Day: November 1, 2023

You’ve heard it a million times, first impressions are everything.

This is true when interviewing for a job, meeting friends of friends, and especially true when dating.

With nothing else to go on, the man you want to make your man will base everything on this first interaction and if he doesn’t like what he sees he has no obligation to see you again. When it comes to dating, there are no second chances to change how he feels about you.

So yeah, no pressure.

To stand out and make him want to ask you out or see you again you need to answer the question, what do men find attractive in women?

To do so, I recommend going on hundreds – if not thousands of dates/interactions – meticulously collecting data points and combing through the data to find an answer to this elusive question.

That’s one way.

Or you can listen to what our male students, coaches, and myself have to say about what we find most attractive in women when meeting them for the first time.

What Do Men Find Attractive In Women

Women tend to think men are only attracted to one thing – her physical beauty. There’s no denying the magnetic pull we get when we see a voluptuous woman with a symmetric face and lips shaped by the gods.

Every man wants to date a woman with Hollywood good looks.

But even though this may surprise some of you, it’s not the only thing we find attractive in a woman. 

We’ve polled dozens of men and asked them what they find attractive when meeting a woman for the first time.

We can break down their answers into both the physical and non-physical.

Let’s start with the latter.

Non-Physical Forms Of Attraction

If you want to quickly build attraction, try out some of these strategies on your next first date.

Smell Like Roses

There are plenty of studies out there that show men can smell how fertile a woman is. The more fertile she smells she more attracted he is.

When I say, smell nice, this isn’t what I’m referring to. I’m not suggesting you go for a HIT workout prior to your date so he can smell you from a mile away.

Instead, I’m referring to using a light perfume.

Of the almost 4,000 men surveyed in a study in Britain, 85% of men reported being more attracted to a woman if she had just spritzed a floral perfume prior to a date. 

If you’re wondering which perfume men like most, the men in this study voted My Way by Giorgio Armani as their favorite.

Be Present

Men aren’t so difficult to understand.

Generally speaking, the same first date turn ons and offs you have are the same ones he has.

If a guy is checking his phone every ten minutes you’re going to be annoyed – he feels the same way.

It seems like everyone has ADD nowadays and that we’re all slaves to our devices.

Giving someone you’re undivided attention in a world that is constantly competing for attention is sexy. A fully present woman who is actively listening and wholly invested in a conversation is someone we want to spend time with.

Turn off your phone or put it in do not disturb and place it in your bag or a hard to reach place. Keep it out of sight and out of mind. The only person you want to focus on is the person seated next to you.

Want brownie points? Tell him that you turned off your phone or put it on do not disturb so you can give him all your attention. Making a man feel respected and important is the most direct route to his heart.

Share The Mic

Dating is a waltz, not a solo act.

To win at dating you need to be able to share the stage.

That means understanding the delicate balance between talking and listening. Look, you’ve been a human capable of speech for decades now. You understand the importance of sharing the mic.

Just be mindful of how much you are talking. We can all get a little nervous and occasionally spend minutes responding to a yes or no question.

Keep your answers short, sweet, and interesting. After you’ve responded, it’s time to ask him a question.

If you need a little practice, considering going on a practice date with our mock date specialist, Darshil.

Darshil knows firsthand how frustrating it can be to date a distracted woman:

After going on a mock date with Darshil you’ll receive detailed feedback on what worked and what areas could be improved upon. Darshil teaches date conversation framework, so you’ll learn the ins and outs of having high-quality conversations designed to get to know and build attraction with someone you just met.

Show Interest

We like women that like us.

If we leave a date with no inkling of whether she likes us or not, we’ll be confused. That doesn’t mean we won’t go out with you again, but if we think there’s no future there we’re not going to waste our energies (at least not the emotionally stable men).

This doesn’t mean we need you to profess your love or hold our hand.

There are a million ways to indicate interest. Prolonged eye contact, a compliment, telling us you enjoyed the date, laughing at a bad joke, initiating physical contact, etc.

Just show us that you’re vaguely interested. That will blow enough wind in our sails to have the confidence to ask you out again and pursue you.

Be A Conversationalist

Ideally, you can talk about everything under the sun.

You’re up to date on world events, can get dirty talking about car repairs, and of course you can talk football.

But even if you’re not, that’s perfectly fine.

All you need to do is be someone he enjoys talking to.

That means you can have a decent conversation, ask questions, by witty, appear interested, listen, don’t hog the mic, provide thoughtful responses, joke with him, are open-minded, etc.

After the date you want him saying, wow, she was awesome to talk to. Because on a first date that’s exaclty what you’ll be doing. If you can’t have a decent conversation he won’t be interested. He won’t care that you look like J-Law’s cousin, he won’t want a long-term relationship with you if he was bored on the first date.

This may seem like a lot of pressure but it’s not that hard.

If you don’t know much about a topic he brings up, say football, talk about what you do know. Maybe you don’t know anything about the team he likes but you do know that the Taylor Swift effect made this NFL season one of the most watched in seasons, or that we’re learning more and more about concussions and concussion protocols, or about how the weather must be changing the game.

Talk about what you do know and find a way to relate it to the conversation topic. 

And if you don’t know much about the topic, but genuinely want to learn more, just ask him a question. I guarantee he won’t mind educating you on something he loves.

A Callback To Something He Said Earlier

Recalling something he said earlier in a conversation shows that you were actually listening (and find what he said interesting enough to talk about again).

