How to Ask a Girl Out on Tinder
A lot of times, guys will ask how to ask a girl out on Tinder as if it’s some sort of mysterious art. The truth is, it’s all about speed and strategy. Once you have her attention, you need to get her to agree to a date within the first three to four messages, or else you risk losing her interest.
Think I’m exaggerating? Consider all the competition you have on Tinder at any given time. Some women report having literally hundreds of Tinder matches at once, if not over a thousand. If you’re lucky enough to get into a conversation that’s halfway decent, you’re wasting your time if you don’t ask her out quickly.
In this post, I will break down exactly how to ask a girl out on Tinder, as well as give you customized formulas that you can use based on her interests. The key to success is to make your date request very compelling — something that she’s most likely never done before or a once in a lifetime experience. It also has to include what I call a “TDL.”
So, What’s a TDL and Why Is It Important?
TDL stands for Time, Date, Location. Your request for a date MUST include this or it will fall flat. Why? For one thing, she has to be able to say “yes” or “no,” and she can’t do that if you don’t give her a specific time, date, and location (TDL) for the date.
If you don’t give her a TDL, she likely won’t respond at all, because it’s vague and unclear. There’s no easy way to say “yes” or “no.” And even if she does say “yes,” it’s not a real “yes” unless you provide a TDL, because otherwise, you haven’t really asked for anything.
Also, if you ask her out without specifics, you can’t overcome her objections. It gives her room to say “no” to the entire idea itself. But if you give her a TDL and she says she doesn’t like the place or can’t make it that day, you can always tweak the details for her.
Here are a couple of quick examples of how asking her out with and without a TDL might go.
How to Ask a Girl Out on Tinder: Bad Scenario
“We should hang out sometime.”
Lots of guys ask this, which is a mistake. Whether she says “yes” or “no” to “hang out sometime” actually confirms nothing. It doesn’t put an actual date on the calendar, and it gives her no compelling reason to ever actually meet up with you.
Also, it isn’t even clear you are asking her on a date! If you met IRL, she might think you’re inviting her to meet up as friends or for networking purposes. She likely has no idea you’re interested in her romantically.
How to Ask a Girl Out on Tinder: Good Scenario
“Let’s meet at Samovar Tea Lounge at Yerba Buena Gardens this Saturday at 2 p.m.”
Much better. Now if she says “yes,” you actually have a date on the calendar. And even if she says “no,” chances are she’s going to tell you why. Either she can’t do that time, can’t do that day, or can’t do that location. You can then try to overcome her objections with a Plan B (your second TDL) where you simply adjust the part she objected to and hopefully get that “yes.”
How to Use a TDL the Right Way
Obviously, it would be kind of awkward to give her a TDL without any context around it. To make it smooth, you want to ask her about her interests and then wait for her to mention something that you can turn into a date activity. Then, as soon as you can, ask her:
“Have you been to ______ [location of TDL that’s based on her interests]?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then, describe what makes that place or activity amazing, and ask if she’d like to go there with you at a certain date and time.
To make your date idea sound compelling, it has to almost sound like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to which she can’t say “no.” How do you do this? It’s easier than you think.
Google the location or event and borrow language from their website. What details jump out enough to make YOU want to go? Be sure to mention those things in your message to her.
For example: When I look at the website for Samovar Tea Lounge, I see this:
In the heart of San Francisco’s hectic hustle and bustle, yet removed from the din of city life, you will find the largest Samovar Tea Lounge, situated directly above the Martin Luther King Waterfall in Yerba Buena Gardens.
Now, I can reframe the language they’re using to create a compelling TDL pitch:
“Samovar Tea Lounge is epic… it has the most fragrant, delicious tea you’ll ever taste, and it’s in a beautiful area in Yerba Buena Gardens right above the Martin Luther King Waterfall. They’re serving a special ______ [name of menu item] this Saturday at 2 p.m. I’m going to check it out — wanna join me?”
So, the formula for your TDL pitch is: “This place is epic because ____________. I’m going _____ (day) at ______ (time). Wanna be my date?”
