Wondering how to message a girl on Tinder? You’ve come to the right place.

Many apps have come along (and continue to come along), positioning themselves to claim Tinder’s throne as the most popular dating app. While there are many apps that have comparable popularity, Tinder remains infamous as the app that started it all. The word “swiping” has taken on a new meaning in our vernacular. Despite garnering a reputation as a “hookup app,” Tinder continues to attract singles in droves, regardless of what they are looking to get out of the experience.

Yes, a lot of people use the app for casual dating, but plenty of users download Tinder in hopes of finding a long-term relationship. I always recommend that people use a few different dating apps to increase their chances of finding a good connection with someone. Tinder should definitely be one of these apps.

You can find some great women and end up on awesome dates when you treat things strategically. In this article, I will offer some expert tips on how to message a girl on Tinder. These tips are designed to increase your response rates, build rapport, and turn your online connection into real-life chemistry.

Tips for How to Message a Girl on Tinder

First, Make Sure Your Profile is in Top Shape

You need to match with women on Tinder before you can initiate a conversation (and, yes, you should be the one to message her first). In order to attract women to your profile, make sure it’s in top shape. How do you do this?

Choose Amazing Photos…or Else!

A photo is worth a thousand words. Don’t allow one of those words to be “creepy,” “desperate,” or “blackout drunk.” You need to be extremely strategic with your photos. Follow these rules for the best results:

• Make your first photo a crisp headshot. You should be smiling and engaging with the camera.
• The second photo should be a full body shot. Wear an awesome outfit that you look and feel good in. Stand in a confident, open stance and don’t forget to smile and make eye contact.
• Your third photo should showcase what a great friend/family member you are. Use a group shot or one with you and one other friend or family member.
• The fourth photo can be a hobby shot. This will offer women insight into your personality. If she has a similar passion, this can provide a great icebreaker.
• The fifth shot should be of you and a cute animal. I don’t care if it’s yours or a friend’s. Cute animals make every photo a good photo.

Now that you know what makes a good photo, let’s take a look at some dating photo pitfalls to avoid:

• Don’t be drunk or doing anything illegal in your photos.
• Don’t look sadly divorced.
• Don’t stare blankly at the camera like you might murder someone.
• Don’t use blurry, outdated photos.

Complete Your Profile

Many men make the mistake of relying solely on their photos when it comes to Tinder. But women actually read the profiles, so make yours awesome (here’s a list of some of the best tinder bios for guys you can take a gander at). Fill out the profile completely. Include awesome facts about you and avoid generic lines like, “I love everyone,” “I’m into sports,” or “Looking for a great girl.”

You don’t have to write an essay, but include stuff that makes you unique. If you have a great sense of humor, use that in a line in your profile to make her smile. You can also quote a funny movie or stand-up comedian to get her attention. Her’s a list of the best Tinder taglines for guys to help you craft something cool.

Finally, be generous when it comes to age and distance requirements. Dating is all about experience, so open yourself up to dating someone outside of your age range or a little ways away from where you live.

Don’t Use Super Liking as a Method for Getting Her to Match With You

Tinder — along with many other apps — love to lure users with limited or premium features. These features are touted as the ultimate way to get gorgeous women to match with you and often even display blurry pictures with a caption like, “She’s interested! Buy x to unlock this match!”

Don’t fall for it.

The option to Super Like someone is available for use once per day for free Tinder members, five times per day for Tinder Plus and Gold members, and is also available for purchase with certain “packages.”

Take my advice — if you want any chance of her getting near a certain…ahem…package IRL, don’t shell out any cash for Super Like packages. Companies need to make money, and this is one way of doing it.

In reality, when you Super Like someone, you are giving her all the power. There won’t be a need for her to put in the effort if she sees a giant blue “He Super Liked You!” banner over your picture. One of my clients recently told me that once he Super Liked a girl, she promptly asked him to help her find a job. WTF! 

Tip #3: Ask an Engaging, Open-Ended Question

Remember that women tend to get a lot more messages on dating apps than guys do— so you have to stand out from the competition. This is critical when learning how to message a girl on Tinder. 

A generic, “Hey?” or “How are you?” is not going to cut it. In fact, try to avoid any Tinder openers that start with a “H” word just to be on the safe side.

Ask a girl an engaging open-ended question that she can’t simply write off with a simple “yes” or “no.” Look at her profile and see what her interests are and then use those interests to come up with an engaging question.

