My Tinder Match Disappeared. What Happened?
A coaching client of mine just asked me yesterday, “My Tinder match disappeared, what happened?” I jokingly responded by asking him “Was she the one?”
But in your case, this elusive match shared your interests, only lived 3 miles away, and even accepted your IG request so you could stalk them until you were certain of what they looked like.
Yep, unlike all the others this Tinder match was a keeper (or at least worth getting a drink with).
But after opening your Tinder account the next day you’ve found that they’re no longer there.
What. The. Hell.
So much for them being your Tinderella.
It’s official, your Tinder match disappeared. Before moving on to the next one — like you know you should — you just can’t stop thinking about her and might have happened.
I’m happy your unmerited curiosity has brought us together.
Together we’ll answer your question of why your Tinder match disappeared, though I warn you, you may not love the reason why.
Reasons Your Tinder Match Disappeared
They Swipe Blindly… And Have Regrets
Men and women have distinct Tinder behaviors that manifest in how they swipe.
Women know that they’re highly coveted on dating apps in part because every dating app out there — yes even you feminist Bumble — is a sausage fest. Because of the scarcity effect, women are seen as more valuable… and they know it. This is why most women will only swipe right on a guy that’s both super hot and generally speaking out of their league.
Don’t believe me?
A Hinge engineer recently dug into the data and found that the top 1% of men that received the most likes on Hinge were receiving 16% of all the likes on the app. Dudes in the 90th percentile or better received 58% of all likes. When it comes to women, they’re super specific about who they swipe right on. This isn’t the case with men.
With the guys it’s well documented that many a single Tinder man will indiscriminately swipe right. Hell, there are even apps such as Bonfire and Tinder Auto Like that will swipe on every potential match for you so you don’t have to thus saving you time… kinda. I refuse to link to these apps because you in no way should be using them.
You should only ever go out with someone that you actively swiped right on because you genuinely liked them. Going out with some person an app auto-swiped for you is a waste of time.
What all this tells us is that if you’re a female and the guy you matched with is no longer there, it’s probably because he actually analyzed your profile upon learning that you two matched, decided that you’re not compatible, and unmatched you. The blind-swipe excuse doesn’t necessarily answer why a female match has disappeared from a man’s feed.
To answer that conundrum, read on.
There Was A Glitch
You know how sometimes it just feels like the universe is looking kindly on you? That for some reason it decided that it’d place this beautiful, kinda, funny, and most importantly, single, person in front of you?
Yeah well, this is what happens when the universe behaves in the exact opposite manner.
Whatever the case may be the person that was once there, has vanished.
Perhaps it wasn’t their call at all. Perhaps the app just malfunctioned in the naughtiest way possible.
It dangled a nice prize in front of you only to rip it away just as you were getting your hopes up. Look, even though Tinder is the leading app on the market, that doesn’t mean it always functions perfectly.
To remedy this situation there’s little you can do apart from close the app and open it again all while keeping your fingers crossed.
In all likelihood, your Tinder match disappeared forever. Luckily there’s a way to fix a broken heart… just keep swiping.
They Re-examined Your Profile
On average women spend 3.19 seconds looking at a profile they later swiped right on. Men spend about 5.7 seconds looking at a profile before giving it a right swipe.
From these average times, we can confidently say that no one really ever reads or looks at profile for very long. They check out a photo or two, skim a couple of lines of text, and then make a decision.
This means that just about every match of yours spend just a few seconds determining whether or not they wanted to swipe right on you. A few seconds isn’t enough time to examine a profile to determine if this person is worthy of a date. That comes later.
Once you two have matched, before messaging said match, a re-analysis will take place. They will read the entirety of your Tinder bio, will look at every picture, and only then will they decide whether or not you’re worthy of messaging.
When analyzing your profile once again they may notice a red flag or two that convinces them to unmatch you. Perhaps all your photos are kinda blurry and they can’t really make out your face. They wouldn’t dare go on a first date without being certain what their date looks like – so they unmatch you.
Or maybe you wrote that you’re just trying to “Netflix and chill” in your profile. If what they’re looking for doesn’t align with your sexual interests, they will unmatch.
Look, while inside the app you’re nothing more than another playing card. That’s literally what Tinder has reduced you to. She or he doesn’t see you as a human. It’s this dynamic that makes it super easy to unmatch you without giving it a second thought. Any little thing may be the trigger that gives their finger the impetus to click two buttons and unmatch you.
They Deleted Their Account
In this case, it’s actually not you.
You didn’t repulse her by writing “I could be the worst decision you’ve ever made” or make him question how many limbs you have by not including a single body shot.
This one isn’t on you.
If your match deleted their Tinder account, they’re dead. Gone forever and hopefully for your sake, forgotten.
If this is the case –which of course you’ll never know– it’s a good thing.
Deleting the account means that they no longer wanted it in their life for whatever reason. Perhaps they were sick and tired of dating apps and are quitting them altogether.
