She Canceled Our Date, How Should I Respond?
The average man’s dating life is constantly in flux.
New women are entering the fray while others exit and what were relationship seedlings are now taking root while others are being weeded away. This is the life of a single man.
An ever-changing dating landscape means you’ve got to be willing to accept the vicissitudes as they come, and adapt. One of the most common curveballs men see is that of a canceled date. Hey, don’t take this personally, even the greatest of Don Juans are left hanging every once and a while.
In this article, we’ll take a look at how to respond to a woman that’s canceled a date. We’ll address each canceled date while taking into account when specifically she decided to cancel.
How to Respond to a Cancelled Date: The Situations
“She Cancelled Our First Date”
Before we start placing the blame on the woman that shredded your plans, let’s talk about you for a second.
Being that you’re burdened with carrying the huevos in this relationship, it’s up to you to ask her out, not the other way around. Assuming you did so, I need to inquire, how did you do it?
When asking a woman out, the lame guy’s common refrain is, “Hey, how about we go out sometime?” This is a nothing line.
You haven’t defined the activity, time, or location. You’ve offered her zero concrete information that she can digest and ultimately decide on. More often than not a woman will say yes, when asked out this way.
She does so not necessarily because she wants to go out with you, but because she knows that more often than not when guys ask a girl out this way, a date never materializes. Knowing this she says yes to avoid the awkwardness of saying no.
To ask a woman out on a real date you need to use a TDL.
TDL stands for time, date, location.
The template of a never-fail TDL involves a day of the week when she’s free and willing to go on a first date, generally either Tuesday-Thursday after work for a quick drink, or mid-day Saturday.
The activity of the date is vitally important. She’s less likely to reject you when you ask her to go to the annual dog surfing championship in Pacifica than on a basic Starbucks date.
Make the date idea sound like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don’t care how awesome you performed on Tinder, at your cycling class, or the party. The less effort you put into creating a unique TDL the less likely it is that she says yes.
The best way to prevent a cancellation is to pitch a killer TDL that is too good to pass up on.
“Steph! I need a coffee companion to try Hollow Coffee’s new Titantic mocha drink which comes with an oversized marsh-mellow, this Saturday at 11 a.m. Are you up for trying San Francisco’s trendiest new drink with me?”
Beautiful women get lots of date invitations, you need to make yours the best offer she has. This is something I work with my clients on extensively in my 90 day private and group Signature Coaching Program.
“She Canceled Our First Date Last Minute”
The way a date is canceled says everything about the chances that a first date will ever materialize.
Was she apologetic? Did she give a reason? Was she vague? Did she ask if you could reschedule?
Assuming you used a compelling date idea with a solid pitch and a TDL -if she was apologetic- overcome her objection by pitching her on a different day.
Most likely she wrote, that she’s so sorry that she can’t make it today, because of reasons x,y, or z that all have to do with the timing of the date. If she’s apologetic, mirror her pleasant demeanor but demonstrating that you’re understanding of the situation.
Don’t let her fade off into the abyss by putting off pitching a new time or day for the date. After expressing your understanding ask her out again on a day that same week. Whatever you do, don’t respond like this guy.
If she was vague or didn’t give a reason, chances are she’s not that interested. That being said, she could just be a sub-par texter. Succeeding in getting a woman to go on a first date with you is the hardest stage of any budding relationship.
Considering you’re a relative stranger, it makes sense that she isn’t stoked to spend time with you or shift plans around to make room for you. It’s up to you to convey your awesomeness.
I’d still try to overcome objections a few times but a vague cancellation is certainly a red flag that she’s not that into you and may not be respectful of your time.
It’s also important to express your disappointment
This is a powerful move in attraction. Don’t act like it doesn’t bother you. Communicate with her positively by saying something like, “I can’t say I’m not disappointed. What came up?”
Demonstrating disappointment shifts her into a feminine mentality and makes her want to comfort and nurture you, which surprisingly can make her feel more attracted to you.
Using the “puppy dog face” (if you’re talking in person or on video chat) can totally shift her vibe and make her want to see you again.
If she’s offered only a vague reason for canceling, you don’t necessarily have to jump at the opportunity to immediately ask her out again. Showing restraint will raise your value, showing her that she’s not a top priority in your life.
You live a rich life full of nuance and mystery that she’s isn’t privy to. Having her see you as a busy person will boost her attraction for you.
