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Do Dating Apps Work For Men in 2023: Yes & Here’s Why…

Do Dating Apps Work For Men in 2023: Yes & Here’s Why…

Do dating apps work for men?

First let’s start with this fact: 30% of all Americans have at one point used a dating application. What used to be taboo and stigmatized is now the new norm.

The elderly use Match and the young and vivacious swipe on Tinder while the more urbane singles download Hinge. There are dating apps that target Jewish singles, farmers, and even dog lovers. Everybody (and yes, even their mother) has used dating apps. The ubiquity of dating apps leads us to believe that of course dating apps work, but that’s not what the data says.



Sure over 8 million Americans have downloaded Tinder, but of those millions and millions of single Americans, just 50% of them have ever gone on a date with a match. This is because so many users — on Tinder and other apps — use dating apps to boost confidence rather than to find a forever partner.

With this stat in mind, it’s fair to ask the question…

divorced and dating again

Do Dating Apps Work for Men?

That all depends on what your goal is and how you’re using these apps. 

If you want a long-term partner but get one match every month, then no, they don’t work.

Your ability to create an appealing profile and chat up women online dictate your success rate. Dating apps get you in front of women but it’s up to you to outcompete fellow males.

Dating apps do work, but certainly not for everyone.

Someone who is in favor of dating apps has to be our student David who met his current girlfriend on Hinge.

Why Apps Feel Like They Don’t Work

The Business Of Dating Apps

Imagine there was a dating app on the market that was so effective that after three months of use 90% of its users had found a girlfriend or boyfriend. If such an app existed, clearly everyone would use it… just not for very long. That’s great for the user but bad for the company whose ultimate objective is to make money.

The mission of dating apps is first to make money and second to find you a girlfriend.



Crafting a dating app that ensures its users find love is akin to drenching your business in gasoline and lighting it on fire. This is why the ideal dating app doesn’t exist.

In reality, dating apps are designed to keep you single and addicted. The longer they keep you around for, the more time and money you’ll spend on the application. The neediest of singles sign up for premium subscriptions that require a monthly payment, but dating apps don’t even need subscribers to make money. Now that apps utilize ads all they need are a myriad of users that ideally log on multiple times a day.

The Reality Of Dating Apps (Quantified)

Everyone uses dating apps because of they promise… but do these apps keep their promises?

Let’s look at how effective dating apps are by the numbers.

While 48% of singles ages 18-29 have used a dating app, just 17% have ever been in a committed relationship with someone they met on a dating app. We see that percentage decline as users get older with just 16% of those ages 30-49 ever having dated someone they met on an app.

Sure a third of Americans have swiped right on a dating app, but 43% of these singles have described their experience with dating apps as “negative.”

But the question needs to be asked – is it the app’s fault or the user’s?

Of course both are to blame, but do men really expect to score matches when their Bumble profile is full of bathroom selfies?

Men can make apps work for them if they know how to play the game. The question is, how do you play it?

Do Dating Apps Work? Yes – Here’s the Special Sauce

Before we dive into why dating apps work, let me throw a couple more online dating stats at you.

Stanford (that school that everyone thinks is an Ivy but isn’t) found that in 2017, 39% of all relationships that started that year did so online.

where to meet single women



Sure only 5,421 people were surveyed, but this is a large enough sample size to indicate that online dating is a game changer. Couples are now more likely to meet each other online than in church, through friends, at a bar, at work, or at a party.

In fact, meeting your partner online is now the most common way to meet a partner. 

So much so that by 2040 the majority of relationships are projected to start online.

To further support this shift towards meeting via online dating, a study published by the Imperial College Business School found that by 2037 the majority of children will be born to parents that met online rather than offline.

Why Is Online The Best Way To Meet Women

It’s clear that dating apps work, but why?

Really it just comes down to their ease of use.

If you wanted to meet a woman right now without using an app what would you do?