Or maybe he or she found someone and no longer needs the app. What’s important is that you continue to keep that swipe finger strong and continue to swipe until you too no longer need the app.
She Doesn’t Want You Stalking Her
If you’re a man wondering why your Tinder match or your Tinder messages disappeared, listen up.
Let’s just say that you two have been chatting and lo and behold she gives you her number.
Now you two are talking via SMS or Whatsapp and are planning a first date. At this point, it seems as though she’s definitely going to meet up with you. You’re no longer just some playing card on an app, you’re a real dude.
One fear that comes with taking a Tinder stranger seriously is that the date might backfire. If it does, she won’t want you knowing her location. Let’s not forget that you can detect if a match is within a kilometer of your position. For a lot of women in particular that’s too close for comfort.
It’s pretty common practice for a woman to unmatch a guy who’s scored her number. She simply doesn’t want you checking your phone, trying to figure out how far away she is. This is an image no woman wants in her head.
They Were Banned
Phew, Tinder just did you a favor.
If your Tinder match uploaded a nude photo, they’re banned, if they made another user feel uncomfortable by talking about how they wanted to wrap their toes into mini hot dog buns and lick the salt off them, banned, or if they created more than one profile — banned.
Single people that get banned from places aren’t the type of people that you want to be going out with. Imagine going out with the woman that just got kicked out of the bar, or the guy that got bounced from a retirement home. These are people that you wouldn’t want going out with your worst enemy… unless your worst enemy is Logan Paul.
Too Many Matches
Sometimes you just have too many matches.
Instead of trying to sort matches into categories based on how into them you are, you just delete them instead.
We’ve all done it.
The person you matched with is either too far, or too old of a match so you unmatch them. Or maybe you fear that the matches are taking up too much space on your phone or that you’ll message someone you know you shouldn’t message, so you say goodbye forever.
For whatever reason, your profile wasn’t deemed important enough to keep around, making you wonder why your “Tinder match disappeared.” To change that, make sure that your photo roster is full of a diverse selection of photos that showcase not only who you are but also what you look like.
Also, keep in mind that the best time to chat it up with someone is right after a match has been made. I don’t care if you’re a woman or a dude, strike up a convo with your new match as soon as you can.
Look, it’s a dating app so use it as such. Don’t treat matches like trophies. Interact with them and get off the app as soon as possible.
That Hottie Was Actually A Bot
Ever get super excited that someone out of your league matched with you only to find that they’re a bot?
Yeah, a lot of people have felt that exact sensation.
It’s that disappointment and frustration that leads to bots being reported and banned.
To be clear, a bot is an account run by a computer usually for a nefarious purpose.
Bots are sophisticated enough to carry on a bland conversation with you before asking you to click on the sketchy link they sent you. Bots are difficult to identify in conversation because most of the convos that take place over Tinder are pretty freakin’ bland to begin with (let me help you with that).
You Done Messed Up
We’ve been avoiding this possibility the entire article, but now it’s time to confront what most likely happened.
Tinder users are like deer. The second you do something a bit askew they’ll run away.
Tread lightly during the early stages of a Tinder conversation.
If you’re a guy don’t talk about anything overtly sexual (unless she’s written in her profile that she’s looking for a dude to play around with).
If you’re a female, just put out a bit of effort. Look, it’s super easy to convince a guy from Tinder to meet up. All you really have to do is post one not-so-blurry picture of half your face and avoid talking about how you spend your Fridays eating tofu and watching Antiques Roadshow.
Again, it’s important to take the conversation offline as soon as possible. To do this, simply avoid creeping the other person out and ask them out with a TDL before 15 or so messages have been sent.
I know what some of you might be thinking, “well I have to get to know them before I go out with them.”
No. You don’t.
Yes, if your first date involves a 10-hour trip to Napa then yes, maybe get to know them a bit before you’re stuck in a car with them for hours. But if your first date involves hanging for an hour and not spending a copious amount of money on each other then no, you don’t need to know every detail about them before asking them on a brief and laid back first date.
Well, there’s no going back.
You can’t call up Tinder and ask that they gift you your match back.
The only thing you can do is move forward.
But how you move forward is up to you. Perhaps you keep on swiping as you have been. But be honest with yourself, has that been working? Did she unmatch you because your profile was weak or because you kept going on and on about yourself over the app and never transitioned the dynamic from within the confines of the app and into the real world?
If you need a little help, no worries, I got you.
As a dating coach & matchmaker, I’ve helped dozens of men and women turn their dating lives around.
When we team up I’ll teach you how to nab a hottie online, how to ask them out, how to flirt IRL, and of course how to find a romantic partner you’re worthy of.
Get started by booking a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my coaches. Together we’ll create a unique blueprint aimed at satisfying all your romantic desires & see if my coaching or matchmaking services are right for you.