So she doesn’t want to rush into a relationship? Good. Perhaps without knowing it, she just did you a favor. I’m not condoning becoming a Don Juan and pimping yourself out around town. Not at all. What I am condoning is gradually easing yourself into a relationship. When does rushing into anything ever sound like a good idea?
The good news is — often times what women say and what they mean are two different stories. Could not wanting to rush into a relationship really mean that she wants to keep things carnal and that she’s not ready for a relationship?
Each case is different. Having your lady express her desire to not rush things can mean various things depending on when this desire was expressed. Let’s examine a few contexts so that you can mount a successful romantic counter-attack at any stage in your early relationship.
She Told You She Doesn’t Want To Rush Into A Relationship: On The First Date
This says nothing about you and everything about her. To her, you’re a stranger. Why in the world would she ever want to rush into a relationship with a dude she only swiped right on 24 hours ago? Imagine if the opposite had happened and instead of playing coy she wanted an exclusive relationship?
Keep things short, sweet, and inexpensive on the first date. First dates should last no longer than an hour and no more than $10 should be used. Those are the rules of MegaDating.
Imagine your next first date. It’s probably the first or second time you’re meeting this person and there are zero expectations. Do you want to be showered with questions about relationships and dig into past romantic affairs? No freaking way. You want to have some laughs, keep things light, and see if there’s any connection between the two of you. Broaching a buzz kill topic like immigration, abortion, or what color this dress is, are sure to destroy a first date. Here’s a list of proper first date questions that will keep the date light and engaging.
If you let the question of what she was looking for slip, and she replied in the negative to a serious relationship she might just have let her defense mechanism reply for her. Or perhaps she’s just responding to your vibe. Do you give off a fuck-boy hit it and quit it kind of vibe? Check your behavior. It might also be true that she’s not looking for a serious relationship and just wants to enjoy herself in the sack.
It’s not rare for a woman to be opposed to sex after a first date. A recent poll showed that of women aged 18-24, 14% said they’re in favor of having sex after a first date. Or perhaps she recently got out of a relationship and isn’t looking to jump back into one.
The point is that there are tons of reasons why on a first date she voices that she’s opposed to a serious relationship. Whatever the case may be, your response should be to continue to MegaDate. If she stresses interest in seeing you again, take her comment in stride and label it as nothing more than a test.
She Told You She Doesn’t Want To Rush Into A Relationship: On The Second Date
Look at what’s in front of you. You’ve got your date saying she’s not ready for a serious relationship. But you also have a woman that’s accepted to go on a second date with you. Don’t worry about your future together; it’s only the second date. As far as I can tell, all signs point towards her digging you. If she wasn’t into you it would have been easy enough to reject your attempt to score a second date.
So what now? She just told you she wasn’t into rushing a relationship. That’s fine. But how do you address any awkward tension? Bring levity to the situation by releasing the tension with a joke. Make light of her comment by feigning a bummed tone and saying that you’re sad because you just purchased a ring. Or you can always go for the jugular and tell her that it’s fine if you’re not into getting into a long-term relationship right now because, well frankly, you’re gay.
Look, it doesn’t matter what you say as long as you continue to keep the date light in tone. Second dates are all about building sexual tension. They should be active, free, and full of playful touching and flirting. Leave the relationship talk for later on down the road. In the meantime keep it light. Tuck those serious questions into the back of your mouth until the third date or so.
If you’re infatuated with this woman and can’t stop fantasizing about your future together, don’t get down when she says she isn’t into a long-term relationship. It’s early on in the relationship. You have plenty of time to demonstrate that you’re boyfriend material.
She Told You She Doesn’t Want To Rush Into A Relationship: On The Third Date
This could mean a few things depending on what goes down on date number three. Let’s imagine for a moment that you followed the MegaDating blueprint by the letter. This means that you two had an intimate dinner, perhaps danced a little, and then went back to your place for some late night scrabble. If she informs you just before or after sex has taken place that she doesn’t want to rush things, she’s probably telling the truth. She doesn’t want you to think that sex is synonymous with starting a monogamous relationship. Just because she’s with you doesn’t mean she won’t be with someone else tomorrow. You’re MegaDating, so why can’t she?
