Let’s be honest: Casual dating definitely has its perks. But at one point or another, you might find yourself thinking that you need a girlfriend.
But wanting a girlfriend and needing one are two different things. If you’re literally thinking, “I need a girlfriend right now,” what’s your rush? After all, that could have been the problem with your last relationship. Did you rush into that one as well?
No matter what your reason for wanting a girlfriend (or needing one), a good strategy never hurts. Take a look at these tips if you’re really interested in changing things for the better.
Get Rid of Those Desperate Vibes
The number one thing I can say to you is, being clingy or desperate will instantly turn women off. So make sure to drop that energy before you even try to approach them.
Here’s a quick idea of what desperation looks like to a woman. It’s a guy who:
- Is quick to get angry (or otherwise emotional) if she’s not available
- Makes himself available to her at any time of day or night
- Won’t stop texting, even though she’s not responding
- Friends her on social media, even though he barely knows her — then starts liking and commenting on her posts
- Spends an embarrassing amount of cash on a first date
So how do you stop being like this? Instead of torturing yourself with the thought, “I need a girlfriend right now,” start realizing that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH as yourself, without a girlfriend. I know, it’s easier said than done. But it’s hard to give yourself to a partner if you don’t fully believe in yourself as a person.
To build up confidence in who you are, you can use my experience as motivation: Several years ago, I made it a personal goal to go on 100 dates. I wanted to see what made relationships succeed vs. fail — and doing something 100 times will definitely teach you what you need to know! I realized the importance of authenticity, and learned to become more of my true self with others.
I called it my 100-date experiment, and it can help bring out the real you, too. In fact, you don’t even have to go on 100 dates. Try setting a goal of going on just 25 dates and see what happens. (First, second, and third dates with the same woman count as 3.)
Not only will it make you better at being yourself, but it’ll also keep you from choosing the wrong woman out of a fear of being alone. In other words, if you decide to go on 25 dates, you’ll eliminate the need to settle down with the first person who’s available … which is a great thing if you tend to be a serial monogamist like me!
Eliminate People in Your Life Who Are Negative, or Who Doubt You
Later haters. Ain’t nobody got time for toxic people. Eliminating them from your life will help you to focus on finding people who fill you up, not break you down. In the end, it’ll build your confidence and eventually help you attract more women.
People who tend to criticize you, or always look at the dark side of things, will make all your self-doubts 10 times bigger. They’re hard to ignore, because their negative comments often echo what you’re already thinking inside.
On the other hand, people who tend to support you and have compassion for your “flaws” will help you think positively. So if you want to be the best version of yourself, then find a solid crew who genuinely cares about you. The effect it has on your behavior and personality will be stronger than you think.
Not only that, but the women you date will appreciate it, too. They will perceive you as more successful, secure, fun to be around, and desirable. And if they happen to reject you, guess what? You’ll be way less disappointed because you won’t need them to make you feel good about yourself anyway.
Even If You Hate Exercising, Start Today
At the end of the day, if you’re dating and trying to find your most ideal woman, so are thousands of other men. And even though women aren’t as “visual” as men, many of them still prefer a man who’s in shape. So do yourself a favor and invest in your physical fitness.
But there are other benefits too, besides just being eye candy for the ladies. For instance, you might be calmer on dates, since exercise lowers your stress and anxiety levels. And the feelings of accomplishment you get from working out regularly will add to your confidence. After a while, you might even spend less time thinking, “I need a girlfriend right now” and more time admiring your shredded abs!
Add More Details to Your Dating Profile
Another thing you can do is look at your online dating profile, if you have one. How much did you fill out … or did you just post one photo and leave it with, “Anything you want to know, just ask”? If it’s the latter, go back and add more. Really try to make it sound like YOU. Why? A couple of reasons.
First, if you give potential dates nothing to go on, then they’ll just judge you on your looks … and let’s face it, not everyone’s Chris Hemsworth. Instead, add some real details to your profile (the quirkier, the better). Even though you think it might alienate some people, it’s really the opposite. You’ll actually stand out to women who share that same weird interest, or who get your obscure joke. And based on that, they’ll be more likely to reach out or respond to you.
Also, it’ll just make you feel better. Instead of hiding behind generic lines about your love for hiking and travel, you’ll be able to see what the “real you” looks like on paper … and you might just realize what a catch you really are.
Create Your Ideal Girlfriend Profile
If you want to find a girlfriend, then you’ve got to know what kind of woman you’re looking for. One great way to figure this out is by taking a look at your past girlfriends, and then noting what you liked and didn’t like. In fact, I always do this as an exercise for anyone who enrolls in my Signature program.
