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Why Does She Keep Texting Me If She’s Not Interested?

By Emyli LovzAugust 3, 2019Strategy
Why Does She Keep Texting Me If She’s Not Interested?

Wondering “why does she keep texting me if she’s not interested?” She’s lying.

Now keep in mind that the operative word here is interested. Clearly she’s interested in you. Why else would she be texting? What you need to find out is in what way she’s interested. Maybe she knows you’re a dope cook and wants you to come over to make your famous family dish? Perhaps she wants to use you as her IG boyfriend so that she can keep reeling in those likes. Or maybe she genuinely misses you and is playing hard to get.

There are a myriad of reasons why she’s texting you. Texting doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s romantically interested. However, it does mean that for one reason or another she wants something from you. It’s time to find out what the reason is. To narrow down the reasons why she keeps texting if she’s not interested, we’ll examine this conundrum in three different contexts.

1. Why Does Your Ex Girlfriend Keep Texting You If She’s Not Interested?

Let’s drum up a few images to bring the scenario to life.

You two recently went full circle and found yourselves seated on a rooftop bar overlooking the Hudson River. It’s where you shared your first date together. Yet now, instead of pruning your relationship, she rips the relationship apart, roots and stem. Despite the emphatic ending to your relationship, she keeps digitally prodding you with messages. So if she made it clear she doesn’t want to romantically see you any longer, why does she keep texting?

Well, I have a few theories.

Your Now Ex-Girlfriend Has an Anxious Attachment Style

Those that have anxious attachment styles most likely lived with parents that had demonstrated erratic behavior. Some days they were showered with love, yet other days they were distant and aloof. Growing up in such an emotionally fickle household can lead someone to develop an attachment style that leaves them clingy.

They could also have an avoidant attachment style. Such a style is manifested by struggling to create intimacy and pulling away should things become too heated. If your ex-girlfriend has either of these styles and just broke up with you, texting incessantly could be a sign that she’s conflicted. A woman with a secure attachment style is much able to cope with difficult romantic decisions.

But you don’t need to have an unhealthy attachment style to struggle with a major breakup. If you were an integral part of her life isn’t it normal for her to want to reach out after ending the relationship? She might be texting you not because she regrets her decision, but rather because she’s trying to ease the transition.

Your Ex Misses Having Sex

Even an AI vibrator can’t compete with the loving touch of a boyfriend. It’s possible that’s she’s just as, if not hornier than you are. As you well know by now, touching oneself gets old. Those late-night texts aren’t being sent with her head. If she’s hitting you up for a late-night rump session, her clitoris might be running the show.

Your Ex Could Have Lost Most of Her Network

But perhaps she’s not interested in pillow talk. Maybe she’s just jarred from having her social life unravel. When she broke up with you she didn’t just lose a boyfriend. She lost friends, family, and a social routine. Leaving her entire social circle in the wake is a difficult decision. These messages are evidence that she’s uncertain as to how to move forward. Maybe she just wants to be friends, or she’s trying to figure out a way in which she can still kick it with your friends without you being there.

2. Why Does A Woman You’ve Dated Keep Texting You If She’s Not Interested?

To be clear, in this scenario, a woman that you’ve dated but isn’t your girlfriend keeps prodding you from afar. Maybe it was one date or maybe it was 20. The point is that she’s not your girlfriend, told you she’s not romantically interested, yet still wants to keep in touch. So why does she keep texting if she’s not interested?

You were once considered a starter. Every Friday you got the call to go on a date, but no more. Instead of seeing an abundance of playing time, your love interested has relegated you to the splintery bench. Benching refers to stringing a romantic interest around while rarely if ever meeting up with them. In other words, she’s playing the field, but likes having you around as a backup. She no longer wants to date you in earnest, but might be game for the occasional dalliance or FaceTime session.

She Could Be Completely Over You Romantically, But Still Needs Something From You

You are clearly still of value to her, just not the romantic kind. It wouldn’t be odd if she was scheming to use you for your professional contacts. She may also be keeping in touch because she wants to crash at your house because of its proximity to work, steal all your recipes, or to get in touch with a buddy of yours.

Did She Ever Hit it Off with One of Your Friends?

Whether it’s for platonic or romantic reasons she might want to contact one of your friends. The issue is that she either doesn’t know how, wants insider information, or permission before she makes a contentious attempt to go out with a friend of yours. If she’s trying to stay in your social circle, she knows that she can’t callously kick you to the curb. She’s got to woo you into transitioning from the end zone to the friend zone. That’s why she’s still making light of the situation.

