Day: July 31, 2023

6 Tips for Dating a Woman with Different Political Views

dating a woman with different political views

Are you considering dating a woman with different political views than you?

Whether you’re a staunch conservative, bleeding heart liberal, or somewhere in the middle, I bet you’d probably hesitate to bring up politics on a first date. (Only 23% will, in fact.) After all, you never know if your political views might rub someone the wrong way, or vice versa. Will she run for the hills if she finds out that you watch Fox News? Do you really want to know where she stands on gun control? And why jump into all that when you first meet someone, anyway?

Fair enough. But at the same time, if you want to find someone who’s right for you, then honesty is key. And so is hearing out other people’s views: You don’t want to limit your dating pool by eliminating people just based on their politics, because the difference between the two of you could be way less than you think.

So what’s the best way to handle politics when it comes to dating? Should you “out” yourself right on your profile? What if you end up on a date with someone with different politics than you? Does it even matter?

OK, let’s dive in. Here are my six biggest tips for dating a woman with different political views, starting from when you make your very first impression.

Dating A Woman With Different Political Views

1. Go Ahead And Put Your Politics On Your Profile

Let me explain. A critical concept in politics is that you’ll never get 100% of the vote. The same is true in dating — you can’t try and cater to every single woman. If you do, you’ll come across as a man who doesn’t have a backbone.

No matter what your politics are, the most attractive part about you will be your confidence level. By being upfront about your politics in a brief, conversational way (no rants, please!) you’ll show her that you’re not afraid to be yourself, and that you won’t compromise who you are just to satisfy someone else — even her. Deep down, she’ll dig that. In fact, she wants you to have an opinion. If you’re too agreeable with everyone, you’ll bore everyone, which means you’ll become forgettable.

And if you think mentioning politics in your profile is too “polarizing,” just look at President Trump. He definitely polarized voters. To this day, people either love him or hate him — there’s little ambivalence there. But that’s why he’s the President. No matter how you feel about him, he’s fully committed to his point of view. And that makes those who agree with him even more determined to support him. It’s the same dynamic with dating.

So, I wouldn’t be afraid to put your political views on your profile, as long as it’s worded positively. You definitely don’t want to go negative on your profile, because that can backfire. A great way to make sure you strike just the right tone is to work with a dating coach on it. He or she will be able to tell you if you’re coming off as confident or obnoxious and can recommend the best wording.

2. Use Qualifiers In Your Profile

What does a woman need to have, believe, like, or want in order to qualify for a date with you? These are your “qualifiers,” or your must-haves in a partner. It’s okay to mention these in your profile, because no woman wants a man who will take just anyone.

After all, if you’re a passionate Republican, why would you want to attract a super Democrat anyway? Sure, it might cause liberal women to immediately swipe left — but it will also make hot conservative women super-swipe on you because you share similar interests.

Plus, you don’t want to prolong something that would never work in the first place. In other words, if certain political views would be dealbreakers for you, then you might as well make them known so you don’t waste your time with the wrong person. So, use qualifiers strategically in your profile, and you’ll naturally weed out women who are incompatible with you.

A polarizing statement can also act as a qualifier. If you go this route, you might use humor to soften your tone, as well as give a wink to the women who share your sensibilities. For example, while the statement, “Trump supporters, swipe left” might be a little harsh, you might say something like:

“Never kissed a Republican, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

Adding qualifiers to your profile will strongly attract the exact women you want. Don’t be afraid of pushing away those who don’t resonate with your values.

3. Don’t Shy Away From Political Conversation

If you’re actually dating a woman with different political views, then don’t be afraid to let politics come up in the conversation. There are a few reasons for this.

For one thing, sharing political views speaks deeply to your values, and you want to find a partner who matches you on this level in order to create a fulfilling and sustainable relationship. For many people, their political views are literally tied up with their definitions of life, happiness, and … heck, freedom itself. If you’re one of them, then getting aligned on your political views could be very important.

