Day: September 18, 2023

Why Am I Still Single? A Man’s Guide to Making a Change

why am I still single

Have you been asking yourself ‘why am I still single?’ If so, kudos to you for facing a reality that isn’t easy and for getting out of your comfort zone.

Putting the burden on yourself isn’t easy, but it’s crucial if you want to find a love that lasts.

Though you may have had bad relationships in the past, if you’re seeing a pattern, it’s probably more than just your relationship history. So let’s dive in.

Why Am I Still Single?

Let’s find out why and what you can do to score more dates.

Do You Keep Going To The Same Places?

I used to be a creature of habit. I felt comfortable going to the same coffee shop each morning, the same restaurant for dinner, and the same gym classes each week.

It’s not to say that there is anything wrong with that per se. It may however contribute to why you’re single. If you’re never going to new places or meeting new people, then you’re limiting yourself. How are you going to find potential women to date?

I know, for a creature of habit to honestly say that they need to shake things up isn’t always easy. You might wonder what’s wrong with going to the same places, especially if you like them. So why is it so essential to change locations or mix up your life to a certain degree?

You Have To Create Opportunities To Meet New People

The reality is that changing things up allows you to meet new people and try new things. This ensures that you have a larger pool of potential women to pick from. It also means that you get to live it up and have more fun. Who doesn’t want more fun?

This all equates to putting you in a better frame of mind to meet more new people. The more new people you meet, the higher likelihood that one of these people is a beautiful woman. And when this golden opportunity arises, don’t forget to directly ask for her phone number.

I know trying new things can be a struggle. What if you tried one new thing at a time? Have you always been interested in taking a yoga class? Have you long been interested in joining a biking club around town?

There is no better time than the present! Just start with one thing and move forward. New experiences keep life interesting and help you to meet new people.

Do You Have An Incredible Fear Of Rejection?

Perhaps the reason why you are still single has to do with you being afraid of getting burned. Watch what Jia Jiang did when he realized his fear of rejection was holding him back from going after what he wanted.

Make rejection your friend with the help of Jia Jiang.

Play The Stats And Know It’s Not Just You

Here’s an analogy that may help you move forward. You just had a bad date with a girl that was clearly not a match for you.

Try turning this disappointing date into a baseball situation.

If a .315 average is very good for a baseball player, that still means that he fails 70% of the time.

That’s huge and shows you where your expectations should be. In dating, you will find women that aren’t good matches. You will get rejected and feel disappointed. It’s part of the process.

Then you pick yourself up and brush the dirt off your shoulders. And you say to yourself rejection is just a 9 letter word. Think of it this way, know that 7 out of the next 10 dates that you go on will be less than stellar. Try to allow for a 70% failure rate and go in knowing that realistic statistic in your mind. Then the fear of rejection no longer rules your dating life.

If you can hold out for the right person (and not force it), you will get to the good stuff. You will break through the barrier and find your perfect partner. You’ll go on that one date that knocks you off your feet. Be patient, be diligent, and know that it can all come together if you get over your fear of rejection.

Have You Forgotten About Your Health?

In pondering why am I still single, have you taken a long hard look at yourself? This is not about blame or making yourself feel bad. This is just about facing facts and getting to the heart of why you are single and being real.

Do you really take good care of yourself? Do you make your health and well-being a priority? Ultimately you have to ask yourself if you look and feel as good as you want to or should?

The truth is that nobody really wants to say that they’ve let themselves go. Nobody wants to say that they need to get into better shape. Though your physical appearance should not be the only factor in attracting women, it matters.

She has to see you first and find you somewhat attractive before she gets to know you. This is where you need to take better care of yourself for it ties into the big picture. Look good, feel good, and women will notice!

Appearances Matter

Are you hiding behind an online dating profile picture that doesn’t even look like you anymore? If you can’t put forth a recently updated picture in your online dating profile and feel proud, something is wrong. If you don’t like how you look, women will never be comfortable with you.

Though women care about more than just appearances, looks do factor it in. For example, if you don’t like your weight, then hire a personal trainer and nutritionist. If you’re short on cash, check out my boyfriend’s favorite workout site Bodybuilding.com. They have hundreds of workout routines listed with video instructions! Put in the work to create an appearance that you can be proud of. She’ll notice and you’ll be more confident too.

Are You Being Too Picky?

