Tinder is the end-all and be-all of dating apps. So it doesn’t surprise me why you’re searching for the best Tinder first message ideas. 

Frankly, if you’re not on Tinder, you’re not really dating online.

Tinder was the app that made online dating cool for singles of all ages. Sure, it also initially added to the stigma of online dating, but in the years since its maligned beginning Tinder has become the go-to dating app in America.

It boasts nearly 8 million users in the US alone and appeals to a wide range of users. Being that Tinder has the deepest pool of singles to swim through it should be the first dating app singles looking to break into the online dating scene should download.

Downloading the app, uploading an epic roster of Tinder pics, and swiping for a short while will ensure a match. But stacking matches isn’t why people join Tinder. The app loves to boast about the millions of matches it generates on a daily basis, but be careful not to confuse matches for dates.

Dating apps should be viewed as introductory applications. By this, I mean that you shouldn’t try to date someone within the confines of the application. 

The point of a dating app is to introduce yourself to women that you then date in the real world. Sadly, this isn’t how most people use Tinder. A 2019 study found that just 50% of Tinder users have ever gone on a date with a match.

Let’s be honest, there’s no point in using Tinder if you never meet someone IRL. To move the relationship from an online one to one based in the real world you’ll have to get to talking.

However, conversing online and IRL are two distinct things. Online, you don’t have a second chance to redeem yourself after a poor first impression. That’s why the first Tinder message you send is all-important. Without a quality opener, the conversation is dead before it even started.

In this article, we’ll go over 102 Tinder first messages you can use that demand a response. Because of the length of this article, I’ve added a table of contents. Use it to find a message category that appeals to you. Just keep in mind not all categories are listed in the table.  

102 Best Tinder First Messages for Guys

When She Gives You Scraps To Work Off Of

Few women invest in creating dating app profiles like their love lives depend on it. Many a woman will post three mediocre photos accompanied by an emoji or two in their written bio. 

It’s safe to say that these women don’t use the app often and make up a large chunk of that 50% of Tinder users that have never dated a match. So what kind of message are you supposed to drum up when you match with one of these women?

Generally speaking, you want your opening message to be informed by her profile. But when she writes a profile that gives you little to work with what are you to do? 

Here are a number of probing messages that will receive responses and probe the user in question. And hey, if these responses don’t work, no worries, she probably wasn’t the one anyways.

1. So tell me Katie, what do you like to do when you’re not flirting with random dudes named “your name” on Tinder?

2. Sam… Your profile says so much about you, but I can’t help thinking that I still don’t know much about you… want am I missing?

3. From your profile I can tell that you like walking, sometimes wear hats, and occasionally smile. Is there anything else I should know about you?

4. Em, what song always makes you dance? Quick hurry 🙂

5. When did you last sing to yourself? Be honest 🙂

6. Before a telephone call do you ever rehearse what you’ll say?

7. Complete this sentence… “I wish I had someone with whom I could share _________”

8. Tell me a secret even your mother doesn’t know about you…?

9. Jess, tell me something weird about yourself…?

10. Ashley, tell me something cool about yourself….?

When You Share A Food Interest

Tinder has a way of dehumanizing its users. What you’re swiping through are cards that real people have been reduced to. To humanize yourself, make the other person see themself in you. 

Deep right? All I mean is that when a similarity arises, ride that shared interest all the way to a first date. 

Nowadays it seems as though everyone’s a foodie, hell writing about tacos on dating profiles is cliche -who woulda thought that just a year ago? Food is a light topic to riff and can easily be steered towards a first date TDL.

11. Everyone’s such a taco fan nowadays, but as far as Mexican food goes, it’s all about the mole. I’m glad you can appreciate. Where’s the best mole joint you’ve been in town?

12. I tried a cricket in Brazil too, last month in fact. Surprisingly good right?

13. Deep dish is my weakness… also my superpower. I can easily finish a whole pie myself (just don’t tell my cholesterol). Have you ever been to Capo’s up by North Beach?

