A man should definitely set an expectation to have sex on the third date. Does that surprise you? Okay, let me explain.

Setting a goal to have sex on the third date doesn’t mean every woman will actually do it. But if you have this mindset, you’ll likely have more third-date sex than you would otherwise.

So, if you want to have sex on the third date, how do you increase your chances? That’s where my date blueprint comes in. Here’s a simplified version of how your first three dates should go:

• First date: Establish trust and rapport, while also building mystery.
• Second date: Increase sexual tension between you by slowly breaking the touch barrier.
• Third date: Create a romantic experience for your date, and more.

If you follow my blueprint correctly (more on that later), the opportunity to have sex should be ripe by the third date. But if you don’t have sex on the third date, you risk being relegated to the friendzone.

To give you the best chance to get lucky by date #3, let’s discuss more about why you should aim for sex on the third date, as well as how to correctly follow my date plan blueprint.

Why You Should Aim for Sex on the Third Date

Let’s be honest. You aren’t dating to make new friends. You’re dating to reach your specific goals, whether that’s finding a long-term girlfriend, getting married, passing on your genes, or something similar. So when you find someone you’re attracted to, set a clear intention to get closer to her. If you don’t, you’ll miss the mark and possibly waste your time.

That said, sex brings people closer to each other. Without it, you’re simply an acquaintance or a friend. Obviously, you can have a strictly emotional connection with someone, but without the sexual component, it won’t become a romantic relationship — and again, isn’t that your goal?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t teach my clients to sleep around. But in order to find “the one,” you’ll need to be connected — not only intellectually and emotionally, but physically. That means you’ll need to have some sex. (I’m sure I don’t have to twist your arm on that one.)

But in order for most women to sleep with you on the third date, you’ll need to follow some basic steps beforehand. If you’re getting ready for the third date right now, and haven’t followed some of my upcoming tips, then it’s likely you may have to push sex on the third date to the fourth or fifth.

Establish Commonalities on the First Date

The goal of a first date is to establish enough trust and rapport so that when the third date comes around, she’ll be ready to become intimate with you. Here are some ideas about how to do this.

Ask Intelligent First Date Questions

Being prepared with some interesting first date questions can help ease your nerves. Just don’t be afraid to mix the questions in with natural silences or small talk, or it’ll come off sounding like an interview.

That being said, good first date questions will give you clues about what activities interest her (which you’ll use to come up with a killer second date idea). Questions like “What’s your favorite …? or “What hobby have you always wanted to try?” will give away this info. You can also ask questions that help her open up to you and increase trust, such as “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”

Make Strong Eye Contact

Smiling with direct eye contact increases attraction, according according to one study. So don’t be afraid to look at her. Obviously, you don’t want to give her a creepy stare, but holding her gaze for just a second or two can definitely increase the good vibes, especially if she already finds you attractive (which most likely she does, if she’s on a date with you).

Listen to Her

There’s nothing sexier than getting undivided attention from someone you think is cute. Keeping that in mind, make sure to listen to her actively — meaning, keep your smile and eye contact going, maintain open body language, and ask questions. All of these signals give the message that you’re interested in what she’s saying, which will make her feel amazing.

Remember Little Things That Might Be Important to Her

This is part of active listening, but deserves to be called out on its own because it’s super powerful. Once you’ve actively listened to what she has to say, try to remember something she said and bring it up later in the conversation. You’ll come across as being much more engaged. For instance, if she said her favorite childhood memory was dancing at slumber parties to “Gettin’ Jiggy With It,” you might make a joke about Will Smith looking like he’s way past his “jiggy” days when you guys walk by his movie poster outside. (I know, it’s corny, but you get the idea.)

Offer Up a Second Date Using a TDL

Once you have an idea about what she likes — and most importantly, maybe things she’d like to try — then you can close your first date by asking for a second date (assuming you like her). When you do this, just make sure your date idea involves one of her interests, and give her a TDL (time, date, location). So if she said she loves rollerblading but hasn’t done it in forever, you might say something like:

“You know, I actually run near the beach in the mornings and always see people on rollerblades since the path is a few miles long. It’s never crowded because most people are on the strand, but you can actually skate right past some cool restaurants and shops. Want to try it on Saturday morning? I can come get you around 10.”

