Throughout my tenure as a dating coach, there is one query that tends to come up over and over again — how to not freeze up on a date. Whether you’re outgoing or shy, attraction proves to be a powerful foil when it comes to conversation.
If you go on a date with a woman you really like, you may find yourself at a loss for words. Moreover, your attraction can provoke physical symptoms. A clenched jaw, perspiration and a deer-in-headlights look are all possible consequences of freezing up on a date.
Unfortunately, this type of reaction is anything but attraction. When you freeze up on a date, you lose your authenticity and charm. Freezing up hampers conversation and prevents you from building rapport.
Does this suck? Yes. Can you do something about it? Absolutely!
Take a look below for some failproof tips on how to not freeze up on a date with a girl you really like.
Tip #1: Prepare Emotionally Compelling Questions in Advance
Whether it’s a date, a job interview, or a big presentation, one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give to you is to go into these situations with some sort of script. Scripts aren’t just for actors. Having something written and rehearsed before you enter a situation can help you in a variety of ways.
Come up with some emotionally compelling questions before your date. A question is emotionally compelling when it delves deeper than your typical first or date questions, such as:
- What’s your favorite color?
- Where did you grow up?
- What did you do over the weekend?
Surprise her with questions she’s not typically asked on a date. Not only will these questions stimulate conversation; they will also put you at ease.
Below are a few sample questions to get you started.
What’s the Strangest Thing You’ve Ever Eaten?
This is way more intriguing than asking about someone’s favorite food. You can use this question to swap stories and also ask a follow-up question about something you’d like to try but have been afraid to (i.e., chocolate-covered crickets and the like).
What’s the Best Piece of Advice You’ve Ever Been Given?
A question like this allows you to dive a bit deeper without getting too vulnerable.
Do You Have Any Pet Peeves?
Find out now and steer clear of getting on her nerves. The answer to this question can also alleviate anxiety. For example, if you have a tick or habit you’ve been worried will leave her miffed, you can put your mind at ease by finding out whether or not that’s something she considers a pet peeve.
Tip #2: Focus Outward
When it comes to figuring out how to not freeze up on a date, one of the best things you can do is get out of your head. You can accomplish this by focusing outward.
So often, we are consumed by thoughts of ourselves. Self-consciousness makes us focus inward, canvassing all the different ways our behaviors or neuroses are going to cause a situation to go awry.
But the thing is, focusing inward prevents us from connecting with the person right in front of us. Conversely, when you focus outward, you actively engage with the person by staying present in the moment. Focusing outward involves taking all that energy you’re wasting with rumination and placing it on another person in a positive way.
Ask questions. Practice good eye contact and listen to what the person in front of you is saying.
Rather than get caught up in worry, look at your date as an opportunity to discover something new about somebody and try new things.
When you look at dating as an exciting adventure rather than a source of stress, it’s much easier to have fun and not freeze up.
Tip #3: Have a Beer Beforehand
And by beer, I don’t mean keg.
Have one beer before your date as a way of very lightly pregaming for the evening. Unlike pregaming with your friends before going out for the weekend, this type of pregaming is intended to alleviate your anxiety in order to prevent freezing up. In other words, don’t have a beer before the date and proceed to have four more during the date.
Being plastered may do wonders for your nervousness (and any inhibitions you had going into the date), but it’s definitely not a good look.
Just have one drink before your date and then abstain. A little bit definitely goes a long way in this case.
Tip #4: Socialize Before Your Date
If you’re wondering how to not freeze up with a woman on a date and want something super effective and fun, warm up your mouthpiece.
Set aside an hour or two before your date to socialize with others. You can go out for coffee with friends and/or chat with a salesperson at a clothing store. Even talking on the phone with a friend or family member for a while can help you out.
Socializing before your date gets you out of your head and in the mood to interact with others. Just like a runner needs to warm up before a marathon, singles need to warm up before their dates.
Tip #5: Story Time
We all have moments we’re proud of. And we’ve all should have at least a couple of instances where we did or said something that shone a light on our attractiveness.