14. I see you’re a fellow beer snob. To make it to the next round you’ll have to answer this question correctly. Which you prefer, 21st Amendment Brewery or Black Hammer Brewing?

15. Sup fellow French foodie! Tell me, boeuf bourguignon or blanquette de Veau?

When You Two Have A Similar Profession

If you two love your jobs, this is a great topic to discuss, if not, move away from the topic ASAP.

16. My fellow French teacher! Or should I say bonjour camarade prof de francais…

17. Guess what Jen, I’m a journalist too. Publish any cool stories recently?

18. My mother has always argued that two lawyers should never date because they’ll just debate each other incessantly. It’s true that I can never lose an argument so… shall we prove her wrong?

When You’re Both New To The Area

There’s nothing worse than moving to a city all alone -except moving to a new city in the midst of a city-wide lockdown. Naturally, she’ll want a buddy to explore the city with, why not be that guy?

19. What’s the weirdest thing about moving to the city Ash?

20. The city’s cool and everything but I miss the good old days when we only had one crappy supermarket to shop at.

21. Fatima, I’m new to the city too. Where’s the one place you’re dying to visit?

22. I’m new to the area too. We should probably talk about how freakin’ gigantic this place is over some drinks. Let’s just not get lost along the way, what do you say? 

23. I used to live in a small town too! Why is it that small towns have the best ghost legends.. What’s your town’s best ghost story?

When What You’re Looking For Is Exactly The Same

Many female users will write down what qualifies as the perfect partner. If you and her look for the same person, let her know. Writing a good first message on Tinder is all about addressing similarities.

24. Umm is it weird that we both want the same thing in our partners or does that just mean we’re soulmates?

25. You and I have the same exact values in a relationship. When we start dating, we might just have the healthiest relationship to ever come out of a dating app 🙂 

26. I normally don’t start conversations with strangers off this way but… my mom would love you. Do you usually give off this impression?

When You Both Travel Or Have Been To The Same Places

You always want to begin conversations on a positive note. There are few things more positive than talking about past vacations or ones to come.

27. I just came back from Medellin. What was your favorite area of the city?

28. Top three bucket list travel destinations, go!…..

29. What kind of traveler are you? Are you the person that basks in the sun at the resort or the person that ventures into town to party with the locals?

30. Okay Fernanda, you have your choice to go either to Scotland, India, or Belize, where do you go and why?

31. When this whole pandemic thing blows over, where’s the first place you’re going to travel to and why?

When You Went To The Same University

Speak to your similarities. Acknowledging that you two went to the same college will automatically connect you two and make you appear more relatable and trustworthy. 

It’s this connection and trustworthiness that is all-important when building rapport online.

32. No way I went to NYU too. What’s your best college memory?

33. Sup fellow wildcat! Where did you dorm freshmen year? – I get the feeling I know you…

34. I can’t believe we both went to the UCLA bowl game in 2008. If I remember correctly we won that one didn’t we?

35. How did we both attend a school with under 1,000 kids and yet we never met before? We should remedy that stat with a latte and a walk…

When You’ve Both Done The Same Crazy Thing

There’s no better Tinder first message than one that acknowledges the audacious activity that you both did. Considering not many other people have that activity in common this is a good sign of your compatibility.

36. We’ve both snorkeled and skydived? Can you be too compatible with someone?

37. Shark cage diving was the single most crazy thing I’ve ever done… I just had the best first date idea. Ready to hear it? 

38. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done apart from run a marathon in a chicken suit? I swear if you say ate a live scorpion we might just need to get married right now.

39. I too once said hi to a stranger during rush hour… his glare is forever burned into my brain.

40. I too once binged the entire season of Love Is Blind in one day. Do you dislike Mark as much as I do?

When You Have The Same Pet Peeves

Remember when I said to keep things positive? Pet peeves are the exception. It’s easy to bond with someone over lighthearted annoying things that you two have in common, like your mutual dislike for the sound of two pieces of styrofoam rubbing together.

41. I promise that should I ever hold your hand in public, I’ll happily let it go so that we don’t trap passer-bys in our web of public romance.

