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9 Signs You’re Being Led On By A Woman You Think You’re Dating

9 Signs You’re Being Led On By A Woman You Think You’re Dating

Finally, the good guy gets the girl.

In the movies, the main character -we’ll call him Fred- is under-appreciated, down on his luck, and is annoyingly nice. A bombshell blonde moves in next door and Fred inevitably begins to court her. He’s ridiculed by his friends for attempting to court a woman that’s clearly out of his league.

He stands outside her window blasting the song he heard her singing the day she moved in, writes her poems in the style of Florentino Ariza, and confronts her new fling Brody, the jock from school, for treating her poorly. In the end, he gets the girl.



You thought this is how your rags to riches love story would turn out.

Relieved though you might be for not having to physically challenge the dumb jock, you do feel uneasy at the straightforwardness of your romantic conquest. How could the woman that tickles the fancy of every man she walks past choose you? Well, my friend, it might be that you underestimated your awesomeness.

That, in fact, you’re the trophy husband that every woman wants gleaming on her mantelpiece. This could be true. Or, the worst has happened and you’ve been dupped by a jezebel.

Women don’t always date someone because we see a romantic future with them. Perhaps you’re being led on. Perhaps she only wants to date you because you keep inviting her to Zagat rated restaurants or that you look good on her IG. It may be that she initially genuinely cared for you.

That your courtship was working and that what she felt for you was real and raw. But after each date, you slipped ever so closer to the relegation zone. Soon enough you were booted to the friend zone but she was too timid to end it. My friend, there are more reasons why a woman would lead you on than there are women.

In this article, we won’t attempt to dissect the mind of the jezebel archetype. Rather we’ll introduce the most popular signs that you’re being led on and help you identify them. You’ll also learn preventative measures you can take to avoid being led on.

9 Signs You’re Being Led on By a Woman You’re Dating

1. She’s New In Town

We’ve all been in her shoes.

You move to a new city, are alone yet buzzing with energy and ready to explore your new backyard. But you don’t embark on this expedition alone, so you enlist the help of the person most willing to lend it. It doesn’t matter if this person is a woman, dude, or something in between. It doesn’t matter if you’re close to them or think you have a social future with them.

You choose to hit the town with your new buddy for the simple reason that you know no one else and the person that you just clinked glasses with doesn’t appear to be an asshole.

So, did she just leave her life behind, pack her bags, and settle down in a new city where she has no friends or even acquaintances?

If this is the case, she may think of you more so as a tour guide than a romantic something.



For the time being she isn’t going to be picky with who she goes out with. The first person (male or female) that raises their hand and doesn’t have mustard stains on their shirt will be hit up for the first few weekends to explore the city.

Just because you’re going out with a woman, doesn’t mean you two are going out. This isn’t the 50s where if you asked a female to hang out in a public place the dynamic automatically meant it was a date. In today’s egalitarian social world, it isn’t odd that a dude and chick sipping on drinks and giggling in a dimly lit bar in the wee hours of the morning are nothing more than platonic buds cracking jokes about how atrocious the newest Star Wars movie was.

And no. Just because she didn’t spell it out for you doesn’t mean she led you on. Your expectations led you on more than her actions. If you want clarification of the dynamic, ask her.

2. She Takes More Than She Gives

A greedy jezebel manifests taking more than she gives in ways that might not be as obvious as snatching a $20 from your wallet.

This one can be tricky to identify. Gender norms -being as they may- typically mean that a man gives more than a woman, especially in the early stages of the courting phase. The norms of men paying for dates won’t die until men and women are both paid equally, and even then who knows.

Until this norm is done away with you’ll be giving more than her in certain contexts. That’s why perceiving when you’re being taking advantage of can be difficult to discern.

Taking more than she gives might come in the form of:

  • Repeatedly asking to sleep at your place (but not with you)
  • Asking for money
  • Making you her chauffeur
  • Requesting that you fix her home
  • Using you as an emotional crutch by talking about exes, guys she’s hung up on that rejected her, or other men she’s dating., etc.

