How to Not Attach To a Woman You’re Just Dating
Over the millennia, humans have evolved to become one of the most clingy species on the planet.
We also like to boast about how quickly we can form bonds with other humans. While this allows us to quickly pad our social circles with new friends, it can also backfire.
Both men and women have a habit of attaching themselves to people they just started dating. This attachment can quickly turn into infatuation or even obsession after a mere date or two. It’s understandably difficult to work against a human trait that we’ve spent millions of years cultivating, however there are ways to mitigate how attached we get to people we just started dating.
The ability to form a bond with a woman is one thing. But if this ability to bond sees you obsessing over every woman you go on a first date with, it needs addressing.
Coming off as not clingy is key.
A clingy dude is seen as of low value. When a woman is forced to ask herself why you’re constantly messaging her to hang out again after a first date she’ll provide answers that will make you look lesser. She’ll assume you have low confidence, don’t date often, or are just lonely and have nothing better to do.
The only way your clinginess is acceptable is if you only go on dates with Scarlett Johansson type women. To not be wholly infatuated with her after a first date would seriously question your sanity.
For the guys that aren’t dating movie stars yet still find themselves attached to every woman they date, I have a few remedies for you.
How To Not Attach to Women You Just Started to Date
Don’t Delete Your Dating Apps
Deleting your dating apps after having started dating a woman is tantamount to throwing up the white flag.
It signals that she’s won your affection and all other suitors need not apply.
By closing off the possibility of meeting new people you’ll naturally focus your attention on the woman you’re dating. And why not? You’ve opted not to meet new women and have instead put all your eggs in one basket.
Instead of snubbing online dating, embrace it. I advise clients to be active on 5 dating apps while they’re still dating. Only once a relationship has been declared monogamous should you delete your dating apps.
Distance Yourself From Your Device
Smartphones are one of the coolest, most functional invention of the past 100 years.
They allow us to check whatever crazy cryptic message the president tweets, watch vines like this one, and always, yes always stay connected.
The latter point might sound like a good one, but when we’re capable of receiving messages at any moment, we’re always expectant. It’s this expectancy that leads us to always keep one hand in our pocket, just in case she might message. You need to cut the cord and stop relying on your phone for all your emotional gratification. To do this, put your phone on silent, airplane mode, turn it off, or literally put it in another room where it’s out of your sight.
The average American checks their phone 110 times a day spending more than 3 hours on it every day. My guess is that dudes that are attached to a woman spend even more time on their phones.
The 3:1 Ratio
For every three times you kick it with family and friends, hang out with her just once.
Dudes can easily find themselves using women as emotional crutches.
Never rely on any single person for all your emotional needs. Creating a healthy ecosystem of social relationships is the healthiest way to go about living life. It’s also a surefire way to avoid becoming attached to a woman.
When you map out next week, you’ll have a desire to spend every other day with the woman you’re dating — don’t. Instead, schedule awesome activities for you and your friends to take part in. Schedule three days for family and friends, and one for her.
Try deriving the same amount of pleasure from your platonic relationships as your romantic one. You’ll find that the more gratified your friendships are, the less you’ll need to rely on her for your emotional needs.
Never Text Right After A Date
Once the date ends, so does your correspondence.
Continuing the date online is lame. That’s why you never text her right after a date.
Continuing the stimulating conversation you two had in-person, now online — will diminish your relationship and suck out all the mystery. The best way to build tension and feed the flame of attraction is to give her space after a date.
The only reason you should text her post-date is to set up another one with the use of a TDL.
Ask Her Out Via Call Instead Of Text
Texting can often lead to, well, more texting.
It’s only too easy to infinitely carry on a convo via text. This is why it’s perhaps best to call and ask her out with a TDL than to text. Once the phone call ends so does the conversation. But when you’re texting it’s too easy to reach into your pocket every time your phone vibrates and respond. The accessibility will encourage a conversation that never ends.
A day or two after your most recent date, call and ask her out. In the time leading up to the date, refrain from texting. You can also use a TDL at the end of the date.
Get Your Nerves Under Control
There’s no one way to do this.
If you find that you attach yourself to every woman you date, chances are the reason for this attachment has less to do with her and more to do with you.
To get at the root of this issue you’ll need to examine yourself. Your attachment style indicates how you act around women. First, learn your style and then you can begin to rid yourself of bad emotional habits.
In the meantime, invest more heavily in activities that relax you.
Meditation for one has been known to reduce stress, mitigate anxiety, promote emotional health, and enhance self-awareness among a host of other benefits.
If you’re not into meditation consider joining an adult sports league with friends, writing, hiking, or any other activities that stimulates you and deflates some of that nervous energy.
Getting out of dodge shakes things up. It does away with your routine, lets your mind wander, and liberates yourself from obsessing over her.
This is an emergency step you can take that’s akin to hitting the refresh button. Once you go back to real-life you’ll be better suited to saddle those nagging thoughts and reign in your emotions.
Part of the reason you’re so into this chick is because she’s the only woman you have in your life.
The answer to how to not attach to a woman lies within MegaDating.
When you MegaDate correctly, you’ll go on various dates a week. Although it may sound a little douchey, MegaDating is simply the act of dating prolifically. It involves tapping social channels in order to set up and go on multiple dates a week.
The whole objective of MD isn’t to be a slut and sleep around — although sleeping around is often a happy byproduct.
I advise my clients to MegaDate because it hones your dating skills, expels nervous energy, and helps you find a partner in a short period of time. For guys that are done waiting around for love to serendipitously tap on their shoulder and ready to take action, MegaDating is right for you.
Dating multiple women a week sounds great right, but how exactly do you do it?
If you and I team up, you’ll learn the ins and outs of the process. But in short, mining for dates involves using dating apps, friends, acquaintances, parties, Zumba, softball tournaments, PTA meetings, and other social engagements as dating funnels.
Soon you’ll see that it’s difficult to be attached to just any female when you’re dating so many amazing women.
Read Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love
We all have our own attachment styles based on our experiences in childhood, our early romantic experiences, and our life in general.
Learning about how you attach, as well as how others attach can help you navigate the different styles that exist, why they exist, and how to alter them to fit the person you want to become. You don’t have to accept that you’re clingy, or hard to get close to, or whatever your emotional holdup is.
You can have the love you want. You can have the friends you want. You can live the life you want, but often, that means, understanding your attachment style, making peace with your past, and healing what needs to be healed to become the person you’re meant to become.
Read the book. It’s good.
Forgive Yourself If You Go Stage-5 Clinger
Look we’ve all done it, it happens.
Some people just trigger us to lose our fucking minds. I’ve done it. I once sent a dude a book, first-class mail, that included all of my crazy notes that I’d written after not sleeping for 48 hours in college.
For sure, but he triggered something in me that made me a friggin’ lunatic.
It happens. Forgive yourself, read Attached, hire a dating coach, and realize, you’re normal.
We all get triggered. What’s important is that you don’t keep repeating the pattern blindly without seeking expert help. As long as it doesn’t happen EVERY TIME, then it’s ok if something about a particular person triggered a strong connection and made you all clingy.
If you find that you’re too puzzle about how to not attach yourself to a woman, that’s fine too.
Book a 1-on-1 New Client Session with yours truly so we can work towards getting over her.
I’ll teach you how to MegaDate, mine for dates, how to use a TDL, how to build sexual tension, and of course how to find woman that you want to call your own. Who knows, you might just join my group or private coaching program.