The more you can exaggerate and embellish your idea to make it sound like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, the fewer objections, cancellations, and flakes you’ll get. And that is how to ask a girl out on Tinder.
Give Her a TDL Three Days in Advance
When planning your date, you’ll need to give her enough notice but not too much. If you ask her more than three days in advance, she’s more likely to forget and flake on the date or double book. But if you ask her less than three days before, she’s likely to already be booked.
Other Considerations When Pitching Your TDL
When giving her a TDL, here are a few other things to keep in mind:
- The best time for a date is during the day. Remember, women are more concerned about safety than men are, and so a daytime date will be easier for her to say “yes” to.
- Avoid Sundays and Mondays. People are generally in a bad mood on these days and dates tend to turn out poorly. Saturday is actually the best choice.
- Choose a place where it’s impossible to spend over $10. Assuming it’s your first date and you can incorporate something she’s interested in, that is. (See the next section in this article for ideas.)
How to Ask a Girl Out on Tinder: 20 Examples
Here’s how to ask a girl out on Tinder if she says that she loves…
“Have you been to Chado Tea?” Wait for her to respond or for 48 hours to pass, whichever occurs first. Then follow-up with, “They say they have over 150 kinds of tea from all over the world — it’s supposedly epic! Wanna join me for a tasting Saturday at 1 p.m.?”
2. Your Favorite Baseball Team
“This Saturday the Giants are doing their annual fan festival down by Oracle Park. Wanna meet me for a coffee and see how many autographs we can score? Say 1 p.m.?”
“Ever been to Hollow Coffee Shop on 16th?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They serve this amazing Titantic coffee drink that’s like a ramped-up mocha with a huge marshmallow in it. Wanna meet there on Saturday at 9 a.m.?”
“Have you been to Hotsprings Yoga?” Then wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They just opened up in the Mission and it’s run by this famous yoga guru, Rebecca Plath. They’re doing a free Bikram class this Saturday at 10 a.m. Wanna join?”
“Have you tried 7 Leaves Cafe?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They have a secret off-the-menu drink called love cream with boba — it’s jasmine milk tea, extra cream, and caramel. I’m dying just thinking about it. Want to check it out Saturday around 12 p.m.?”
“Ever been to Voodoo Doughnut?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They have all kinds of donut toppings like bacon and even breakfast cereal. Definitely worth trying at least once. Want to go there with me on Saturday, say 1 p.m.?”
“Have you been to Susie Cakes?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “Seriously, you’ve never had a cupcake that tasted this moist. They make them from scratch everyday and the ingredients are all-natural. Feel like getting one with me this Saturday at 11 a.m.?”
“Have you tried Fugetsu-Do?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s a mom-and-pop boba place that’s been in business for 110 years. The owner uses the same boba recipe passed down from his grandfather, but adds cool fillings like peanut butter and chocolate. Wanna meet me there on Saturday morning at 11?”
“Ever been to Chuao?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s a Venezuelan chocolatier that’s become super popular. I love their Spicy Maya hot chocolate — it’s an ancient recipe with cinnamon, pasilla chile, and cayenne pepper. They even give tours! Want to check it out on Saturday afternoon, say 1 p.m.?”
10. Ice cream
“Have you ever been to Holy Roly?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They actually roll the ice cream out in a sheet, and then curl it up into shapes that make your ice cream cone look like a bouquet. They’re almost too beautiful to eat. Want to go there with me on Saturday afternoon at 2?”
“Ever been to The Bigg Chill?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “They literally have over 400 flavors and they change their whole menu every other day. I just saw this weekend they’re going to have my favorite, the Honey Greek. Wanna meet me there on Saturday afternoon at 1 for a taste?”
“Ever tried Guisados?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “Literally they’re the best tacos in town but their secret is their tortillas — they make them fresh, by hand. I’m heading there on Saturday, wanna join? Let’s say 1 p.m.?”
