Figuring out how to make a woman feel special while dating is a big challenge, especially in today’s fast-paced digital dating world. Most likely you’re both MegaDating (if not then get on it!). This almost guarantees that both of you have many choices when it comes to dates.

So if you happen to land a date with someone a little more interesting than usual, how do you make her feel special? How do you stand out from the competition?

It’s not a terribly hard question to answer, except for one thing — you want to make sure that you don’t come across as needy or desperate. Learning to walk the fine line between seeming interested and clingy can be hard.

In this post, I’ll break down how to make a woman feel special while dating in a way that doesn’t undermine your worth. Here’s a list of “dos” and “don’ts” when it comes to courting a woman the right way.

How to Make a Woman Feel Special: The Dos

First, we’ll start with the “dos.” Add these simple strategies to your dating repertoire to make sure that the woman you are with feels that she’s valuable to you.

Do Ask Her Out with a TDL

If you are familiar with EmLovz, you know what a TDL is. But if not, here’s a quick primer. TDL stands for time, date, location. These are the three key elements you need to include when you’re asking a woman for a date.

I know this sounds basic, but I am always shocked at how often this is ignored. Have you ever “asked a woman out” using any of these approaches, for example?

We should grab a drink sometime.

Would love to get together whenever you’re free.

I’m usually free on Saturday mornings if you ever want to grab a bite.

Without giving her a time, date, and location, she has nothing to say “yes” to. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a friendly, “Sure!” without any follow-up. At worst, she just won’t respond.

So, for example, instead of saying, “We should go bike riding together sometime,” be sure to add that TDL, like this:

I’m going to take a bike ride up to Point Dune on Saturday morning around 11. Interested in joining me for our next date?

Being specific with a time, date, and location will make her feel special because she’ll know you’re serious.

Now, for bonus points: Add a compelling “hook” to your dating idea. In other words, be original — she’s not going to feel special if you ask her to go to the same place she’s gone a million times with other guys she’s met online.

So in this example, you might beef it up by saying:

Have you ever been to Point Dune? It’s literally the only place in the city with enough elevation where you can see from downtown all the way to the water. I’m going to take a bike ride up there on Saturday morning around 11. It’s perfect for our second date – want to join?

Do Be on Time

Having to sit around and wait for a guy is the worst. And trust me, the longer she has to wait, the more time she has to think about all the guys who did show up on time for her.

Right there, you not only look less interested, but you don’t compare as well to other guys she’s dated. So do yourself a favor and get it together beforehand so you don’t blow your first impression on something that’s so easily in your control.

Do Act in a Chivalrous Manner

Chivalry still has an enormous effect on women, and that probably will never change. We want men who make us feel cared for and safe. When you take the time to be chivalrous, not only is she more able to relax around you, but you give her the message that she’s valued — which is exactly how to make a woman feel special. Here are some things you can do to be chivalrous:

• Open the door for her
• Let her walk in front of you and sit down first at a restaurant
• Don’t let her split the bill
• Give her your jacket if she gets cold
• Walk her to her car or Uber
• Open her car door first if you’re driving her home

Do Listen and Make Strong Eye Contact

Even if you’re really interested in a woman, it can be easy to lose track of the moment because you’re trying to do everything perfectly. But she’s not going to feel special if you’re too busy thinking of what you’re going to say while she’s talking, or if you’re too distracted with the details of the date.

Relax, listen, and make good eye contact as you talk to her. In fact, according to one Japanese study, eye contact in particular even makes people’s brains sync their activity, which means you’ll develop rapport. She’ll also feel like she matters to you.

Do Create Dates That She’s Hinted About

If you’ve gone out with this woman before, then you’ve hopefully done your homework and asked her some good first date questions that revealed her interests to you. So, based on what she likes, be sure to come up with date ideas that incorporate her favorite things. For example, if she says she’s always wanted to try kiteboarding, see if she wants to do it the following weekend.

Do Close Off Your Dating Apps Before Making it Official

If you want to be exclusive with her, be sure to shut down your dating app accounts before making it official. Honestly, she’ll probably check — and you don’t want to have that awkward conversation explaining why you’re still on there. She’ll feel like you’re keeping your profile up as a backup, which definitely won’t make her feel special.

Do Introduce Her to Your Family and Friends

If you’re wondering how to make a woman feel special while dating, choose to make her a part of your life. This means letting her get to know your friends and family. It doesn’t mean you have to tell people she’s “the one” or even that she’s your girlfriend, if that’s not where you stand.

