She’s out of your league.

Many a man has been told this by a friend while lusting at a woman on the other side of the bar.

She’s tall, has Jennifer Lawrence charisma, and looks more fitting on the cover of Vogue than in your local neighborhood bar. So yeah, your friend says, she’s out of your league.

To be clear. Someone that’s “out of your league” is a potential mate that’s deemed better than you in various categories. She’s smarter, funnier, better looking, makes more money etc. Someone within your league is viewed as more of an equal, a mate whose affection you can plausibly win over.

So the question stands… how to get a girl out of your league?

First, let’s understand how steep this uphill battle is when courting a woman deemed out of your league in the online realm.

How To Get A Girl Out Of Your League Online

With 30% of Americans having at one time used dating apps, researchers are spending more and more time investigating the trend that’s changing dating as we know it.

In a study published in the Science Advances journal in 2018, researchers found that both women and men messaged fellow users that were on average 25% more desirable than themselves.

The study analyzed heterosexual users of a “popular, free online dating service” from major metro areas such as Boston, Chicago, New York, and Seattle. The habits of hundreds of thousands of users were analyzed.

Desirability in this study was determined by the number of messages received and the desirability of the sender. White men and Asian women were found to be the most desirable.

There are a couple of findings from this study that you should consider before sending your next message.

The study found that “hey” was just as likely to get a response as a well-written, probing initial message.

Mind. Blown.

That being said, this wasn’t the case in every city. In the heavily male-dominated city of Seattle, men who scribbled out more in-depth messages were more likely to receive messages than those that sent, “hey” or variations of “hey.” When looked through the lens of cost-benefit, it seems as though mass sending messages of “hey” is the way to go.

While the “hey” messages were just as likely to receive responses as longer messages, we should keep some things in mind. One is that this wasn’t the case in every city. Two, the study examined just one app. As we know each application caters to a different type of user. Tinder users have different habits and preferences than Hinge users. Lastly, the study only took note of response rate. They didn’t note how often a conversation that started with hey, versus a more in-depth greeting led to a scoring a phone number, or going on an actual IRL date.

Interestingly, the study also found that a man sending a message to a woman more desirable than himself received a response rate of 21%. According to internal research and other stats I’ve read, this number is high. Considering a decent chunk of dating app users aren’t even serious (only 50% of Tinder users have ever gone on a date with a match) I doubt that a 21% response rate can be expected across every dating app.

Online Dating Tips

What the previous data shows us is that both women and men are constantly messaging people out of their league. Reaching for the stars is common practice on dating apps. So how exactly do you go about catching one?

Delete And Re-download Your Dating App

If you’re using a dating app, you already have a desirability rating. Deleting and re-downloading your dating app is like hitting the restart button. Every app uses an algorithm that attempts to put users on a collision course with users likely to swipe right. Have you found that only rarely are you presented with a profile of a beautiful user? This may be because your profile has been deemed moderately desirable. But deleting your app isn’t the only step you’ll need to take.

New Photo Roster

All dating apps are superficial.

On average, women spend 4 seconds looking at a profile before swiping right. On rejected profiles, women spend 7 seconds. This means you have but a few seconds to convince her that you’re worth swiping right on. 3-4 seconds isn’t enough to read your bio or even view all your pics. This is why your first three photos will make or break your desirability score.

Once a match has been created and a message sent, your photo will lie in wait in her message inbox. She’ll have hundreds of profiles collecting digital dust in her inbox. She won’t respond or even open a message unless your profile photo is of high quality. Be certain that your first photo is a jaw-dropper.

Message At The Right Time

In the aforementioned study, the woman that received the most amount of online attention was a 30-year-old New Yorker that received a message every 30 minutes. In the span of a month, she received 1,500 messages. With all those messages in her inbox, she doesn’t have time to sift through them looking for the most compatible guy to message back. Instead, she messages whoever is most convenient.

Convenience means appearing at the top of her inbox at the point of login.

According to Bumble, users are most active between 8-10 p.m. on Sundays. Messaging her at this hour will increase your odds of having your message seen. She’s not going to scroll down 20 dudes, rather she’s most likely to message one or two of the guys who most recently messaged her.

