When it comes to the dating world, few labels are as unappealing as “stage 5 clinger.” If you come off as desperate or clingy when dating a woman, you’re guaranteed to be handed a one-way ticket into the dreaded friend-zone.
To help you avoid this, take a look at my seven tips below. But first, let’s define who a stage 5 clinger is.
What is a Stage Five Clinger?
A stage 5 clinger is someone who becomes extremely attached to someone they are interested in romantically, have recently started dating, or had sex with. The term was first coined in the movie Wedding Crashers. In the movie, Jeremy (Vince Vaughn) describes Gloria (Isla Fisher) as a stage five clinger after they have sex and Gloria professes her love for him.
Think you may be a stage 5 clinger? Signs include:
-Texting multiple times even when you get no response.
-Obsessively checking the person’s social media accounts.
-Deciding you are “in love” with someone after not knowing them very well.
-Constant rumination over the status of your relationship.
-Attempts to see the person as often as possible or insert yourself in events you know they will be at.
-Canceling dates and plans with other people to see them instead.
No woman wants a man that’s clingy, so it’s best you avoid getting this label at all costs by following the tips below.
How to Avoid Being a Stage 5 Clinger
Tip #1: Deal With Post-Sex Anxiety
Let’s say you have been dating a girl and just had sex with her for the first time. While sex is important in a relationship, the afterglow that comes with being physically intimate can quickly be replaced with anxiety.
Sex can feel addictive for men because of the pleasurable hormones that are released during orgasm, the main one being dopamine. Because dopamine sets our brain’s reward and pleasure centers ablaze, it’s understandable that you would crave more sex afterward. And when you don’t get it, that can lead to anxiety and can also lead you on a path to becoming a certifiable stage 5 male clinger.
What you need to do when this happens is make sure you channel that excess energy. Instead of texting this girl constantly and checking up on her social media activity, find other ways to seek out that dopamine high:
-Exercise regularly. Even moderate exercise can get your feel-good chemicals flowing.
-Listen to music.
-Meditate.
-Go hang out with a couple of buddies for happy hour and a ballgame.
Another way to cure a desperate libido is to take a cold shower — yup, it really works. Along with waking you up, a cold shower can ease stress and decrease depression.
Finally, don’t think of that post-sex excitement as “anxiety” — that’s a negative term and it can put you in a negative state of mind. Think of the feelings you have after sex as a “catalyst” — something that has lit a fire under you and that will make you harness this powerful energy in a positive way.
Tip #2: Hold Out on Sex Next Time
If you had sex very early in the relationship, this can be another reason you’re feeling uncertain and can put you at risk of getting clingy with a girl.
My rule of thumb for sex and dating is that you should wait until the third date to have sex. The purpose of the first date should be to build trust and rapport, and the second date should escalate sexual tension. Once you get to the third date, you should be able to assess whether or not her morals and values align with yours, and — if the answer is “yes” — you can progress to physical intimacy.
When you have sex too soon, you run the risk of getting freaked out. Your freakout may even result in her becoming distant because — let’s face it — you two don’t know that much about each other at this point.
If you have sex with a girl too soon, she might worry that you just wanted to hook up or could simply be unsure of the next steps to take. Instead of adding to her anxiety by being a stage five clinger, try some reverse psychology.
For example, if you’re having a post-coitus conversation and she seems to think that maybe you just wanted her for sex or that you’re like every other guy she’s met, challenge her expectations by saying things like:
“I’m not like other guys, I’m social but I’m also very selective.”
“I’m not like other guys, I’m looking for something that’s real.”
Tip #3: Don’t Love Bomb Her
Don’t shower her with compliments and wax poetic about how much you like hanging out with her. This makes you seem like a stage five clinger right off the bat and is likely to scare her away.
Don’t say things like “you’re so perfect” and don’t tell her that you’re canceling other dates for her. No one is perfect and putting her on a pedestal is going to freak her out. And if you’re not exclusive, you shouldn’t be canceling dates for her (or any one woman for that matter).
When you keep your calendar full by using strategies like MegaDating, you automatically stimulate a sense of competition in a woman and she will see you as more valuable and worth pursuing.
Tip #4: Change Your Mindset
One of the big mistakes people run into when it comes to the dating scene is getting trapped in a scarcity mindset. A scarcity mindset is defined by beliefs that the world is extremely limited and that finding resources for happiness is extremely difficult to come by. In dating, a scarcity mindset can make it easier to get hung up on one person, because you believe that finding a compatible partner is a rarity only few can find.
A scarcity mindset can also lead you to attempt to hold on to one person with an iron grip, making you come off as desperate and clingy.
Change your mindset from scarcity to abundance and you’ll never be a stage 5 clinger again.
Your mindset needs to be “sex is abundant, I can have sex anytime.” Don’t look at sex with this one person you barely know as your last shot at ever seeing a woman naked again.
This is another reason why it’s extremely important to MegaDate and put yourself out there.
Don’t be clingy — be the one who is hard to get and a hot commodity.
Tip #5: Wait to Text Her for Three Days
If you feel like you had sex with a woman too soon or that other things have occurred that made you start to get clingy, give her some space. Wait to text her for three days to allow her time to think and possibly even text you first.
Tip #6: Take a Step Back and Reassess
People who are in committed, long-term relationships do not become stage 5 clingers. When someone is clingy, it’s usually during the early stages of dating and can be due to infatuation — and infatuation does not equal love.
Infatuation is the result of a massive release of endorphins (remember that stuff I mentioned about dopamine?) that make you feel extreme passion and lust for someone. In a sense, infatuation leaves you feeling somewhat inebriated and can be part of what makes people get clingy and irrational.
Take a step back and reassess your feelings. Just because the woman you’re with seems “ideal” or “rare” or “unattainable” doesn’t mean you love her.
Is the fact that she’s not responding to you or playing hard to get making you want her more? If so, that does not equal love. Your anxious attachment in these types of cases is coming from your ego, not from your authentic self.
Ask yourself “how much do I even know about her?” If it’s not much, then ask yourself “Why do I feel so desperate to get her?” Maybe she has a look that is quite unique so you start thinking with a scarcity mindset. Ask yourself “Why do I feel madly in love with this girl I just slept with/met?” If you don’t know much about her, then it’s your mind filling in the blanks with you ideal fantasy woman.
When you shift your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance, you’ll find yourself thinking less about this one person and more about all the other opportunities that surround you.
Tip #7: Easy Come, Easy Go
Let’s say you make all the right moves and the woman you’re dating just loses interest and rejects you. That sucks, but consider it a favor. When someone is not interested in you in spite of you making all the right moves, it is because they saw something in the relationship that would never be compatible and long-lasting. You would have seen this eventually as well, but in these cases, the woman just so happened to see it first.
Don’t look at this rejection as a reflection on you as a person or get trapped in a negative mindset. Getting rejected is actually a good thing and is an important part of the dating process, because:
-It leads to growth and opportunity.
-It increases empathy and compassion.
-It forces you to continue putting yourself out there and practice makes perfect.
Wrap Up: Need More Support?
Still think you’re being a stage 5 clinger with a girl you’re super into? Need some one-on-one help?
Feel free and head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my other coaches today.
During our session, we will discuss your clinginess issues, any other dating roadblocks, and most importantly create an action plan that will help you crush your dating goals and overcome your insecurities.
At the end of your session we’ll discuss my private and group coaching programs along with our matchmaking services to see if they’re a fit for you!