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How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

Madonna claims to have tapped into the supernatural world to remove radiation from a lake in Ukraine.

Playboy model Jenny McCarthy was flummoxed when after presenting irrefutable evidence that MMR vaccines caused autism to the NIH they still refused to acknowledge her findings and withdraw the vaccines from the market.

Along with being celebrities, blonde at times, and having a thing for outrageous claims, these two have another thing in common.



They’re both narcissists. 

To be clear, narcissism isn’t some minor character trait, it’s a personality disorder. One characterized by excessive self-involvement, a lack of concern for others, an obsession with power, and a dozen or so other traits that you wouldn’t want your romantic partner to have. 

But just to piss off the narcissist in your life, this article isn’t going to be about them.

It’s about you, and how dating a narcissist changes you as well as what to do about it.

How Dating A Narcissist Changes You

What Is A Narcissist

According to the Cleveland Clinic, up to 5% of people have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Perhaps unlike other personality disorders, this one can’t best be described as you know it when you see it. 

Because it can be extremely difficult to identify a narcissist.

At first glance, narcissists are just exceedingly charming individuals that demand the attention of others.

Even when they show a less than savory flaw you’re willing to overlook it because of their luster. Upon further inspection, you’ll find fool’s gold, but initially, you’ll think you will have struck gold.

More than anything narcissists are great at hiding in the open. They can shape-shift, alter their personality when needed, and even feign empathy.

But one of the most compelling things a narcissist may do is love bomb.



Love bombing may take the form of:

  • Sending roses to work
  • Buying you something a bit too expensive a bit too soon
  • Bombarding you with morning texts about how amazing you are
  • Quickly saying things like, “I love you” or “you’re the one”

Those who love bomb have anxious attachment styles and are expert manipulators, but more often than not are narcissists seeking out someone to stroke their ego.

Always be leery of someone seeking to strike up a relationship too quickly.

To round out what a narcissist is, here are some tell-tell signs:

  • Inflated ego
  • Obsessed with dreams of grandeur
  • Feeling more special than others leading them not to associate with those of a lower status
  • Unhealthy need for admiration and validation (remember narcissists have a notorious lack of self-esteem)
  • Entitlement
  • Manipulation of others
  • Apathetic
  • Preoccupation with envy (either being envious of others or feeling others or envious of them)
  • Arrogant/haughty tendencies.

How Dating A Narcissist Can Make You Feel

Insecure

Dating a narcissist can make you feel insecure.

Loss of self-esteem.

But this isn’t an immediate consequence of dating a narcissist.

In the beginning, during the love bombing phase, your self-esteem gets a huge boost.

You’re inundated with gestures of love, feel like you’re on top of the world, and are amazed at how this gorgeous, funny, vivacious woman could have chosen you over the legions of men on Bumble and Hinge.

But slowly but surely these initial feelings will give way.

That confidence she built up is wholly dependent on her validation of you. Once she begins to manipulate, belittle, and unerringly put herself before you, your confidence will gradually fade.

As time goes on you may begin to feel worthless because a narcissistic partner continuously breaks you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, and manipulates you.



Sadly you may begin to second guess yourself before second-guessing her.

Suicidal

There is an entire spectrum of feelings dating a narcissist may elicit.

At one extreme of the spectrum is suicidal.

Generally speaking, those with low self-esteem are attracted to narcissists. When that self-esteem is quickly built up you feel as though you’re on top of the world.

But in a moment’s notice, your narcissistic partner has ripped the rug out from under your feet and you come toppling down. So long as your confidence depends on the value your partner places on you, you’ll always be susceptible to swings in self-esteem.

Devalued

One of the most noticeable ways how dating a narcissist changes you is your perceived value.

The sneaky thing is, you don’t always see it this way.

While others see that you lack the confidence you once had, you may not be able to see it.

Subservient

Whatever, whenever, you’ll be there.

It sounds like the beginning to cliche wedding vows. Through sickness and health, through tough times and the good you’ll be there.

That’s all well and good, but what if it’s one-sided?



What if your partner isn’t investing as much as you are? You’re the one always making concessions and doing everything in your power to be there and support your partner.

