Dating a new guy and wondering what the top red flags in men are?

It’s easy to suddenly go colorblind when dating a guy with a symmetrical face and sharp wit.

Those red flags that are waving for everyone else to see look green to you.

To spot these red flags, let’s take a step back and assess the man in front of you.

The best way to identify the negatives is to first name them out loud.

What may be a green flag to you is, to someone who can see more clearly, a glaring red flag. Let’s pick apart some of the ways he may be behaving to give you a clearer picture of the person you might be dating.

22 Red Flags In Men

One red flag alone isn’t necessarily cause to move on. However, the more often a red flag presents itself AND the more red flags you see, the greater the odds become that maybe this guy isn’t right for you.

So what are some of these red flags in men?

1) Love Bombing

Most women would agree that it’s sweet for your date to bring you a little something. Maybe it’s flowers, chocolate, or a small present that you two were talking about on your last date.

That’s adorable.

But your womanly senses should begin to tingle when he makes a grand romantic gesture every time he sees you. Every date, he brings you something, he pays for every meal, you go to the fanciest places, and he sweeps you off your feet every moment of every day.

It can be a bit too much.

Repeated excessive romantic gestures are what we call love bombing. It’s a tactic narcissistic and emotionally unstable men use to quickly win the affection of the woman they’re dating. They attempt to create the image of being the perfect partner when, in reality, this may be far from the truth.

2) Makes Promises He Can’t Keep

Does he promise to bring you to a Michelin-rated restaurant but ends up bringing you to Applebees?

A serial over-promiser and under-deliverer is a bad sign.

Sure, men may feel the need to wow a woman during the early stages of dating, but we can all agree that under-promising and over-delivering is a better way to win your heart.

Mistakes can be made, and a promise can be broken; just don’t let him turn his behavior into a pattern.

3) He Asks To Borrow Money

Oh, hell to the no.

Sure, a couple of dollars to cover parking because the meter only takes coins – that’s fine.

But asking for hundreds or thousands of dollars during the early stages of romance is the quickest way to put out a fire. Be even more wary if he tells you he’s going to invest the money and turn a quick profit and that if you want in, you should Venmo him ASAP.

Total-red-flag.

4) He Keeps Telling You He’ll Change

Does he keep doing something that annoys the hell out of you or is objectively wrong?

Maybe he arrives 30 minutes late to every date, talks back to his mother, or keeps smoking in front of you. Whatever the case, he keeps telling you he’ll change his behavior but never does.

Now, maybe you’re in the wrong to ask him to change; that’s a possibility. You’ll need to take a step back and ask yourself that. But at the same time, if you are in the wrong, has he voiced his opposition? Or does he not fight back, callously ignore your concern, and continue with his poor behavior?

5) Rude To Waitstaff

When you’re dating someone early on, the only people you see him interact with are you and typically the people who work in the food industry.

Even if he’s secretly an ass, he’ll at least try to treat you nicely for the first few dates. But how does he interact with servers and those working in the restaurants, coffee shops, and bars you’re visiting?

If he’s nice to you but rude to everyone else, it’s only a matter of time before he starts treating you poorly as well.

6) He Doesn’t Stop Talking

Some people just love the sound of their own voice.

What he may not realize is that a date is like a tennis match with both parties rallying their thoughts and opinions across the table.

But not all men get this, or care to make space for their date.

He may think he’s hot shit, but when you tell him you’d rather not see him again, hopefully, it’ll bring him back down to earth.

7) Never Listens

What a man who never stops talking and one who never listens both have in common is that they could care less about who you are or what you want.

Just because it looks like he’s listening doesn’t mean he is.

You know a man listens and cares when he asks follow-up questions. When he cracks a joke about something you said earlier, asks you about something you spoke about on a previous date, or clearly has a more concrete idea of your history, then yes, he’s evidently been listening.

But if he doesn’t even remember where you grew up, your job, how many siblings you have, or what your hobbies are, these are all evident signs that he’s not worth seeing again.

8) Passionless

Look, our society places a lot of pressure to find your passion.

Sometimes all we want to do is go home and binge The Bear. I totally get that.

But having a man who has a passion for something in this wide and complicated world will only serve to make our lives more vivid and alive. We all need a sidekick who makes us feel something.

So ask, your new man, what’s your passion? What turns you on… apart from you?

9) Physically Unhealthy

No one is here to body shame or disparage someone with a few extra pounds.

We’ve all been a little chunky at one time or another. However, you should give pause if their unhealthy habits start impacting you. Did you start smoking again because of them? Have you stopped eating healthy and only eat out at delicious but unhealthy restaurants? Do you have less energy now that you’re on the same diet and exercise schedule as your partner?

To be clear, these are all things maybe you can change.

Just because you gained a little weight or feel like you can live a healthier life doesn’t mean you should ditch your partner. I’m sure they also want to live healthier. Do what you need to do to be physically healthy in a relationship. If it feels right ask your partner to join you. Only worry if friction ensures.

10) Mentally Unhealthy

Just like with our physical health, we’ve all struggled with our mental health at one time or another.

We’ve all been sad, had anxious, or have been super stressed.

