For lots of guys, figuring out how a woman thinks and feels is everything when it comes to dating. I remember a client of mine recently had an “aha” moment as we talked about which photos to use on his dating profile. I gave my opinion on which ones he should pick, and suddenly, a lightbulb went off.

“These photos are all about the emotions and feelings that they create in women!” he exclaimed.

Bingo.

He was surprised to learn this because, as a man, he thinks very logically. Men often try to show off traits they think are most appealing, but for women in dating, it’s all about the feelings.

That said, tons of situations could be so much easier if only men could see them from a woman’s point of view. Here are some interesting examples of how a woman thinks and feels in the dating world.

13 Examples of How a Woman Really Thinks and Feels

See if any of the following sound familiar. If so, you just might learn something!

1. Accomplishments

Men think: “Here’s how I will show her I’m a worthy suitor: I’ll tell her I have five degrees. I’ll mention my Ivy League education and the car I drive. I’ll casually work into the conversation that I’ve met Obama. I’ll let her know how much money I make. I’ll lead with my impressive CEO title. I’ll tell her I’m a member of Mensa, etc.”

Women think: “Wow, this guy is a douchebag who is clearly making up for some inadequacy. He probably has a small dick. I bet I can get a lot of free dinners from him and he’ll probably buy me clothes, purses, shoes, and even cars if I’m lucky. I wonder if I can get him to pay my rent and still keep my profile live on Bumble.”

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that bragging will make you look confident. Women can see through that. Real confidence comes through more subtly. If you want her to know what you’ve done with your life, let it come out naturally over time.

2. Flowers

Men think: “If I bring flowers to the first date, she’ll find me more attractive.”

Women think: “Where the F am I supposed to put this thing?! Oh god, everyone is looking at me and totally knows that I’m on a first date. How embarrassing.”

Bringing flowers, especially on a first date, is a no-no in my book. If you do this, then you have no idea how a woman thinks and feels. It makes you look too eager like you’re trying to buy her affection. Just be yourself and let her fall in love with who you are. A sense of humor, listening skills, and respect will go a lot further than a bouquet that screams, “Pick me!”

3. Treating Her Like a Girlfriend

Men think: “If I treat her like my girlfriend, she will stop dating other men.”

Women think: “Cool, it’s fun to be treated so well, especially since I’m seeing other guys too.”

So many guys roll out the red carpet for women too early! If you re-arrange your schedule to accommodate her, constantly text her just to say “goodnight” or “good morning,” or go out of your way to do something like take her to the airport, you are treating her like a girlfriend. Stop.

4. Workout Pics

Men think: “This photo of me working out (with a serious face) at the gym will impress her because I look shredded, hardcore, and yoked.”

Women think: “That guy could totally kill me (his muscles are huge and he looks mean because he’s not smiling). Swipe left.”

Remember, society has taught women to be very aware of the dangers lurking everywhere. A super-ripped guy who’s glaring at the camera might impress some people, but to women on a dating app, you just look scary. Consider how a woman thinks and feels every time she goes out alone at night. Would she really want to meet up with you based on that photo?

5. Being “Good on Paper”

Men think: “If I’m perfect on paper, she’ll want me sexually. I’ll make sure to make X amount of money, get rock-hard abs, pay off my student loans or credit card debt, and live in a big house. That’s more than enough to get laid.”

Women think: “Why the F am I not attracted to him? He’s perfect on paper but I just don’t want to see him naked. Maybe if I get really drunk, I can try and force myself to have sex with him and see if that will work.”

Being good on paper doesn’t always create the emotion a woman needs to feel attracted. During my 100-date experiment, I constantly asked myself, “Why can’t I just be attracted to the rich guy who drives a flashy car and who could show me the world without me having to work? Or why can’t I just be attracted to the sweet guy who says nice things, helps to make my life easier, and who is genuinely just a good guy?”

6. Talking Nonstop

Men think: “If I just keep talking, she’ll be charmed. Awkward silences are game-killers.”

Women think: “Omg, this guy won’t stop talking. I can’t get a word in edgewise. I definitely don’t want to see him naked now.”

The more you talk, the more you kill the mystery and sexual tension, and the less likely it is that she will want to see you again. Try and get her talking 80% of the time by asking her questions that you actually want to know the answers to. (Hint: What do you do for work does not fall into this category.) This is how you really get to know how a woman thinks and feels.

7. Paying for Dinner

Men think: “If I buy her dinner, she’ll think I’m boyfriend material.”

Women think: “I wonder how many free dinners I can get before I have to sleep with him.”

Sad but true. Doing dinner on a first or second date is a recipe for failure. Whether she sees you again or not, chances are she won’t consider you a high-value prospect when you spend too much money too soon in the courting phase.

