Cupid can be quite the sadist.

Not only does he derive enjoyment from shooting people with sharp objects on a daily basis, but he also finds gratification in driving his victims manic with love, both requited and otherwise.

It’s this mania that makes us obsess over the person we’re dating.

Overthinking when you like someone isn’t a symptom of being struck with a love arrow that everyone is content in dealing with.

That’s why you’re here.

You’re about to pop. Luckily when you heed the following advice, popping will be a voluntary response to the situation. Win the power back from your manic thoughts and you’ll get to decide when and how you want to release the tension that’s been building up.

Better you decide than one day you can’t take it anyone and decide to vomit your feelings via IG at 3 a.m. on a Thursday, heed the following advice.

How to Stop Overthinking When You Like Someone

Keep Messaging Other Women

Right now your entire romantic life revolves around this one person.

You wonder where they are, who they’re with, and you endlessly think about the next time you’ll see them.

This wouldn’t happen if you had more than one romantic prospect.

Ya see it’s easy to obsess over someone — even someone you know that’s not up to your own standards — if they’re the only person you’ve been with recently.

Stop using this person as a romantic crutch by leaning on them romantically and socially.

Don’t stop reaching out to other women on the dating apps, in person, through friends and family, through matchmaker networks, and more.

If you focus all of your energy on just one woman, you’ll get one-itis and blow it all up with your intense energy. You need to keep your dating funnel full so you don’t hyper-focus on one woman, ignoring red flags, and trying to force a connection that would develop better if it was natural and not forced.

Pursuing multiple women has more benefits than addressing your obsessive thoughts.

Dating around will improve your dating skills, raise your standards, and will help you more quickly find a meaningful partner you can see yourself with in the long-term. What I’m describing is MegaDating.

Keep MegaDating

Don’t stop dating.

Just because you met a woman you like doesn’t mean it’s time to call off your other dates.

Let the relationship evolve naturally without consciously steering it towards a monogamous relationship. 

There is no timeline here. This is your dating life, so you get to set the rules. Never feel obligated to stop seeing other people or ask someone to be yours after a designated period of time. There are no magic numbers here or romantic rules written in stone. Do what feels right. 

Knowing this will give you the moral push you need to start MegaDating.

MegaDating is simply the act of dating prolifically.

To follow the MD guidelines all you need to do is date around. Date on Monday, date on Wednesday, date on Friday, and if you’re not tired yet, go on two dates on Sunday.

MegaDating will release the sexual tension that’s been building up inside.

It’s quite difficult to be overthinking when you like someone when you have to ready yourself for another date a couple of days later. Not to mention, once you date around you’ll realize that the person you had been obsessing over probably isn’t all that much better — or is even less compatible for you — than the other people you’re dating.

You may be thinking that going on multiple dates a week with different people is just about impossible.

And you’re right.

The traditional way we date would leave you broke (if you’re a man) and without a moment to yourself. The traditional way to date is the wrong way.

To date prolifically you must spend less money and less time with your dates — at least initially.

First dates should last no more than an hour and no more than $10 should be spent.

Second dates are meant to be active and completely free.

If he or she is lucky enough to make it to the third date, this is when you blow the cash and really lay on the charm. There are no financial nor time limits on third dates. You’re only as restricted as your creativity and courage. Third dates should take place close to your place as sex is definitely on the table.

You’re at your romantic best when every waking thought isn’t about a single person. You want all your romantic relationships to unfold without pressure. This is the biggest boon of MegaDating, but it isn’t the only one. 

By continuing to MegaDate you won’t be overly available, which will make the woman perceive you as high-value. Don’t blow off other dates because you like her more. Instead, try to find other women at her level to see what’s possible for you. She’ll view you as more valuable if you do because she’ll be able to feel your energy isn’t 100% focused on her. (Make sure to explain MegaDating).

Exercise

Not every tactic you can use to mitigate persistent thoughts of the person you’ve been dating is related to romance.

Exercise is an explicitly romance neutral activity that will beat back nagging thoughts.

It’s difficult to obsess over someone when you’re busy pumping iron, running a 5k, or are just too damned tired to waste energy wondering who that guy is in her new IG photo is.

Exercise will help you release the excess energy you’re getting from this potential new relationship.

This will help to stabilize your mood and become a more naturally positive person. A recent study published in JAMA Psychiatry found that running for 15 minutes or walking for an hour a day will significantly reduce one’s chances of depression. 

It doesn’t take a Don Juan to know that women love positive men. The anxious, sad, or distracted guy will never get the girl. Exercise can help put you in the right mindset for dating.

