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Do Looks Matter to Women in Dating?

Do Looks Matter to Women in Dating?

Do Looks Matter to Women in Dating?

When it comes to dating, do looks matter to women? The short answer is yes — but not to the same degree as they do for men. 

Ultimately, women crave safety and security from men, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate good looks. When everything else is equal, your looks could be the very thing that tips the scales in your favor. That being said, it makes sense to invest in your appearance, don’t you think?

But first, let’s take a quick look at the bigger picture — why do women want safety and security? And when it comes to getting dates, when do your looks matter most? After we answer those questions, I’ll give you my best advice on how to improve your looks to attract higher-caliber women.



What Women Really Want

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Women crave safety and security. So what does this mean, exactly?

Women are hardwired to look for partners who make them feel safe. They want to feel like the man they’re with is willing to protect and care for them, no matter what. 

Now, you might be thinking this means they want a guy with money. While financial security can be part of it, there’s definitely more to it than that. She also wants to feel like you have her back — that you’re willing to stand up for her, take charge of situations, and generally be someone she can count on when she needs help.

This is where chivalry comes in. It might seem like a dated concept, but many women still respond to it. Why? Because those seemingly small behaviors — helping her take off her coat, opening her car door, etc. — give her the feeling that you’re looking out for her wellbeing. It helps her feel safer and makes you more attractive.

Still, while safety and security are important, they’re not quite everything. Some dating situations require that you bring even more to the game.

Dating Apps Make Looks Matter More

With the popularity of online dating these days, technology has an effect on what makes someone attractive. Dating apps definitely make a man’s looks matter more than they normally would to a woman.

You know how people always say that “men are visual creatures?” Well, when using dating apps, everyone is. There isn’t much else to go on, so she will make more assumptions based on your photos than anything else. 

At this point, you might be thinking, “I’ve seen plenty of women dating dudes that aren’t that attractive.” Maybe you assume those guys have money, but you’d be surprised how often they don’t.

If a woman meets a guy outside of a dating app — say, in a yoga class or at a seminar — she’s probably more likely to go out with him even if he’s not great looking (or rich). Reason is, they already had a connection based on a common interest. It’s easy to go grab coffee or even go on a few dates with someone who’s in your class because you’re both passionate about the same thing. It fuels many conversations and opens the door for you to get to know each other more fully. Before you know it, you’re in a relationship. Do looks matter to women in that scenario? Not as much.

But as I’ve said, it’s different when people meet on dating apps. Think of it as being like a cold call. On an app, she has no real-life experience with you. She has no other way to judge you aside from your photos and maybe your written summary — so those photos can really make or break her impression. 

Moral of the story: Pay attention to your appearance, especially if you’re using dating apps. And if you don’t know where to start, then it’s time to learn!



How to Improve Your Looks

Enhancing your looks isn’t that hard. No matter what you look like, you can always maximize how it’s packaged. You just need to focus on a few key areas in order to make your best impression. Here’s what I recommend when it comes to making changes to your appearance, especially if you’re using dating apps.

Get Professional Photos Taken

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Okay, I can almost hear the collective groans coming from the other side of the screen. Just hear me out. Professional photos — headshots, or even professionally taken “candids” — can really increase the response you get from women on dating apps. 

A photoshoot helps to present you in your most attractive light. In my coaching practice, I measure the results of men before and after a professional photoshoot, and the results are staggering. Nine times out of ten, that professional photo propels my client to get more likes, more matches, and more dates. Studies even prove this.

So why do professional photos work so much better?

Women make different assumptions about you when they see a clear, high-quality, flattering photo.

Even if they can tell it’s professionally done (for example, like a headshot) they’ll associate that type of photo with success. They may assume you’re an executive, or maybe an actor. If that’s not true, they’ll see that once they read your profile. Yet that’s the thing — the photo gets them to read your profile. A lot of times, that’s one step further than you would have gotten. 

I recommend Googling photographers in your city (if you’re in San Francisco, here’s who you should use). You’d be surprised how common it is for people to hire them for social media and dating profiles. Their websites may even have examples of those types of photoshoots so you can get an idea of the difference it can make.

Many of them can take outdoor shots that look “candid” but only show your most flattering angles. This is also great if you don’t have a lot of photos of yourself. Spend a few extra bucks on this, and you won’t regret it.

Test Your Photos

After you get those amazing professional photos done, don’t just put them up and forget about it. Instead, test them on Photofeeler. This is a site where random strangers will rate your photos anonymously, so you can tell which ones really make a good impression and which ones don’t.

Assuming these are all pro photos, you’ll know that any of them are better than what you could have taken. But testing them on Photofeeler will take it one step further. Plus, if you ever wondered, “do looks matter to women while dating?” this site will convince you that yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they do.