But letting her into your life in a casual way by having her meet your inner circle still lets her know that you’re proud to be seen with her.

Do Surprise Her with a Trip or Impromptu Outing She’s Interested In

A spontaneous trip is a great way to make a woman feel like you’ve thought about her and that she’s a priority to you. Just knowing that you went to the trouble of planning it is nice. However, if you want to keep the good vibes going, don’t let her pay for anything on the trip.

Once you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship, you can renegotiate bill-pay for things like this (maybe you take turns paying, split it down the middle, or pay in different amounts depending on how much money each of you makes). But until then, you’re competing with other men who will pay — and you’ll lose if you let her cover any bills.

What NOT To Do:

If you want to know how to make a woman feel special, I’ll make it even simpler for you. Don’t do these things:

Don’t Bring Her Flowers on a First Date

Bringing a woman flowers when you don’t know her is cringey. She’ll wonder why you have such a strong need to impress someone you’ve never met and assume that you’re desperate or otherwise low-status. It’s also kind of awkward for her to be carrying flowers around for the rest of the date.

Don’t Give Her Gifts (Before She Has Earned Them)

By the same token, don’t bring her gifts either! First of all, you probably don’t know enough about her in the beginning to really get her something meaningful. It’s best to postpone gift-giving until you have a better idea of what she likes, so your gift can have more impact.

Giving her a gift too early might also make her feel strangely guilty — like someone has given her something she hasn’t earned. It can create awkwardness when there doesn’t need to be any.

Don’t Give Her Money, Even if She Asks (Before You’re in a Relationship)

While flowers and gifts are bad enough, this is where I have to lay the smackdown. Do NOT give her money in the early phases of dating!

I admit this advice might sound confusing since I also recommend that you pay for everything during the courting phase. However, you should not be paying her bills or giving her money directly.

At the very least, you will become like a dad in her mind — someone to bail her out when she needs it — which absolutely kills any sexual tension. She will slowly become less and less sexually attracted to you. It also could motivate her to want more money later, which could possibly turn your budding relationship into something that feels subtly like a transaction.

Don’t Blow Up Her Phone and Do Not Ever Call More Than Once a Day

This is where “persistence” can go overboard and ruin your chances with someone. Don’t call her repeatedly — it’s gross. Instead, call and leave a message, then wait for her to respond.

If she doesn’t respond in 48 hours, text her once (that day) and end your message in a question. Follow up with a second text message in 48 hours if you still don’t hear back. Anything more frequent than that, and you’re getting into stalker territory. For more information on this, check out my other article on how to be persistent with women.

Don’t Over-Compliment Her “Just Because”

In fact, don’t compliment her at all. It makes her feel weird and has the unintended consequence of making her think she’s more valuable than you. No woman wants a “gettable” guy. We all want what we can’t have. We want to win someone over. Don’t turn yourself into a doormat by complimenting her.

Don’t Get Too Attached (Even if You Have an Anxious Attachment Style)

Remember, you’re MegaDating, so keep the big picture in mind: If this one doesn’t work out, you’ll at least learn something about yourself that you can apply to the next woman you go out with (which will likely be very soon!). So don’t let this one woman affect you so much that you can’t act natural around her.

Of course, depending on our past experiences, we all have different attachment styles. Four main attachment styles determine how you act in relationships (for more on this, read my post on attachment styles).

I won’t go through them all, but if your attachment style is “anxious,” it might be harder for you to date someone casually without obsessing. If you feel like this is you, I recommend reading the book Attached.

How to Make a Woman Feel Special While Dating: Wrap-Up

If anything, here’s what I want you to realize: The answer to “how to make a woman feel special” is by showing her the best version of YOU. Treating her like a human being rather than a prize also goes a long way in helping you naturally make the right decisions.

Women can definitely feel where you’re coming from, which is why an act as simple as opening her car door will score you a lot more points than calling her several times a day until she picks up.

In fact, here’s a good litmus test: Whenever you feel like what you’re doing is an attempt to pressure, convince, or coerce her, you’re going in the wrong direction.

The good news is, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Every day, men who are as legitimately confused as you are about this stuff call me for advice. Together, we analyze their dating situations and come up with personalized strategies, whether it’s for a killer profile description or one epic date idea that will make her say “hell yes.”

In my 3-month Signature program, we dive even deeper to understand what’s stopping you from finding the woman of your dreams and remove those roadblocks permanently. Book a New Client 1-on-1 Skype session with me and take the first step toward crushing your dating life.