Dating after a couple of years of being locked away and not seeing anyone romantically is tantamount to being thrust up on stage in front of a thousand people and being asked to give a speech on the conceptual foundations of quantum mechanics.Â
Okay, maybe it’s not that terrifying, but it’s still pretty scary.Â
The pandemic has turned us into socially awkward creatures, and I’m not just talking about humans. Even puppies suffered socially and acted up at recent dog shows as a consequence of the pandemic.
So it makes sense that you’re feeling a little socially awkward and nervous to get back out there.
A fear of dating again or FODA is rampant across the USA.
Hell, dating was nerve-racking before the pandemic, now it’s on a whole other quantum mechanic-type level of scary.
It’s fine that you’re feeling a bit odd about dating face-to-face again, frankly, we all are.
To ease back into the dating scenes we’ve compiled a few techniques to help you dip your toes back into the dating pool with grace.
Fear Of Dating? Try These Techniques
Our first tip is more conventional than it sounds.
The best way to address your fears is to not date… at least not like you used to.
Hang Out Via Zoom
By now you’re a Zoom master.
You’ve Zoomed co-workers, friends, family, and maybe even a single female or two during the throes of the pandemic.
Zoom dates may not be as en vogue as they used to be, but they’ll forever have a place in modern dating.
They’re easy, safe, and a great way to screen people.
They also might be less awkward than dating in person.
Should a date be going horribly you can easily press the abort button, accidentally hang up, or choose any of the many excuses you have in your repertoire to put an end to it (of course aborting is rude and I don’t recommend you do that).
Here are some Zoom date tips:
- Dress like it’s an in-person date
- Make sure there’s nothing embarrassing in the background
- Clean up your background
- Drink something
- Set a time limit
The most important of these rules is to set a time limit. More than anything first dates are introductory encounters where you feel out the other person and determine if there’s a future there. This is even more so the case when the date takes place over Zoom.
You’re not gonna fall in love with this person over the app.
Just spend enough time with them to ascertain whether or not they’re worth seeing in person.
20-60 minutes should be plenty of time to make this happen.
Tell Her You Feel Awkward But Are Still Stoked To Meet Her
Objectively speaking, first dates are a little scary.
Even if you’re excited you definitely still have a little fear of what’s to come.
There’s no need to tuck this fear away.
Rather, be open and honest and share that you’re a little nervous at the beginning of the date. Chances are she’ll agree and you’ll talk and bond over how awkward first dates are.
The thing is, being honest and vulnerable is an amazing way to accelerate a bond. Â
If you both have a fear of dating and admit it, you’re in a sense playing on the same team as you two look out for each other and empathize with the other’s fear.
They Don’t Judge You As Harshly As You Judge Yourself
We’ve all heard this a million times.
And yes, I know it’s easier to say than feel but it’s true.
Maybe after the millionth time it’ll sink in.
We judge ourselves more harshly than others.Â
We think that after our blunder, everyone’s still talking and laughing about it. In reality, they’ve moved on. The only person still ruminating about your social mishap is you.
Reframe Worst-Case Scenarios
Chances are you’re most worried about rejection.
What happens if she doesn’t like me if she doesn’t show up if we have nothing to talk about?
What happens is you’ll have another name crossed off your list of possible matches.
Going on the date is forever a better option than skipping out.
If you go out and there’s no connection you can tell yourself that you two weren’t compatible.Â
You put yourself out there, got to know a lovely woman, but there just wasn’t a connection — that’s perfectly fine, it happens.
Don’t be hard on yourself by saying that you struck out, she rejected you, or that you’re not good enough for her.Â
Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend.Â
Dip Your Feet In
At emlovz, we’re major proponents of express dates.
Chances are if you’re going on a first date, you’re meeting a complete stranger, someone you might not be attracted to the second you make eye contact.
So why are so many men willing to spend $200 and three hours on a first date?
It makes no sense to me.
We teach our students how to go on stimulating first dates that last no longer than an hour with no more than $20 being spent.Â
It’s much easier to stomach a first date and the fear that comes with it if you know it’ll only last an hour.
But what kind of first date ideas satisfy our first date requirements?
- Cupcake date
- Chocolate tasting
- Ice cream and a stroll
- Froyo date
- Donut-tasting date
- Urban art walk
- Coffee/Tea Date
- Free event calendar in your area
You may be wondering how on earth you’ll convince her to only meet up for an hour.
Here’s how it’s done.
For one, you’ll want to make sure the date takes place midweek (ideally when it’s still light out) or on Saturday, never on Sunday or Monday (for the first, second, or third date).
Midweek dates lend themselves to being brief. No one has time to spend 4 hours after work getting to know a stranger. Saturdays are great as she won’t be fatigued or in work mode.
However, one-hour cutoffs rarely happen organically.
If you abruptly tell her you need to leave, you could turn her off.
Plant the seed before the date.
Tell her you only have an hour to spare but would love to spend it with her.
Or you could be upfront and tell her your first date rule is that you only spend about an hour or so on first dates.
While it might be a little weird to be so upfront it’ll save you from any awkward moments later on.
Choose A First Date Activity You Feel Comfortable With
Maybe you’re like me and hate cafe first dates.
They’re awkward because cafes are generally quiet, so everyone can listen in on your conversation and immediately know you’re going on a first date. Secondly, they’re super cliche.Â
But who knows, maybe you feel super comfortable at cafes on first dates.
PRO TIP: Make a coffee date less cliche and more awesome by finding a coffee joint that she’s never been to that has something amazing about it, e.g. unique coffee you can’t find elsewhere, an outlandish theme, or just something that makes it different from all the other coffee shops in town.
The thing is, there are no rules written in stone that you have to follow. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) take her to a fancy French restaurant, split a bottle of wine, and order dessert.
The best first date idea is one that you and her will both enjoy.Â
I recommend finding a commonality and going on a date that speaks to that shared interest.
Perhaps that means mini-golfing, bowling, or playing chess on a first date.
Just because it’s unconventional doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done.
And hey, even if you don’t connect with your date at least you’ll enjoy the activity.
MegaDating
The best way to get over your fear of dating is by dating.
Exposure therapy has been proven over and over to reap real benefits.
Chances are you are fretting about dating again because you haven’t gone on a date in quite some time. I guarantee that over a couple of dates you’ll get over your FODA.
At emlovz, we’re huge advocates of MegaDating, or the process of dating multiple women simultaneously.
MegaDating is a proactive dating approach that has a host of benefits.
Some include:
- Helps avoid settling
- Quickly helps you find a compatible partner
- Refines your dating skills
- Identifies the kind of partner you’re looking for
- Releases sexual energy (but you don’t have to be having tons of sex to MegaDate if you don’t want to)
By going on multiple dates a week you’ll quickly realize that dating isn’t that bad after all.
You just need practice… and women to go out with.
We can help with both.
Dating Decoded
In our dating program, Dating Decoded, we teach men how to MegaDate, how to find AMAZING single women to date, how to ask them out, and how to court both online and IRL.
As most new relationships start online, we primarily focus on turning you into an online dating expert.
You’ll learn how to create a profile that is guaranteed to get exceptional matches, how to court online, transition a dynamic away from the app and towards the real world, and the dating blueprint that’ll accelerate your relationship in no time.
To learn more about our program let’s chat via a 1-on-1 Zoom call.
During our call we’ll talk about your dating history, what you want your romantic future to look like, and how our program can help find the long term relationship you’ve always wanted.
