A first impression is everything. But when that first impression is reduced to a single line it becomes magnified. If meeting someone in person, you have time to redeem yourself or shape your image. Online dating doesn’t grant users such opportunities. For the intrepid online dater, this one line is your only chance to make an impact. Below you’ll find 50 online dating first message examples for guys that have been proven to work. But before you scan the list, copy, and paste, here are some things to keep in mind.
The best types of messages are personalized. A generic, “Hey, what’s your favorite movie?” is nothing compared to a more tailor-made message. To make a message personal, read through her entire profile to get a sense of her likes and dislikes. Don’t ignore the fact that she mentioned “Forget meditating to relax, I do PEMDAS instead.” Address her profile by responding to something she wrote.
It’s all about creating awesome first impressions. So when you slovenly write “your” when you should’ve written, “you’re,” you come off as a bit juvenile. A quick read through of your message before you send it ensures that any grammatical or spelling errors will be remedied.
Before pressing send, revise your message. The best writers in the world spend hours throwing away entire pages before they’re written something of worth. Take a note from the greats and think of the first message you write as a rough draft. Compose yourself before sending it off and ask if you can write an even better online dating first message. Chances are you can.
She’s already getting inundated with vapid “H factor” words like: hi, hey, hello, hola, etc. If you don’t believe me, ask to see a female friend’s Tinder account and check for yourself. An insipid first message isn’t worth responding to unless your profile makes you out to be a superhero. Being different will make you stand out. When the recipient can tell that you’ve taken the time to write something unique, she’ll feel special. That’s never a bad thing.
This is a tough one. How are you expected to create a personalized message when the written portion of her profile is blank? Hopefully you can glean enough about her from her photos to write her a witty first message. But if she’s only posted bathroom selfies, there’s little chance of that. There are two things you can do in this situation. One is to ditch her. Is the prolific bathroom selfie taker really the type of girl you want to be chasing? Option two is that you can ask her a probing question that forces her to tell you something about herself. Here are a few online dating first messages that will help you out.
Whenever possible, use her name. Dale Carnegie, author of one of the best selling books of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People, says that “a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Writing her name gives the message a personal touch.
Follow it up by soliciting information about her. Asking her to tell you something cool about herself is to ask her to prove her worth. It also works because now you’ll get to know something unique about this stranger. When possible, skip the default getting-to-know-you questions and opt for something a bit more edgy.
This is a variation of the oft-asked question of, “What’s your favorite band?” This question more easily leads to an in-depth conversation. More so than learning about her musical interests, this question seeks to find out how that specific song was selected, where it was sung, and why. There’s a story connected to the question. It’s fun for the recipient because she’s never received a first message like this one before. The act of recalling the song and basking in the enjoyment of singing it is a fun mental exercise.
Again we see the banal opener being sidestepped for a stimulating question. She’s likely to tell you something odd about herself because you’re currently nothing more than a stranger. To her, this conversation just became a quirky little game.
This request for information will likely lead to her sharing the information that she was too lazy to write in her profile. The message works because it’s flirty on a subtle level. Her profile says absolutely nothing about her. You’re playfully poking fun at how god-awful her profile is. You will surely elicit an interesting response with such a question.
Yup, it’s bold, but that’s why it’ll work. The message isn’t salacious or irreverent. It’s innocent enough to be romantic. It’ll make her comb through her past experiences to figure out what it takes for her to fall in love with a guy. If she answers, she’ll be giving you the key to her heart. Now all you have to do is walk through the labyrinth to get to the door.
There’s no better way to accelerate a bond than through the sharing of secrets. Ask her to tell you something her mother doesn’t even know about her.
Pretty much any fun fact about Sarah Palin is gold. This one just happens to be one of the funnier ones. When in doubt, send her a random, yet funny fact.
The first question alone is a bit generic. Other dudes have probably messaged her that exact line. But by revealing what you like to do she learns a little bit about you, thus making you more human in her eyes and thus more worthy of a response.
Two things are happening here. You’re showing a genuine interest in getting to know her while (hopefully) making her laugh. It’s the perfect combination of edgy and authenticity.
Right though? Everyone has seen a Meryl Streep movie and thus it’ll be more or less easy for her to comment. Personally, I’d agree. She’s good, but she’s not Daniel Day Lewis.
Any devout follower of The Office will recognize this variation of a Michael Scott quote. Sure it’s dorky, but if you send this, you’ll just have combined her two most favorite things. Michael Scott and falling in love.
Generally I’d say stay away from including the word slut in an online dating first message, but when it’s a The Office quote, an exception can be made. The beauty of trivia is that it works for any show. Just pick whichever show she’s interested in and make your own trivia question.
Sure it’s cliché, but you’re bound to run across a woman who lauds The Notebook in her profile. Don’t shy away from broaching it. Always steer the conversation towards things she likes.
Spoilers are the bane of any serial series watcher. Bond over your shared ability to elude spoilers and love for one of the greatest dramas of all time. To the wall!