Are you looking for a woman that is a match for what you have to offer? So many men have a tendency to find themselves alone because they aren’t realistic. Think about what you’re really looking for in a woman and consider what it includes.

I understand that you’re not going to date just any woman. That being said, you may have unrealistic standards. Looking for very specific criteria may be limiting you.

If you find yourself asking why am I single often, then being too picky may lie at the heart of the issue. If you only go for a certain type of woman in terms of looks, then you are closing yourself off from other potentially great women.

Realize, You Don’t Have A Type

If you are only interested in dating blondes, that’s very limiting. If you only want women of a certain age, race, or any other super-specific criteria, this won’t work. This is where change may be needed.

Try dating a brunette or be more open about her race or age. It sounds simple enough but you would be amazed at how opening up your dating pool a bit changes things. Instead of looking for a woman that is five years younger than you, try somebody closer to your own age.

Look beyond appearances or age and go for the whole package. Stop being so picky because you are ultimately getting in your own way. Open things up a bit and you are likely to find a pretty awesome woman.

Are You Too Selfish?

Do things seem to come to a screeching halt after about two months of dating the same woman? Do women tend to ghost you around this time frame, almost out of nowhere? If this sounds familiar then more than likely you’re being way too selfish.

It’s quite possible that you have tried to make the relationship too much about you and not enough about her. You are consistently dating women but demanding that things be far too centered around your needs. We both know that won’t work!

Give And Take Is A Must

Sure your needs matter and you don’t want to ignore them. However, if you’re constantly asking yourself why you’re single, consider the role that you play. If you see the same pattern of relationships breaking up around the same point in time, there’s something to it.

You have to recognize that relationships are a two-way street. Give a little, get a little. Though it may be great at first when a woman gives you everything you want, it will get boring. She will get bored, you will get bored, and the relationship will never work in the long term.

So face that potential selfish streak and squash it once and for all. Recognize that a reputable woman is going to want to participate in a give-and-take relationship. Start compromising early and things will work out so much better for both of you in the end.

Are You Not Putting In The Work?

Dating can truly be a ton of work. You can get worn out or even burned out from the whole process. You have to ask yourself though if you are putting in the actual work.

Are you really and truly putting in the necessary time with online dating? Are you doing what you need to do to meet women that are a match for you? If the answer is no then this may be a really big factor as to why you are single and it’s time to change that.

You need to start networking with your buddies to see if their girlfriends have any single friends. You need to start putting in the real effort required for online dating (like updating your pictures) and really put yourself out there. If you’re not putting in the time and effort, then things are never going to change.

Set the video games aside and start putting that time into finding the right woman for you. It may require effort, but it’s going to pay off when you go on a date that actually makes you happy.

Many men want this dream girl to just show up at their door. That may be nice in theory but it’s not likely going to happen unless you put in the work.

Don’t Forget About You

It can be easy to get swept up in your new life of looking for the one. But it’s important that you don’t sacrifice quality social bonds in the search for new ones.

Make sure your platonic and familial bonds don’t fall by the wayside as you begin dating more women. Ironically, maintaining these bonds will help you find a woman. Women love independent men who have lives of their own.

Keep enjoying your hobbies, friends, and autonomy. Post about your passions and keep feeding your passions whatever they may be.

The Impact Of Being Single For Too Long

Too often students come to us after being single for many years (usually in the late 30s to 50s).

They’re sad, lonely, and yes depressed.

Being single for too long can have disastrous effects on your life. You’ll be less empathetic, self-esteem will plummet, your social life will worsen, and you’ll have less of a will to live, and even chances of a heart attack will rise.

The men that come to us want to make a change but fear they can’t. Struggling with confidence they believe their time has passed them by.

Spoiler: It hasn’t!

At emlovz we specialize in helping men that haven’t dated in years fill up their social calendar and start dating prolifically.

To help you start dating again, it’s helpful to understand your attachment style.

There are two primary negative attachment styles:

Avoidant
Anxious

More often than not, our students come to us with avoidant attachment styles.

You developed the foundation of your attachment style during childhood. Avoidant men were children with parents that were emotionally distant, fickle with their love, and came and went as they pleased.

Avoidant people shy away from building strong relationships. They fear that once they build that attraction they’ll be abandoned. Sadly, children with avoidant parents often turn into avoidant adults.