Create Mystery in Between the First and Second Date

Whatever you do, don’t text too much in between the first and second date. Why? Because it kills sexual tension and mystery. You want her to get curious about you and fill in the blanks with her imagination, so she gets excited about you. This is what I mean by sexual tension and mystery. But that’s hard to create if you don’t give her enough space.

Instead, make sure to set up the second date while you’re still with her on the first date. That way, you won’t have any reason to text between dates (except to confirm the date right before).

If you didn’t set up your second date while you were on the first date, then it’s okay to text her to to do so. But instead of having the whole conversation over text, just make it short and sweet, like this:

Then when she calls, ask for the date … and don’t forget your TDL!

Escalate Sexual Tension on the Second Date

Where did you take your date for the second experience with you? Did you go to a boring coffee shop, or did you set up a physically active date?

The goal of the second date is to build sexual tension — and you can’t do that if you’re sitting across from her at a loud tea shop. Instead, your second date needs to arouse her physically. Think of ways to boost adrenaline on your second date, and you’ll be much more likely to convert a second date to a third date.

Escalating sexual tension in this way also helps you to avoid the friendzone and increases the chances of having sex on the third date. Make sure to plan an activity that requires lots of physical touch if you can (think salsa, jiu-jitsu, rock climbing, etc.)

Set Up a Romantic Third Date Near Your House

Don’t go back to her house unless she really, really wants you to. Too many variables are out of your control when you have sex at her place. Instead, set up a third date near your house, so when dinner is over, you can just walk or take a short drive back to your home. This will keep the sexual tension going without too much of an interruption (a long Uber ride through traffic might kill it). In fact, for that reason alone, you might want to suggest cooking a meal together at your place so the transition is seamless.

Give Her a Compelling Reason to Say “Yes” to Going Inside Your Home

Did she tell you on the first date that she loves whiskey? If so, at the end of your date, tell her you have a rare and delicious whiskey (let’s say, Blanton’s) back at the house for a nightcap. You could even let her know a fun fact about Blantons — that each Blanton’s cork comes with a statue of a man riding a horse with a letter on it, spelling B-L-A-N-T-O-N-S. If you save up all 7 tops, and send them back to Blanton’s, and they’ll mail you a gift. (Again, make sure she likes whiskey. If not, you can use a rare wine, vodka, etc. — and create a similar scenario.)

Or, if she loves dogs, invite her to come back to your place to meet your dog. The “awww” factor of playing with your dog combined with the sexual tension between you will make you practically irresistible.

Respect Her Wishes: No Means No, But Always Ask Why

Even if you’ve followed my aforementioned rules, she could still say no. If she does, respect her wishes. Here’s the caveat though: Ask her why. Does she see you as more of a friend? Does she not believe in sex before marriage? A question like, “May I ask why you don’t want to be intimate with me?” is the key to understanding her motivations. Pretending like nothing happened just leaves you in limbo.

It’s also okay to express how you feel. It demonstrates emotional maturity to say something like, “Hey, I just want to make sure that I don’t develop a complex or anything. May I ask why you’re not interested in being intimate with me tonight? Is it because I’m a beast or something?”

Being vulnerable will allow her to open up to you. Most women don’t realize how hard the courting phase is for men, and don’t know the amount of rejection you guys face. Tell her that while it hurts to be rejected, you understand that she doesn’t want to be intimate — but just need to know why, for your own well-being.

How To Transition To Sex On A Third Date

If you’ve played your cards right and expertly carried out the aforementioned advice chances are you’re well on your way to bumping Sallys (I think that’s a euphemism) on a third date.

Here are a few ways to ensure that you get over that finish line.

Stimulate Her Senses

Get her in the mood without being obvious about your intentions.

Do so by playing sexy music, making sure your place is tidy, dimming the lighting, lighting a candle. Do whatever needs to be done to make her feel safe and sexy in your home.