When deciding which photos to use on your profile, only use ones that perform above an 8/10 in at least one of the three dating categories. Also, make sure you get 20 votes minimum to ensure you have a statistically significant sample size. 

Eat Healthy and Exercise

Women want to procreate with healthy men! When it’s obvious that you take care of your body, that’s another subtle cue that you can take care of her — and we’ve already talked about how attractive this is to women.

I’ll attest to this myself. Back in 2014-15, my boyfriend (who, let’s face it, got a little lazy in the beginning of our relationship) ballooned up to 215 pounds. Today, he’s 185. Looking at his pics, I’d say the level of his attractiveness jumped by 1000%. So, do looks matter to women when it comes to love? In my case, I’d say hell yes!

It’s important that you work out regularly, getting a healthy mix of cardio and weight training in. Support your workouts with the right nutrition. Not only does this tap into women’s instincts to want a “strong” man but it’ll affect your confidence and mindset. As I’ll discuss later, confidence is everything.

Buy Trendy Clothes that Fit Well

Even if you’re naturally good-looking, clothes that are either ill-fitting or dated can really bring down your look. It also communicates that you’re not confident, or have even “given up” when you wear clothes that aren’t fashionable. (I get that “fashionable” is probably a cringey word for some of you. If it is, then I hate to say it, but you probably need this advice the most.)

The good news is, dressing better doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process. You can get this done fast. First, just remember two things: You want trendy clothes, and you want ones that fit. This is way more important than brand or cost.

A clothing subscription company with expert stylists can do all this for you. These are online services where you give them your measurements, and they send you full outfits to try on at home. You buy what you like, and whatever you don’t like, you mail back for free. You could try Stitch Fix, Trunk Club, Trendy Butler, or any of the other services. 

Get Serious About Grooming

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Let’s start with the basics. Stop getting $10 haircuts. It’s not fresh. Shower before your dates, brush and floss, and wear deodorant. 

Now, you might have a lot of questions about facial hair. To shave or not to shave? My opinion: Don’t worry about being clean-shaven. Scruff is sexy. Plus, if you shave before a date you could end up with irritated skin. So keep a little shadow, and see what happens. Girls like it. 

Other shaving tips: If you’re experiencing irritation after shaving, try using The Art of Shaving. it’s pretty awesome and they have excellent service. I’d recommend talking to one of their in-store reps in the mall or online. 



When it comes to razors, I recommend Remington model F-3800 and Philips Norelco. And, the best way to groom ear and nose hair is using Philips Norelco Series 1000 Washable. 

If you have sensitive or acne-prone skin, check out Face Reality. I learned about it when I worked with a skincare coach. You have to go through a coach to get the product but if you’re interested, this is the company I used, and they totally changed my life. 

Speaking of skin: Healthy skin is sexy and communicates your overall health to a woman. In fact, your skin is the body’s largest organ. If you think you need to improve your skincare — maybe your face is really dry or just looks bad — you might reach out to the folks at the Natural Acne ClinicThey’re legit amazing. Here’s my review with before and afters. I assume they help with all skin stuff, not just acne. 

Finally, wearing cologne also helps. Check out Scent Bird, a subscription service for testing colognes. Others I recommend:

  • Abercrombie Fierce 
  • John Varvatos
  • Frederic Malle Vetiver Extraordinaire
  • Gucci Guilty
  • Polo Black
  • Luna Rossa Prada Black
  • Carven pour Homme
  • Armani Code

Work on Your Confidence Above All Else

Do looks matter to women in dating? Well, if you don’t feel good about who you are, what you’ve achieved, and your ability to attract women, then your confidence level is definitely working against you.

Women want guys who are leadersGuys who are confident. It’s not always weight, height, how much hair you have, or whatever your insecurity may be. When you show that you value yourself, have faith in your abilities, and still choose her, that’s the best compliment in the world for a woman. 

When it comes to increasing confidence, your first step is to believe it’s possible. Then make a plan to change, and in just a few months you can be whoever you want to be. 

Do Looks Matter to Women: Wrap Up

While there is no surefire “formula” for what attracts women, certain things do help. Your appearance is one of them. Especially given how important visuals are in our social media and app-driven society, it makes sense to put your best face forward when you’re competing with other men for high-value women. 

I help men do this every day in my coaching practice. Sometimes it helps to get the guidance of someone else who can be objective. A coach like myself, who has seen thousands of profiles and coached men through many successes, may be able to spot problem areas you may not have even thought of. Reach out to me for a 1-on-1 Skype session if you want to address this. In just a few quick steps, we can have you looking your best and attracting the women you really want.

*We collect zero compensation for the above links. They are strictly to help you*

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