Also, a political conversation could also spark emotion in her. When you talk about values (politically or otherwise) you’d be surprised at the level of emotion it brings out in people. And that emotion — even if it’s anger — creates tension, which is always better than being too agreeable, because women could interpret that as weak and uninteresting.

That being said, on what date should you bring up your political views with her? It depends on how much it matters to you. Are you super invested in politics and your viewpoint? Then you might want to bring it up on the second date. But on the other hand, if you don’t live and die by your political views, then you could possibly wait until you have a more comfortable rapport before you hit them with, “Abortion?! Gun control? Border wall? GO!”

4. Seek To Understand Her POV

I’d say it’s unlikely for a relationship to last if you’re extremely opposed to each other when it comes to politics. However, if neither of you are that extreme, then having political differences might not be that big of a deal. In fact, according to a study by Match, 72% of American singles are willing to cross political party lines for a potential partner, and 45% are willing to try to understand the opposing perspective.

My boyfriend and I have opposing political views, but we aren’t extreme. Personally, I know the value of a two-party system because I studied international politics — so I’m always curious about the opposing viewpoint (because if you didn’t have two parties, there’d be a lot of problems!). I’m also issue-based, and I’m willing and eager to hear the other side’s arguments rather than blocking them out. And so for me, the relationship works.

That’s also why you shouldn’t get stuck on labels. Maybe she’s fiscally conservative but not socially conservative, if she’s a Republican. Or maybe she’s a Democrat who was disappointed in Obama by the time he left office. You have no idea where she actually stands on the things you care about until you talk to her.

So if you’re dating a woman with different political views, why not take the opportunity to look for common ground? If nothing else, it’ll make your conversations that much more interesting. For example, you might get curious about what might lead her to hold that opposing view. What experiences did she have that differed from yours? Would you share her perspective if you’d had those same experiences? Use this as a way to understand her even better. Not only will you connect on a deeper level, but she’ll find your genuine interest in her extremely attractive.

5. Ask About Things That Will Affect You As A Couple

You should also try to find out how your political differences could affect your relationship. For instance, let’s say the woman you’re seeing is politically conservative. Does that mean she’s also socially conservative? How will she interact with your friends and family, especially if you have loved ones who are atheist, part of the LGBTQ community, etc? Or, let’s say your condom broke — would she be opposed to using Plan B?

Or, on the flip side, let’s say she’s politically liberal. Could you ever take her home to visit your family in Texas, knowing she’s vegan and you guys legally hunt deer? And would she expect you to show up, picket sign in hand, to support her at the Women’s March next year, even though you honestly have some issues with it?

Sounds overly dramatic? Maybe. But if you guys have different politics and are both passionate, most likely there will be some challenging scenarios in your future. When you’re dating someone with the same political views, it’s easy to assume you’ll automatically be on the same page on certain things — but in this case, you might not be. So you might want to find ways to gently dig out this information ahead of time.

6. Observe How You Communicate With Each Other

Since you don’t naturally agree on big issues, this gives you the chance to see if you guys can both fight fair as a couple. Do you shout each other down and interrupt before the other has a chance to get a word in? Is one of you making fun of the other’s viewpoint?

Having a disagreement with someone can be very telling. Just so we’re clear, here are some signs of an emotionally intelligent discussion. You both will:

Admit when you’re wrong
Think before speaking, instead of just reacting
Point out the areas where you DO agree
Ask genuine questions
Avoid taking things personally
Avoid personal attacks
Respect where the other person’s coming from

If things don’t seem to go this way, then maybe she’s not right for you — not because of her political views, but because of what your discussions reveal about her emotional intelligence (or yours). Use your political conversations as a litmus test for how well you can communicate about the hard stuff.