That being said, if she’s already over your house, she doesn’t want to waste time. If it’s not obvious she came over to shag, build sexual tension with these subtle moves without wasting too much time.

The longer you wait to make a move the less likely it is she’ll want to have sex.

Stay Close To Her

Get close to her so the kiss can feel natural. Maybe you suggest sitting on the couch to watch a movie or looking out the window at something so you’re next to each other. You could also show her something that you need to get close to show her, like something on her phone.

Being close to her increases the chances of physical touch and thus increases sexual attraction.

Getting close to her is a great way to gauge attraction. If she continually takes a step away she’s clearly not into you. It’s a tacit form of rejection.

However, perpetually being close can be suffocating. Allow her the chance to reciprocate by backing off for periods of time. During this stage see if she initiates contact. If so, you’re in.

Gradually increase proximity and the frequency of touching until the tension can only be released with a little wrestling match.

Lean In For The Kiss

The old 90/10 rule from the movie Hitch works well here.

You go 90 and let her come 10.

Going 100 doesn’t give her the chance to make a decision.

Kisses should be consensual and agreed upon by both parties rather than unilateral invasions.

Indicate interest by going 90 and wait until she reciprocates.

You may think that going 90 means puckering up and sticking your face next to her mouth.

That’s not really how it goes.

Going 90 could mean stroking her a bit and staring into her eyes before slowly going in for a kiss.

It may mean telling her she has the nicest cheeks and going in for a cheek kiss. After kissing one cheek you turn her head to kiss the other but seeing as how she wants those lips of yours she goes in for the kiss.

This is my all-time favorite 90-10 move.

From Kissing To Stroking

It’s difficult to kiss and not stroke.

If your lips are already stroking it’s only natural that the rest of your body follows suit.

Work your hands into the exchange by holding her face as you kiss her.

Run your hands through her hair and adjust her head for the best kissing angle as your slowly work your way south.

Hold her lower waist, touch her thighs, and get to know her body. Take your time before you start touching her more sensitive areas.

This isn’t a race.

Rather it’s going out for a sail on a sunny Sunday. Sure you’ll get to your destination eventually but enjoy the surroundings on your way there.

Hot Move

Gauge her interest by backing off for a moment. Stop kissing for a moment and touch your nose to hers. If she initiates the kissing again you know she’s into it. 

Start Taking Off Her Clothes

You can’t have sex without getting naked.

Well, you can, but that’s for someone else to explain to you.

The next step towards having sex involves taking her clothes off.

After heavy stroking of her breasts, it’s likely that she’ll take off her own clothes. Women know it can be difficult to take off bras so they’ll often volunteer to do it.

If you don’t feel comfortable taking off her shirt without consent, simply ask her if you can.

That will make her feel super comfortable and thus much more likely to 1) enjoy herself and 2) want to have sex not just tonight but in the future as well.

Respect Her Boundaries

Make sure you respect her boundaries.

Check-in with her.

Consent isn’t a buzz kill it’s sexy. Ask her, “Is this okay?” or “do you like this?” or “can I do ‘x’?”

Remember that no always means no.

I want to go home means take her home.

Making her feel uncomfortable is a surefire way to ensure she never sees you again. For her sake and your own, create a safe sexual environment for both of you to enjoy.

When in Doubt, Hire a Coach

Where else are you going to talk sex strategy with a woman who understands both sides? Work with me, and I’ll tell you what’s happening in a woman’s mind and how to communicate in a way that gets you to where you want to go with her.

I can tell you if she’s just not that into you, if you’re in the friendzone, or if she really likes you and just isn’t the type to rush into intimacy. That’s helpful information to have in the unchartered territory of dating and intimacy.

Listen, this stuff isn’t taught in schools — and without the right role models to show us how to do it, we might as well throw spaghetti at the wall and pray for a positive outcome.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather feel in control of these types of situations. I want to know exactly what I need to do to get the outcome that I want — even if that means having to face rejection to get it. If you’re like me, then we might make a good team.

If you want to see if we’re a fit, book a new client session with me. I’d love to know how your love life is going, what your goals are, and if our program, Dating Decoded can help you.