How To Reject a Woman You’re Dating & Manage Rejection Anxiety

At emlovz we teach men how to MegaDate.

MegaDating involves dating various women at the same time.

But as you can imagine you can’t date an infinite number of women at once. You’d need an army in order to keep every relationship you’ve started alive.

At some point, you’re going to have to let women go so you can explore other options.

When you’re dating multiple women simultaneously, the act of rejecting a woman you’re dating will become a fairly common occurrence.

How To Reject a Woman You’re Dating

Rejecting and letting a relationship die as smoothly as possible is a vital skill. The worse you are at rejecting someone the less likely you are to reject them. As a consequence, the relationship will drag on and you’ll keep investing in someone you don’t want to be with.

The first key to learning how to reject someone is having the balls to do so.

So let’s first address anxiety surrounding rejecting someone you’re dating.

Mindset

You are the most important person in your dating journey and in order to make #1 happy, you have to let go of those that are not right for you.

Even though she’ll be hurt for a brief period of time remember that more than anyone else you need to look out for yourself.

But you’re not the only one that will reap the rewards of cutting her loose. In nixing the relationship you free those that are not a fit to find the partner who is and that is a gift.

That’s a major takeaway from this article.

You may think that rejecting her is the wrong thing to do. It only feels that way because you will probably feel bad — especially if you know this woman likes you. The thing is, if you know it’s not going to work out in the long run, rejecting her now will save her a lot of hurt. The longer you go out the stronger her feelings will become.

Not to mention you’ll be saving her time. Instead of having her continue to invest her time and affection into a dead-end relationship she is free to pursue other more fruitful dating opportunities.

This journey is meant to illuminate who is the right partner for you and you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find Princess Charming.

Can’t kiss ’em and keep ’em all.

Awareness

When you reject, you naturally learn full circle what rejection is.

It is simply a lack of full compatibility.

It doesn’t mean anyone is not good enough and it can show you that even when you are disappointed by someone, it has no bearing on your worth as a human being.

It’s not about her not making the mark. Think of it as people that simply aren’t compatible.

She likes metal you like jazz, she loves Marvel and you think superheroes are overrated, you’re super political and she couldn’t care less.

Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. It has nothing to do with her not being funny, smart, or beautiful enough, you two are just too different to make it in the long run.

Study after study show opposites don’t attract. It’s not you or her, it’s just the law of attraction.

You can tell her as much when you bring things to an end.

Kill The People Pleaser Inside

When you learn to say “no” you break the people-pleaser cycle inside of you.

From a young age, you may have learned that putting others’ well-being before your own was crucial, but this is a belief that fails to truly serve us in adulthood.

We must learn to say no to that which is not meant for us and that which does not bring us joy. Without learning this lesson, we are doomed to settle for partners that aren’t right for us and that can spell disaster. You must face this old self and defeat him to move forward. A good movie to watch for this is Peaceful Warrior.

Ask yourself if you’re the type of person that is always saying yes.

Yes to pick up friends, yes to tasks you don’t want to do at work, yes to going out with woman you could take or leave.

Learn that voicing your opinion even if it’s contrarian can be done in a civil way. Know that your opinion is valid too. Your desires are just as important as theirs.

As soon as your start standing up for yourself you’ll see that the fallout is nonexistent.

Manage Expectations

Let the women you are dating know where you stand.

Tell them you’re doing a social experiment and going on 20 dates in 90 days to find the right long-term relationship for you. Being transparent from the beginning helps to manage the expectations of others so they don’t assume a relationship is imminent right off the bat.

In my experience, people become more competitive to win you over when they know there are other options on the table.

But even if you don’t tell her you’re dating around she should expect you’re dating other people. That being said it’s still best to inform her that you’re actively dating around.

A casual way to bring this up is to ask her how the dating scene has been treating her. Naturally, she’ll ask you. Once this happens you can tell her about your experiment or simply tell her that you’re sick of waiting around and are going on a bunch of dates so you can quickly find a girlfriend this year.

Explaining up front what your position is will steady expectations rather than having her fall head over heels only to later find out you’re dating other people.

How To Reject Someone You’re Dating

Now that you’ve got the right mindset it’s time to go in for the kill.

But just because you’re mentally prepared to reject her doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use tact when doing so.

Here are a few things to consider when letting her know you no longer want to see her romantically.

How Long Have You Been Dating?

How long you’ve been dating determines how or if you reject someone.

For example, if you matched with a woman on Bumble (a likely story), went on a single one-hour coffee date and it was clear to both parties a second date wasn’t in the cards there’s no reason to make your rejection explicit.

In general, I’d say you don’t need to let her know you don’t want to see her for a second date. This of course depends on the relationship. If you two were strangers prior to the date and don’t anticipate seeing her in any social context again you don’t need to make your desire to end things explicit. This changes if she continues to text you. If she bombards you with messages, politely respond to a few without asking her out or rejecting her. If she continues to text or ask for a date, let her know you’re not interested.

Should the person you dated be in your friend group, a co-worker, or someone you foresee seeing outside of a romantic context it’s best to tell her via text or in person that you don’t want to see her romantically again.