Are you the type of person who runs away as soon as things get serious?

If so, it’s time to look yourself in the mirror and call out your bad behavior. Identify your attachment style so you can work towards developing a secure attachment style.

Be Honest And Dedicated To Making Changes

It’s certainly not a cakewalk to assess why you are still single. But the answer is likely based on one of the factors above. If you want to change your fate and start enjoying dating again, then you have to make some changes.

If you continue to struggle with constantly being single and you’re ready to find love fast, schedule an intro Zoom coaching session with my team. We love working with smart, hardworking men dedicated to finding their perfect partner.

See what our students are saying about our coaching program here.

What Does It Mean When a Woman Stares at You (For More Than 3 Seconds)

what does it mean when a girl stares at you

What does it mean when a woman stares at you? So glad you asked because that’s what we’re going to cover in this article. But first, let’s look at how staring plays out in the modern dating landscape.

First, the pandemic has made so many of us emotionally illiterate.

As if reading a female’s subtle flirtatious gestures wasn’t hard enough, it’s been compounded by being a hermit for over a year.

Now that COVID feels like a distant nightmare it’s time to get back out there and flirt again.

But that rust isn’t going to shake itself off.

To help you transition back into the real world, let’s decipher what it means when a woman stares at you.

The stare is the most primal of all flirtatious gestures and it’s often the first one she’ll give to indicate interest.

Misinterpreting a look could result in an awkward interaction or missed connection.

So together, let’s figure out what does it mean when a woman stares at you.

What Does It Mean When A Woman Stares At You?

There are many ways to interpret a stare.

But there’s something each stare has in common; interest.

It doesn’t mean this interest is romantic or even positive, but it does mean you’ve piqued her curiosity. Instead of chatting with friends, looking at her phone, or staring at another man, it’s you who has won her attention.

This attention can be leveraged to dive deeper into the interaction.

To further the interaction simply say to her:

Everything good?

Did I notice you looking at me?

Do I have something on my face?

Ideally, you have a hint as to why she’s staring and can shape your opening line around that. But even if you don’t have the perfect line it doesn’t matter.

Saying something is always better than saying nothing. Don’t let your chance with her slip by. Guaranteed you’ll fantasize about the many ways that interaction could have gone had you said something. But you didn’t.

You’re probably afraid to strike up a conversation because you have a win-or-lose mindset.

If you don’t get her number, you lose.

Let’s reframe that.

Let’s say that simply by saying something–ANYTHING–you win.

Saying something not only opens the door to a deeper connection but will make you more comfortable with striking up conversations with strangers IRL. The more you talk to them, the more confidence you’ll have and the better you’ll become at chatting with strangers.

But it’s understandable that before opening your mouth you’d love it if you could understand why she’s staring in the first place.

She’s Into You

If she’s staring into your eyes, it means it’s on. Unless you’re in a professional or medical setting this is almost always the case. If you’re in a social setting such as a bar, party, club, festival, gym, or another event, it means she wants you to approach her.

Her stare is a green light.

Seize this opportunity to go talk to her and if you’re nervous, reframe the impending interaction. It’s just a simple conversation with an interesting person. This will take away the stress and expectation you might normally place on flirting.

When you do approach her, allow the context and situation to guide the conversation. Ask her how she knows the host. Start with a question about something she’s wearing. Or say that you caught her looking and now she has to tell you her name.

How you approach depends on the context and signs she’s given you.

She Thinks You’re An Interesting Specimen

Just because she’s staring doesn’t mean she’s romantically interested in you.

It may not mean she thinks you’re a 10 or wants to strike up a conversation.

However, it does mean she’s interested in you or what you’re doing.

Maybe you’re dancing like a goofball at a party, just cracked a wild joke she overheard, or are wearing her favorite band t-shirt. Whatever the case may be she’s staring at you because you’re interesting and wants more information.

That’s perfect.

Take this chance to approach her.

Don’t come on too strong but try to use why you think she was staring at you to guide the early stages of the conversation.

Perhaps tell her… I couldn’t help but notice you checking out my dance moves, want to know my secret?

If she’s taken aback by your approach don’t be discouraged. She might be shy or embarrassed that you caught her staring. Be a gentleman, smile, and ask her questions. Soon enough she’ll open up.