If you truly don’t think there’s a chance that you two will go out because she’s canceled multiple times already, drop her this line the next time she cancels, “No worries Zoe, you seem like a busy woman. That being said I don’t want to get rejected again, so why don’t we switch gender roles. I won’t be asking you out again. I’ve shown my interest, it’s on you now.”
“She Canceled Our Date with at Least 24 Hours Notice”
You want to ask a woman out on a date that’s 2-4 days away from when you asked her out. This gives you both enough time for tension to rise before too much time elapses and you completely forget about each other.
If she happens to cancel at least 24 hours before the date was supposed to take place, it shows that she cared enough about her date with you to remember that her newfound plans clashed with her prior engagements.
Chances are she’s still interested in seeing you. If possible, simply push your date back a few days while keeping the other aspects of the TDL the same. That being said this isn’t always possible. Not every Thursday date activity works on a Saturday or Sunday.
Sidenote: Never ask a woman out on a first date that takes place on a Saturday night
There are three reasons for this. One is that she likely already has plans or is likely to cancel because something awesome just came up and she’s always going to opt to hang with her girlfriends than with some random dude.
Secondly, we live for the weekends. This being said she has some high expectations when it comes to how much she enjoys her Saturday night.
Thirdly, first dates are more so introductory dates than they are romantic. They provide each party with an opportunity to get to know the other on a shallow level before deciding whether they want to continue with the relationship or not.
As a MegaDating rule you don’t want to spend more than one hour and over $10 on a first date. Why invest more time and money on a stranger that you may decide you don’t have a future with 10 minutes after meeting each other?
Should she cancel the date planned for Thursday, alter the date idea so that the activity makes sense for the next available day. Changing the date activity also shows that you’re not a one-trick pony, but rather a man that’s bursting with fresh date ideas.
Remember the goal is to simply get her to re-commit to a date with you. Make it work.
“She Canceled Our Second Date”
The same rules apply when she cancels on a first date.
If she was apologetic, accept her apology and pitch a new date idea, if she was vague- play hard to get, stress your disappointment, but persist and ask her out again.
If she’s vague about it, she might not be interested because you failed to win her trust on the first date, the date went over an hour and you lost mystery and sexual tension, you talked too much, you texted too much after the first date, or perhaps some other guy came back in the picture. There are only dozens of reasons she isn’t up for a second date.
I advise always trying to get her on the date at least three times before calling it quits. But hey, should she continually brush off your offers she’ll miss out.
That’s just the name of the game when you’re MegaDating and filling up your dating funnel with women that actually want to spend time with you.
“She Canceled On Our Third Date”
Oh no she didn’t.
When it comes to the first or second date, it’s at this sensitive period where she’s more likely to cancel because she’s scared of investing time into meeting a new guy than because she doesn’t like you. But when it comes to a third date, well, that’s a different story.
Did you build enough sexual tension or do you feel like you’re in the friend-zone?
If you won her trust on the first date but failed to escalate sexual tension on the second, she might have lost interest. Always try again and pitch her on a compelling third date that sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity.
Third dates are when MD restrictions have been lifted. You’re free to splurge and spend as much time with her as possible. Third dates should take place at night, on a weekend, and ideally close to your place. It’s at this juncture when you’re free to turn up the sexy vibes and get physical.
“She Canceled a Date But Wants to Reschedule”
She’s into you.
Life happens. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Rebook it using a compelling TDL on a different day. Challenge her by being playful and saying something like “well alright but you owe me a drink” or “well you’re going to have to make it up to me.”
Only engage in risky banter when you’re already sure there’s a bit of attraction between the two of you. There’s no quicker way to scare a woman off than by making her feel uncomfortable.
Even if she stresses the desire to reschedule, be wary if she isn’t helpful during the rescheduling process or brushes off multiple rescheduled dates. Chances are she’s into you, though some women are too afraid to ghost or outright reject a man and will opt to deflect date offers until he gets the message.
Now that you have your answer to the question, “She canceled our date, what now?” you’re equipped with the knowledge to conquer the dating scene and find yourself a girlfriend.
Well, at least that’s the hope.
If you’re still feeling ill-prepared to wine and dine fellow singles that’s fine. If you’re serious about changing your dating prospects, stop asking your buddies for their advice and consult with a professional wingwoman.
Let’s hop on a 1-on-1 Zoom call to talk about what aspects of dating have thrown you for a loop and need addressing. Together we’ll create a dating plan that I’ll help you execute. And if you qualify, we’ll discuss my 3 month coaching program and matchmaking services.