So first, take a look at the pros of your past relationships. Despite how they ended, what was one thing you appreciated about each one? Did you like the ones who had a nurturing side, or were athletic? You could try to find places to socialize that might attract women with those qualities.
Then, take a look at the cons: Do you see any patterns? For example, were your last three girlfriends alcoholics? If so, maybe it’s time to stop meeting women at bars. Use your list of cons to weed out any future women you date.
Once you have your list of pros and cons, you’ll be much more able to recognize the right woman when you meet her.
Schedule Two Social Events Per Week
Part of finding a girlfriend is simply meeting more women, period. And if you want to meet more women, you gotta get out there. So make it a priority by setting a goal of doing something social at least twice a week.
Even if it seems like a bit much at first, it’ll become easier once you get used to it. Don’t let yourself get in the rut of watching Netflix or hanging out at your buddy’s apartment all the time!
Go Places Where Your Ideal Woman is Likely to Be
When you’re planning your outings, be strategic about it. Think about your ideal girlfriend, and where you think she’d hang out. Or if you’re not sure, then try places where lots of women go in general.
Here are a few ideas to get you started. You can Google them or use a site like Meetup to find ones in your area:
- Book clubs
- Spin classes
- Yoga classes (this is a biggie)
- Dance classes (especially partner dancing, like salsa or swing)
- Meditation groups
- Co-ed sports teams
- Local art events/festivals
Almost any event that interests you could lead you to your future girlfriend, though, so don’t limit yourself. But generally speaking, it’s easier to go where more women are.
Put the Word Out That You’re Looking
Think of it like networking: Whenever you have a chance, subtly let friends and family know you’re looking for a girlfriend. As I mentioned before, never be desperate — just work it in when they ask you how your life is going.
You could say something like, “I’m doing OK, thanks for asking. I’m starting to dip my toes into the dating scene, but I’m just so busy these days [because you’ve filled up your social calendar, naturally]. But hey … if you know of anyone interesting who’s available, I’m open to it.”
Get Better at Moving Things Forward
Getting a girlfriend starts with getting a first date … and then a second, and then a third. So when you find someone interesting, make sure you’re clear when it comes to asking for a date.
You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t do this. Women often complain about guys being wishy-washy about whether or not they’re interested. Are you one of those guys? If so, then maybe you don’t have a girlfriend yet because you’re not moving things forward when you have the chance.
Now, this is a tricky one, because if a woman isn’t showing signs of interest, you definitely don’t want to push. That will just land you in the “desperate” category (or worse).
In other words, tell her exactly when and where you want to go (keeping her interests in mind). Letting the conversation slip into a back-and-forth of “I don’t know, what do you YOU want to do?” or worse, endlessly texting her without clear intentions will just make her get frustrated and move on.
Then, make sure to approach your first three dates strategically. Specifically:
On the first date, the goal is to establish rapport and gain her trust. Without these things, it’ll never go further. Be on the lookout for signs that she feels comfortable with you.
On the second date, you want to escalate sexual tension. For example, give her eye contact, and let your touch linger in a non-sexual area (like her arm or upper back) at certain times during the date. You don’t have to act sexual; just increase the feeling of sexual desire.
Also, once you’re confident she’s interested in you, try to set up the third date before the second date ends. Think of something she’s interested in, and suggest a date idea around it. (Don’t forget the TDL!)
Then, on the third date, you can try to close the deal. This is where you want to prepare well and impress her with a nice dinner, as well as ask more personal questions and gauge whether she’s interested in going back to your place.
Again, none of this is a guarantee that she’ll be interested enough to keep dating you and eventually become your girlfriend. But being clear about your intentions and making real attempts to move things forward is the only way you’ll find out.
Finally, Resist the Urge to Call Your Ex
It’s tempting to start Facebook-stalking an old flame (or worse, contacting her) if you’re feeling lonely. But just because you miss having a partner doesn’t mean you should recreate a bad situation. Most likely, you guys broke up for a reason, right?
Instead, keep your mind on the present, since getting back in touch with your ex will only complicate things. It’ll also take your energy away from finding someone new.
“I Need a Girlfriend Right Now”: Wrap-Up
If you’re still thinking “I need a girlfriend right now,” just remember, a girlfriend may solve some problems … but can create others! So be thankful for your life as it is, because if nothing else, that attitude will make you more attractive to women you meet.
Nevertheless, having a strategy will help you maintain your confidence as well. If you have more questions and want a personal consultation to help you create your own plan for finding a girlfriend, feel free to book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me, and we can also determine if my 3-month Signature program is right for you.