Now let’s examine another scenario. Just as in the first scenario, you two have a romantic dinner, go salsa dancing, and then you invite her back to your place. Logically you’d think she’d say yes. You’ve had your hands on her waist and tongue in her mouth for long stretches of the night, so why would she reject your invitation? It’s because she sees you as boyfriend material.
Women are more likely to go to bed quickly with men they don’t see as long-term partners. She doesn’t want to rush into a sexual relationship because doing so might throw the dynamic off. She may not want to be your Friday night booty call and fears that sex after just three dates might relegate her to such a position.
No sex, no relationship, no worries. No matter the disappointment, remember to keep your cool. Should an awkward situation arise, deflate the tension by cracking a joke. It’s still early on in the relationship. Things can change in a matter of dates. Getting angry or losing your cool ensures that she’ll get turned off. If the relationship ultimately goes south, use the MegaDating blueprint to pull you out of your romantic hole.
She Doesn’t Want To Hurry Into A Relationship: Around 1 Month of Dating
So you’ve now been seeing each other for a month. The dates are great, the sex is better, and you’re finally starting to settle into a routine or sorts. Everything is shaping up to look like a relationship. But, when you’re about to let yourself assume that you two tacitly accepted to be in a monogamous relationship, she tells you that she doesn’t want to rush into a relationship.
As a general dating rule never ask the woman you’re seeing to enter into a relationship within a month of dating. It doesn’t matter if you two are infatuated with each other; a month is just too soon. It’s likely that within this month you’ve still only have seen her a handful of times. It’s doubtful that you’ve met her friends, went over her house, or even hungout for more than 5 or 6 continuous hours in a single day. If you’re enjoying your time with her, what’s the harm in waiting?
Even if she’s super into you and wants to start a relationship, there may be obstacles out of your control that’s impeding your romantic progress. Is she busy working 50 hours a week, does she have an extended vacation planned, is she considering moving soon enough, did she just end a romantic relationship, does she even have time for a boyfriend?
If you find yourself feeling shot down after being denied a relationship you might want to consider MegaDating. MD is the act of prolifically dating. It’s easy to feel down in the dumps when the only girl you’ve had a connection with in the last few years just told you she doesn’t want to rush into anything. But it’s difficult to feel down for long when you’ve got several dates on the horizon. Examining your attachment style and MegaDating will curb the likelihood of clingy to a woman.
She Told You She Doesn’t Want To Rush Things: During Months 3-4
After 3-4 months you can start to quantify the relationship. You two have been on 26 dates, have had sex 18 times, binged 3 series together, drunk texted each other on 7 separate occasions, etc. As the numbers start to pile up it seems natural that you two would organically transition into a serious romantic relationship. The numbers are there, so why is she still so hesitant?
Not everyone has a special number. For some people, 10 dates mean that you’re now in a relationship. For others, a relationship doesn’t begin after a certain number of dates. For whatever reason she still doesn’t want to rush into a monogamous relationship. This is a bit odd. You can’t force her into a relationship, so what’s to be done?
Have a Conversation with Her
Sit her down and talk about where you think the relationship is going. Perhaps she’s considering taking a job out of town and doesn’t want to complicate matters by entering into a relationship. After a few months, a sit-down conversation where you two discuss the relationship shouldn’t be considered odd. Understanding the status of the relationship will save the both of you time. If she was on the fence about breaking up, a serious discussion should be able to pull the truth out of her.
Dealing with rejection never gets easy. Whether it’s social, professional, or romantic rejection, we all struggle to pick ourselves up and charge forward. Should times get rough, lean on friends and family for emotional support.
While emotional support will act as a crutch as you heal, a dating coach can give you the tools to combat the situation moving forward. A dating coach (such as yours truly) will equip you with the MegaDating tools and mental fortitude you need in order to move past a romantic hurdle.
Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype Session with me today so that we can begin to create a 360 dating plan that will turn you into a dating pro.