But if you’re in the early stages of dating someone and you’ve seen how their mental health has impacted your nascent relationship, you may give pause. If you like this person, don’t feel obligated to be with them and nurse them back to full strength.

If you like them but think they need to work on themselves for a bit, it’s okay to take a step back.

11) Overindulgence

We all want balanced partners.

We want partners who don’t work too late, don’t play too many video games, and don’t smoke a pack of cigarettes every day.

Balance and moderation are the keys to a long-term and healthy relationship.

12) Bad Relationship With The Family

Here’s the thing.

Even if you haven’t his family it’s still kind of an orange flag if your new partner doesn’t have a good relationship with his family. Maybe he’s delusional, and his family is perfectly fine, and there’s something wrong with him. Or his parents are, in fact, deserving of vitriol, but even though he has distanced himself, some of these negative traits inevitably rubbed off on him.

Don’t turn him away immediately.

We don’t choose our family, that being said, our parents impact who we are as individuals. That could have positive or negative consequences.

13) Few If Any Friends

If he’s new to the city or all his friends have moved away, give him some slack.

But if he’s been around for a while and has zero friends you’re allowed to be a little wary.

Why is it that he’s so lonely?

Is he the type of guy that no one wants to be around?

Find this out before making a judgment call.

14) No Hobbies

There’s also subtle red flags in men to watch out for.

Men who have no hobbies tend to have little thirst for life. They’re content wasting away on the couch re-watching The Office until the only other thing that motivates them in life is The Office-themed karaoke.

Let me be blunt: men who have few to no hobbies are boring.

When you look back in life you won’t want to remember a life in front of a screen.

Honey, that flag may not look red to you, but I promise you it is.

15) Apathetic

Does he just seem like he doesn’t care?

Like he doesn’t understand why you feel the way you do or even try to understand you?

An understanding boyfriend who cares about us will be empathetic. He’ll ask questions, feel for us, and always be in our corner. Having an apathetic boyfriend is like having a scarecrow for a boyfriend. Sure, he may look like a noble boyfriend from afar, but as you get closer, you realize he has none of the important qualities you want in a long-term partner.

16) Always Talks Junk About His Exes

Surely not all his exes were as bad as he made them out to be. A man who only talks smack about women he claims to have cared for may look down on women, undervalue us, think we’re replaceable, treat us like objects, or he might just be completely delusional.

But you know what, maybe his exes were as crazy as he sounds.

That’s still a red flag.

Why would he continue to date women are clearly aren’t ready to date themselves?

17) Not Responsible For His Actions

It’s a classic sign for an emotionally unstable man to never take responsibility for his actions.

He’ll deflect, place blame on others, and wiggle his way out of accepting any responsibility, but in the end we both know it’s on him.

18) Unhealthy Attachment Style

Some men have anxious or avoidant attachment styles. 

Men with anxious attachment styles are terrified of abandonment, are needy, codependent, and can’t be alone.

Those with avoidant attachment styles run away, can’t be in relationships, and struggle to connect with others.

These attachment styles might not come out until you’re a few dates in. Then, you’ll start to see him in a less-than-flattering light.

19) Horrible Communicator

Sure, he can talk, the man’s got the gift of gab and is as comfortable talking about the difference between a democracy and a republic as he is about March Madness. But when it comes to the difficult things, he shuts up.

He doesn’t want to deal with conflict or acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Instead, he either remains completely quiet or deflects.

Securely attached men know how to talk about difficult topics.

20) Doesn’t Value Your Thoughts Or Opinions

I mean, why be around someone who doesn’t care to be around you?

Enough said, am I right?

21) MegaDating

Sometimes it feels like all the good men up and left the city.

Sure, it feels that way, but we both know it’s not true.

The issue is finding that needle in the haystack.

The best way to find a super compatible partner is to MegaDate. MegaDating is a proactive dating strategy that sees you go on 20 dates in 90 days. It’s all about dating multiple people simultaneously so you can compare and contrast a size-able chunk of the dating pool in your area. The more people you meet, the better you become at dating, the higher your confidence rises, and the easier it becomes to avoid settling and find a super compatible partner.

Dating Decoded

MegaDating will help you more easily identify red flags in men so you can invest less in them and spend more time with men who brandish green flags.

To teach you how to quickly find a highly compatible partner in just weeks and become the most eligible single in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli, co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and host of coaching sessions every week.
• Thomas (me), co-founder, and coach. I provide a man’s perspective to modern dating.
• Darshil is our mock date coach for women. Practice what you’ve learned in our program before going out into the wild.
• Hailey is your new stylist. She will help you get the look you’ve always wanted.
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. We all know about the gender orgasm gap, now it’s time to fix it.
• Renee is our anxiety dating coach. Dating can be pretty anxiety-inducing. Let Renee, a licensed therapist, help you work through that anxiety.
• Mia is our social media expert. Get the most out of your social media profiles by ravamping them with the help of our SM expert.

Our Community

Look, single life can be rough. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’ll also be accepted into our close-knit community of single females and coaches. It’s here you’ll find support, friends and expert advice. 

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support will never come to an end. 

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Not ready to book a call with our team yet? Start with our program overview video here.