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How to Use Instagram for Dating (As a Guy)

How to Use Instagram for Dating (As a Guy)

How to Use Instagram for Dating (As a Guy)

Apps are to be used by people in any way they deem fit. So when it comes to teaching you how to use Instagram for dating — we’re all in.

Of course, if you’re attempting to promote your catering business on OnlyFans you might struggle, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to do so, just that maybe you want to fire your marketing guy.

how to use Instagram for Dating

As you can see, Instagram is the 4th most popular app in the United States. Tinder, the most popular dating app in the states, doesn’t even rank in the top 50.

The app boasts a user-base of about 120 million users, half of which we can assume are female.

If properly leveraged, Instagram — not Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge — can be the most effective dating medium on your phone.

However, the operative word in that sentence is “if.”

IF it’s not properly used correctly you’ll creep out beautiful women and will likely be banned.

So IF you want to learn how to tap into the largest dating pool on the planet, keep reading.

How To Use Instagram For Dating, As a Guy

Let’s get you acquainted with Instagram and teach you how to use it to find, court, and ask out your crush.

How To Get More Followers And How Important Is It?

Followers are basically indicative of your digital clout.

how to use Instagram for Dating

The more followers you have, the more influential you are, and as such will be all that more impressive to her.

Of course, if you don’t have too many followers that’s not a big deal, nearly every guy on IG has less than 1k followers. That being said, what woman doesn’t like dating a man with a following — digital or otherwise.

Nowadays it seems as though being a micro-influencer is always within reach. Just having a little more than 1k followers may be enough to win her extended attention. If you don’t care to impress her with the size of your virtual following, no worries.

While you don’t need to have a size-able following you need to have at least 200 followers. Any less and you’ll portray yourself as a bit of a loner. That being said her opinion will change depending on if your account is private or not.

With that in mind it’s important to realize that engagement is more important than followers. How many likes and comments you have is indicative of how much people actually like you.

To score more followers try out the following:

— Follow more people to get followers

— Add hashtags to posts so more people can find you

— Follow people who follow your followers

— Make a splash by commenting something witty on a celebrity’s profile

— Search “F4F” and if someone sees that and follows you, you follow back

— You don’t want your following-followers ratio to be skewed so delete followers and keep your ratio near 1-1 if not better

What Kind Of DM Or Message Will She Respond To?

That all depends.

Are you two friends, acquaintances, do you have commonalities, etc.?

These are all questions that will determine the type of first message you send.

That being said, regardless of the relationship, each message should do a few things:

— Be eye-catching

— Be current

— Touch on a similarity

— Add value

What might that message look like?

Well, let’s say that you two are both into food, but like — really into food. So when she posts something about how she just made mole for the first time, you slide into the DMs to ask for the recipe.

how to use Instagram for Dating

You establish not only that you both like the same food, but that you both are chefs.

In exchange for one recipe, she’ll get this kick-ass homemade pastor recipe.

If you intend on ever getting a response back — this is the type of message you’ll want to send.

The less of a relationship you have with this woman the more thoughtful your message will have to be.

More than anything you’ll want to make it known that you two share something in common. This will immediately create a bond. Because you made it known that you’re into cooking Mexican food she’ll likely stalk your profile to learn more about you. From here you’re only a few messages away from a number or a TDL.

How Should I Ask Her Out?

If you’re just getting back into dating after some time away from the trenches, sure this article on how to use Instagram for dating will help. But you still need to learn the three most important letters in dating.


TDL stands for time, date, location. 

Most men ask women out on nebulous dates. They’ll say something like, “hey wanna go out sometime?”

Even if this answer receives a yes, that doesn’t mean you have a date set in stone.

When are you two going out, where, what time, what are you doing?

If you can’t answer any of these questions you don’t have a date.

To secure a REAL date you have to use a TDL, one that looks something like this:

“Hey Jen! This new vegan ice cream place opened up on 25th. Care to grab a scoop or two this Sunday at 1?”

Time: 1 p.m.

Date: Sunday

Location: The dope vegan ice cream joint on 25th

Without defining each aspect of the date, she can neither reject nor accept a date request.

A TDL can be used on IG, IRL, Tinder, Bumble – wherever.

It doesn’t matter the context when it comes to asking her out you’ll want to use a TDL.

Only ask her out after you’ve built a bit of rapport.

Asking her out too early could creep her out. However, waiting too long could mean missing your opportunity.

I like to advise my clients to ask her out between the 5th to 10th message sent.

If you wait too long she’ll turn into a pen pal.

When Does A DM Go To The Secondary Inbox?

Everyone has a primary and general inbox.

how to use Instagram for Dating

For the most part, messages that you receive from a non-follower will be sent to your general inbox.

Messages that you receive from someone you do follow will go to your primary inbox.

This is more or less the breakdown of the primary-general inbox sorting works.

