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How to Find a Relationship on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge

How to Find a Relationship on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge

How to find a relationship on Tinder (or Bumble or Hinge, for that matter) feels like it’s one of life’s biggest mysteries… am I right? 

I won’t lie to you. Meeting someone on a dating app and eventually turning that into a quality relationship takes patience and skill. If you want to do it right — and in a decent amount of time — it also takes coaching

But whether or not you decide to work with me to improve your dating life, you deserve to succeed. To help you do that, today I’m sharing what I call my communication roadmap — or, how to go from a dating prospect to a full-on boyfriend in just… er…. 40-ish easy steps.



Hey, I never said it would be instant. But I promise you it’ll be worth it in the end. Here’s how to find a relationship on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge, starting from the very first message all the way to moving in with your dream woman.

You in? I thought so.

How to Find a Relationship on Tinder: Score That First Date

Landing your perfect girlfriend on Tinder starts with the very first message or comment you send. Here’s how to reel her in and get her to go out with you.

Capture Her Attention

To capture a woman’s attention online, you need to use buzzwords in the first five words of your message. What does this mean? Let me explain. 

When a woman goes into her message section of a dating app, all she can see is a tiny thumbnail image of you and the first five words of your message. So those five words better be good. They should include:

  1. A buzzword from her profile that captures her attention. Look at her favorites (authors, books, foods, songs, etc.), recent travel destinations, ect. Mention one of those and try to use them to create a connection in your message.
  2.  Her first name. (Bonus Points if you can also get that in there!)

Do this, and your message will stand out from all the other guys who hit her up with trite initial messages like “hi,” “hey,” and “hola,” which hold no value whatsoever. That’s definitely not how to find a relationship on Tinder.

Inspire Curiosity

Ask her a question that adds value to her life. This is guaranteed to inspire her curiosity. By adding value, I mean it should be helpful or meaningful to her, even if it’s small. For example, you might say, “I’m a sucker for Cassell’s burgers myself! Did you know they’re opening another one downtown?”

Compel a Response

As you message back and forth, be confident yet not obnoxious. It helps if you’re MegaDating so you don’t take this part too seriously and overthink it. Just be your charming self — knowing that eventually, you’ll need to make her feel like she can’t resist staying in contact with you. This means you must make her feel understood and accepted. 

If you pull this off well enough, this is literally what she’ll think in her head: “I was going to ghost you but I couldn’t help myself. I felt compelled to respond. To see what you would do. To see what you could make me feel. And I haven’t been able to turn you off since. I surrender to you. Your room is my only escape. What am I escaping from? Monotony, predictability, stability, guarantees.” 

See what I’m saying? Be that guy. 

Orchestrate the Fairytale

Once she seems responsive online, don’t wait too long to ask her out. When you do, be sure to master the art of the pitch. By this I mean, make your date idea sound super epic — almost like it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sounds hard, but it really isn’t. Friends, or even Yelp reviews can clue you in on what makes your date location special. Then, be sure to mention those things when you ask her to go there with you. Also, always ask for the date with a TDL (time, date, location).



Confirm the Date

Either the day of the date, or the day before, text or call her to confirm. Make it short, sweet, confident, and logistical. Say something like, “ looking forward to seeing you at ______ (location) at _____ (time) and _____ (day).”

Make an Awesome First Impression

Congrats, you made it to the first date! Now it’s time to make her fall for you… quickly. Here’s how to turn your Tinder, Bumble, or Hinges prospect into a relationship.

Get Her Talking the Majority of the Time

Avoid talking all about yourself on the date. The key is to get her talking about 80% of the time by asking her emotionally charged, interesting questions. Women (and all people in general) generally feel more positive about the person they’re with when they do most of the talking themselves. So, use that to your advantage.

A few questions that can help get things going: What’s your best childhood memory? Your embarrassing moment? What’s your biggest insecurity?

You might be afraid it’ll feel like an interview, but it won’t if you focus on questions that are interesting to you. For great examples of this, listen to Howard Stern’s show. He became famous because he didn’t ask basic questions. We could all learn a lot from him!

Pay Attention and Be Accepting

Of course, when you ask all of those compelling questions, you have to listen to her answers, too. When she does share — especially if it’s really personal — be accepting and supportive. You might even refer back to some of what she said later to demonstrate you were listening, and that you care about what’s important to her.

Be Vulnerable and Share Your Own Stories

Sharing secrets or vulnerable information builds a powerful emotional connection. When it’s your turn to talk, use the opportunity to share your own stories that highlight the feelings she described. This will help her relate to you even more.

Show That She Can Trust You

Deep down, women want to feel like they can trust and rely on the men they’re with to handle things and keep them safe. (Those evolutionary instincts are hard to shake!) So, to do this, be sure to pay the bill. You may not want to hear that, but trust me, if you don’t, other guys will.

Believe it or not, the answer to “how to find a relationship on Tinder” also includes chivalry. Walk on the side of the street where the cars are coming, give her your jacket when she’s cold, walk her to her car, etc.