There’s nothing wrong with being a bit edgy. Most men that strike up a chat online are at fault for being too agreeable. Playfully and respectfully show her that you disagree with what she’s said about her favorite movie. It’ll quickly lead to a stimulating conversation.
It doesn’t mater if she isn’t in San Francisco. Every foodie loves to talk about their favorite spots to eat. If she’s a pizza eater, ask her if she’s tried pizza at a particularly happening or obscure place.
Facts are great and all but you don’t want to come off as a know-it-all. A little backstory as to why you know a certain fact creates a more well-rounded online dating first message.
Make assumptions. Even if they’re wrong she’ll feel obligated to correct you. Just make sure those assumptions are playful.
Get foodie with her. If she’s an epicurean, feed into her love of fine foods. Broaching a solid place to grab a scoop of ice cream is a nice segue into asking her out.
Make her life feel a little bit more spectacular with an interesting fact or two. As long as you’re not coming off as arrogant, you’ve probably constructed a message worth sending.
Flattery should only be used if it’s warranted. That being said, when scuba diving is in the picture, it’s definitely merited.
It’s trivia time! Put your drinks to the side and get that buzzer hand ready. It’s never a bad time for a little spontaneous trivia.
I’ll be the first to say that this line won’t work on every woman. Only use it if she says that she’s into lame jokes or seems like the type of person that is into a lazy laugh.
Call her valiant, make her feel like a knight, and she’ll surely respond positively to your message in due time.
When in doubt, remember to talk about a topic that she’s into. If you ask her about her passion she’ll start talking. This is the goal of a first message.
You’re right, it’s kind of dumb. But it’s also cute. Talking about her passion is never a bad call.
Such an online dating first message only really works if you two share the same passion. Should this be the case, harp on that until you’ve got a first date. When doing so never be afraid to show a little bit of wit.
Simple and straightforward. The message shows that you read her profile and most likely share a hobby. Initial messages don’t need to be intricate. 70% of guys don’t even write initial messages that contain more than two words.
Addressing biggest fears right off the bat, that’s cool. It’s even better when that fear pertains to one of her hobbies.
Bond over the struggles of doggy parenting.
Careful with how you frame such a question. She’ll be leery to disclose the places she frequents to a stranger. Write this question so as to advise her to check out a certain place instead of asking if she goes there a lot.
Asking for advice is never a bad way to go. Just don’t make yourself look ignorant or lazy.
A fact followed by a humorous anecdote is a solid 1-2 punch as far as online dating first messages are concerned.
Bring up a contentious topic concerning a subject she’s interested in. The merit of breeds is just such a topic.
Sure you want to be the source of oxytocin generation but before you can get there you’ll have to woo her. The best way to do this is by first woofing her up with comments about her beloved pooch.
Show her dog’s breed some love by letting her know you appreciate her pooch. Throwing in a cool fact about her dog’s breed will make you seem like a knowledgeable man.
A recent study found that users that have a photo showcasing their furry companion have their odds of getting a woman’s phone number from 10% to 33%. There’s a reason dog is man’s best friend. There’s nothing wrong with using your pooch to score a first date. Especially not if Spot makes a friend during the process.
This line works when she has showcased her skills in any extreme sport. The line is perfect because it begins with flattery and ends with a request to meet up.
A mixture of fact and humor is never a bad call.
Sure it’s a little silly, but sometimes silly works. Especially when the competition is settling for “Hey cutie” as an online dating first message.
Pickup lines are just about never a good idea, unless they’re unbelievably brilliant and your subsequent message acknowledges how stupid the pickup line was. So basically, don’t use them. Be genuine and complement her non-physical features instead.
Show her you care about her interests by talking about them. You’re also more likely to receive a response if you keep the conversation on a topic she likes.
Challenge her. Just make sure the challenge isn’t too difficult.
Not everyone scuba dives or even is the lucky parent of a K9. But surely everyone has their favorite Netflix show. It might not be the most exhilarating conversation, but it’s one that everyone can have. Keep it relatable.
She’ll be flattered when you ask her for her opinion. Soliciting her advice increases her self-worth is makes her feel girl. Well done.
Nowadays there are two things everyone is into; food and travel. Combine the two to create a question and you’ll surely receive a response.
You’ll be able to tell where she’s been because of her photos or she will have written about it in her bio. Once you know where she’s been simply ask her what she enjoyed most about the city/country.
A lot of women have been to Bora Bora. Log onto Bumble and see for yourself. Any talk of their most prized vacation destination will likely result in a full blown conversation.
The whole purpose of an online dating first message is to get her talking. What better way to encourage chatter than to ask her about something that excites her as much as travel?
The purpose of displaying the above online dating first message examples is to give you an idea of what women will respond to. As you can see, women are most likely to get back to you if you ask them a question about something their passionate about while adding some humor to your initial message.
Crafting a clever online dating first message is just one of the many components you’ll need learn to reach your dating goals and ultimately find the RIGHT woman to settle down with. If perfectly fine if you still need a little guidance.
That’s where I come in. When you book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me, we’ll address any concerns you might have regarding online dating first messages, discuss your dating history and any other sticking points you may have, co-create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you!