“He’s nice…” she said before rushing to change the subject. This statement came after a mutual friend who had set this woman up asked how her date went.
The date was with you. She thinks you’re “nice,” and when she says “nice,” what she really means is “not my type.” Does this situation sound familiar? Has it left you wondering, “Do nice guys finish last in today’s dating game?”
If you’re a guy who is agonizing over the possibility that your track record as a “nice guy” is keeping you from breaking free from the friend-zone, you’re not alone. I talk to tons of guys who feel like their kindness is being construed as weakness. It prevents them from being looked at as sexy and desirable, while other guys who are not nearly as nice seem to have women chasing after them in droves.
Here’s the thing: Women do want a nice guy. But a lot of times, guys who tout themselves as being super nice also lack confidence. Women can sense a guy with low self-esteem miles away. There are certain things that a “nice guy who finishes last” type tends to exude, and these things are always treated as a red flag.
If you’re one of these guys, you may not even be aware of certain things you do to sabotage yourself in the dating world. Lucky for you, I am here to give you insight that those girls who rejected you never did. I’m not going to mince words here, so be prepared.
Below are five different types of “nice guys” that have the hardest time getting women to look at them romantically. You might be one of these guys and not realize it. But don’t worry. After I break down what type of nice guy you might be, I will offer an amazing strategy to help you shed that “nice guy” label so that you can attract amazing women!
Nice Guy Type #1: The Overly Agreeable Guy
Women like to be challenged. No, that doesn’t mean that you should ask her to arm wrestle you or dismiss any of her views as nonsense. This simply means that you should have the confidence to share your own opinion and be unafraid to disagree.
When you are overly agreeable on a date, it makes you seem like a yes man. A girl is going to wonder if you’re actually genuine or if you just want to tell her what she wants to hear. Honesty is an integral part of building a solid foundation for a relationship. If a woman feels like she can’t necessarily trust your opinion from the start, she’s going to take a hard pass on continuing the relationship.
Type #2: The Love Bomber
Do nice guys finish last? They do if they love bomb the F out of a girl. Love bombing is when someone will shower a person with gifts, compliments, and affection in an attempt to hook them into a relationship. At its most insidious, love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is used as an attempt to gain control over someone and the love bombing will eventually devolve into abusive behavior.
Now, if you are showering someone with affection, compliments, and gifts, DON’T WORRY — I’m not calling you a psychopath. But you should know that the girl you date may view this behavior as a huge red flag, especially if she has dealt with a manipulative boyfriend before.
Moreover, when you love bomb someone, it can come off as desperate. You don’t offer a woman a challenge because you are clearly reserving all your attention to her. This automatically gives her the upper hand and can cause her to put zero effort into the relationship.
Type #3: The Stage 5 Clinger
“Why won’t she text me back?” Maybe because of the fact that you sent her 15 text messages in a row and she’s pretty overwhelmed about it. The last thing you want to come off as is a stage 5 clinger. If a girl thinks you’re clingy, she will automatically book you a one-way ticket into the friend-zone.
Clingy guys do the following:
- Text or call a girl ad nauseam
- Make their schedule open in a way that it revolves around her availability
- Don’t take no for an answer
- Constantly check the woman in question’s social media accounts
- Ruminate over the state of the relationship
- Even if you are not exclusive with a woman, you refuse to date or think about anyone else
- Cancel plans with friends just to see her
If you’re doing these things, you need to quit it ASAP. You are not being a “nice guy,” you are being codependent. Women don’t want a guy chasing after them constantly, attempting to elbow their way into their good graces rather than let the chemistry evolve naturally.
Type #4: The Cheap Male Feminist
If you consider yourself an ally to women and believe in equal rights, cheers to you! That is a wonderful thing to be. More and more men are touting the male feminist label, and many of these men have the best of intentions. However, there are a few outliers that seem intent on wearing a “male feminist” label in an attempt to hide this glaring fact: THEY ARE CHEAP AF.
A woman I know had a coworker who was like this. She never dated him but got an earful about what he considered to be an acceptable dating protocol. He also very loudly proclaimed that he was a male feminist. Here are a few tidbits she would try not to groan over:
- “I’m a male feminist, so I always need to split the bill. If a woman wants me to pay, I don’t want to see her ever again.”
- “I think the diamond industry is corrupt. If I meet a woman I want to get engaged to and she wants a diamond ring, she can forget it. She clearly isn’t the girl for me if she thinks I’m getting her a diamond.”
- “If I go on a date and a woman isn’t interesting to me, and she goes in for a hug at the end of the date, I will shake her hand. I’m not hugging someone I don’t like.”
Yet this guy constantly talked about how “nice” he was. But in reality, this guy isn’t aligning himself with great principles. He’s just using “feminism” as a way to forego chivalry and be a cheap date.
Remember that, despite all the progress that is being made, men in general still make more money than women. Furthermore, women appreciate chivalry. You’re not being a bad male feminist if you pull a girl’s chair out for her and pay for the first three dates. You’re just being a gentleman.
Type #5: The Fake Nice Guy
This is perhaps the most sinister type of nice guy. If you feel like you have been treading into fake nice guy territory, be warned that you are the type of guy that women will run from with the speed of a triathlete. The good news is that there are ways to reverse being a fake nice guy, which I will get to in a bit.
A fake nice guy is one who constantly bemoans the fact that he is “a nice guy.” He is constantly wondering (aloud) what is “wrong” with all these girls that don’t want to go out with him, and has convinced himself that “women clearly just want bad boys.”
The thing is, the fact that you are constantly taking on a woe-is-me mentality is the exact reason that women don’t want to date you.
Mature women actually do want a nice guy, but they also want a confident, strong guy. When you snivel about how the dating world is so unfair to you and that you are being punished for your kindness, you come off as negative, immature, and incapable of growth.
Another trait of the fake nice guy is putting other guys down. Most often, the men that “fake nice guys” attack are those they perceive as “bad boys,” “agro males,” or any type of man they see as arrogant competition.
A great example of a fake nice guy came out of this past season of The Bachelorette. One contestant, David, ended up becoming more fixated on another male contestant than the bachelorette herself. Contestant and male model, Jordan, was full of antics and had the confidence of 12 men. David decided early on that he couldn’t stand Jordan and made it his mission to tell Becca (the bachelorette) that Jordan was on the show “for the wrong reasons,” and “wasn’t a good guy” every opportunity he got.
Guess what? That strategy totally backfired on David! David was so consumed with painting Jordan as a bad guy that he ended up becoming a villain and bully himself.
If you think you fit into one of the “nice guys” lists above, there’s stilla way you can turn your ship around!
Let’s look at the top strategy to help you finish first.
A lot of times nice guys finish last because they get hung up on one girl at a time. This leads to rejection and decreased confidence. You need to change your mindset when it comes to putting yourself out there in the dating world. Enter MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves going on dates with several different women at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your social calendar full. With MegaDating, the pain of rejection is lessened because you will see firsthand that the dating world is full of options. This prevents settling in a relationship or getting hung up on the idea of “the one.”
With MegaDating, your confidence will increase because you will get better and better at dating women. After all, practice makes perfect. Women will also find you more attractive when you MegaDate because it will ignite an unconscious sense of competition. When you go out with more than one woman at a time, you are much less likely to chase after a woman. This will give you more of an upper hand and increase your desirability.
Ready to get started?
Finish First Every Time
I’ve helped mean all over the world find satisfying, long-term relationships. I understand all the complexities that come with dating because I treated dating as a research project during my 100-date experiment. By the end of the experiment, I had found a fulfilling long-term relationship with a man who is my boyfriend today!
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