How a Woman Thinks and Feels When Dating You
For lots of guys, figuring out how a woman thinks and feels is everything when it comes to dating. I remember a client of mine recently had an “aha” moment as we talked about which photos to use on his dating profile. I gave my opinion on which ones he should pick, and suddenly, a lightbulb went off.
“These photos are all about the emotions and feelings that they create in women!” he exclaimed.
He was surprised to learn this because, as a man, he thinks very logically. Men often try to show off traits they think are most appealing, but for women in dating, it’s all about the feelings.
That said, tons of situations could be so much easier if only men could see them from a woman’s point of view. Here are some interesting examples of how a woman thinks and feels in the dating world.
12 Examples of How a Woman Really Thinks and Feels
See if any of the following sound familiar. If so, you just might learn something!
Men think: “Here’s how I will show her I’m a worthy suitor: I’ll tell her I have five degrees. I’ll mention my Ivy League education and the car I drive. I’ll casually work into the conversation that I’ve met Obama. I’ll let her know how much money I make. I’ll lead with my impressive CEO title. I’ll tell her I’m a member of Mensa, etc.”
Women think: “Wow, this guy is a douchebag who is clearly making up for some inadequacy. He probably has a small dick. I bet I can get a lot of free dinners from him and he’ll probably buy me clothes, purses, shoes, and even cars if I’m lucky. I wonder if I can get him to pay my rent and still keep my profile live on Bumble.”
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that bragging will make you look confident. Women can see through that. Real confidence comes through more subtly. If you want her to know what you’ve done with your life, let it come out naturally over time.
Men think: “If I bring flowers to the first date, she’ll find me more attractive.”
Women think: “Where the F am I supposed to put this thing?! Oh god, everyone is looking at me and totally knows that I’m on a first date. How embarrassing.”
Bringing flowers, especially on a first date, is a no-no in my book. If you do this, then you have no idea how a woman thinks and feels. It makes you look too eager like you’re trying to buy her affection. Just be yourself and let her fall in love with who you are. A sense of humor, listening skills, and respect will go a lot further than a bouquet that screams, “Pick me!”
3. Treating Her Like a Girlfriend
Men think: “If I treat her like my girlfriend, she will stop dating other men.”
Women think: “Cool, it’s fun to be treated so well, especially since I’m seeing other guys too.”
So many guys roll out the red carpet for women too early! If you re-arrange your schedule to accommodate her, constantly text her just to say “goodnight” or “good morning,” or go out of your way to do something like take her to the airport, you are treating her like a girlfriend. Stop.
4. Workout Pics
Men think: “This photo of me working out (with a serious face) at the gym will impress her because I look shredded, hardcore, and yoked.”
Women think: “That guy could totally kill me (his muscles are huge and he looks mean because he’s not smiling). Swipe left.”
Remember, society has taught women to be very aware of the dangers lurking everywhere. A super-ripped guy who’s glaring at the camera might impress some people, but to women on a dating app, you just look scary. Consider how a woman thinks and feels every time she goes out alone at night. Would she really want to meet up with you based on that photo?
5. Being “Good on Paper”
Men think: “If I’m perfect on paper, she’ll want me sexually. I’ll make sure to make X amount of money, get rock-hard abs, pay off my student loans or credit card debt, and live in a big house. That’s more than enough to get laid.”
Women think: “Why the F am I not attracted to him? He’s perfect on paper but I just don’t want to see him naked. Maybe if I get really drunk, I can try and force myself to have sex with him and see if that will work.”
Being good on paper doesn’t always create the emotion a woman needs to feel attracted. During my 100-date experiment, I constantly asked myself, “Why can’t I just be attracted to the rich guy who drives a flashy car and who could show me the world without me having to work? Or why can’t I just be attracted to the sweet guy who says nice things, helps to make my life easier, and who is genuinely just a good guy?”
6. Talking Nonstop
Men think: “If I just keep talking, she’ll be charmed. Awkward silences are game-killers.”
Women think: “Omg, this guy won’t stop talking. I can’t get a word in edgewise. I definitely don’t want to see him naked now.”
The more you talk, the more you kill the mystery and sexual tension, and the less likely it is that she will want to see you again. Try and get her talking 80% of the time by asking her questions that you actually want to know the answers to. (Hint: What do you do for work does not fall into this category.) This is how you really get to know how a woman thinks and feels.
7. Paying for Dinner
Men think: “If I buy her dinner, she’ll think I’m boyfriend material.”
Women think: “I wonder how many free dinners I can get before I have to sleep with him.”
Sad but true. Doing dinner on a first or second date is a recipe for failure. Whether she sees you again or not, chances are she won’t consider you a high-value prospect when you spend too much money too soon in the courting phase.
