Getting your hopes up about someone, only to be rejected, is the absolute worst. It’s enough to make you want to crawl into bed, never to be seen again (or worse, drown your sorrows at your neighborhood bar). But simply trying to numb out doesn’t work for long. So, then what?
If you’re like most people, you may not know exactly what to do when you’ve been rejected by a woman. But you’ve probably done the obvious: You’ve blocked her on social media, given her stuff back, and gotten a new haircut for good measure. Yet inside, you’re still a wreck, and you can’t stop thinking about her.
Knowing what to do when you’ve been rejected by a woman can be tough. But there are some things you can do to get through it faster — starting with the ones on this list. With a little bit of effort, you’ll be feeling better before you know it. And who knows? At the end of it all, you might even meet someone new.
Here are some suggestions of what to do when you’ve been rejected by a woman.
Help Someone Else
Let me guess. Lately, you’ve been spending most of your weekends aimlessly surfing the internet, eating takeout, and thinking about your ex and the breakup — from what she wore when she broke it off, to every detail of went wrong, to what you wish you would have said. Don’t get me wrong, that’s all totally normal. But it’s also a slippery slope. The more you focus on her rejection, the more you depressed you can become.
One way to get out of it is to focus on something outside yourself. A great way to do this is by volunteering.
First, helping people less fortunate than you can help you put your own situation into perspective. While you’re comforting abandoned pets, serving food to people without a place to live, or holding the hand of an elderly person, you’ll quickly remember how small your problems are in comparison. You might even completely forget about your own sadness, at least for the time being. After all, things aren’t really as bad as they could be, are they?
It’ll also boost your self-esteem. Realizing that you spent an entire weekend hiding in your apartment will only add to your sadness. But on the flip side, helping someone else is a wonderful feeling and will give you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. In fact, helping others is said to naturally release the mood-boosting chemical oxytocin. This is why volunteering is often recommended to combat loneliness and depression.
Finally, you can sense the kindness in others more when you’re working in a volunteer situation vs. a regular job. The vibe is contagious, making it a great place to make new, positive friendships.
Try to Be Grateful
This may sound like the last thing you’d ever want to do when facing a painful rejection, but it’s a powerful mental state transformer.
Consider this: Your thoughts create your emotions, which then influence your actions and become your reality. So if you’re filling your mind with constant thoughts about the breakup, you’re just recreating more of the negative emotions that are leading you to sit at home and brood, which keeps you from moving on.
So make a real effort to change your thoughts. One way to do this is to simply notice things you are grateful for. You’ll be surprised at just how quickly this can shift your mental state.
The question is, what do you have to feel grateful for right now, especially after being treated so badly?
First, you can start small: Make a list of 10 things that you are grateful for, even if it’s just basic things like “I’m grateful I’m not homeless today,” or “I’m grateful I have enough to eat today.” Remember, these are facts. This is another one of those exercises that can put things into perspective and help you recognize all the beautiful things that are still in your life.
Next, you might want to think about your ex as being your teacher. Even though it’s painful, when you look back on it, you can see her as being an important part of your growth. And when you’re happily enjoying your future relationship with the person you’re really meant to be with, you’ll realize you couldn’t have gotten to that point without those lessons your ex taught you.
So, ask yourself: What were you meant to learn from this relationship? Or, what do you know about yourself now that you didn’t know in the beginning? Once you figure out the answers to these questions (as hard as they may be to admit), you’ll be one step closer to attracting your next girlfriend, since you’ll have less emotional baggage holding you back.
Still, none of this is easy. Your ex might have even cheated, or otherwise been nasty to you. In order to be grateful in that situation, remember that you’ll also need to do one more thing — forgive her. I’m not suggesting that you tell yourself that everything she did is okay. It just means that you get to a point where you can see what role this experience was meant to play in your life.
Do Something Artistic
Artwork and other forms of creativity can keep your mind off your ex while also putting you in more touch with yourself.