Dating a Woman with Different Political Views: Wrap-Up

One important thing to remember is that we’re all reasonable adults – for the most part. If you find someone interesting who happens to have different politics, you might discover that you have more in common than you originally thought, if you give it a chance. Use these tips to help you approach each situation with respect, and you may be surprised at how much your world — and your dating pool — opens up.

But admittedly, it’s not always easy to date someone who has contrasting viewpoints.

It’s not easy finding common ground, having quality conversations, and deciding whether to give them another chance or move on.

When you join our dating program, Dating Decoded we’ll demystify the dating process.

Via our online curriculum, you’ll learn the ABCs of chatting women up both in person and online. You’ll discover how to flirt, make small and significant talk, escalate sexual tension, and quickly bond with women on and offline regardless of their political background.

For more nuanced dynamics we’ll decipher them via our twice-a-week coaching calls. During these discussions, we’ll dive deep into your unique situation. We’ll learn about the situation at hand and create a solution unique to your situation. If you need even more help we’ll have you go on a mock date with one of our mock date specialists. During this date you’ll not only practice what you’ve learned but will be able to simulate a real date with a woman who has different political beliefs. In this way you’ll be prepared for even the most awkward moments. After the date you’ll receive detailed feedback on what worked and what areas need improvement.

And look we realize how difficult dating can be. That’s why we created a supportive community of men and coaches. Together we empathize and support one another whether that’s via on-demand support in our online community, via your accountability buddy, or the Man Cave, a biweekly event where men come together to talk about the highs and lows of dating.

And if you need more help, a coach like myself can also help you look at how your politics are affecting your dating experiences. Book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom session with me and we can take a look at how to integrate your personal views (and dealbreakers) into your dating process so you stop putting energy toward relationships that won’t work. Instead, I’ll show you how to hyper-focus your efforts on attracting women that align with you, no matter what your politics are!

To learn more about our program, why not hear about how our students’ romantic lives have improved as a consequence of enrolling in our program.

How to Be Fully Present on a Date

how to be fully present on a date

I give a lot of advice about dating — both here on my blog, and in my coaching sessions. Being in this business for over nine years, plus having done my 100-date experiment, I have a ton of information to give, and I love doing it. Still, I can’t look someone in the eye and always guarantee their dates will go well. That’s because sometimes it’s not just about rules and formulas. There’s one more secret: You need to know how to be fully present on a date.

Maybe “being fully present” sounds weird. So what do I mean by that? I’ll put it another way: Your date can’t go well if you’re mentally distracted.

Distraction comes in different forms. You may get too worried about how you come across, constantly thinking of what you’re going to say. Or you might get bored too easily and don’t bother trying to get to know the other person. I’ve also heard people get so “in their head” that the date ends up feeling like one long mental analysis than a real lived experience.

Being present on a date means you can be yourself without overthinking. And if you can be yourself on dates, you’ll find out who you’re compatible with much quicker.

So today, let’s talk about presence. It’s both an art and a science.

10 Tips on How to Be Fully Present on a Date

To be fully present on a date, you first have to set it up the right way. Then, you need to learn to stay in the moment. Here are nine tips that can help you do both.

1. Plan an Outdoor Date

I often tell my clients to plan outdoor dates, especially as second dates. First, let me explain: I see the first date as more mental. While you might be looking for a spark, you also want to ask great questions so you can weed out any bad apples. I always say you can decide whether someone’s worth a second date after talking to them for about an hour.

But the second date is different. You chose to see this person again, so now you want to know if there’s chemistry. Problem is, you can’t be in your head for this one. You have to be fully present.

Outdoor dates help you get out of your head and into your body because being outside stimulates the senses. You feel, hear, see, and smell much more when you’re outside which puts you in your body much more than sitting at a coffee shop.

So if you’re seeing someone for the second time, or just want to be more present on a date, do something outside together. This could be as simple as a walk through a park or as vigorous as an afternoon of rock climbing.

