Sliding into the DMs is America’s new favorite pastime – and why not?
With IG, you have access to literally millions of beautiful women at all times.
It’s this access, paired with the ease of sending a direct message, that makes the slide so popular.
However, just because it’s popular doesn’t mean it’s effective or appreciated.
To better understand the newest dating phenomenon we asked women how they feel about random dudes hitting them up on IG.
But we didn’t just ask any women, we asked IG influencers.
That’s right, we asked the women that are constantly being courted online how they feel about it.
Here’s what they had to say.
As if it wasn’t obvious, Anel is a model.
Naturally, she gets hit up every day by random dudes on IG, which is why the first part of her answer might surprise you.
“I really don’t mind when I am contacted via DM, because it means that people are interested in me and want to know me.”
Though, not all messages are created equal.
“However it does bother me when a complete stranger contacts me and asks me to go out with him right away without even trying to engage in a conversation with me or without even trying to get to know me before meeting me in person.”
The key takeaway from Anel’s comment is that she doesn’t want randos rushing into her DMs and asking her out without trying to form some sort of rapport.
DMs are teeming with sleazy guys.
You can stand out by simply not acting like the rest of them.
To do so, find a commonality between the two of you and talk about it. Ask her about the song she posted in her newest story, how her trip to NYC was, or literally anything else that shows you have a genuine interest in getting to know her.
We also asked Amber if it’s sleazy for a guy slides to slide into your DMs.
Here’s what she had to say.
“Okay, first of all, if you don’t know the person yet, it feels like he’s a psycho if he kinda stalks you or just starts sending you DMs without you knowing who is. Sometimes if you match before it’s okay, because you already know the person, but sometimes you just get annoying messages you were not expecting.”
Amber brings up a great point.
If you’ve already matched with a woman, sliding into her DMs might be a bad idea. As Amber says, it’s okay to message a woman on IG if you two already matched on a dating app.
However, it’s important to remember that you should really only send her a direct message if you already matched. Not matching or being rejected and then hitting her up on IG is a major turn-off. So big a turn-off there’s even a name for it.
Tindstagramming – When someone you swiped left sends you a DM
If and when you do send her a message, make sure it’s got some humor. At least that’s what model and actress Pat Muller is attracted to.
“It depends on the DM he sends. If it’s something funny, I just might reply.”
However, some women think that there is no right way to slide into the DMs.
“Yeah, it’s sleazy to slide into DMs.”
No matter the reason, sliding into the DMs and getting your flirt on is a no-go for Nayana.
Luckily, not all women feel this way. Melissa won’t snub a dude just because he sent her a private message.
We asked her if there was any correct way to slide in the DMs. This is what she said.
“It depends on the way they start the conversation. If he/ she intense [I won’t talk with them]. Obviously, i look at their profile and if I like him/her I’ll talk to them. If I do not find them attractive, I do not answer the messages, but sometimes the vibe is so good that I’ll keep them as friends.”
Melissa takes us through her actions after receiving an IG message. If the guy or gal doesn’t come off too strong she’ll check their IG account. If she finds them attractive she’ll respond.
Guys, this means you need to invest time and energy in creating a quality IG account.
Post once a week, show your face, showcase your hobbies, post-travel pics, dog pics, and show her that you’re at the very least worth responding to.
Some women however don’t care how many cute dog pics your IG has. Certain women don’t have time to deal with men that don’t know. At least, that’s the case with Jazzy.
“Hmmmm if you send me many [maybe I’ll notice and respond] but really I only pay attention to those I knew before.”
Jazzy recommends that when in doubt send a few messages.
We recommend sending three messages before stopping.
Remember that all women — not just influencers — are being barraged with messages on a daily basis. If she checks her account 10 hours after you sent her a message, it’s likely that your message will have been pushed to the bottom of the queue.
The next woman we polled isn’t as much an influencer as just a good friend that is constantly being hounded by salivating men over Instagram.
As someone who’s fielded her fair share of lascivious DMs I thought it worth asking Lizzie her thoughts on using IG to court the ladies.
Here’s what she had to say about being hit-up on the gram.
“A guy that comments on a story about your interest or life or anything that isn’t a selfie can be welcoming. It can open up to a conversation about mutual interests or even new insights. It’s boring or sketchy when it’s a comment on looks.”
If you take away anything from this article it should be this.
— Don’t just comment on her looks — everyone does that
— Strike up a conversation about a mutual interest
Follow these two guidelines as closely as you would your new IG crush and you’ll be just fine.
NYC-based model and personal trainer Ellen Rey also has some crucial advice for all those single men out there looking to slide in the DMs.
When we spoke about the notorious slide she had mixed feelings.
“Well, it depends. Sometimes it can be cute, but some of the guys just don’t know about subordination and could become really annoying and pushy.”
Let’s put those words in bold, some guys could become really annoying and pushy.
This is pretty much a golden rule of social interaction.
When IRL or online, never be annoying or pushy. Sure it sounds simple, but if it is why do so many guys still do it? Simply not being a douchebag can go a long way.
Our last influencer is Steph.
She’s a model, chef, entrepreneur, Dua Lipa lookalike, and all-around badass.
She offers a rather unique perspective on the matter.
“It depends on what he writes. Mostly If he’s someone that you don’t know and don’t have any friends in common with due to all the recent issues with stealing identities etc [I wouldn’t message him back]”
Influencers have to deal with issues that the rest of us don’t. I’m not too worried about someone stealing my identity through my IG, however, others are.
Now that you’ve heard from the influencers it’s time to hear from a coach.
Not just any coach will do, however.
Emyli Volz has taught many a single man how to tactfully cruise on into the DMs without being booted, blocked, or publicly shamed.
We asked her if it was sleazy to slide into the DMs, and if there was any right way to go about it.
Here’s what she said.
It depends on how you do it. It’s sleazy if you say “Hey cutie” or “What’s up babe” the same way it’s sleazy to say something like that on a dating app. It’s weak if you start with something like “hey, how are you.” But if you go in with the right strategy, and really speak to her interests the way I teach in my coaching programs, then it’s not sleazy at all because you’re adding value.
It’s actually brilliant to slide into her DMs because she might not be on the dating apps in the first place, or you may not see her, or have the chance to talk to her (i.e. Bumble). In which case, finding her on social media and going in with a targeted strategy of what to say and how to go about it is an excellent way to capture the attention of a woman you otherwise wouldn’t be able to connect with at all.
Well, there it is.
The slide is open for business.
But just because it’s open doesn’t mean it’s been lubricated.
These influencers have given you the tips you need to successfully slide into your crush’s Instagram — but that doesn’t mean you’ll do it.
To really dive into online dating strategy you’ll need to sit down with a coach.
Hit up Emyli for a 1-on-1 Zoom coaching session right here.
Look you can keep messaging women as you were and continue to get the same results you were getting. Or you can team up with an expert who has helped hundreds of guys go from single to in-a-relationship.
And if you’re just too busy for coaching, don’t fret — emlovz is a full service matchmaking company as well.
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