She’s Getting Her Flirt On

Staring at you from across the room is intentional, especially when her gaze lingers when your eyes connect.

Few women will actually do this but it’s not such a rarity that it never happens.

Women aren’t quick to stare because it’s a pretty vulnerable thing to do. They risk feeling rejected if you don’t come talk to them after you lock eyes.

It’s important to note that women are naturally passive with men. Giving you the eyes is as direct as she’s going to get in most cases.

Lack Of Eye Contact Doesn’t Mean She Isn’t Into You

It’s too black and white to assume that no eye contact means she isn’t into you.

Women may be interested but avoid eye contact. It’s because they want to avoid awkward and vulnerable positions. No one wants to be that person caught ogling another human. That goes for both women and men.

A woman may decide to avoid eye contact because staring may make her feel desperate or that she’s too available. She doesn’t want to do that, she wants to play the game.

That includes a bit of chasing.

Being caught drooling with her eyes means the game has ended before it started.

She’s trying to play it cool by keeping her cards closer to her chest.

Just because she isn’t staring doesn’t mean she isn’t looking. It doesn’t mean she isn’t stealing glances when you’re unaware.

You Have Something On Your Face

While all interest can be leveraged and used to spark a conversation, that doesn’t mean she’ll be up for chatting with you.

Maybe she was caught gazing at you because she thinks your political shirt is scandalous or because you have something in your teeth. Or maybe you just look astonishingly like her cousin who she hasn’t seen in years.

There are a million reasons.

Chances are however you can more or less figure out why she’s staring.

Do you know that you’re a spectacle?

Are you wearing a tux at Subway, are you all wet from the rain, did you get an outlandish haircut?

Does your appearance or character draw attention from men and women?

These are signs that she may not want to strike up a romance but considers you a spectacle.

You’re Worth Talking About

Remember the last time you were with friends and there was a woman or person that caught your eye. You had to point this person out but didn’t want to catch their attention. You tried to be discreet when pointing them out but your friend was a bit too obvious.

Instead of looking at them on the DL they pointed and stared.

Casual.

Look sometimes for good or bad people will talk about you.

You won’t know why until you make conversation with them.

If you feel odd about approaching why not ask your super social friend to break the ice for you. Tell them a group has been looking at you and that they should go over and make friends. You’ll then swoop in a second later when it’s less awkward to do so.

What To Do About Her Attention?

Now that you know the answer to the question ‘what does it mean when a woman stares at you,’ what will you do about it?

The first step is identifying what kind of stare it is.

Instead of knowing exactly why she’s staring, simply indicate whether the stare is a negative one. If she’s staring because she hates your Bernie Sanders shirt, then maybe you don’t talk to her. But when you only have a stare to go on, identifying good from bad can be difficult.

This is why I advocate talking to her. Chances are that the more social a situation (bar, party, restaurant, social event, yoga, gym), the higher your chances that she’s into you. Not only this, but it’s less awkward if you approach in these settings.

When in doubt just say hi.

Don’t go in with the intention of flirting, rather, simply have a conversation with someone that has piqued your interest.

Simply saying hi should go down as a win.

Improve Your Flirting Game

Want to get better at identifying the signs a woman is interested so you can attract an exceptional woman? Perfect, I can help!

In my coaching program, Dating Decoded, we teach ambitious men how to find compatible single women online and IRL. We also help our students craft an authentic social strategy that makes them super comfortable approaching beautiful women.

Men in our program are regularly going on 1-2 dates each week with the goal of finding a long-term relationship that lasts.

Our Program Teaches Students:

How to get more high-quality matches and dates with amazing women.
What to do when women ghost or decline your date invitation.
How to avoid the friendzone and escalate sexual tension without being too forward or too passive, and so MUCH more.

The Power of MegaDating

The only way to really know what it means when a woman stares at you and how to take advantage of it is to MegaDate.

MegaDating is the process of going on 20 dates in 90 days to shortcut your path to finding the right partner. It’s the philosophy behind my coaching program that has helped thousands of men attract long-term relationships with women they’re really excited about.

To learn more about MegaDating, schedule an introductory coaching call with a member of my team here.

During the call we’ll discuss your biggest dating challenges and goals, and share how our coaching program can help you find a happy, healthy, and loving relationship that lasts.

If you want to know what our students are saying about our program, check out the reviews below.