The best way to stand out is to contact a woman only after she’s following you. This way you can be sure your message will land in her primary inbox, increasing the odds that she’ll actually read it.

Make Your Account Public

IG gives you the option to either make your account public or private.

As you can imagine, private accounts can only be viewed by approved followers whereas public accounts can be accessed by anyone, follower or not.

Setting your account to private while you’re single is setting you up for failure.

No one wants to chat with a guy that only has 12 followers.

Having only 12 followers to your name is a sign that you’re out of touch with reality and are a social pariah.

Avoid this mistake by changing your account from private to public.

Once you have at least 200 followers you can then make your account private if you wish to.

Do I Have To Follow Her To Comment On A Story Or Leave A Comment?

Not necessarily.

You can comment on stories and posts of women whose accounts are public.

However, if it’s private — which many women have — you’ll have to follow her in order to access her content.

Does It Matter What Order I Follow Her and/or Message Her In?

Follow first then play it cool. 

Kick back, watch a few episodes of Rick & Morty, go to your brother’s birthday party, yell at a few politicians, and then and only then should you DM her.

Following her puts you on her radar.

Literally, she’ll receive a notification once you’ve started following her.

A few days later try commenting on her IG story or asking a question about the story she posted.

More likely she’ll respond to a comment or question on a recent photo than on one from two years ago.

The older the post you comment on the creepier you are.

Try commenting on stories. Stories are fresh and indicate that she was recently on the app.

Facebook Is Different Than IG

Sure they’re owned by the same company, and yes they’re both social media mediums but despite the many similarities they are in fact different.

IG is extremely visually oriented.

It’s used for day-to-day happenings, selfies, party photos, etc.

Facebook on the other hand will be used less often and is rarely used to “slide into one’s DMs.”

I should also point out that FB has its own dating component called Facebook Dating.

Should I Comment On A Post Or Story Before Sending A DM?

What you should do is make a meaningful connection.

Don’t get too wrapped up in messaging etiquette.

What’s most important is that you stand out.

So no, it doesn’t matter if you’re commenting on a story or post first. What matters is that your connection is genuine and that it will elicit a response.

Again, try commenting on things that you two have in common.

If in your profile you have a few pics mountain biking why not comment on mountain biking content of hers and say something like:

“Hey Jess, I see that you too are a fellow mountain biker, what’s the best spot you’ve hit in the Marin Headlands area?”

Find a common interest and make a connection. 

If you’re stuck and don’t know how what to message here are a few dos and don’t.


— Use proper grammar

— Comment on new posts

— Bring value to the conversation


— Comment on a post that’s over 3 months old

— Be overtly sexual

— Tell her you’re close by if you don’t already know her

— Immediately ask her out

If you’re still puzzled as to what you should message her just do the opposite of this guy.

how to use Instagram for Dating

Don’t use this guy as your template either.

how to use Instagram for Dating

Just buy your own damn socks.

Is She Likely To Respond To Every Comment On Her IG?


Look women get pelted with dozens if not hundreds more messages than men do.

That being the case she’ll only respond to either people she knows or people she wants to know.

Are you in either category?

If you follow our advice you might land in the latter, but it all depends on how you present yourself and and your first message.

How To Find High-Quality Women on IG

Ideally, you’re using IG to flirt with women you already know.

Perhaps you just met someone at a party or online dating app and scored their IG. If that’s the case it’ll be much easier to make a connection and get to flirting.

If you don’t know this person, DMing them is kinda akin to a cold call.

Again, women may receive 5-10 unsolicited romantic overtures a day depending on the number of followers she has. When in doubt it’s best that your first message isn’t explicitly romantic.

To find high-quality women you’ll want to use a hashtag in the search area and type a hashtag that resonates with you.

If you’re into cooking use a hashtag like:

— #cookingSF

— #cookingsanfrancisco

— #chefsanfrancisco

— #homecookingSF

You’ll want to use both the activity/hobby and the name of the city you’re located in, in the same search.

When People Comment On My Instagram Posts, How Important Is It To Reply back? Is It Rude Not To?

Responding to comments is rarely necessary, responding to DMs is a different story.

Whether it’s considered rude or not depends on your relationship with the person.

Friends and acquaintances will expect responses whereas strangers will not. Also if you have no intention of having a relationship with someone in the future there’s little need to chat it up online.

What is important is not letting any female leads getaway because you’re too lazy to respond back or don’t check the app often enough.

Time To Log On And Get Messaging

Now that you’re closer to being a pro it’s time to message some beautiful IG ladies.

But wait, what’s that?

You still have questions and concerns about using Instagram for dating? Need some 1-on-1 support?

That’s perfectly fine.

To chat about any worries you might have, reach out to myself or one of my colleagues via a new client 1-on-1 Zoom call.

We can talk about any dating worry you might have IG-related or otherwise. We’ll also discuss my 3 month coaching and matchmaking programs to see if they’re a fit for you.

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