2. Make It Physical

Speaking of rock climbing, activities that boost the nervous system can definitely help you be fully present on a date. When you’re deeply engaged in physical activity, you’re feeling, not thinking. Many studies show that exercise makes your brain release dopamine, which helps you feel less stressed and anxious. Once you lower your anxiety, you can be more present.

If you plan activities that strategically put you in your body, it will set you up nicely to be present on your dates. Maybe take a jiu-jitsu beginner’s class to take together or meet up for a long bike ride in a scenic area.

The key is to do something that gets your heart rate up. That way, you will focus more on the activity rather than what’s going on in your head.

3. Make It Social

Having other people around can help you be fully present on a date as well. Whether it’s friends or strangers, other people can relieve the pressure of having to keep the conversation going yourself.

Other people also provide tons of external stimuli. This pulls you out of thinking about yourself, making all those anxious thoughts in your head subside. Once that happens, you can relax and be more present for your date.

I can hear you asking: But what if I have social anxiety? Remember that social anxiety also makes you self-focused. You’re overly worried about what people think of you. So you still need to get out of your head and turn your focus toward others. If large groups scare you, then I suggest doing this with just one or two people and taking my advice in #4.

4. Get Curious About the Other Person

Curiosity can pull you out of your head instantly and make you fully present on a date.

You can get curious about your date or even someone else who happens to be there if it’s a social gathering. Either way, take a moment to ask someone a genuine question. It can make you feel calmer, less “on the spot,” and more interested in what’s going on in the moment. This is how to be more present on a date.

Here’s one way you can approach it: Whenever you don’t feel fully present on a date, wiggle your toes. This will remind you that you have a body and you’re not just a floating head. Next, focus on the other person and ask them a question that you actually care about the answer to. (If you don’t care about the answer, you’ll pop right back into your head and won’t listen.)

After that, listen to what they have to say. Then try asking polarizing questions that compel emotional responses. For example: What kinds of puppies do you hate the most? The conversation will slowly become more interesting and make you forget all about yourself… I promise.

5. Have an Adult Beverage

If you drink, then you know that a few sips of your favorite adult beverage can snap you out of your head real quick! And there’s nothing wrong with that. Using it moderately to take the edge off in order to be more fully present on a date isn’t bad. But of course, you don’t want to have too many or your charm will wear off.

Here’s the thing about drinking. If you use it just to loosen up or get over initial moments of anxiety, it can help you be more present for a date. But remember, the goal is to get out of your head… not to completely disconnect. Too much alcohol can push you to a place where you’re so “out of your head” that you don’t care about the person in front of you. And that defeats the whole point, right?

6. Make It Scary

Make yourself more fully present on a date by boosting your nervous system with anxiety-producing activities and questions. When you do something that adds a risk-taking element, you stimulate the nervous system through adrenaline, which throws you instantly into your body and way outside of your head.

Think zip-lining, rock climbing, kiteboarding, paddleboarding, etc. Or, you can also do this through conversation by asking boundary-pushing questions like, “What does sex mean to you?” These types of questions will quickly get you both out of your head because they’re a little taboo and hence risky and adrenaline-producing.

7. Consider When You Are Naturally Not in Your Head

Are there times when you normally feel present? Then try to reproduce those things on your date.

For example, I notice that I get out of my head when I’m doing something physical that’s almost a little “dangerous” (but not really). I may be trying not to fall while doing a crazy yoga pose, going ice skating, or walking alongside a cliff. Or if I’m tired, I’m less in my head too (perhaps tired from a big workout or just a long week). Things like dancing get me out of my head as well.

So, try to create date ideas where you couldn’t possibly be in your head, even if you tried. Maybe a trip to the animal shelter will get you both so focused on the dogs you couldn’t care less about yourselves. Or a partnered dance class might have you so deep in a groove that the whole night seems to fly by.

8. Meditate Before Each Date

Meditation, often more than anything else, can help you be more present for a date. It will help you practice taking your attention off of your thoughts. Don’t worry if you can’t do this consistently when you first start meditating; just keep practicing the act of noticing when you are in your head, and then refocusing your attention on your body or breath.