“Have you ever had Pliny the Elder?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s a really good limited-edition Russian IPA that only comes out once a year. Only certain bars get it, and Molly’s Irish Pub is serving it on Friday. Want to meet me there for happy hour at 5 to check it out?”
“You know what, Santa Anita Park is having their very first Bulldog Derby this weekend. People bring their bulldogs and the English bulldogs race against the Frenchies. I’m bringing my dog down there on Saturday at 12:30 p.m. — want to come with us?”
“Ever been to Paradise Falls?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s actually a downward hike that ends at a 40-foot waterfall. It’s gorgeous and super rare, since waterfalls don’t usually survive the climate in this area. I’m hiking out there on Saturday at around 10 a.m. — want to come with?”
“Have you ever tried cooking authentic Indian?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “There’s a really good cooking class I want to try at Un-Curry. It’s taught by a renowned Indian chef who goes through the spices and techniques step-by-step and gives you her own personal recipes, and then everyone sits down for a full meal at the end. Want to come with me on Saturday at 12 p.m.?”
“Have you ever been to Hollywood Forever Cemetery?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s an actual cemetery in Hollywood where they show old movies on an outdoor screen. People bring blankets, wine, and lawn chairs while they watch movies under the stars. This Saturday they’re showing Pretty in Pink. Want to come with me at 4 p.m.?”
18. Live Music
“Have you ever heard of Sofar Sounds?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “It’s a group that intimate concerts, for like 15 people or less. You can sign up for tickets and they let you know the day before where the show will be. It’s an amazing way to discover new artists up close and personal. The next one is going to be in the mid-Wilshire area this Saturday. I have a couple of tickets … want to come with me at 3 p.m.?
“Do you like contemporary art?” Wait for her to respond or 48 hours to pass, whichever comes first. Then follow-up with, “The infinity mirror room exhibit is at The Broad right now and it’s amazing — the lights and mirrors create an effect that makes it look like you’ve just stepped into infinite space. I’m going back on Saturday at 2 p.m. Want to join me?”
20. If She Doesn’t Have Favorites Listed in Her Profile
Figuring out how to ask a girl out on Tinder is more difficult when she doesn’t list her favorites in her bio. Pay attention to what else she says. For example, she might say she enjoys meaningful conversation. You could create a TDL like this: “I’d love to learn more about your story. There’s this great walk along Ocean Beach with epic views of the Pacific Ocean. Wanna meet me there on Saturday at 10 a.m.?”
While on the subject of the Tinder bio, it’s important that you completely fill out your bio with as many keywords, or your favorites as possible. Why is this important? If you have just one commonality with the woman in question, it’s more likely she’ll accept a date with you. For more help with your bio area, check out my other articles on the Best Tinder Bios for Guys.
Make Sure to Be Ready for Her Objections
If she doesn’t like your idea, have a backup plan made ahead of time. For example, if she isn’t free on a certain day or time, be prepared to offer up an alternative on the spot.
This is when being a salesman and not being afraid of rejection has its advantages. Many of us aren’t salespeople, so if you’re not, check out Jia Jiang on Youtube. He did a 100-day rejection experiment where he went out and actually tried to get rejected by making random requests of people. This will get you in the mindset you need to be in.
Also, Make Sure Your Profile Is on Point
For specific examples on how to create a killer dating profile, see my post, 38 Best Dating Profile Examples for Guys. At the very least, make sure that all your Tinder photos are clear and that you include a shot with your friends (it’s social proof that you’re safe and well-liked). Also, connect your Spotify and/or Instagram accounts and be sure to complete your bio.
How to Ask a Girl Out on Tinder: Conclusion
When you’re on Tinder, you have a very tight timeframe to make a connection and convince someone to meet you offline. Don’t blow it with a mediocre date request! Instead, make her an offer she can’t refuse that’s based on her interests, but also flexible enough to accommodate her objections. It’s a skill that takes practice, but it’s one that’s well worth investing in. If you want even more help with this, you can always book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype Session with me, or join my 3-month Signature Program for extended coaching.