Once you exchange numbers with someone and then leave them a message, the anticipation begins. You check your phone every once in a while, half-expecting to see a text back. You might even double-check your ringer to make sure you won’t miss hearing any calls. After a while of not hearing from her, you get frustrated and think, “She won’t call me back — now what?”

Tons of explanations (not all of them good) might run through your mind. And it’s easy to blame yourself. Were you not funny enough? Not interesting enough? Maybe she wasn’t impressed with your job, your wardrobe … or just didn’t like your attitude?

If she didn’t find you attractive at all, she probably wouldn’t have given you her your number. Believe me, women have tried-and-true ways of getting out of that situation. But in your case, she did. That means she must have liked something about you. 

“But still, she won’t call me back!” you’re thinking. Instead of assuming it’s you, consider that it might be something else. Lots of things — circumstances, wrong assumptions, and even bad dating habits you didn’t know you had — can all stop a woman from calling back.

These reasons depend on a couple of things: how you met her, and how long you’ve been dating her. Let’s take a look at some different scenarios and see if we can pinpoint what’s going on with yours.

How Did You Meet Her?

Why does this matter? Because where you met her helps create her first impression of you — which determines how she acts. Do you honestly treat a woman you met through a friend the same way you treat one you met online? If you really think about it, the answer’s probably no. But here’s the tricky thing: You might not call either of those women, but for different reasons. 

However, how you met this woman will put you in a certain “category” in her mind. So if she hasn’t called you, it could mean different things. Here are a few examples so you can see what I mean.

She Won’t Call You Back: You Met Her at a Bar

Okay, first question: How intoxicated was she when you met her? Oftentimes it’s hard to tell how drunk someone else is (especially if you’re pretty loaded yourself) but it’s important to figure this out.

If she was drunk, then there’s a good chance she literally forgot about you. Or, she might remember talking to you but forgot that you exchanged numbers. If you reached out to her first, she might be wracking her brain trying to figure out, who is this strange guy who just left a message?

Don’t take it personally. It’s the risk you take when you meet people in bars. I always advise my clients to think about what type of woman they want to meet, and then spend more time at those places where they’re likely to show up.

So if you want a woman who takes care of herself, then get thee to the gym! If you want someone with a quirky intellectual side, hit up that cute used bookstore every now and again. And if you want a woman who’s down to do shots with you (but may not remember your name) … go to bars.

Another thing to think about if you met her at a bar: Did you get a little too handsy? If you were drunk, you might have crossed the line a little. She might have liked you enough to give you her your number but wasn’t comfortable enough to actually pick up the phone.

You also won’t stack up too well against any other guys she met stone-cold sober.

Regardless, give it 48 hours after your first call and then try once more. Or even better, text her with something simple to let her know you’re going to call her again this evening. That’ll usually trigger a response, especially if she doesn’t want anything to do with you — which sucks, but is good to know. 

You Met Her Through a Friend

If you met through a mutual friend, exchanged numbers and then didn’t get a call back when you reached out, a couple of things might be going on. First of all, did you “man up” and ask for her number yourself, or did your friend pass your number along?

Most likely, she won’t call you back if you didn’t ask for her phone number directly. Some women will interpret that as a lack of confidence. She may not be judging you for it… but it’s not attractive, either. 

Also, dating a friend of a friend can be tricky sometimes. How sure are you that she wants to potentially destruct her friend group if things don’t work out with you? She might have reconsidered things and decided it would be too much pressure to date someone that already knows her friends.

If you exchange numbers with someone you meet through a friend and then she doesn’t call you back after your first try, don’t leave another message. Instead, since you have the advantage of a mutual friend (or friends), reach out to someone who knows her to see if you can get some insight.

You Met Her on a Dating App

Maybe you got a response from her on Tinder, exchanged messages for a bit, and then swapped phone numbers. You were totally expecting a phone call or a text from her, but got nothing. What happened? you wonder. She won’t call me back… now what?

Since this is someone you met online, I’d say the most likely reason she won’t call you back is because she met someone else or has other prospects. Obviously, I don’t have to tell you how competitive online dating is, which often makes niceties go out the window. I’ll just put it plainly. You got ghosted. In today’s world of practically unlimited choice, you didn’t make the cut this time around.

But if you’re smart, you’re MegaDating anyway. If you’re not familiar with my website, MegaDating is the practice of dating multiple women at the same time… sometimes even in the same day! There’s an art to it, and once you discover how to make this strategy work for you, you’ll have more messages in your inbox then you’ll know what to do with — not to mention the women you’ll meet in person. 

