Looking for signs a girl you’re dating is using you? Well my friend, love is blind; so is infatuation. 

During the nascent period of a relationship, it can be hard to see another’s faults. You’re so into this creature that you just can’t see past their thin veneer of awesomeness until it’s too late. There might be early signs she’s using you, but you won’t perceive them. Perhaps you’re overcome by how cool she is or maybe you just haven’t gone out with a woman in a while so you put the first female that shows you any attention on a pedestal. 

Don’t let your infatuation blind you to the realities of the situation. Throughout the early courting stages continually assess the dynamic of the relationship. If you delay the vetting of the relationship you might just wind up like a friend of mine, who after just seven months decided to let her girlfriend move in with him. Just after she moved in she quit her job, refused to pay for food and bills, and eventually had to be kicked out of the house. Learning to identify the signs early will save you the awkward situation of having to uproot your life later on.

Signs She’s Using You “In The Courtship Phase”

She Asked You for Money for Whatever Reasons

Money, as we all well know, is a rather touchy subject. Financial issues are one of the main reasons marriages fail. Asking for money early on in a relationship is odd. Asking you to pay for a parking meter because she’s out of coins or for her sandwich because she forgot her wallet in the car are exceptions, but requesting that you pay for just about anything else should trigger warning signs that she’s using you. 

You must also take into account the age of the woman you’re dating. College women will, of course, be less likely to have their own funds than an established woman already in the throes of a professional career. But regardless of her age pay attention to how and why she asks for money. Paying for things like a college course or a handbag she fancies are red flags. Should she attempt to mine a decent chunk of money from you during the early spell of a romantic relationship, get wise and cut your losses.

She Constantly Asks for a “Ride” (Do you feel like a taxi driver?)

Favors are how we prove that we care about someone. But in an exploitative relationship, she’ll use your nice-guy tendencies against you. We’re taught to always put your loved ones first. If you genuinely like her, this is what you’ll do. The issue is when she takes advantage of your kindness by repeatedly asking for favors that require putting your own needs on hold. 

Asking for a ride in a city is one of the early favors she might as of you. She may disguise her need for a ride by asking for a spontaneous coffee date. After your brief date is over she’ll nonchalantly ask for a 30-minute ride. If this is a once-off request, don’t freak out. However, if a trend develops that sees you become her unofficial chauffeur, begin to question whether or not you’re satisfied with your new role as an unpaid Uber driver. 

She Doesn’t Do Anything Caring For You

Any sign that she’s into you is a sign that she’s not using you. Comb through your mind for a moment and see how the scales balance out. Does the number of caring things she’s done for you outweigh the number of times she tried to exploit you? 

A caring act is one that puts your needs before hers. Did she agree to watch the tennis match or go to that lo-fi punk concert even though she hates sports and being squished between sprightly teenagers? Does she ever try to make your life easier by organizing your spice drawer or purchasing you little gifts? If she’s into you, naturally she’ll want to treat you right. 

She Keeps You Separate from Her Friends/Family

We look to friends and family for their stamp of approval. It’s them that know us best. If we’re uncertain about a relationship or want to integrate a romantic interest in our lives, we’ll introduce them to those closest to us. So why, -despite asking- has she yet to introduce you to her inner circle?

Repeat excuses mean she would rather hide you away than integrate you into her life. Meeting her parents is a privilege that only the best of the best earn. If she doesn’t see you as a serious romantic option, you’ll never meet those closest to her.

So why then does the relationship continue? If she ticks the box of some of the aforementioned signs, then it’s possible that she’s using you and doesn’t want a relationship. Even if her use for you is purely sexual if you think that you two are building towards an exclusive relationship despite her wanting to keep things casual, this is still a form of exploitation. 

Is She Trying To Learn From You?

If you’re the older one in the relationship it may be that she’s only spending so much time with you so that she can use your connections. Granted, this isn’t likely, but it’s worth looking out for. 

Let’s say you’re a real estate agent. If she too is an agent, it might be this shared profession that brought you two together. Being that she’s the younger one it’s natural that she’ll want to learn from you. This may be what attracted her to you at first. But if the relationship seems to start to transition into more of a mentorship than a romantic relationship, it may be time to say goodbye. 

She Won’t Have Sex With You

Sex is a fundamental part of any romantic relationship. Without sex, especially in the early stages of a relationship, it just won’t work out. Sex is the most impactful way that couples bond. It’s during this act that powerful chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin are released in great quantities. 

Not having sex is a sign of a lack of intimacy and trust. Continually postponing sex for reasons outside of religious convictions should cast doubt over how committed she is to the relationship. 

Solutions If You Believe She’s Using You

Don’t Meet Women on Sugar Daddy sites like Seeking Arrangements

Dating sites nowadays can be pretty specific. There are sites that target everyone from farmers to sugar daddies. It’s the latter that you’ll want to stay away from. Always be aware of the dating app or website you’re signing up for. Do a little research on some of the best and free dating sites and apps before investing time into them. For men in their late 20s to mid-30s, apps like Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Hinge are designed with you in mind. 

MegaDate to Compare & Contrast Women

Dating various women will equip you with the ability to discern when and how you’re being used. The ability to juxtapose two women enables you to make better judgments regarding who you date. Dating multiple women will also imbue you with the courage to break off a relationship that isn’t working. It shows you that there are plenty of women out there that are worth dating. 

Don’t Spend More Than $10 On The First Two Dates

Chemistry is built on the first two dates. This early stage is a delicate time when both parties are figuring each other out. However, an imbalance can be created when money is thrown into the equation. Perhaps after the first two dates, she decides that she isn’t into your personality and knows that romantically this nascent relationship will never go anywhere.

But because you’ve been flashing the money early, she figures she might as well stick around a little longer so that at the very least she can upload some photos of her living the opulent life to Instagram. 

For more help on this subject, check out my other articles on paying for dates etiquette for guys.

Just Say No to Money Requests (see how she reacts, does she ghost you?)

Instead of indulging her financial whims, take a stand and reject her requests for money. How does she react when she’s finally rejected? An explicit sign that she’s using you is if she ghosts you. 

When she asks for money, explain your decision to not give it to her. Voice that you feel taken advantage of financially and feel uncomfortable giving her money. 

Create an Ideal Girlfriend Spreadsheet to Weed Out Bad Apples

This is the first thing I do with clients that sign up for the Signature Dating Coaching Program. To create this spreadsheet we comb through past relationships to figure out what parts a client liked and disliked about prior relationships. Once we’ve identified the negatives, we create a dating plan that ensures that you avoid these relationship cons. Creating a spreadsheet will not only make you more aware if a woman is using you but will also imbue you with the motivation to begin MegaDating and find a woman that’s right for you. 

Hire A Dating Coach

Still having trouble reading the signs she’s using you? 

Stop asking your friends for advice and speak to a professional. When you book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom session we’ll take a look at past relationships to determine how to identify when she’s using you and how to go about avoiding putting yourself in this position in the future. Together we’ll also construct a dating plan that will put you in a position to find compatible women that will ultimately lead to finding a long-term partner. At the end of the intro session, we’ll determine if ongoing coaching (my Signature program) is a fit for you.