Day: January 16, 2024

Timing has always been a big part of dating.

In Hollywood, its significance has played out in various famous scenes, perhaps none more so than in Swingers when Jon Favreau’s character is literally checking off the days in his calendar, waiting until there are three red Xs in a row before phoning his new crush. 

Figuring out the ideal time to contact someone after receiving their number is a puzzle that singles have yet to piece together. Likewise, men & women have also been flummoxed by the ideal time to wait to schedule a second date.  

There is no six-day rule like Vince Vaughn proposed in Swingers. The duration of time you should wait until a second date is dependent on a number of variables. 

Schedule a date too early and the tension isn’t given enough time to build, schedule it too late and the flame that you kindled on your first date has all but fizzled out.

During my 100-date experiment, where I went on 100 dates in a year, I learned through experience the ideal time between a first and second date. I’ve used this research to help coach my male students over these last 10+ years on how to schedule the perfect second date. On the flip side I teach women how to manage and build tension and the signs that a man isn’t and is interested in you after a first date.

Let’s use what I learned to figure out the ideal time between dates to wait in order to build tension. 

Ideal Time Between the First and Second Date: Various Scenarios

Best Day of the Week for a First Date

When the second date is scheduled largely depends on when the first one took place. 

The best day for a first date is Saturday afternoon when it’s still light out. 

If you’re already a MegaDater you’d know that first dates should last no longer than an hour with no more than $20 being spent. Saturday afternoon, as opposed to a weeknight, enables you to easily adhere to these dating guidelines.

Asking someone out right after work will likely lead to dinner or drinks in a boisterous and crowded bar awash in 9-5ers celebrating the end of the workday. These aren’t ideal conditions for a first date. 

First dates should also be daytime dates. Any date taking place at night takes on a romantic vibe. It’s also at night when women generally feel more vulnerable. Ladies, if you want to go out with a guy but don’t like his date pitch, feel free to offer an adjustment. Odds are he’ll jump at the chance to go out with you. 

Your objective on a first date is to make them feel comfortable and safe by creating a receptive and warm environment. A stroll and ice cream along the boardwalk on a Saturday afternoon illustrates a safe space. Shouting over fellow drunkards to get your point across in a rowdy bar does not. Your goal is also to get to know them enough to figure out if you feel like seeing them in person again. This can’t be done if you need to yell at them just to ask how their day was. 

If Saturday afternoon is out of the question, try Wednesday right after work.

Just make sure that it’s light outside when the date begins and ends and that you’ve made it clear that you won’t be spending more than an hour with each other.

Try not to spring this on your date if possible. Instead, plant the idea prior to the date that you can only interact for one hour. I train my students to spend no more than $20 and one hour on a first date because you’re essentially dating a stranger. Why would you promise to invest a copious amount of time and money into hanging out with a stranger?

Not making it clear to your date that you can only spend an hour with them will send the wrong message if you suddenly dip out after the hour mark.

Ask Them Out At The End Of The First Date

The time between dates can induce quite a bit of anxiety.

You’re there hovering over the phone either waiting for them to respond to your date request or wondering when the best time to message them is.

This anxiety can be alleviated simply by asking them out at the end of the first date.

While we encourage men to do this, women, you can ask your new man out as well.

Have a date idea already in mind before the date. Should the date go well tell them you enjoyed them and don’t want the anxiety of waiting a few days to figure out if you two will go out again. So tell them you want to see them again and pitch a date idea then and there.

This way, you’re not racked with anxiety as you wait for them to respond to your texts.

If Your First Date Was on a Saturday

If the first date occurred on a Saturday, the second should also take place on a Saturday. Allow me to elaborate. 

Midweek dates are difficult to pull off because of work or school commitments. If they do happen generally they’re looked down upon. The thought being that nothing really meaningful can take place midweek. We live for the weekends, not a Tuesday night date with someone you met on an app. Apart from the ease of scheduling a date for a weekend, there’s another reason for doing so.

Each date should get progressively more romantic. Perhaps there was little touching at all on the first date, that’s fine – it’s a first date. However, the second date has its own set of rules. 

Second dates should both be physical and free. Physical because it’s easier to touch each other and form a bond if you two are moving around. Free because you should be able to get along with each other without spending a ton of money. Free dates ensure that you like this person because of them as opposed to the fancy dates you two go on.  

It’s quite difficult to schedule a hike, bike ride, swim, or work out midweek. That’s why second dates are best saved for the weekend. 

A first date on a Saturday followed by a second on the upcoming Saturday means that there’s a seven-day waiting period. I know that seven days seems like quite a while and that you may have the urge to text midweek – don’t.

Carrying out an in-depth text convo midweek will deflate any tension you built and give you little material to talk about on Saturday. Wait until the day prior to text her just to confirm that you’re still on for Saturday and the express your excitement. 

Should you two both be off work midweek, then go ahead and schedule a midweek date that ideally takes place on Wednesday. It’s essential that the time between dates is spent doing, well, relatively nothing. It’s tension, let it build and then have it explode on the date.  