Because you’re doing her laundry and walking her dog doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s leading you on. Maybe she’s just needy. This is still an issue, just not the one we’re currently addressing.

3. She Doesn’t Respond To You With Any Urgency

Subsequently, after receiving a present, you open it. It’s a present after all, why in the world would anyone stow it away, go about their lives, and open it six hours later?

Text messages, phone calls, emails, and FB messages generally aren’t considered presents. Except of course when the sender is your new beau. Infatuation turns each text notification from your new lover into a digital present. After receiving it, you open it immediately and reciprocate with a present of your own. This is what two people infatuated with each other do. But emotional connections aren’t always balanced.

The longer she takes to respond the less interested she is in you. There are exceptions of course. She could have forgotten to reply to a message or two or have a personal policy where she turns her phone off for a few hours after work each day. But if failing to respond in a timely fashion becomes a habit, it’s clear that she’s not that into you.

If she messages every once and a while to keep you interested, she might be breadcrumbing you. She’ll leave a crumb or two of social interaction to keep you around until she needs you. This is a newer form of leading someone on but it’s currently all the rage.



4. She Always Tells You What You Want To Hear

There are three types of dates that will do this to you.

The first is the one that genuinely enjoys you. She keeps complimenting you because in her mind, you’re worthy of such praise. The second type of date feels too awkward to say anything bad about you so she mirrors your high self-esteem by agreeing with your high self-praise. Then there’s the woman you date who uses her guile to get something out of you.

She tells you what your ego wants to hear because later on she’ll manipulate you to get what she wants. What she wants might be professional connections, for you to pay the tab, or for a quick romp in the sack.

Dating an ego-caresser can do your mental health some good for a few dates. But once you’re self-esteem has been re-upped, ditch the sycophant for a woman that isn’t such a crowd-pleaser.

5. She Always Uses The Restroom When The Bill Comes

George Costanza would argue that this is a real medical condition that affects both men and women across the country. But don’t be fooled by his many aliases, George Constanza is no real doctor.

Sure we all need to relieve ourselves a few times a day. But isn’t it a bit too convenient that every time the bill comes she excuses herself? Could she be so wily that she’s conditioned her body to heed the call to nature as soon as the bill is called for? Pavlov would surely like to date this woman but she might not be right for you.

It’s expected that you pay for the bill the first few dates. But an expectation and an obligation are distinctions she might not be familiar with. Ducking out because she doesn’t want to pay for the bill is just awkward. If she liked you she’d be willing to at least split the check.

There are women that are more interested in the food than the date. Studies claim up to 33% of women have dated a man because of access to free food.

Catch these hungry women in the act by baiting a trap. When she gets back from the bathroom she will have expected you to have already paid the check. Instead, wait for her to come back and gauge her willingness to pay the check. Even go so far as to ask her to split it. You’ll know she was only in it for the food if she puts up a fight or refuses to see you again.

6. She Doesn’t Kiss or Have Sex With You (Always An Excuse)

Does trying to kiss your date feel like trying to win at a rigged carnival game? No matter the amount of finesse used you still can’t seem to get the ball through the hoop. She makes the game look easier than it really is.

If you get rejected, that typically means she doesn’t like you. She’ll confirm this for you when she refuses to see you again. But what if despite your efforts at instigating physical romance she consistently snubs you?



This is a case of romantic dissonance. Her readily acceptance of your date requests don’t align with her actions during the date. Learn why she isn’t up for a quick smooch. If she can’t give you a solid answer, ask why then she’d want to continue dating you? Is she using you or is she just not ready to get frisky?

7. She Is Flaky With Any Plans You Try and Make

Women (I’m including myself in this generalization) are flaky by nature, especially when it comes to men. Dudes, especially the ones we don’t know very well, can be scary. They’re bigger and stronger, which sure is a turn on, but also makes us easy targets. Should a better plan than hanging out with a strange man we met online come our way, we’ll flake.

Therein lies the key though. If you make us feel safe and jazzed up about your TDL/date activity, then you can guarantee we’ll be there. If the date doesn’t sound compelling and she gets a better offer, she’ll flake.