Maybe you’d strike up a conversation with a woman at work, or the gym, or flirt with the barista.

The issue is those are all encounters that require physical work and emotional stress. You have to physically get off your butt and seek out a woman in the real world. You must drive to a place and hope there is a woman you’re interested enough to flirt with. Once you find her you need to summon the courage to chat her up.

It’s all so taxing… compared to meeting women through an app.

Meeting women through Hinge, Bumble, or The League involves moving your thumb back and forth. It can be done anywhere and at any time. It takes seconds to swipe through dozens of women and isn’t time-consuming. Not only this, but women on dating apps are there to meet people. They’re single and ready to mingle. This isn’t the case when meeting women IRL (the exception being at a speed dating event).



This is why so many people are meeting their partners online.

But just because people are doing it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

To meet your ideal woman online you’ll have to use the following strategies. 

dating apps for divorced men who want to date

Ditch The Selfie

After deciding which applications are right for you, it’s time to choose your photos. Photos are by and large the most important aspect of your profile. Dating apps might not be working for you because you haven’t invested enough time into choosing the right pictures.

Sidenote: Every application is superficial. It doesn’t matter how many prompts you’re forced to answer (looking at you OkCupid) – or how feminist you claim to be (Bumble) – users will still reduce who you are to the five or six photos you link to your profile.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when choosing photos:

  • Upload no less than 4 and no more than 7
  • You’re more than 43% more likely to receive a like (on Hinge) if you smile without teeth
  • Candid photos get more love than contrived shots
  • Selfies are unattractive, ditch them
  • Make sure you and you alone can be seen in your first photo
  • Include at least one photo of you performing a contact sport
  • Tinder found that users obstructing their face with hats or glasses were 15% less likely to be swiped right on than users that abstained from obscuring their face
  • Upload two group shots
  • Red is universally sexy, keep that in mind
  • Upload at least one picture of you on a trip abroad
  • Revise your pictures to make sure you’re not wearing the same outfit in any two photos

Overwhelmed? If you’re not in the mood of combing through hundreds of photos looking for pictures that conform to the aforementioned criteria, then well, you don’t have to.

Allow your female friends to commandeer your account and choose your photos for you. Send your friends a photo of you and ask them if you should throw it up on your dating apps.

Verification

Catfishing and misrepresentation are rampant within the online dating community. 45% of men report having been catfished at least once. Women catfish for nefarious purposes. Perhaps they want your money, to be provided a gourmet meal, are seeking your financial information, or just a photo with you to post on their IG.

Verification like the one offered by Bumble can put an end to catfishing, but it can help.

Verifying your profile takes a second and can be the difference between a date and a swipe left. Many students of mine have told me that women demand to see their IG before dating them. They want to verify they’re legit.

Verifying your account AND connecting your IG prove what you look like and demonstrate who you are. They serve to humanize you. And after all, after being reduced to a card in a deck of thousands, having a woman see you as a unique individual is a major accomplishment.



If you don’t think these adjustments will lead to matches, I’d argue that Naeem’s 31 dates since changing his online dating profile is evidence to the contrary.

Channel Your Inner Gabriel Garcia Marquez

You can’t walk onto a football field hoping to hit a 30-yard field goal if you’ve never practiced before. If you’re new to online dating –or have only now decided to exert dating- writing quality messages will come with time.

Think of yourself as an author such as the great Garcia Marquez. This should be your aspiration. The journey toward literary excellence is best achieved with the help of an editor.

In our program, Dating Decoded, you’ll learn how to craft compelling messages that compel women to respond. I’ll teach you how to find the most emotionally triggering information on a profile and craft a message informed by that information.

You’ll also learn the most important aspect of an online dating conversation; the transition. With my help, you’ll learn how to effectively ask women out in a manner that yields a high success rate and much, much more. But enough about what could be, let’s assess the situation at hand.