42. I too am shocked that more public areas don’t have a roped off area where people can’t take pictures. Want to help me ruin somebody’s IG?

43. My new favorite hobby is posing with people as they try to take photos of public landmarks. Is that too odd of a first date idea?

44. When I hear people listening to music through their phone speakers instead of with headphones I just politely tell them that if they’re going to DJ for the entire subway they better be taking requests. Ever try that?

45. I promise to never share a meme while dating. Should we go out now and continue our meme bashing conversation by getting a drink tomorrow at 7 at Francis’?

When Your Musical Tastes Align

Music has a wordless way of bringing us together. You’d be remiss not to bring up the fact that you two jam to the same tunes.

46. No need to be ashamed of your love for Coldplay (I’m also a huge fan). What’s your favorite album?

47. Did you see the Soccer Mommy is playing at The Fillmore in a month? I can’t freakin’ wait. You going?

48. Yeah, Cudi helped me get through some hard times too. Should we get a drink a rap about it?

49. Clairo is basically the new queen of bedroom pop. What’s your favorite tune?

50. Don’t tell me you too play the piano and guitar? When do we jam?

When You Two Are Bad At The Same Thing

Being vulnerable is a quick way to form a bond. Here’s some Tinder first messages for guys that’ll allow you to be forthright about how bad you are at whistling. 

Note: be careful with these messages – try and mix in a custom question with your comment. 

51. Honestly, I’d rather re-learn advanced calculus than try to learn how to whistle. Your thoughts? 

52. I love when you tell someone you can’t snap, then they feel the need to try to teach you and in doing so rub the fact that you can’t snap right in front of your face. I know, I’ve been there too.

53. Once I trust self-parking technology I’ll finally buy a car that will parallel park for me. My neighbors will rejoice when the day comes.

54. I can’t close Tupperware containers either. I wonder what’ll happen when I’m elderly. I’ll probably just starve.

55. No worries I can’t insert dollars into vending machines either. Thank god technology will soon make paper bills obsolete. Should we just cut down our chip consumption? 

When You Start With An Unpopular Opinion

75% of all online dating conversations start with a vapid “hey.” Don’t be that guy. The opposite of opening a Tinder conversation in this way is to state an unpopular opinion like one of these:

56. Is it weird that I feel at my most relaxed while stuck in traffic… does this relationship still have a future?

57. Football is the most overrated sport in the world and no, Tom Brady shouldn’t run for president. Am I wrong here?

58. Is it just me or are massages socially acceptable forms of torture?

59. I’d rather be a contestant on Jerry Springer than go sky diving, am I wrong?

60. Move over French, I think Arabic is the sexiest language in the world, am I wrong?

Two Truths And A Lie

Tinder is already more of a game than it is an app people actually use to meet potential partners. Keep the game going by playing two truths and a lie.

61. Which one is the lie? I played D-1 soccer, I once crowd surfed at a Demi Lovato concert, I wet the bed was I was 14.

62. I speak four languages, I once took a selfie with Elizabeth Warren, I once ate a live grasshopper… which one is the lie?

63. I once overstayed my visa in Malta, I make black mole every week, my grandmother is a famous singer. Which one is a lie?

64. In fifth grade I snorted salt and had to go to the ER, I once won a spelling bee by spelling the word, moxie, I played quidditch in high school. Can you spot the lie?

65. Two truths and a lie. I’ve never seen Tiger King, I’ve cooked everything inside Rachel Ray’s cookbook, in middle school I owned a pet squirrel.

Messages That Lead With Her Name

Even if you don’t think you have the best Tinder first message idea you can always earn some brownie points by using her name. 

Including her name in a message is an easy way to personalize a Tinder opening message. Plus, hey, who doesn’t love the sound of their own first name?

66. Em, I see you’re a huge Sufjan Stevens fan, what’s your favorite record?

67. Sarah, so tell me, where’s the best deep dish joint in town?

68. Liz! I’ve finally found you! How many years have you been searching for me? 

69. Look Jules, I think it’s time we had a talk …or dance. I’ve been looking all over for someone that shares my love of reggaeton. Shall we groove?