Did She Just Move to Town?

Being the new kid in school is nothing like being an adult transplant. At school, you were bound to make friends eventually. But making friends after moving to a new city as an adult can an uphill battle, not one everyone wins. She’s clearly made a connection with you and doesn’t want to see her invested time go to waste. The woman hardly has anyone else to talk to so she’s leaning on you emotionally.

You were once her guide, only friend in town, and a person to keep the loneliness away. She can’t block your SM accounts or delete your number because without you she has no one to kick it with Friday night. She’s emotionally and socially malnourished. You were her key to a healthy diet of human interaction. She isn’t willing to abandon her best chance at making friends and laying down roots in a new city.

3. Why Does A Woman Who Turned Down Your Date Offer Keep Texting You If She’s Not Interested?

In the prior situations, the woman already has a relationship with you. This situation is unique in that at face value it looks like there’s no reason for her to text you. After being rejected, you thought that was that. Yet she lingers. It’s reasonable that you’re asking yourself “why does she keep texting me if she’s not interested?” Let’s find out why.

Did You Use a TDL When Asking Her Out?

TDL stands for time, date, location. So many men use the generic line, “want to go out sometime?” when requesting a date. Let’s be honest. Such an amorphous request doesn’t merit an answer. Anyone that asks a woman out in such a way can’t be let down when the date never comes to fruition.

A TDL specifies the date and makes it tangible. It gives the woman you’re asking out a clear date request to either accept or reject. She might still be messaging you because you never clarified when and where the date was taking place. It’s not that she necessarily turned you down, rather she never knew she was being asked out in the first place. No wonder she keeps prodding you via text. Don’t delay any longer and set a TDL!

But Perhaps Her Texts Aren’t Romantic in Nature

Is the woman that snubbed you in the same social circle, work with you, or sports team? In other words is she obligated to text you? How are you tied to this woman in ways that aren’t related to romance? Here’s one situation where she definitely isn’t texting you because she wants to pursue romance.

It’s clear that she’s been looped into your social circle and can’t get away from you even if she wanted to. You probably knew this before asking her out. Accept that she prefers a platonic relationship and do your best to not make things weird. Think twice before asking someone out that must still interact with you even when the romantic relationship comes to a close.

What Did the Rejection Look Like?

Did she voice that she would but she’s swamped with work and other engagements? It’s true that this is a convenient way to deflect a request to go out that doesn’t hurt the person asking. It’s often used but in some cases it’s truthful. Like you, she too may be MegaDating. This means she’s got dates stacked on dates. She may be interested in you but simply doesn’t have the time to date you. Check in with her a couple of weeks later to see if her schedule has lightened. If not, it’s best to move on.


If you’re not already, start MegaDating yourself. MD involves dating various people at the same time. This expedites the time it takes to find and build a meaningful romantic connection. You’re not a libertine if you date around, you simply don’t feel like waiting any longer to meet a woman that gets you pumped.

You can find women to date by tapping into various social channels. These channels could include friends of friends, dating apps, parties, PTA meetings, mediation classes, church groups, etc. Dating various women in a short period of time will turn you into a skilled dater, reduce the urge to settle, and will help you find a significant partner.

Conclusion: Why Does She Keep Texting Me If She’s Not Interested

Let’s say that she refuses to date you not because she’s too busy, but because she doesn’t see you in a romantic light. She has let it be known that she’s not interested in you romantically, but platonically still wants you in her life. Ask for clarification before signals get misread.

If she just wants to kick it, don’t get down on yourself. She thinks you’re cool enough to keep around, so why not tap her for romantic partners. She’ll happily set you up with a single friend of hers. If you’re hung up on her you can always start the relationship off as friends before heating things up.

We’ve established that she’s interested. It’s up to you to find out why she’s interested. The contexts have been set and situations analyzed. Now it’s time for you to put on your investigative cap and ask the necessary questions in order to ascertain why she keeps texting you.

If you need some help snuffing out the truth, talk to your neighborly wing-woman. I’m not talking about your best female buddy. I’m talking about me! I’ve been a dating coach for years, specializing in creating comprehensive dating plans that will help you achieve all your romantic goals. Learn how to flirt, identify attraction through body language, and score dates when you book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session. During this intro session we’ll analyze your current dating roadblocks, create a strategy, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.