Are you one of those guys that sends out the same message en masse? I’m not even referring to “hey” -which is, of course, a big no-no- but rather the same thoughtless message that could apply to any profile e.g. what’s you’re favorite…

Make each message personal. This can be done by including the person’s name along with a message that addresses something in their profile. If her profile gives you little to work with, ask a question that’s both stimulating and probing. If possible include a bit of humor in each message.

Deactivation of Inactive Users

Let’s harken back to the Tinder stat that found that only 50% of Tinder users have ever actually gone on a date with a match. To me, this means that 50% of users are window shoppers. They log onto the app and swipe through prospective suitors, but they see the app as much more of a game than a tool to meet romantic partners. So how can we guard against this?

There are a few controversial ideas I have in mind.

One is that users must use the app at least once every two weeks. If not, they’ll be booted from the app for a duration of one month. But this only ensures that people are logging in, not that they’re going on dates.

This is why users must also be required to go on a date with someone they met through the app at least once every three months. Dates can be corroborated by asking each dating party a series of questions about the date to ascertain whether they in fact went on the date.

“Hey” Isn’t Allowed

Emlovz conducted research found that about 75% of dudes message “hey” or a variant as their first message. News flash, hey, doesn’t work.



tinder

Hey, offers nothing to the conversation. Where do you go from hey? More often than not, hey receives nothing in response. On a good day, a hey will be mirrored by another hey, which is then likely followed by “how are you,” “good how are you,” blah blah blah. It’s no catfishing surprise that 50% of Tinder users have never dated someone they met on the app!

Hey and variations of hey (i.e. hey there, hey beautiful, hey Steph) should be banned.

Conversations that lead to dates rarely start with hey. They begin by asking a probing question or commenting on something the female user wrote in her profile. It’s openers like these that ultimately score you dates IRL.

We can teach you how to craft a compelling opening message that is bound to receive a response.

10-Message Limit Before Asking For A Date

Dating applications are tools used to meet potential romantic partners. However, users never experience their intended purpose if they never meet up with their matches. We need to understand that applications aren’t meant for building a rapport. Essays should not be written nor secrets shared. I impose a 10-message limit before asking the person on the other side of the screen out on a first date.

Dating apps should be used for introductions, nothing more. Sharing more than 10 messages within the application will lead to complacency. But realize that you’re not on the app in search of pen pals. The more messages exchanged, the less likely it is that you two will ever meet in person.

If a woman delays by not giving you her phone number or agreeing to a date, you’ll have to address her fears and prove your worth. Make a couple more jokes, ask a couple more questions, and improve your dating pitch. If you get a no again it’s possible that she’s the type of person who never meets up with people in IRL. Save yourself time by moving on to the next match.

Dating Apps Not Working? Use A TDL

TDL stands for time, date, location. It’s easier for a woman to say yes to going on a date when the specifics are laid out for her. A TDL makes the request to see each other outside of the application real. It provides tangible information that she can wrap her head around. Here’s an example:

“Hi Sara. I was thinking this Saturday at 11am we meet for coffee at WiseGuy’s and then hang out at Avila Park to get to know each-other better. You in? PS: There just happens to be yearly dog show event in the park at that time:)” 

She’ll be thinking: Does 11am work for me? Do I really like this guy? It forces her to take you seriously. If she rejects the offer due to a TDL detail, you can simply change the time, date, location, or activity.



If she keeps rejecting you, inform her that if she wants to go out with you, she can provide you with a time that works instead of you having to chase her around.

So, Do Dating Apps Work?

Let’s circle back to the question that inspired the writing of this article -do dating apps work?

As Stanford told us, 39% of all new relationships start online.

But forget about other people, the real question is, do dating apps work for you?

Your love life is the only love life we care about.

Maybe the apps aren’t working for you right now, but with a few tweaks you can start scoring dates.

Let’s chat now via a 1-on-1 Zoom call about how our dating strategies have helped countless men find love. If it worked for people like Alex it’ll work for you too.

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