The thing is, when you’re dating in high-volume, you’ll be rejected much more often. At the same time, you would have built so much momentum in dating that one rejection won’t faze you anymore. So when you get ghosted by someone you were talking to, you’ll easily move on to the next.

How Long Have You Dated Her?

When you’re trying to figure a question like “why she won’t call me back,” another important thing to consider is how long you’ve known or dated her. The fact that she hasn’t called back might mean different things depending on how much time you’ve invested in each other. Here’s a breakdown of what it means when she doesn’t call back after one, two, and three dates — or if you’ve been dating a while.

She Won’t Call Me Back After the First Date

So your first date went well, but for some reason, she’s not returning your follow-up call. Here’s the thing: When you’re on the first date, you always want to set up plans for the second date. If you didn’t do that, then she might be unclear on whether you’re really interested. If that’s the case, she probably pushed you down in priority and is taking her time calling you back.

Or, let’s say you did set up second date plans — which makes the fact that she’s not calling you back even more confusing. Think about it, though. Did you use a compelling TDL (time, date, location) when setting up the plans for the second date? No? Then you don’t have a second date, and you shouldn’t expect a call back right away (if at all).

Using a TDL is so crucial to getting dates that I’m going to take a few moments to explain it here. Too many guys think a date is totally locked in if they get a woman to say “yes” to something like, “We should hang out sometime.” But it’s not. You have to follow up with a proposal of where you want to go, when, and at what time of day. Only then will she take you seriously and give you a real answer.

Plus, you need to make your date idea compelling! Along with your TDL, make sure to tell her something intriguing about the place you want to take her. It should almost sound like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that she can’t pass up. (This isn’t as hard as it sounds. Take a look at a venue’s website or Yelp reviews and then pick out some details that are unique, if you have to.)

If you ask her out on a second date with a compelling TDL, most likely she’ll say yes — which means that if you call before the second date occurs, she’ll definitely pick up. Why? Because you’re calling about plans you’ve already made. Do yourself a favor though, and don’t call or text for no reason before the second date. If nothing else, you gotta maintain some mystery.

She Won’t Call Me Back After the Second Date

While the first date is about establishing trust and rapport, the second date is all about increasing sexual tension. You should be able to do this in subtle, non-threatening ways. 

So, think back on your second date with her. Did you touch her often? This could be any kind of touch — like sitting next to her to show her something on your phone, or putting your hand on her back as you lightly guide her in front of you through a door. If not, then the date might not have had any sexual charge to it and you could have put yourself in the friendzone. 

Or, maybe you made the mistake of taking her on a super fancy dinner on date #1 and didn’t feel like backing it up with another $300 dinner on date #2. I get that… but organizing dates that way works against you. Instead, I recommend the following:

First date — Spend $10 or less. Yep. And remember, even though 86% of people drink on the first date, this isn’t your only option! Coffee, or even frozen yogurt, will do. On this date, see how well you can connect with her. 

Second date — Spend no money. Do something active or outdoorsy that will give you opportunities to get physically closer. As I mentioned earlier, the goal here is to build sexual tension.

Third date — Splurge. Take her to a nice dinner. If she’s attracted to you, trusts you, and sexual tension is high, then there’s a good chance of intimacy at this stage.

She Won’t Call Me Back After Three Dates

What could go wrong on the third date that can make her not call back? As you’ve just read, this is the date where, if things go well, you could potentially move the date back to your place for intimate time. Did you not build up enough sexual tension on date #2 for her to feel safe enough to go home with you? If not, the attraction may be fading already.

After Several Dates

Probably the most confusing scenario would be if she doesn’t call you back after you guys have been dating a while. Most of the time, if you’ve made it past the third date, there would be a conversation of it “not working out,” unless you think she’s the ghosting type.

If she hasn’t called you back at this stage, consider the possibility that something’s wrong. Reach out to any of her friends that you’ve met to see if she’s OK or check her social media and see if she’s just traveling. 

She Won’t Call Me Back: Wrap-Up

Hopefully, you’ve realized by now that just because she hasn’t called you back doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Worst case scenario, you just made an error in your dating approach that made her back off a little. 

If the thought “she won’t call me back,” bothers you at the moment, then why not give me a call instead? In a quick one-on-one Skype session, I can give you feedback that could reveal the “why” behind not just this rejection, but past ones, too — which can turn your dating life around. During the call we’ll also discuss whether my 3 month coaching program could be right for you!