The more you meditate, the easier it will be for you to be present in any situation, not just on a date. So if you can, make it a habit. It will benefit you in many ways.

You can start meditating by simply setting the timer on your phone, closing your eyes, and trying to focus only on your breath for at least five straight minutes. Do this daily and see if you can eventually do it for even longer.

Guided meditations are available as well. Look on YouTube or try one of the many meditation apps out there. One app for skeptics includes 10% Happier, which offers five-minute guided meditations.

9. Wiggle Your Toes During Date to Stay In Your Body & Out of Your Head

This is the date-approved version of slapping you in the face to wake you up.

We all need a pinch every once in a while.

Maybe the date has gotten a little dull, perhaps the conversation has dried up a bit, or maybe you’re just tired, or have a crap attention span. Whatever the case, stay focused.

Being present is the best way to enjoy yourself.

When you feel yourself fading (or even prior as a preventative measure) move your toes about and remind yourself where you are, who you’re with, and the importance of being present.

Getting on with another human is the best part about being sentient. Forming a concrete bond is the pinnacle the human experience. And the best way to do it is by remaining present, so yes, wiggle those toes.

10. MegaDate

When you MegaDate, you go on as many dates as you can in a short period. This could mean setting up multiple dates in a week, or even a day!

With the right tweaks to your online dating profile and coaching, anyone can learn to MegaDate. Once you do, you’ll get into a rhythm of meeting and talking to people that naturally gets you out of your head. After having so many dates in quick succession, you won’t be as anxious. You’ll be less concerned with your own thoughts and more relaxed.

You also won’t have the time and space anymore to overthink because MegaDating fills up your social calendar. You’ll always be focused outwards, building your dating funnel and going out with interesting people instead. At that point, you’ll lose the need to overthink things because the MegaDating process will raise the quality of your whole dating experience. Then, guess what? Knowing how to be fully present on a date won’t be such a mystery anymore because you’ll just have fun.

How to Be Fully Present on a Date: Wrap-Up

Figuring out how to be fully present on a date can help you see the true value of every date you go on. Sometimes, when people tell me about their dates, they get so into criticism mode that they can’t see past the other person’s flaws or their own dating “mistakes.”

I get that a lot of dates suck. But as you learn about yourself, start to MegaDate, meet different people, and decide what you want in a partner, every date has valuable information that can help you get to your goal. That woman who wouldn’t shut up about her ex may remind you of how you need to work on your patience. Or that guy who didn’t compliment your outfit might make you question your constant need for attention.

But if you don’t know how to be present for a date, you will miss these lessons. Want to know what’s even sadder? You’ll miss out on the good stuff too… that person who’s compatible with you and trying to connect, right in the here-and-now!

Nobody wants to be on the dating market forever. (Ok, maybe some people do.) But many of us are looking for a long-term partner to settle down with. If that’s you, then you need to make each date count. This means you need to be present every time.

Our program, Dating Decoded helps single men learn how to be present while dating.

Via our weekly live sessions as well as our online curriculum we’ll teach you the ins and outs of online and offline dating. You’ll learn how to chat women up, increase sexual tension, break the touch barrier, and of course how to be present on a date. Most importantly we’ll give you a chance to practice these new skills in a safe space when you go on a mock date.

A mock date entails going on a date IRL or online with one of our mock date specialists. The mock date will give you a chance to practice what you’ve learned. After the date you’ll receive detailed feedback on what worked and areas in need of improvement.

Knowing how to be present can be difficult so my team and I are here to help with the process. Contact us to set up your intro call so we can talk about how we can either get you off the dating market for good or having so much fun that you could care less. Either way, our coaching and matchmaking programs can jumpstart your dating life, starting today.

Want to know how our students’ dating lives have faired since enrolling?