Day: August 20, 2023

How romantically lonely are men really?

Let me answer that by throwing a litany of stats your way.

In 2018, 28% of men between the ages of 18-30 reported not having sex (this number drops to 18% for women).

51% of men ages 18-29 are single. 27% of men between the ages of 30-49 are single.

And on a more platonic note, 15% of men report not having even one close friend. 

It’s been making headlines for some time now – men are freakin’ lonely.

At this point, it’s not even debatable that all sexes, but men in particular, are going through a loneliness epidemic. This loneliness is eating them up, leading to depression, and shaving years off of their lives.

But what is this happening? Why are men so lonely?

Answering this question is the only way to create an actionable blueprint that addresses this loneliness.

Why Are Men So Lonely

There is not one simple reason that answers this question. The reasons men are lonely vary from person to person. What we do know is that there is a web of reasons why men are so lonely. 

Many Men Are Too Poor To Have Relationships

Money makes the world go around. That cliche doesn’t stop applying when it comes to relationships.

We all know the golden rule of rent is that we shouldn’t spend more than 30% of what we take home on rent. A new report finds that Americans making median wage now need to break that rule in order to afford an average-priced apartment. This has led many men to either shack up with multiple roommates or stay home.

It’s difficult to start a relationship and build a home if you still live with your parents. Bringing women back to Mom and Dad’s isn’t exactly a sexy late-night prospect. But while having a place of your own for your relationship to grow and prosper is one hurdle, it isn’t the only one.

GQ advises men to spend between $150-250 on a first date. There are two things I want to say about this. One is that when men are compelled to spend oodles of cash on a first date (more often than not with a stranger) they frequently opt not to date and keep the cash. Secondly, GQ is completely out of step with reality. We recommend men adhere to MegaDating rules and spend no more than $20 on a first date.

The reality is that relationships cost money. Going out and meeting people costs money.

With inflation and the cost of living skyrocketing, living as our parents once did feels like a hazy American dream.

So instead of spending all this cash, men are opting to forgo dating altogether.

Too Career Focused

The reality of living in difficult economic times is that you’re forced to invest more time and money into your career than prior generations ever had to.

To grow professionally and have the economic freedom you so desperately crave, men are investing more in their careers, while sacrificing their social life as a consequence.

Dozens of men come to us asking to help turn around their dating lives. When we ask what’s been holding them back they tell us they’ve had a case of career tunnel vision for years. They worked, hustled, built their own businesses, and climbed the professional ladder, all the while neglecting to nourish their love lives.

Now they’re in their 30s (or even 40s) and want to settle down ASAP.

We hear this ALL. THE. TIME.

But even if you feel like you’re running out of time to find a life partner, there is still a way to meet women.

Domestic Distractions

Imagine you’re single on a Friday night in 1975.

How are you going to spend this evening?

Your 2023 plan may be to come home from work tired, microwave a meal and binge The Bear.

But that’s not an option in 75′. Unless you want to watch one of the few shows on TV at the time, you had to get out of the house. With few if any in-home entertainment options men used to open their front door and head out into the wild and magical world.

Nowadays, the only magic most single men see comes from binging Chris Angel clips on YouTube.

Humans today are so saturated with technological distractions, they no longer feel as compelled to leave home and interact with other humans to feel stimulated. Men can now stay at home and play Call Of Duty, binge an endless selection of TV shows, or mindlessly scroll on TikTok until it’s 2 a.m.

These distractions are making men lonelier, sadder, and less gratified than ever before.

Not Knowing How to Use Dating Apps

Looking at the graphic below, you might come to the conclusion that Americans love dating apps.

It’s true that most relationships start online nowadays, but that doesn’t mean Americans love using dating apps or that they even know how to use them effectively to find romantic partners.

To illustrate my point, let’s take a look at Tinder and Bumble.

Tinder is the most popular dating app in the US with over 27 million users. The issue, if you’re a man, is that 9 out of every 10 users are male. 9 males to every 1 female isn’t great odds for finding your next partner. Bumble, known as feminist Tinder, doesn’t fair much better with 7 men for every 3 female users.