But the flipside is an apathetic, self-absorbed narcissist that takes and takes.

Anxious

Narcissists are puppet masters.

They push and pull their puppets by manipulating their emotions.

One day you’re flying high and the next you’re on your ass wondering how to get back in your partner’s good graces.

You never know what mood your partner will be in.

This pushing and pulling can leave you confused as ever.

Depressed

All these negative emotions can only lead to one thing; depression.

It’s only natural that the culmination of so many negative emotions would be depression.

If you think you’re dating a narcissist (or are just in a bad relationship) constantly check in with your emotions. How do you feel when you’re around your partner? Do your feelings suddenly change when hanging around friends?

Sometimes the best way to identify an unhealthy relationship is to check in on your own feelings.

How you feel is always the best way to gauge how a relationship is going.



How To Tell If They’re A Narcissist

It’s more than possible that you’re in too deep to objectively look at the situation. Some days you love your partner while other days they’re the worst.

When trying to figure out if the person you’re dating has a harmful behavior disorder, call in the help of friends and family whose opinions you trust.

Tell them what you suspect and ask them to look for the signs.

If the signs aren’t overt, simply walk them through a recent interaction or give them an overview of how you’re being treated.

If your friends are no help, consult the professional help of a psychologist.

What To Do If You’re Dating A Narcissist

The obvious answer is to break up and get as far away from them as possible.

But while that might be the end goal, it’s easier said than done.

Here are some other things you can do instead.

how dating a narcissist changes you

It’s Not You, It’s Him

Start getting some of your self-worth back.

You’re not the person manipulating your partner.

They’ve made you feel like crap, but no more. Acknowledge that they’re in the wrong and that your self-worth shouldn’t depend on the words of a toxic partner.

Create Physical Space

Get away for the weekend or at least the night.



Give yourself the ability to start thinking clearly again and enjoy life.

Ideally, you use this time to create a concrete plan to get out of the relationship.

Sit Down And Have A Chat

I only recommend this if your partner won’t lash out. 

If your partner is violence-prone, vindictive, or wholly unwilling to change, don’t bother having this conversation. However, remember that narcissism is a spectrum.

how dating a narcissist changes you

Normal narcissists are self-aware and able to change.

If you think your partner fits into this category give them the benefit of the doubt by voicing your qualms. Call them out while keeping the spotlight on your feelings.

Refrain from using the word you and talk about your own feelings instead. Perhaps you’ve been letting them off the hook for a while now. Maybe they’d change if they knew how their actions made you feel.

You won’t know until you stick up for yourself.

Have the talk and tell her how you feel.

Break Up

If you know it’s not going to work out, breaking up is a realistic option.

But before you end things have an action plan.



Know where you’re going to sleep, how you’re going to secure your things, and how you’ll shore up any sensitive financial or personal information. 

Have a game plan.

She may freak up and behave destructively.

Make sure you nor your belongings are in the line of fire when she inevitably blows up.

Moving On With MegaDating

You know how dating a narcissist changes you and how you never want to date one again.

Yet every time you end a relationship you end up finding your way back to a mentally unstable and selfish partner.

There’s a way around this, it’s called MegaDating.

MegaDating involves dating women simultaneously.

It involves dating so many women that you’re able to quickly pick up signs of narcissism. You do this by comparing the behavior of one date to another’s.

But even if one date slips through the cracks and you begin to strike up feelings, it’ll be easier to end things once you finally find out who they really are.

Before, you may have been willing to overlook your partner’s less agreeable features because you were afraid to be alone.

Now that you’re dating multiple women a week you’ll avoid the need to settle for fear that there’s nothing else out there for you.

That’s the awesomeness of MegaDating.

Next Steps

When you team up with emlovz you’ll learn not only how dating a narcissist changes you, but how to get the most out of MegaDating to ensure you never date one again.



We’ll teach you how to MegaDate, create the perfect online profile, MegaMessage, the three-date blueprint, and much more when you sign up for our best in class coaching program, Dating Decoded.

You’ll learn this and so much more when you enroll in our program.

But first, let’s talk about your current and past relationships, dating goals, and how Dating Decoded can help you achieve them via a 1-on-1 Zoom call with me or a colleague of mine today.

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