Should this happen, she might be using you as a “warm body” to avoid having to be alone. This means that you’re probably the last guy on the list that she’ll hang out with and if something better comes along, she’ll flake fast. If you’re finding yourself in this position, I’d strongly encourage you to make yourself less available by MegaDating.

It can help you manage your mindset, while also demonstrating to her that you are valuable because your time is hard to get. This way you’re not playing games by pretending to be unavailable, you really will be unavailable because you’ll be off having a grand old time with other babes. See ya flaky chick.

8. She’s A Work Colleague or In A Student Group With You

Do my homework and I’ll date you. Those are her terms. Perhaps she didn’t lay them out quite so explicitly as I did, but we all know the deal.

You’ll never be someone’s equal if you begin the relationship as her minion. Don’t trade favors for a date. She’s your econ partner not a prostitute. Just because you do a take-home exam for her doesn’t mean she’ll put out.

Agreeing to such terms only serves to lower your perceived value. Doing only your professional and academic work will liberate more time to search for a woman of merit.

9. She’s A Friend of A Friend

Telling someone you no longer want to date can get awkward. That’s why so many people nowadays resort to ghosting. But what if you can’t ghost?

If you two run in the same social circles, ghosting is out of the question. This means breaking a dude’s heart who you’ll see next Thursday on game night. But in an attempt to avoid any awkwardness some women will continue to date the dude while dropping subtle hints that she doesn’t want to.

She’ll probably try to drop the hint by making up detailed excuses for why she can’t go out. A few excuses in a row and maybe you’ll get the hint. Women do this. How do I know? My friends have done it, my cousins have done it, my mother’s done it, and so have I. Dropping a dude can get uncomfortable.

Up your value while simultaneously getting over this woman by MegaDating. MD makes you less available to spend time with her. She’ll, in turn, increase your value. Dating multiple women will lead to waiting longer to text her back, penning shorter messages, and not asking her out as often as before.



What You Can do To Prevent Being Led On By a Woman You’re Dating

Use a TDL That Includes the Word “Date”

A TDL stands for time, date, location. Using it when asking out a woman makes clear your intentions.

If she rejects your TDL or attempts to modify it, you’ll know that she isn’t that into you. If she rejects you be grateful. Why invest time and money in a woman that sees no romantic future with you?

MegaDating

A MegaDater dates women simultaneously. They are prolific daters that date various people at the same time because they’re sick and tired of waiting for “the one.” Paradoxically, people who MegaDate do so because they don’t want to date multiple women at the same time.

MegaDating decreases the likelihood of choosing to continue to date a woman that you know is leading you on.

Don’t Spend More Than $10 on the First Two Dates

Most women lead dudes on because they enjoy the lavish life dating this guy affords them.

Make her earn that life. Weed out women that have ulterior motives by throwing down no more than a whopping $10 on the first two dates combined. If she’s into your money this frugal dating lifestyle will quickly have her running in the opposite direction.

Just Be Direct With Her

It’s sexy when a man knows what he wants and states it explicitly.

Examples: “I want to take you on a date,” “I want to kiss you,” “I want to see what you look like in a dress,” etc.

Articulating your desires in a concrete manner not only is attractive but it makes your intentions clear. If she isn’t feeling you, she’ll respond in a clear manner as well. Telling someone you want to kiss demands a response that will expose her feelings. She’ll reflect your direct style. Either she’ll provide a response that can be clearly understood as a negative or affirmative, or she’ll deflect. Deflection can be understood as rejection if she consistently delays the reciprocation of affection.

Hire A Coach

Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re being led on, especially if you’re in the thick of it. Talking with an outside observer, who has no vested interest in the outcome, can offer a helpful perspective.

If the uncertainty is killing you, then it’s time to talk to a dating coach. Book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today to find out if she’s leading you on, or if she just likes taking things slow.

Through my 3-month Signature Program, I’ll teach you what you need to know in order to not repeat previous mistakes. You’ll learn how to mine for dates, how to flirt, how to ask a woman out, how to find your ideal next partner, and much more.

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