70. Megan has anyone ever told you that you look just like Dua Lipa? Do you sing like her too?

“What If” Scenarios

There’s only so much that a profile can tell you about a woman. Use probing scenarios such as these to crack her open and learn more about her.

71. You throw a party and can only choose one of these three artists to listen to, who do you choose? Snoop, The Beatles, or Lizzo?

72. You just learned there’s a three-day weekend coming up, where do you go? The beach, the mountains, stay home and party with friends.

73. What if you could snap your fingers and learn one new language which would it be out of Spanish, French, or Arabic?

74. What if you had to eat the same meal at dinnertime for a week, what would you eat?

75. What if that random dude decided to ask for your phone number without any foreplay? Would you give it to me – I mean him?

Silly Tinder First Messages

You want first messages to both standout and be funny. Don’t have any ideas? No worries, these message will do the trick.

76. Boy: “Rachelll, I’m disappointed with you. My birthday gift still hasn’t arrived yet.” Girl: Haha, what gift?” Boy: “…your phone number.”

77. Tell me something you could say at dinner but also in the bedroom?

78. Jess. So tell me, what do you do when you’re not flirting with random dudes named Jon that you matched with at 2 a.m. on Tinder?

79. On a scale from 000-000-000 to 999-999-999 how likely is it that we’ll go on a first date? 🙂

80. ***If her name is Nanah. “Do you know what happens if I say your name 8 times? Batman!”

Random Messages That Catch Her Off Guard

Sometimes the best Tinder first messages are completely out of the blue.

81. I have an addiction to buying things I’ve seen on infomercials. On an unrelated note, I happen to have an extra shake weight, want one?

82. I honestly need your opinion Caty… should I bring back the beard?

83. See you at skating rink in 30 minutes right Dave? Whoops wrong person. That being said you’re too cute for me to rescind the offer… shall we?

84. Amanda, I’m creating the perfect party playlist and Spotify’s shooting blanks, can you help me out?

85. Describe your perfect date in three emojis…

86. What was the last song you sang with all your heart?

87. Truth or dare?

88. I was feeling a little off today until you turned me on. Let’s continue these sparks over coffee, say Saturday at 1pm? 

89. Are you Google, because you’re everything I’ve been searching for. 🙂

90. If two vegans have a fight is it still considered beef?

Demonstrating That You’ve Read Her Profile

There’s a reason she wrote a bio. Read it and respond.

91. It’s tough to imagine that Little Star Pizza doesn’t have the best pie in the city, though I’m willing to be persuaded. Shall we feast?

92. Zoe!! Finally another Spanish food lover, what’s your favorite spot in town?

93. So you say your passions are rock climbing and ice skating, but what if you could only pick one to do for the rest of your life?

94. **If she speaks another language, speak to her in that language. “Que onda, Mariel, cuanto tiempo llevas en NYC?”

95. Em, who was the best act you saw at Firefly?

Ask Her A Question About Her Profile

Not all the information you can glean about her comes from her written bio.

96. Sweet photos Jen, where was the first photo taken?

97. Your profile pictures put mine to shame. Any tips on being more photogenic?

98. That’s so cool that you’re also into cycling. What’s the best route you’ve found in the area?

99. So what do you think our chances of winning the pennant this year are?

100. Is there honestly anything that Donald Glover can’t do?

Two Don’ts

Two messages That Are Sure to NOT Receive a Response

101. Hey

102. Hey there sexy

Need Some Personal Support? 

Well folks there you have it, 100 Tinder first messages for men that are bound to get you a response, and two that you should avoid at all costs. 

Now that you’re fully equipped, it’s time to get to work!

Huh, what’s that? You still think you need a little extra dating help do you? No worries, I’ve got you covered. 

As a worldwide dating coach, I help guys just like you attract more dates from online dating, get in more relationships in real life, and fall in love all day long. 

Interested? If so, feel free and Book a New Client 1-on-1 session with me or one of my other coaches today. During this intro session we’ll diagnose your dating obstacles, create an action plan, and see our coaching or matchmaking programs could be right for you!