The sheer volume of users means that users can find love online. But most users will struggle… brutally… especially when they put in zero effort and don’t use them strategically.

Before working with us here at emlovz, men often complain about using the apps. When they do finally match with someone, it’s normally a woman they don’t care to date. This is because women can date out of their league on dating apps. Being that they’re so outnumbered, they can afford to be choosy. That’s why students in our coaching program Dating Decoded test and optimize their profiles until they’re in the top 10%.

Despite the difficulties men face, they still often solely rely on dating apps to meet their new partner.

This is because dating apps are efficient and easy to use–although only effective if used correctly.

The average guy will sit on their couch and swipe away all day and night, or even in a bar surrounded by women. It’s accessible, doesn’t lead to in-face rejection, and is seen by many as a game.

Limiting Self Beliefs

At emlovz, we help students in their mid-20s to students in their mid-60s.

More often than not we see an unhealthy pattern taking hold in our older, post-divorce students.

Many have opted to take the dreaded red pill.

They become incels, anti-women, and place all the blame on horrible man-hating women.

They think society has been corrupted by women and rail against this new age where women finally have a voice and demand a seat at the table.

Unsurprisingly, it can be difficult to find a female partner when you don’t respect women.

There has always been misogyny, but this new breed has emboldened men to live in an alternative reality and ONLY date women that have similar beliefs. Naturally, it’s difficult to find conservative, anti-feminist women, even if you’re looking to date an older woman.

If this sounds like you and your goal is to become better with women and find a partner, first attempt to understand their point of view. You don’t have to agree with it, but a good first step is to always understand where the other person is coming from. This will humanize them and lead to compassion.

You Are Not Her Priority

Women, more than any other time on earth, know that they don’t need a male partner.

They have their own money, ambitions, and goals, and they don’t need a man to help them achieve them. Even 60 years ago the primary goal of most women was to meet a loving husband and have a family. While this is still a goal of most women, the modern woman can strive to achieve goals outside of having a loving family.

She can aspire to have her own company, fulfilling career, to travel the world, become a doctor, go to grad school, etc.

Settling down and having children when she’s in her mid-20s is no longer the chief goal of the majority of women.

If at this point you’re thinking, well then hey, why should I even try, you’re missing the point.

I don’t point out how lonely men are in an attempt to deflate you. Rather, I do it to encourage you to shift your strategy. If women are more independent than ever and thus can afford to wait to partner up, respect her independence, encourage her career pursuit and respect her as an equal. In this way you’ll appear more attractive than other men who demean and belittle her for her professional pursuits.

Women Are More Standoffish

Some men feel like the good old days are gone and dusted. Like the days of walking up to a woman and shooting your shot are considered just the newest form of harassment.

It’s true that women have changed their minds as to what they deem acceptable behavior – and perhaps they’re right.

I mean, have you watched an old-school James Bond film lately? The man was basically a rapist. Women are done with men opening up sets with lame one-liners or comments on their body.

This isn’t to say women are wholly opposed to being approached. However, their preferred way of being approached has changed. Treat women with respect when interacting and more often than not she’ll be receptive to having a conversation.

Keep Up With The Changing Times

Feel like you’re being left out?

It can be tough to keep up with changing sensibilities and dating strategies.

We’ve created a dating program and community to give men the tools they need to be successful in this modern dating scene. You’ll learn the ins and outs of online dating and in-person communication. You’ll learn how to ask women out, increase sexual attraction without being too forward or too passive, and quickly find a woman you’re deeply compatible with.

We’ve also created a community for men where they can meet and bond with like-minded guys. Upon joining, you’ll have access to accountability buddies and the Man Cave, a twice-a-month event where men come together to talk about dating and life and to support one another.

Learn more about our program and community when we chat 1-on-1.

If you want to hear what our students have to say, check out how Naeem scored 31 dates in just 3 months.