Keep The Momentum Going

Once you’ve received a message, respond to her immediately. She won’t spend all day on the app. Once she logs off there will be 30 other dudes that will message her and buy your message in the queue. Keep the momentum going and try to snag a number before she logs off.

Photofeeler

Let’s get back to those photos of yours.

How do you know your photos are quality? Did you ask your friends or are you relying on personal opinion?

If you’re serious about creating an amazing dating profile you’ll need to solicit the opinions of an independent third party. It just so happens that Photofeeler does just that.

Photofeeler doesn’t use some algorithm to rate how attractive a photo is, it uses real people. Throw up some pics and only use those that have been rated by more than 15 people and have a rating of 8 or higher.

How To Get A Girl Out Of Your League IRL

It’s a lot easier to get the girl out of your league IRL than through a dating app… which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Ya see, rejection on a dating app is easy. There’s rarely if ever a verbal rejection or public humiliation, it’s this environment that encourages us to message people more attractive than us. While it’s easier to pick up a more attractive woman IRL, the tradeoff is that should you get rejected, it’ll hurt.

The Difference Between Dating Apps And The Real World

You are not your profile in the same way that you are not your professional resume.

The projection of yourself on a dating app is a mere snapshot of who you are. You can’t possibly understand someone’s complex personality after merely gazing at their profile for a few seconds. Being reduced to a playing card lends itself to being viewed through a superficial lens. But this lens vanishes once IRL.

Here’s the difference between when it comes to how to get a girl out of your league in person versus between the confines of the screen.

Online, it’s easy to reject someone merely based on a couple of photos and a three-line bio. It’s easy to compare them to the other profiles on the dating app. But in person, you’re able to demonstrate the vastness and uniqueness of your character.

Sauntering up to a woman and starting a conversation with her at a bar is worlds away from shooting her a Tinder message. Online, you’ve got to contend against the legions of other dudes that have contacted her. But IRL this doesn’t happen. There isn’t a line of dudes waiting to hit on the woman you’re talking to. This is a point that most men miss.

IRL, at a bar, party, or public event, you’re not competing against every other guy there. You’re only competing against other men willing to approach and strike up a conversation with the same woman you flirted with. Everyone’s willing to message a match on Bumble or Tinder because it’s easy and takes but a second. Few men have the boldness to approach a stranger and strike up a conversation. It’s this boldness paired with the space to showcase the complexity of your character that make women out of your league attainable.

IRL Tips

When it comes to courting a girl out of your league in person, there’s only one piece of advice you need to heed; be bold.

What if you approached as many women out of your league in person as you did on a dating app? You’re much more likely to get rejected online than in person. The key to success IRL is taking rejection in stride. It’s being able to recover after a woman has stabbed you in the ego. It’s this confidence that will help you get the girl… though I suppose there are a few other tips that can help you along the way.

Don’t Be Basic

When approaching a woman IRL, never explicitly flirt with her. Don’t compliment her body, begin with a cliche pickup line, or be excessively aggressive. Do what few other men do -treat her like a person you don’t want to copulate with.

This means having an asexual conversation about a topic that you two are genuinely interested in. It’s this novel approach that will set you apart from the hounds that hit on her everywhere she goes.

And if there’s every that awkward silence, ask her a question. But not just any question – one that probes to why she’s spending the day at the park (environmental question) or ask her who specifically the peeps are she’s spending her day with (situational question).

Play The Long Game

If she’s truly out of your league, it means that there’s some sort of disparity that you’ll need to make up for. Most likely it comes down to your looks, but that’s okay. We all known men value looks more than women. Perhaps she won’t immediately find you physically attractive, no worries, physical attraction isn’t how you’ll win her over.

As time goes by you’ll use your wit, kindness, and shared interests to increase attraction. Don’t become discouraged if she isn’t immediately into you, this will take time.

Getting a girl is puzzling enough to a guy, but getting a girl out of your league is an even more esoteric endeavor. If you need help demystifying the subject, consult with me, your new professional wingwoman. In a 1-on-1 new client Skype session, we’ll talk about what steps you need to take to get the girl and create a dating plan of attack that works for you.