Some of the most difficult times of my life have included art and self-expression. I remember a while back when I was in between jobs, feeling pretty hopeless. For some reason I started painting, and I’d never been a painter before. But when I was painting, I wasn’t thinking about how sad and lost I felt. Instead, I was just focused on the strokes of the paintbrush and the color that brushed across my canvas. It was incredibly therapeutic and quickly became a staple in my life.
You don’t have to be a painter, but you might consider channeling that excess energy you get from rejection into something simple, like shifting your furniture around or changing your wardrobe. Or, you might try something like writing or playing a song, dancing, jiu-jitsu, or an improv class.
Whatever your choose will help you get back in touch with who you really are. It’s easy to lose sight of ourselves when we’re wrapped up in someone else. So when you’ve been rejected, creating art is a great way to feel like “you” again. In fact, one study found that failing to redefine yourself after a breakup can actually make you feel worse — so finding yourself once more is an important part of moving on.
Art can also gives you an outlet for your emotions, which is healthy for a couple of reasons:
- It will keep you from bottling up the feelings inside. If you don’t let the emotions out, you could end up stewing over things in a way that’s unhealthy. Or, you could totally suppress your emotions until they come out in an unexpected way. Art can help you focus those emotions onto something positive, so they don’t unintentionally spill into other aspects of your life.
- It will help express what you can’t get across in words. Sometimes it’s hard to verbalize what we’re feeling. Instead, it’s easier to either act it out (think about the jiu-jitsu or improv class). In a similar way, creating a piece of art that visually represents the feeling can be very therapeutic as well.
Needless to say, if you’re already a creative person, this could be the time when you produce some of your best work.
Lose Yourself in a Book or Movie
A good book or movie can totally put you into someone else’s reality and transform your mental state immediately. And it’s better than binging on YouTube!
If you can’t seem to stop thinking about an ex or a girl who rejected you, try watching a scary movie or a stand-up comedy special. Or, dive into a classic dystopian novel, business book, or crime story that you won’t be able to put down. Just make sure you pick something that’s quality. It will do a much better job at keeping your attention and improving your mood.
Reading could also rekindle your interest in things that you’d brushed aside while you were in the relationship. Use your reading time to learn a new skill that could help you professionally. Or maybe indulge in a hobby you’d forgotten about. Again, this is your chance to do all the things that make you feel like your best self.
Get Out in the Sunshine
Sometimes changing your mental state is as simple as going for a walk outside while the sun is shining. Even a moderate amount of time spent outside in the sunlight can have a tremendously positive impact on your mental state by releasing serotonin in your brain.
It also gets you outdoors where you can interact with people, which is a great thing, especially right now. While taking a walk on a sunny Saturday morning, you can’t help but run into your neighbors walking their dogs, and maybe chat with the barista as you stop for a coffee. Getting more sun is the perfect excuse for lifting yourself out of a rut.
Enjoy the Process of Dating
Yes, you’re going to have to get back out there. But it doesn’t have to be a chore. Just decide to enjoy the process.
For example, you could set small goals for yourself and celebrate when you hit them. You might set a goal of swiping right 100 times and messaging 10 women a day, rather than on getting the “perfect” girl to respond. You could also decide to simply be present with the experience of each date, rather than worrying about whether the person across from you checks off all the boxes on your checklist.
No matter what, try to make dating fun. After all, it’s truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience when done correctly. Just think: After you’re married to the right woman, you’ll look back on your single days with nostalgia about all your different dating adventures. So enjoy them. They won’t last forever, unless you’re not enjoying them (ironically).
What to Do When You’ve Been Rejected by a Woman: Wrap-Up
Obviously, there’s no perfect formula for coping with dating rejection. Most likely, you’ll need to get yourself through it with a special combo of distractions, mood-boosters, and creative outlets. Not to mention, a good amount of time.
03That said, do yourself a favor now and start MegaDating. Believe me, rejection won’t sting as much once you’re dating several women at the same time. You’ll be way too busy juggling all of your options to worry about it!
If you need more specific suggestions on how to be happier and more successful in your dating life, you can book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me to look at your personal situation. Since you’ve recently been rejected, this could be the perfect time to reevaluate your dating approach. We’ll also determine if my 3-month Signature coaching program is right for you.