Her dating profile is still active, and that can be a tough pill to swallow when you’re starting to develop feelings for someone. The whole point of using a dating app is to eventually reach a point where you no longer need it, but when you see the woman you’re falling for still active on the app, it can leave you feeling disappointed and uncertain.
Seeing that her profile is still visible, even after you’ve been spending time together, might lead you to question whether your connection is truly genuine or if she’s still looking for other options. This situation leaves many people frustrated and seeking answers.
Many of my clients have faced this dilemma. They start dating someone, things seem to be progressing well, yet despite the growing attraction, they continue to see their match’s profile in their queue. In this article, we’ll discuss when it might be appropriate to ask her to remove her profile, when you should hold off, and explore some reasons why her profile could still be active even if she’s already deleted the app.
Her Dating Profile is Still Active. Should I Ask Her to Take it Down?
When To Ask Her to Take Her Profile Down
Asking her to take her profile down is a byproduct of another conversation.
In today’s fast-paced dating world, short-lived romances are en vogue. With dating apps being what they are, romances sometimes come and go as quickly as the 5 train.
A date or two doesn’t mean you two are exclusive and thus must put an end to all other dalliances. Contemporary dating rules stipulate that both parties may date at will until an explicit conversation regarding the limitations of a relationship are vocalized. In other words, she can shag whoever she wants until you two are monogamous.
Requesting that she take her profile down prior to being in a defined relationship is an ambush. You haven’t been assigned a romantic label that grants you the ability to make such a request. If her dating profile is still active, the only way you’ll get her to take it down is if you two make it known that you’re exclusive.
I use the word exclusive here instead of “boyfriend-girlfriend” or “in a relationship” because the latter terms don’t mean what they used to. Sure, the standard relationship implies exclusivity, but to avoid any misunderstandings, when the “relationship” conversation is broached, spell out your desires.
Tell her that she’s the only one you envision yourself with and ask her if she feels the same way. Being in a monogamous relationship implies the deletion of all dating apps. Only once the sexual limitations of the relationship are agreed upon can you ask her to delete all dating apps if she hasn’t done so already.
When To Pump Your Breaks
If there’s a right time to ask her to delete her dating profile, then there’s also a wrong time.
Asking her to be exclusive after a first, second, or third date is poor timing. Really, you shouldn’t want to become exclusive until at least a couple of months of dating have elapsed. Sure, you need time to get to know her, but you also need time to get to know other women too. Once you ask her to be your girlfriend you close the door to creating new romantic options.
Asking her to be your girlfriend before you’ve kissed, had sex, been to her apartment, met her friends, or opened up to her is also a bad idea. You need time for the relationship to mature. You two need to peel back the layers and find out who the person sitting across from you really is.
Not to mention that asking her to delete her profile too early could put the relationship in jeopardy. Coming off too strong too early could scare her away. If this sounds like you have you ever asked yourself why?
You could have a proclivity for accelerating romantic relationships. This tendency may come down to an anxious attachment style. Someone with an anxious attachment style is a serial chaser. They cling, chase, and suffocate women for fear of being left behind.
These characteristics didn’t develop on account of meeting a woman you feel as though you can spend the rest of your life with. No, these are personality traits that have been developing since you were a child.
When a child grows up around parents that behave erratically, are distant, or insensitive to their child’s emotional needs, the child often develops an anxious attachment style. This child grows up to be a doting boyfriend that constantly looks for emotional reassurance of affection.
These traits can be reversed. However, the first step toward reversal is recognition. Before you can pump the breaks in your present relationship, you must first dig into past relationships and fix what went wrong.
Tinder Doesn’t Want Her To Be Single
It’s in a dating apps best interest to keep its users single forever.
Odd isn’t it? -but let’s think about it for a second.
If Tinder and the like were really that good at finding its users partners, it wouldn’t have a user-base big enough to attract advertisers. No companies to sell ads to mean decreased revenue.
Tinder doesn’t want you to find a girlfriend, it wants you to incessantly swipe away and never meet your matches IRL. With only 50% of Tinder users ever meeting a match of theirs IRL I’d say the app is achieving its goals.
Look, the only way an app like Tinder can attract ad money is if it can boast a vast and ever-growing user-base. It’s in their best interest to try and make it as difficult as possible for you to fully delete your profile.
Most apps won’t delete your profile if you simply remove the app from your phone. If you see her profile’s still active, explain to her what you’ve just learned. That sure, she may have deleted the app, but not her profile. These are two distinct actions. Politely ask her to remedy the situation by downloading the app again and deleting her account.
Wait a second… how did you know the account was even active?
How Did You Know It Was Active?
There are two ways my clients find out their romantic interests dating profile is still active.
One is if a friend notifies them. However, this seldom happens. The likelier scenario is that you bumped into her profile while browsing through your own online dating profile. If you’re still swiping away on Bumble should you really be asking her to delete her profile? How’s that fair?
Look, there’s nothing wrong with dating around. Hey, as the creator of MegaDating I’m a huge proponent of dating a myriad of people in a short time frame in order to quickly find the woman of your dreams.
What I’m not a proponent of is not following your heart. If you’re still an active Tinder user but are contemplating entering into a monogamous relationship, ask yourself why you have these conflicting feelings? Before making any final decision weigh both paths.
I will say that the more my clients MegaDate the more certain they are of who they’re attracted to. MegaDating is a way to find out what you like most in a partner. It can also help determine which woman is right for you by allowing you the opportunity to compare a host of women to one another.
If you date one woman every year, you’ll likely think she’s the one not because you two genuinely bonded, but because you’re fearful of not being able to find anyone else. Dating multiple women a month confers you with the confidence to get over this fear.
What’s The Next Step?
There you have it – we’ve explored all your options and laid out the full picture. So, what’s next?
It’s completely normal to still feel uncertain about the best course of action. Romance isn’t always straightforward, and attraction is as much an art as it is a science. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to your situation, and it’s okay if you’re still figuring things out.
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