For example, let’s say that she put in her profile that she loves Saint Bernards. You could say something like:

“Ok tell me the truth — Beethoven’s 2nd was so much better than the first one right? Because, I mean, puppies.”

Furthermore, see my other article on the top Tinder opening lines for guys who want more responses.

Use a Pop Quiz to Reel Her In

This is a cute and fun way to get a girl’s attention and compel her to respond to you. Find an interest in her profile (as per usual) and give her a selection of answers to choose from.

For example, let’s say that she has pizza listed as an interest — I mean, who doesn’t?

You could pose the question in this way:

“Ok [insert girl’s name here], quiz time: regular crust, thin crust, or deep dish?”

Be prepared to follow up her response with an awesome TDL. This brings me to my next tip.

Don’t Wait Too Long to Set Up a Date

Lots of guys (and girls) fall into a trap of messaging back and forth, back and forth, back and — well, you get the picture. Don’t let the conversation go too far or dwindle out before you offer a compelling date idea, complete with a TDL.

A TDL is what we here at EmLovz refer to as a date’s call-to-action. When you use a TDL, you ask a girl on a compelling date that offers a specific time, date, and location. This is above and beyond superior to asking a girl to “hang out” or see if she “wants to grab a drink sometime,” which is an invitation she has likely been offered ad nauseam.

By offering her something specific and giving all the details upfront, she doesn’t have to worry about going back and forth with you about setting up a reservation, working out times with you etc. This makes you come off as more with it and put together than other guys.

And when you offer a date that is based on her interests and provides her with a new experience, it’s much more difficult for her to say no. For example, if she is really interested in cats, ask her to come to do a cat yoga class with you or check out a cat cafe that offers plenty of cuddle time with kitties, plus some cool eats and drinks. It’s all about gauging her interests and getting creative.

Be Persistent

Now by persistent, I don’t mean “harass her,” “stalk her social media,” or blast her for not being into you. Remember that people on dating apps have a life outside of their phone (at least one would hope) and it can be easy to overlook messages or forget to respond.

Plus, you’re a virtual stranger, and women tend to be a little more hesitant when it comes to making moves on apps like Tinder anyhow. Send a couple of follow-up messages before giving up on her completely.

You can be cute about it saying something like, “I get it. Your mom told you not to talk to strangers ;)” and following up with your number and a, “Hey if you want to [insert date idea inspired by her profile], hit me up. Would love to meet you!”

Tip #7: Ask Either/Or Questions

This is a great way to get a girl to respond on Tinder and can also seamlessly lead you to a killer TDL.

For example, if she seems active based on her profile, you can ask her something like, “What do you like better, hiking or biking?” From there, you can use her answer to come up with a date related to what she likes best.

Tip #8: When in Doubt, Use a Gif

Tinder and other apps allow you to easily insert gifs into your messages. If you still need some work fine-tuning your wit, you can let a gif deliver the humor for you. Don’t solely rely on these (no one wants to have a conversation that is exclusively constructed from gifs, memes, emojis or the like), but this can be a cute way to get her attention.

Remember, Less is More

A lot of men seem to be tempted to write a novella when first messaging a girl on Tinder. It’s almost as if they feel like stuffing as much information about themselves — and what they’re guessing about the woman in question — into one message will make a woman take notice and instantly respond to them.

It actually does quite the opposite. Remember, that dating apps basically train us to have short attention spans and too much information at once is overwhelming. Plus, you’re going to want to save a lot of that information for the actual date as a way to build rapport.

Instead of delivering a sad handwritten book to her phone, keep things short and sweet. Use one sentence with a compelling, open-ended question for the best chance of getting her to respond.

Megadate

Now that you’ve learn some strategy around how to message a girl on Tinder, wouldn’t make sense that you’d want to learn how to be a pro in all aspects of dating? One of the best strategies you can use to find success in all aspects of the dating world is MegaDating. MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating several people at the same time in order to crush your dating goals.

When you MegaDate, you use a variety of means to meet women. You practice your approach over and over again so that you become very good at it. Once you become really good at your approach, you will end up going out with a few different women per week, which will lessen the sting of rejection, prevent you from chasing women, and increase your overall confidence.

I used MegaDating as my top strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term, compatible partner and it can do the same for you!

How to Message a Girl on Tinder: Conclusion

If you’re ready to crush your dating goals and attract amazing women, and need some further support, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today! 

During our intro session, we will diagnose your dating history, take a look at how your currently messaging girls on Tinder and other apps, create an action plan to help you overcome your dating roadblocks, and see if our 3 month coaching or matchmaking services could be a fit for you!