She will look for these behaviors when determining whether or not you are “boyfriend material.” If you can’t keep her safe, the best thing that will happen is that you wind up a booty call or friend with benefits. Women don’t wife up with dudes who can’t protect them.  

Create Mystery and Sexual Tension

Leave her wanting more by keeping that first date to one hour or less. This way you won’t talk the budding relationship to death. Keep in mind, mystery is necessary here. You want her to wonder about you — and fill in the missing details on her own in her head. Letting her fantasize a bit about who you really are is a good thing. This emotional buildup easily becomes sexual attraction.

Ask for the Second Date

Before the first date ends, ask for the second date — and make it sound even more epic than the first. How do you do this? Tailor your second date idea to something you know she loves. This will ensure she says “yes” and means it.



Make Her Want You on the Second Date

Once you get to date number two, you need to up the ante. This is when you really start fanning the flames of desire.

Leave Her Wanting More

Avoid over-communicating after the first date. Why? If you’re always available when she texts, always the first to message, or are available any day/time for a date, that will all make her feel as though you’re not very valuable. 

Instead, keep your social calendar full of exciting activities so you’re not always available. Put your phone on silent or airplane mode so you’re not jumping to respond the moment she reaches out. And when you do talk to her, don’t overshare every detail of your day. 

Confirm the Second Date

Either the day of or the day before, confirm the second date with her. Again, make it simple, confident, and logistical in nature. Sending her the address or parking information for the date, for example. And whatever you do, don’t use passive language like, “Are we still on?” Assume it’s on. In fact… assume every woman is stoked to date you and would never think of flaking or ghosting you. It will make you seem much more confident, which is sexy.

Escalate Sexual Tension

Create arousal and adrenaline to boost sexual tension on the second date, either through physical activity (hiking, running together, taking a jiu-jitsu class, etc.) or by heightening anxiety in a healthy way (a fun game of Truth or Dare is great for this). Then, make sure she knows you’re definitely interested by asking for the third date. And as always… make the idea compelling.

Use Partial Reinforcement

After the second date, do the same thing you did after the first — don’t make yourself overly available to her. This may sound extreme, but it works. 

Not only does it make you seem more valuable, but it creates an irresistibility about you that’s actually backed by science. One study showed that even lab rats will slow down their attempts to get food when it’s always available, and the same effect is said to happen in the human brain. So this is powerful stuff. Just don’t get too attached to this technique — you can do this for a few months, but after that, it could break down her trust in you.

Nail the Third Date

If you’ve played your cards right, you might be able to get intimate on the third date. To do so, follow these tips.

A Little Sexting Never Hurts

Don’t be afraid to send some sexy messages if the two of you have a good amount of sexual tension going. While you don’t want to go overboard if she’s not into it, it can definitely keep the fires burning until the next date.

Invite Her Back to Your Place

By the third date, if you’re both into each other, it makes sense to invite her back to your place. You might even have the entire date there — maybe cook her a delicious Italian meal paired with her favorite bottle of wine. Or, if you go out, give her a compelling reason to come home with you. You’ll find some good reasons here (Hint: It’s not “Netflix and chill.” ) 

Demonstrate That You’re Safe

I should point out one thing: She won’t get intimate with you if she feels unsafe or is otherwise turned off. So, avoid doing anything that could make her think you’re emotionally unstable… or worse, unclean. Ew. 



Make it Physical

When you do initiate things physically, do it mindfully and with respect. Start with sensual touch. As you do this, think about making her want to kiss you, rather than just getting overeager and jumping her bones. And if you have sex… please make it good sex.

Get Closer Over the Next 90 Days

Over the next three months or so, continue to stoke the fire. Use your partial reinforcement techniques to maintain momentum as you keep building your relationship. Don’t be too unpredictable though — keep asking her out (always with a TDL, of course) about once a week.

Also, keep sharing vulnerable information about yourself. You’ll be amazed at how quickly she can get attached.

You Did It! Now Say Goodbye to the Honeymoon Phase

After three months of dating, I’d say you have yourself a girlfriend. Once you make it official though, the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship will soon come to an end.

This isn’t a bad thing, by the way. It’s necessary if you want this relationship to be real. You might even take a short trip together to celebrate. This may bring up conflicts that lead to your first fight, which will help you learn about each other even more.

If all goes well, and you still want to be exclusive, then it’s time to meet the family. Short of moving in together, this is a huge milestone — and a sign that you managed to turn that hot dating prospect on Tinder into a full-fledged relationship. Well done, my friend.

How to Find a Relationship on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge: Wrap-Up

After several steps, with some twists and turns, you’ve arrived! Thanks to the communication roadmap, you now know how to find a relationship on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge.

Think you couldn’t possibly follow all these steps correctly without help along the way? I hear you. It’s intense — but with a coach, it is much more manageable. Book an intro call with me today to see how I can help you find a relationship from your best dating prospects.

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