Think about it: If you wanted to become friends with a stranger, you wouldn’t invite them out for dinner right off the bat, would you? No, because that’s totally out of sequence. You’d invite them to coffee or to an event you’re hosting or attending. You’d want to get to know them gradually, not all at once.

Does it make more sense when you look at it from the friendship angle? Dinner on a first or second date sets the stage for gold-diggers to leech off of you without guaranteeing they have any interest in you at all. Weed out the gold-diggers and get to know a woman in the right sequence by planning a first and second date that’s more low-key. Less pressure will reap dividends for you!

8. Vacations

Men think: “I’ll take her on a fancy vacation early on and then she’ll basically be my girlfriend by default.”

Women think: “Sweet, free vacation! I love free things and I get so many, especially the longer I stay single. Honestly, I could probably fund an entire luxury lifestyle just by not committing to any one guy. Maybe I could stay single forever and never have to work again. I just wish I could stop thinking about Johnny who won’t call me back [the dude who pays for nothing, calls her for booty calls, and doesn’t give her the time of day unless he’s lonely].”

You’re probably seeing the pattern right now when it comes to how a woman thinks and feels. She (usually) can’t be bought. And the ones who would date you based on a free vacation aren’t worth the headache.

9. The Friendzone

Men think [after a woman says she wants to be just friends]: “I’ll tell her I’m cool with that but then change her mind by being super available and helpful so she sees what a great guy I am.”

Women think: “I’m so glad Bobby is cool being friends because he’s so easy to talk to (especially about Brad who won’t call me back). Plus he’s so sweet in always buying me fancy dinners, dresses, and giving me rides places. I’m so lucky to have such a thoughtful friend like Bobby. I wonder what Brad’s doing. Ugh, Brad is so frustrating… maybe I’ll call Bobby and talk to him about how terrible Brad is to me for two hours and then see if Brad is down for a booty call after.”

Guys, we get just as frustrated about not feeling chemistry with the guy who’s perfect on paper as you do about being perfect on paper but then getting pushed into the friendzone. I mean logically, it makes no sense. Like I said before, women are emotion-driven.

10. Asking to “Hang Out”

Men think: “I messaged her to ask if she wanted to hang out and she never responded. What a bitch. I hate women. Online dating is so stupid. All women are crazy and this just isn’t worth it.”

Women think: “‘Hang out?’ I wonder what that means. I don’t really know what to say and I don’t know what my plans are this week. Let me get back to him later.” (Then she never thinks about it again.)

When you ask a woman out, always, always use a TDL (time, date, location). That way she’ll have to give you a direct yes or no. Asking her to “hang out,” or other wishy-washy proposals like “let me know when you’re free” never amount to anything.

11. Serious Photos

Men think: “This photo of me looks so cool. The babes will think I’m attractive (because I’m not smiling, looking off into the distance, probably wearing sunglasses).”

Women think: “This guy looks totally unapproachable. Swipe left.”

Like your over-the-top workout pics, trying to look “cool” just makes you look scary. Why? Because looking “cool” means you’re not smiling or making eye contact with the camera. This quickly comes across as dangerous, standoffish, anti-social, and serial killery. Try to look nice rather than “cool” in your photos if you want them to align with how a woman thinks and feels.

12. Saying “Smart” Things

Men think: “If I tell her all of these super-specific facts I know about this one niche topic/my job/my health report/this high-level material I’ve been studying for years, she’ll think I’m interesting and smart.”

Women think: “Wtf is this guy yammering on and on about? Omg, I’m going to kill myself. Jesus, how can I get out of this without having to sit through an entire hour of this nonsense? Maybe I can go to the bathroom and pretend my friend called me with an emergency. Either that or maybe I can jump out the window.”

Especially if you’re nervous, talking only about yourself or the things you love can seem easier. But don’t do it. For one thing, you’ll bore her. Plus, she’ll think you don’t care about her interests. Make an effort to get to know how a woman thinks and feels by asking her questions instead.

13. Not Being Direct

When a guy asks hey want to go out sometime?

A woman will be flattered at first, but if you don’t make concrete plans soon after she’ll think less of you. Ask a woman if she wants to go out in the future is one thing, asking her out on a specified date is another. 

Using a TDL to ask her out shows you put thought and care into asking her out. It means you invested time in thinking about her and effort into creating a cool TDL.

If you don’t use a TDL she may also feel like she needs to take the lead in the relationship for it to move forward.

She wants to invest in a man, not a boy. Take the lead, use a TDL, and be direct with your intentions.

Also when asking her out, be clear that it’s a date. If you feel the need, even tell her, I’d love to take you on a date, here’s what we’re going to do…

Dating Decoded

Interested in learning how more about how a woman feels?

At emlovz we teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

MegaDating will also teach you to read women, understand them, and to make adjustments according to how you read the scenario.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.