In general the longer you’ve gone out with this person the more sense it makes to explicitly let her know you don’t want to date. The way you break up should also change.

The more intimate you’ve been the more intimate the breakup medium should be. In other words, if you date her let’s say more than 7-8 dates, you may want to call or arrange an in person meeting letting her know you don’t want to date anymore. If you’ve been dating for a few weeks or months it’s best to let her know in person that you no longer want to see her.

The reason for the change in breakup style has to do with her more than you. You want to let this person down easy so as not to hurt them but also so as to avoid any retaliation or confusion.

That’s why you don’t need an in-person breakup after a date. This would make her feel much worse than being ghosted. On the flip side, this is why you break up with a woman you’ve been seeing for months in person rather than ghosting her. At this stage, she’ll demand a detailed reason in order to have closure.

Breakup Scripts

Now comes the most difficult part.

Actually figuring out what to say when breaking up.

Instead of winging it, it’s best to have a script in hand when breaking up.

Here’s how it should be done.

1 Date – Via Text

You just met her once, you don’t owe her anything except for an empathetic text:

“Hey Sarah. I had a great time getting coffee with you. You’re a really cool person and I enjoyed getting to know you. It hurts to say but I just don’t think we’re romantically compatible. I wish you all the best in your dating journey and I hope to see you around. :)”

2 Dates – Via Text or Phone Call

This is still the early stages of a relationship. Seeing someone once or twice doesn’t build a strong enough bond to warrant a meet-up in real life.

Text her the following:

“Hey Sarah. It’s been really nice getting to know you. You’re a really cool person and I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. It hurts to say but I just don’t think we’re romantically compatible. I think you might feel the same way. Anyways you’re awesome and I hope to see you around.”

This is an exceptionally complimentary message, but it works. If you want to tone that aspect down, simply tell her you’ve enjoyed your time with her but realize you two aren’t compatible and wish her luck.

After just two dates make the rejection quick, civil, and clear. Rip that bandaid off.

3-6 Dates – Via A Phone Call OR In Person

It’s at this point that she might be considering you as a potential long-term partner. You two have dated for 1 to 4 weeks and may have even met a friend of hers.

You two have been intimate, bonded, and have clearly enjoyed each other’s company to an extent.

But for whatever reason, you want to end things.

It’s at this point a quick text won’t do. She’ll feel deceived and will want answers. You can quickly address these concerns and help her heal but having a more in-depth chat.

Wrap things up over the phone or at her home — never yours!

Should things get too uncomfortable you want to be able to get out of there fast.

Before calling her, text asking if she can talk for a second. Also before meeting in person ask her if you can stop by real quick at her apartment.

When you do talk with her get right to the point.

Tell her:

“Hey Sarah. This is difficult for me to say so I’m just going to come right out with it. You’re an amazing person, I’ve enjoyed our time so much together, but I just don’t see a future for us. You haven’t done anything wrong, I just don’t think we’re compatible (or repeat that you don’t see us together in the long-term).”

Be quick, be civil, and let her know it’s not something she’s done (even if it was) but that you don’t see you two together.

She may want more clarification. If she asks, be ready with a watered-down version of the truth. Your reasoning won’t necessarily make her feel better (unless you’re breaking up because you’re moving away). If she demands the truth provide it, but don’t feel the need to spend two hours explaining yourself. Tell her why you don’t want to be together and finish with “I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel.”

If she wants a follow-up chat make sure it’s via the phone and is a brief one. You don’t want this breakup to drag.

7+ Dates – In Person

It’s at this point that she’s definitely considering you as a potential long-term partner. You two have dated for a few months, you have probably met her many of her friends and even maybe her parents.

You two have been intimate, bonded, and have clearly enjoyed each other’s company to an extent.

But for whatever reason, you want to end things before the relationship talk ensues.

It’s at this point a text or call wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

A real man wouldn’t cower behind his phone for this discussion.

My recommendation would be to text her for a meetup at a local coffee shop.

When you meet-up with her in person, get right to the point.

Tell her:

“Hey Sarah. This is difficult for me to say so I’m just going to come right out with it. You’re an amazing person, I’ve enjoyed our time so much together, but in my heart I know that we’re not 100% right for each other in the long term. You haven’t done anything wrong, I just don’t think we’re compatible for the years ahead.”

Make this a 10-15 minute in-person meetup in a public place. Don’t let it drag on. Answer any questions she asks you, but be firm if this is the way you feel. Make sure and leave no doubt in her mind that you’re moving in a different direction. #man-up

Moving On

It’s not easy to disappoint people, especially if we grew up with a deep fear of disappointing those we cared for.

But stepping into your power means disappointing some people some of the time and putting yourself first. If you choose to disappoint yourself so as to not hurt another, you abandon yourself and your ability to reach your full potential.

Choose yourself first.

You’re worth it.

There are plenty of women out there — you know this if you’re MegaDating.

If you want to learn more about how to reject someone with class and quickly find someone new to date hit us up so we can chat about our program Dating Decoded and get to know you on a more personal level.