In the beginning, everything about a romantic relationship is novel.

Then gradually it becomes habitual.

Then routine, then after even more time, your partner becomes your everything – for good or for worse.

It’s at this stage when it becomes hard to understand what life would be like without your partner.

You’ve let your relationship grow to the point that it’s blotted out the sun and has killed any neighboring relationships.

It’s this all-encompassing aspect of a romantic partnership that can make it extremely difficult to know when you should move on.

Your partner is your best friend, they’re in your softball league, they go to gym with you, you two own or rent a home together, you share the same bed, kitchen, even toothbrush occasionally.

Axing your relationship would be like cutting down the sequoia tree in your backyard, the one that’s been growing unimpeded for the last 5 years. While it may look like an insurmountable task, once the tree’s been dealt with, you’ll open up that space for new life to grow.

In this article, we’ll help you figure out if it’s time to call in the landscapers and toss that tree in the wood shredder. So let’s answer your question of…

“Should I Stay With Her or Just Be Single?

Let’s find out.

How to Know When It’s Time to Leave a Relationship

Considering I know zilch about your relationship, you’ll have to do a lot of the emotional heavy lifting.

Let’s figure out whether it’s time to stay or leave by asking probing questions that will help you think through your relationship.

Because after all only you can really know if you should stay or be single.

Does She Respect You?

Ahh respect, the foundation of any stable relationship.

Does she listen to you, not cut your sentences off, care about your work, etc.?

There are a number of needs that must be met in order to live the good life.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a pyramid of needs that must be satisfied in order to live a fulfilled life.

As you can see, under the second-highest element of the pyramid is the word, respect.

Imagine what it would feel like spending the majority of your free time with someone that doesn’t respect you?

If you don’t have to imagine because living with a disrespectful partner is just your day-to-day, then perhaps it’s time to move on.

Does She Make You Feel Good More Often Than Not?

It’s really that simple.

Take a moment to sit back, breathe, and really think about how she makes you feel.

Look back to your last few interactions and remember what it felt like to be with her?

Look even the most stable of relationships are like a see-saw.

There will always be ups and downs, good times and bad.

What’s important is that the good far outweighs the bad.

By far I don’t just mean that you enjoy being around them 60% of the time whereas 40% you don’t. A healthy relationship will mean that 9/10 interactions will be pleasant.

It’s difficult to quantify a relationship.

Difficult to place each interaction into a positive or negative bin.

That’s not the point of this exercise.

The objective is merely to get you thinking about the whole of your relationship.

Generally speaking, do you enjoy being with her?

If the answer is yes, great, now it’s time to ask yourself yet another question.

How Is Your Communication?

Look if things were all bubble baths and chocolate strawberries you wouldn’t have made it to the fourth header of a break-up article.

Something’s not right in your relationship, that something has led you here.

What I want you to ask yourself is if you’ve been open about what’s troubling you.

Have you communicated your anxieties and fears with her?

If so has anything changed as a consequence of that conversation?

If you’ve yet to open your mouth, you must.

You must give your partner a chance to listen to your objections and change their behavior. Despite having dated for months, if not years — it’s still nearly impossible to read another person’s mind.

When you do sit them down to talk about your qualms, be civil and calm.

Like to pros advise, talk about how you feel rather than how they’re making you feel.

Give your partner time to change after the talk. Perhaps things have been off recently simply because of these one or two harmful things that your partner had no idea were hurting you.

Don’t be rash.

Do You Share The Same Values?

It’s easy to have sex with someone who’s nothing like you.

They’re Republican you’re a Democrat, they like heavy metal you listen to folk, they like the Cowboys and you, well, hate sports.

It’s fun for a while, but to go from a short to long-term relationship there must be values and similarities that tether you two together.

If you disagree on core values you’re likely to have some pretty big clashes later on.

Learning your partner’s values as quickly as possible will save you time in the long run. Perhaps you have a few make or break values that will determine the longevity of a relationship. Identify what these are and figure out if they align with your partner’s.

How’s The Sex?

When you’re wondering if you should stay with your girlfriend or just be single, let’s be honest — sex is kind of a big deal.

Talking about it, thinking about it, and especially having it.

Specifically not having it is a rather big deal and is generally a red flag that a relationship isn’t working out.

We all know that over time couples have less and less sex, that’s just how romance works.

What’s important though is that you two are still attracted enough to each other to still have sex.

Look humans have sex for all kinds of reasons. But chiefly we do it either to have a baby, but more often than not to show affection and build a bond.

Have you two been doing much bond-building lately? It not, why?

Or maybe you have been having sex lately, but you two have contrasting styles.

“Are you having sex?” is just as important a question as “do you enjoy the sex?”

Why do something if you don’t enjoy it?

Many a man will get a high five from a friend if he triumphantly claims to have had sex last night.

But sex isn’t inherently good.

It’s like triumphantly claiming you went to the game last night. That’s great and everything but if your team got smacked by 25 and your starting PG just got injured, well that’s not so great.

Considering most relationships nowadays are monogamous, it’s important that your sex life is at the very least satisfactory.

Do you really want to be having no sex, or worse, bad sex for the rest of your life?

How Does She Spend Money?

A recent 2019 study cited “financial problems” as the 5th most common reason that couples split up.

Other popular reasons included:

— Lack of commitment

— Infidelity

— Too much conflict

— Substance abuse

— Domestic violence

Having conflicting sexual styles is one thing, but conflicting financial styles is an even quicker route towards termination.

Life just ain’t fun when financial reasons put a strain on a relationship.

Be upfront about your spending habits. If you don’t like how you two have been spending money — or fear that she’ll spend excessively once you share accounts — have the money talk sooner rather than later.

Are You Afraid You Won’t Be Able To Find Anyone Else?

So soo many men that I know stay in relationships longer than they’d like to for fear of not being able to fall for anyone else.

They stay in stagnant relationships because they think they’re too old, out of the game, diffident, etc. to find someone.

That isn’t true.

To prove it to you, I’d like to direct your attention to the sexiest number of all, 37.

After dating 37% of your potential romantic partners you should settle down with the next person you date.

To apply this to real-life you’d have to guesstimate how many serious partners you’d have throughout the course of your life.

The mathematical rule that gives us this magic number comes from “the fussy suitor problem” also called, “the optimal stopping problem.”