If you’ve never been much into exercising before, now’s your chance to start. Channel that abundance of energy into getting fit. Not only will getting that heart pumping improve your mentality but it’ll tone that physique as well.

Keep Your Mind Busy

Figuring out how to stop overthinking when you like someone is easy when you stay busy.

I’m not second-guessing your judgment. I’m sure the person renting space in your head is awesome. But is she or he awesome enough to occupy all your mind space?

Chances are that they haven’t paid rent in weeks because no other prospective tenant is looking to rent from you.

Your friends and family find themselves at the bottom of the social totem pole.

Since you’ve met your new romantic flame, they’ve found themselves relegated.

You should never lean on any one person wholeheartedly for all your social, emotional, and romantic needs — even if this someone is a partner.

Friends and families should never be boxed out of your life by a new flame.

To stop overthinking when you like someone, open your calendar.

Book at least two days a week for the next month where you spent time with friends and family. Make sure at least one of those days is on the weekend. Investing too much time into any one person while divesting from others can backfire. Should your newfound relationship crash and burn you’ll fall back on friends and family to help you heal and to get your emotional fix. However, this may be difficult to do if you’ve neglected them for the past few months while galavanting around with your new fling.

The key to not obsessing is to keep your mind busy with work, family, and friends. Try not to spend as much time as you normally would solo, because that gives your mind too much freedom to obsess.

Call a friend or family member, volunteer, try a new hobby or activity, or take on a challenging new project so you’re not fixated on this person.

You Control The Narrative

Novel experiences can throw us for a spin — it’s only human. 

When we interact with something new, the brain tries to process the experience or stimulus and quickly slot it into its own unique schema. However, the more novel the experience, the more difficult this act becomes. 

As we engage with something new, we begin to write it the same way we’ve written previous stories. If meeting a new woman on Tinder in the past was positive, we tend to believe that the next Tinder date we have is more positive than the last. We continue to write various stories simultaneously that are at least based in part on previous experiences.

Each story can be positive or negative, depending on previous stimuli.

If you’ve experienced mistrustful relationships in the past, these relationships are likely to color your current ones. You may think — because of your last relationship — that she isn’t calling because she’s seeing another guy.

This story may not be true, but you’re choosing to write it regardless because it’s the most believable story you’ve got to tell yourself.

Why do we go negative when presented with an unknown stimulus? We are of course the writer and editor or our own lives, so why do we choose to write such negative stories?

It all has to do with our predominant pattern of thought for similar stimuli.

For example, an attractive woman told you that you were creepy in high school because you kept staring at her but never said anything.

Then you coded it in your mind that all attractive women think you’re creepy. Now, surprisingly, a beautiful woman you met in a class is interested in you and the only experience you have that feels similar is the story from when you were in high school and didn’t know what to say or do.

Your brain then begins telling a story that this woman hasn’t called you back after your date because she thinks you’re creepy since previous beautiful women have said the same thing to you. 

It’s no surprise that this is the story you tell yourself after going out with a beautiful woman. The voice inside you tells you that it’s a little surprise that she isn’t answering your texts or calls. She probably thinks you’re too creepy to see again.

But the facts are that her phone was on airplane mode when you called. You also didn’t leave a message so how was she to know you called?

She’s actually super sad she hasn’t heard from you and is feeling rejected and has decided not to reach out to you. You see how creating a narrative can sabotage you?

Avoid Creating Expectations

Expectations are a cock-block.

Expectations get in between you and the person sitting across from you.

Your expectations and hers may not always align. 

Maybe you expect that sleeping together means you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship even though neither party expressed that.  

To her, sex means play, fun, and freedom. She doesn’t consider sleeping with someone an instant relationship commitment.

Without communicating about that openly, your expectations may be mismatched, which can lead to the demise of your budding relationship. Be cognizant of the expectations you create in your mind, especially those that aren’t expressed.

What Now?

I hope this article has helped you understand how to stop overthinking when you like someone. I know it’s very difficult — I’ve been there.

But now it’s time to put this advice into action. Write your own story, exercise, avoid expectations, and book your calendar full of social events.

But if you can only choose one piece of advice to heed and follow it’s to MegaDate.

If you don’t know quite how to start, no worries, my team and I can help you out.

Book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom Session with me or one of my colleagues today to learn about mining dates, first date ideas, how to meet women online, and how to ask a woman out using a TDL. During the call we’ll discuss your goals, create a strategy, and see if our coaching or matchmaking services are right for you.