If Your First Date Was a Wednesday Evening

If you crushed that first date you had on Wednesday, awesome, but don’t let that momentum you’ve built hit the doldrums. 

At the end of your first date -regardless of when it took place- use a TDL to ask her on a second. TDL stands for time, date, location. It’s what you should use every time you ask her out.

An example of a TDL you might use at the end of a first date would be, “So you’re awesome and we should definitely see each other again. Want to go for a bike ride through the Headlands this Saturday at say, 1 p.m.?” 

A TDL works because it defines the date in full. Most men ask women on nebulous dates by proposing, “hey, wanna hang out sometime?” That’s a nothing request. This on the other hand gives her a concrete engagement that she can either reject, accept, or amend. 

A TDL should be used at the close of a first date. She may have been asking herself why the first date only lasted an hour. Rightly so, she may wonder if you like her or not. Quash these fears by using a TDL to ask her on a second date. 

Should you two have gone out on Wednesday, set up a second date for Saturday afternoon, just three days away. 

If Your First Date Was on Any Other Day

Chances are that if your first date took place on any other day, it was a weekday. If this is the case shoot for a weekend date. Again, chances are higher that she’ll accept a weekend date as opposed to a midweek date.

No matter how awesome you think your TDL is, it will inevitably be rejected. Whether there’s no connection or she’s busy is something you’ll have to figure out. Do so by proposing multiple TDLs. Should she say she can’t make it Saturday ask her to a Sunday date, “No worries, how does Sunday at 2 at the Botanical Gardens sound?” 

Whether or not you ask her out again depends on her response. If she doesn’t offer to reschedule or apologize profusely, then she’s probably not into you. Even if you sense this, give her the benefit of the doubt and propose yet another TDL.

If she rejects you three times without suggesting a new time or activity don’t bother trying to coax her into a second date, and instead save your energy for women that are actually into you. 

It can be awkward getting your TDLs continually rejected in person. If she already said no to two TDLs asked in person, keep that third request tucked away. Wait a day until you ask her out on an original date.

Let’s say she’s turned down numerous date ideas. As a last-ditch effort write to her saying, “No worries Stacy. Seeing as how I don’t feel like getting rejected again, let’s swap gender roles so now the onus is on you to ask me out. You know I’m into you, now the ball is in your court.”

Ladies, if you like this guy, offer an amendment to his date request. If you’re really not feeling him, tell him you two aren’t compatible and wish him luck. No need to invest in a relationship you aren’t feeling. There are plenty of other men out there.

You Should Never Be Asking Yourself the Ideal Time Between a First and Second Date

The attraction you built on your one-hour first date can quickly fade. To indicate your interest and secure a second date you’ll need to use a TDL at the end of your first date while the feelings are still running high. 

When you ask her on a second date at the end of a first you’re ensuring that you’ll see her again. You won’t have to play the game of purposefully waiting a couple of days to contact her again. Asking her on a second date then and there erases all the callow mind games from the equation. 

The Dangers Of Incessant Texting

Texting nonstop after the first date can feel like dating time between dates. 

But texting is a cheap form of communication. It’s lazy, not very gratifying, and will spoil the fun of learning about your new love interest in person.

Keep the in-between dating to a minimum.

If you have a question or something you want to share with your date, remember it and pop the question on the date.

Three Date Blueprint

Figuring out how to quickly build attraction during the first three dates is crucial.

In our program, Dating Decoded we teach students how to craft perfect first, second, and third dates.

This nascent period of any relationship is always the most fragile. Put care into these first three dates by meticulously mapping them out.

Here’s how those first three dates should look in a nutshell.

First Date – Under one hour, no more than $20. Use a TDL to ask them on a second date at the end of the first

Second Date – Active and free. Get the heart pumping, make physical contact, and weed out possible partners who only want an excuse to get out of the house

Third Date – Show them how much you’re into them by making it a night they’ll never forget

These are the broad strokes of first, second, and third dates. To really learn how to MegaDate and make the most of these dates, you’ll have to dive into Dating Decoded.

If They Keep Messaging You There’s “No Spark”

Is this happening too often for your liking?

You go on a date, think you two had a great time only to be ghosted or told that you’re not a match?

At emlovz we have a team of dating coaches that will help you figure out how to attract your ideal partner.

We have mock date coaches, style coaches, fitness coaches, SM coaches, sex coaches, and more. 

When you enroll in Dating Decoded, you’ll receive not only a team of coaches but also be surrounded by a supportive group of single men or women (depending on your program) who understand what you’re going through. Whether online or in person our students are always ready to offer support. Your accountability buddy will make sure you’re on target to reach your goals and our online community is a one-stop shop for all things strategy and support.

So how will you learn?

Dating Decoded

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample potential partners to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find a highly compatible partner in just weeks and become the most eligible single in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists for men. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Darshil is our mock date coach for women. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and get fit?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting singles online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive singles and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.
Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.