Think about a couple of times where you really shined, whether that be in work, a social situation or anything else.
Come to your date prepared with a couple of stories you can share that demonstrate something attractive about you. Make sure you maintain your humility (i.e., don’t come off as super cocky or boastful while sharing), but don’t be overly modest. Remember, you want this girl to like you, so go into the date with the mindset that you are worthy of being desired (which you are!).
At the end of the day, if you’re not able to convince yourself that you’re worthy, you’re going to have a hard time convincing anyone else.
Tip #6: If You’re Nervous, Admit It
She’s pretty. And to top it off, she’s nice. And to top that off, she’s funny. No wonder you’re nervous!
If you’re feeling anxious, your knee-jerk reaction may be to stuff that away or ignore it. But the truth is, acknowledging and accepting anxiety is one key strategy in overcoming an episode.
When you start to feel nervous, it’s perfectly ok to let the girl know. You can say something like this:
- “I’m not sure if you can tell, but I’m a little bit nervous around you. Pretty girls tend to have that effect on me.”
- “Well, it’s official. You’re awesome. Just wanted to let you know that in case you can tell I’m a little nervous right now.”
- “So, thus far, you’re nice, funny and charming. Forgive me for being a little nervous.”
Make sure that you deliver these types of lines with wit and charm and SMILE. Suddenly your nervousness is going to turn into something that actually makes you more appealing to the woman you’re with. This authenticity is likely to make the girl more comfortable and she’ll also feel great because she’s being given a compliment.
Tip #7: Choose Compelling Date Locations
If you choose a typical coffee shop or bar for your date, it might increase your chances of freezing up. This is because these standard locations often require you to sit interview-style. And, honestly, who really enjoys being interviewed?
Moreover, these environments don’t offer anything stimulating to talk about.
Choose compelling locations that naturally elicit conversation and offer opportunities for activity in case there’s a lull in the conversation. Some stimulating locations include:
- Taking a walk on the beach
- Hiking or biking
- Food markets
- Outdoor festivals and fairs
- Museums and galleries
- Parks and other outdoor locations with a rich history
- Places that offer a scenic view and/or amazing opportunities for people watching
Tip #8: Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket
I saved the best for last!
If you truly want to optimize your dating success and positively reach your goals, you need to stop putting all of your eggs into one basket. Stop focusing on one woman at a time and getting hung up on “the one.” It’s time to start putting yourself out there by dating women concurrently. This strategy is known as MegaDating.
How to Not Freeze Up When Talking to a Woman On a Date By MegaDating
So what exactly is MegaDating?
MegaDating is a dating process that involves going out on dates with multiple women at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full. MegaDating keeps you from freezing up on a date because:
- You won’t fret over rejection as much since you have other options
- MegaDating allows you to practice your dating approach over and over, which significantly decreases anxiety over time
- You’ll see firsthand that there truly are plenty of fish in the sea
- It prevents you from settling for the mediocre or chasing after women who ultimately friendzone you
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. I ended my experiment with a newfound confidence and lasting love. It worked for me and it can work for you too!
Lastly, did you play any sports growing up, in high school, or in college? As an example, let’s say you played basketball. Did you nail 3-point buckets the first time you jumped on a court? Probably not. I’m guessing it took you years of practice to master the art of the 3 point shot. Dating is the same – you have to get out and practice to become an expert.
Want to learn more?
Stop Freezing: Heat Up Your Dating Life Today
Are you tired of being relegated to the friendzone? Is dating a source of stress rather than an opportunity for fun and adventure?
Regardless of your dating hangup, I’m here to help.
For years, I’ve helped men across the world overcome their dating roadblocks and reach their goals. If you’re ready to do the same, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will create an action plan tailored to your specific needs.
Are you a super shy guy? If chatting 1-on-1 isn’t your style, no worries! Check out my comprehensive online dating course for men. This course is jam-packed with modules and everything you need to attract gorgeous, high-value women.