Think about it: If you wanted to become friends with a stranger, you wouldn’t invite them out for dinner right off the bat, would you? No, because that’s totally out of sequence. You’d invite them to coffee or to an event you’re hosting or attending. You’d want to get to know them gradually, not all at once.
Does it make more sense when you look at it from the friendship angle? Dinner on a first or second date sets the stage for gold-diggers to leech off of you without guaranteeing they have any interest in you at all. Weed out the gold-diggers and get to know a woman in the right sequence by planning a first and second date that’s more low-key. Less pressure will reap dividends for you!
Men think: “I’ll take her on a fancy vacation early on and then she’ll basically be my girlfriend by default.”
Women think: “Sweet, free vacation! I love free things and I get so many, especially the longer I stay single. Honestly, I could probably fund an entire luxury lifestyle just by not committing to any one guy. Maybe I could stay single forever and never have to work again. I just wish I could stop thinking about Johnny who won’t call me back [the dude who pays for nothing, calls her for booty calls, and doesn’t give her the time of day unless he’s lonely].”
You’re probably seeing the pattern right now when it comes to how a woman thinks and feels. She (usually) can’t be bought. And the ones who would date you based on a free vacation aren’t worth the headache.
9. The Friendzone
Men think [after a woman says she wants to be just friends]: “I’ll tell her I’m cool with that but then change her mind by being super available and helpful so she sees what a great guy I am.”
Women think: “I’m so glad Bobby is cool being friends because he’s so easy to talk to (especially about Brad who won’t call me back). Plus he’s so sweet in always buying me fancy dinners, dresses, and giving me rides places. I’m so lucky to have such a thoughtful friend like Bobby. I wonder what Brad’s doing. Ugh, Brad is so frustrating… maybe I’ll call Bobby and talk to him about how terrible Brad is to me for two hours and then see if Brad is down for a booty call after.”
Guys, we get just as frustrated about not feeling chemistry with the guy who’s perfect on paper as you do about being perfect on paper but then getting pushed into the friendzone. I mean logically, it makes no sense. Like I said before, women are emotion-driven.
10. Asking to “Hang Out”
Men think: “I messaged her to ask if she wanted to hang out and she never responded. What a bitch. I hate women. Online dating is so stupid. All women are crazy and this just isn’t worth it.”
Women think: “‘Hang out?’ I wonder what that means. I don’t really know what to say and I don’t know what my plans are this week. Let me get back to him later.” (Then she never thinks about it again.)
When you ask a woman out, always, always use a TDL (time, date, location). That way she’ll have to give you a direct yes or no. Asking her to “hang out,” or other wishy-washy proposals like “let me know when you’re free” never amount to anything.
11. Serious Photos
Men think: “This photo of me looks so cool. The babes will think I’m attractive (because I’m not smiling, looking off into the distance, probably wearing sunglasses).”
Women think: “This guy looks totally unapproachable. Swipe left.”
Like your over-the-top workout pics, trying to look “cool” just makes you look scary. Why? Because looking “cool” means you’re not smiling or making eye contact with the camera. This quickly comes across as dangerous, standoffish, anti-social, and serial killery. Try to look nice rather than “cool” in your photos if you want them to align with how a woman thinks and feels.
12. Saying “Smart” Things
Men think: “If I tell her all of these super-specific facts I know about this one niche topic/my job/my health report/this high-level material I’ve been studying for years, she’ll think I’m interesting and smart.”
Women think: “Wtf is this guy yammering on and on about? Omg, I’m going to kill myself. Jesus, how can I get out of this without having to sit through an entire hour of this nonsense? Maybe I can go to the bathroom and pretend my friend called me with an emergency. Either that or maybe I can jump out the window.”
Especially if you’re nervous, talking only about yourself or the things you love can seem easier. But don’t do it. For one thing, you’ll bore her. Plus, she’ll think you don’t care about her interests. Make an effort to get to know how a woman thinks and feels by asking her questions instead.
How a Woman Thinks and Feels: Wrap-Up
It can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but isn’t it so much better to know where a woman’s coming from in these situations?
Just remember this: Women want to be attracted to you sexually. They want you to be Prince Charming. Why wouldn’t they? No woman would bother dressing up and putting on makeup to meet you somewhere if they didn’t.
But you will never win over any woman with logic. Dating is all about emotion and sensation. Love cannot be reasoned with. In order for her to fall in love with you, you have to pull at her heartstrings. It won’t matter if you have 10 degrees, a house in the Hamptons, or a super rare and expensive car. To make a woman truly fall in love with you, you have to speak to her emotions.
I teach my clients exactly how to do this step-by-step in my coaching and matchmaking programs. Book a call with an emlovz team member today to find out more about how our services can transform your dating life in just weeks.