major turn-off, especially in the early courting phase. 

PMBs have to be in contact all the time.

Soft Manipulators

They may not realize what they’re doing but pick me boys are expert manipulators.

They do so by guilt-tripping their way into approval.

What’s so interesting about PMBs is that red flags are often mistaken for green ones.

PMBs are typically straightforward and honest about their feelings. Instead of locking them away, they’re willing to share and talk about how they feel.

The issue is that they typically feel as though the world owes them something for being nice guys. When their manipulation tactics don’t work, they may get frustrated and end things abruptly.

How Not To Be a Pick Me Boy

Changing your pick me boy ways means changing your habits.

To do so, let’s focus on a few key areas.

1) Find Some Confidence

Men with high levels of confidence don’t self-deprecate.

They don’t speak ill of themselves, beg for compliments, or let that little voice of self-doubt in their head use an outdoor voice inside.

But how exactly do you get confidence?

For starters, focus on what you have going on.

Instead of speaking down to yourself start speaking up.

Think for a moment about what your best qualities are.

Maybe you’re a good friend, maybe you listen to others, maybe you just have a really good fashion sense.

Whatever the case may be, muse on these positive traits.

It’s likely you’ll find that you’re a caring, kind, feminist.

Those are all good traits. What matters is how you use them. Don’t pontificate on feminism in a self-righteous way. And hey, that’s great that you’re kind, but being kind doesn’t guarantee she wants a relationship with you.

Keep these traits in check while acknowledging others.

2) Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

This is one of my favorite memes.

Chances are you’re insecure because you’re always comparing yourself to others.

I wish we could all flip a switch and stop this but we can’t.

No matter how good our situation is we’ll always be envious of others, and believe it or not, they’ll envy us.

It’s this toxic urge to constantly compare ourselves to others that makes us insecure and throws our romantic relationships in turmoil.

It leads you to believe you’re never enough, because of course you aren’t. How can you ever feel like you’re enough when you’re constantly comparing yourself to men that appear better looking, smarter, stronger, more masculine, etc.

More than anyone else you belittle yourself.

Do me a favor.

Only say to yourself what you would say to a child.

Don’t yell at yourself, call yourself stupid, or names.

Be kind to yourself.

MegaDating

The best way to overcome your pick me boy urges is to MegaDate.

MegaDating is all about dating women simultaneously.

It’s about diving into the dating pool and seeing just how deep it really is.

Sure there are always more fish in the sea. But you don’t really know how many there are until you strap on a tank of oxygen and explore the great unknown.

That’s what MegaDating is.

It’s the oxygen tank, the flippers, the wet suit, and the goggles.

Pick me boys manipulate women and use PMB tactics to gain an edge.

They think this is their best chance to court a woman.

By quickly exposing yourself to a plethora of women you’ll see this isn’t necessary to court your next flame.

Finding The Right Women

You might be wondering how you’ll find all these compatible women when you’re MegaDating.

When you enroll in our Dating Decoded program I’ll teach you the ins and outs of meeting women.

To give you a taste of what’s to come talk for a moment about what it takes to meet women and fill up your dating funnel.

You see, it’s all about tapping our social channels.

Meeting women is easy if you know where to look.

Here are a few places you can find women:

• Through friends
• Parties
• Dating apps
• Social/activity groups
• Meetups
• Facebook groups
• Co-ed sports
• Readings

I strongly urge all clients to sign up for 5 dating apps.

I say this because every app speaks to a different milieu. Some apps are for one-night stands, others are for dog lovers, while others are for those seeking a long-term relationship.

Signing up for 5 apps ensures that you’re casting a wide net. Not to mention that if you’re not in a major city you may swipe through all potential matches in a day if you’re only using one app.

Find out which app is right for you. 

But not everyone believes in finding love online.

There are other ways to find love.

Apart from meeting women through friends, parties, and work, I recommend meeting women outside of the romantic zone.

The best way to meet compatible women is to meet them doing what you love.

Maybe you love billiards, hiking, or rock climbing. Maybe you love building apps, cryptocurrency, or pokemon. Whatever the case may be there are social groups out there on Meetup and Facebook for everyone.

Join a group and hang with your people.

Chances are there will be single women in your group ready to mingle.

And hey, if there aren’t women there, expanding your social circle is still a good idea as your new friends no doubt have single women for you to meet.

Ultimately, Dating Decoded is everything you need to find the relationship of your dreams.

It includes lifetime access to my weekly coaching calls, lifetime access to my online curriculum, a private members-only online community, access to mock dates, discounted photoshoots, and much more.

Wrap-up: What Is A Pick Me Boy?

To recap, a pick me boy can be three things.

A man that uses self-deprecation to flirt and elicit compliments.

A guy who uses self-righteous nice-guy or feminist statements to differentiate himself from those other guys.

A man (or rather boy) who manipulates women into going out with him.

If you’re a pick me boy, there are ways to turn these habits around.

Book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with myself or a member of my team so that we can talk about your goals and figure out if Dating Decoded is the right fit for you.