You may think this is minor, but we also love it when women actively listen to the words we say instead of writing it off as white noise.

There are many ways to show you’re listening (eye contact and asking questions) but this is the best one.

Who You Are When You’re Around Others

Let’s say you two met at a party, bar, or social event where you’re surrounded by friends and acquaintances.

Whether he is interested in you or not, whether he approaches you or walks on by, greatly depends on how you present when surrounded by others.

Are you the quiet, mysterious one in the back, are you the life of the party, or maybe you’re the one with the sharp zingers who is clearly being far too informal (in a good way) considering the setting.

At the very least, simply surrounding yourself with women makes you more attractive. This is called the cheerleader effect. 

This phenomenon was published in 2014, but a couple of academics realized that men were more attracted to women when they were with friends compared to women who were alone.

Confidence

Women aren’t the only sex to want confident partners.

Men find confident, charismatic women deadly attractive, just ask our student graduate turned member of the emlovz team, Alex.

When asked what he finds most attractive when initially meeting a woman he said:

Confidence is sexy. Both women and men would agree.

There are a ton of ways to display confidence but here are just a few:

• Be cool and collected, no need for nerves this is just a relaxing first date, nothing more
• Speak up and make yourself known
• Don’t be afraid to disagree or offer your opinion
• Feel free to compliment and flirt with him
• Be a good listener, and again, don’t hog the mic
• Make eye contact

Positivity

Meeting someone for the first time should be a light, playful experience.

No one wants to meet someone and immediately be burdened with their troubles.

We want to date a bright, vibrant woman who encourages, sees the positives, and is up for whatever. We want her to be spontaneous, warm, fun to be around, and easy to laugh with.

A Woman Who Asks Questions

Asking questions is a sign of interest. It’s a sign that you’re trying to get to know this stranger and make sense of who they are. If you don’t ask questions, it’s a sign you’d rather be doing anything else but talking with him.

So ask him about his hobbies, work, family, and whatever else you genuinely want to know about him.

Making an effort to get to know someone in our fast-paced dating scene feels like a rarity. He’ll take notice and reciprocate.

Be Approachable

If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t get approached when out and about it could have something to do with how you present.

Are your arms folded, do you look down, rarely smile, and present like a woman who will slice a man’s head off if he tries to approach?

Check your body language.

Make eye contact with the room, show that you’re willing to chat with the right stranger, and don’t forget to smile.

Good Breath

This isn’t as much something that attracts men as much as something that is a massive buzzkill.

You could be the best listener, super witty, and drop dead gorgeous, but if your breath stinks he’s not going to want to be around you.

That’s exactly what happened to Spencer, one of our writers on the last few dates of his:

Physical Forms Of Attraction

Now it’s time to talk about what men find attractive in women when it comes to physical characteristics.

The Obvious

Let’s not beat around the bush.

The first thing most men notice when approaching a woman or when they see their date walk into the room are either the breasts or the butt. 63% out of the 6,000 men Men’s Health surveyed said they look at the butt or breasts first. 32% reported looking at the face first.

We’re visual creatures. It’s natural that the first thing we pay attention to are a woman’s look (don’t act like you don’t do the same).

But they’re not the only physical features we find attractive.

Those Hollywood Pearly Whites

The shape of our teeth can tell us a lot about the health of the woman we’re about to court. It’s not like we’re consciously ogling your teeth or anything; it’s just something we’re subconsciously turned on by. 

Women seem to know this too, which is why Americans spend more than $1 billion dollars a year on cosmetic dental treatments.

I’d show you this study to prove my point, but just check out the photos below. Clearly, you’re more into the guy in the middle than the other two.

The Color Of Passion

The red dress effect isn’t pseudo-science; it’s the easiest way to appear more attractive on your next date.

A recent study found that women can appear up to 70% more attractive simply by wearing red. Now, 70% seems like a stretch, but study after study shows that men prefer a woman in red.

Red Lipstick

Why stop at red clothing?

A study carried out by the University of Manchester examined how long men looked at the lips of women. When wearing no lipstick, men averaged 2.2 seconds looking at their lips. With pink lipstick, 6.7 seconds, and with red, 7.3 seconds.

This might just be the easiest way to build attraction.

Long Hair

A ponytail isn’t sexy.

There’s something less feminine about a woman who keeps her hair up.

So naturally, there’s something damn sexy about watching a woman put her hair down.

I’m not the only one that believes this.

43% of men surveyed by the Daily Mail think that long, wavy hair is sexiest. They also like long, straight hair. Either way, you wear it, the point is that most men prefer it long.

A Well-Groomed And Presentable Women

Darshil was telling us how a date of his once showed up in pajamas. That would have been fine, but he didn’t invite her to a pajama party; he invited her to a restaurant.

Time and time again, our students told us that they find a woman who is physically well put together a turn-on (and also a must-have). A woman who has just come from the gym, is red the cheeks, sweating, looks like she just woke up, and walks in with a unibrow won’t be getting asked out on a second date.

Dating Decoded for Women

Now that you know why men pull away, here’s what to do about it.

Armed with this newfound knowledge it’s time to put it to work when you join Dating Decoded and learn to MegaDate.

MegaDating is a proactive dating approach that sees you go on 20 dates in 90 days. When you join Dating Decoded we’ll teach you how to date with intention and the expertise needed to quickly find an ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.