Have you been coming on too strong with women?
When you really like someone, it’s understandable that you would want to talk to her and spend as much time with her as possible. Unfortunetely for many guys, a certain level of enthusiasm can end up backfiring. Women find you needy and desperate and what you hoped would turn into a relationship devolves to yet another trip to the friend-zone.
In you’re infatuated with someone, it can also be difficult to take a hint, which is why a lot of guys end up chasing after women or getting stuck with a “creeper” label. To help you out, I’ve come up with four of the most common signs that you’re coming on too strong with a girl you’re dating or like- so that you can avoid behaving in this way at all costs. I am also including some failproof strategies that will help you become more successful in the dating world so that you can break free from the friend-zeon and find the woman of your dreams!
You’re Coming on Too Strong Sign #1: She Ignores You
This is a telltale sign of someone who is not interested. If she ignores you, it may mean that you’re coming on too strong. Ask yourself the following. Does she:
- Fail to respond to texts/calls or respond barely at all?
- Tune you out when she sees you in public?
- Cancel plans?
- Straight up walk away from you when you’re in the middle of a sentence?
She’s not into it. Sorry. And if you have been trying to remedy this situation by texting, calling, or talking to her even more, you’re not just coming on too strong — you could be headed into stage 5 clinger territory.
You definitely don’t want to end up in this territory because then you might suffer a “creeper” label. Women talk. And if a woman decided to tell all of her friends that you’re being a creep, you could lose credibility with the whole group. This prevents you from getting introduced by those girls to women that are interested in you. Also, if the girl from that group isn’t interested in you and hasn’t really dated you, maybe one of her friends could turn out to be a better fit.
Girl code doesn’t really apply when you haven’t actually dated the girl (seriously at least) or she doesn’t give AF. My point is this: Keep your options open.
#2: She Pulls the Slow Fade
Maybe her disinterest wasn’t obvious from the start. In fact, she could have been all about you after you first met. But then something change and it seems like she’s starting to lose interest. If she thinks that you are coming on too strong, you may notice her start distancing herself.
This won’t be an immediate cutting of the cord but it will definitely be noticeable. You’ll see that her text messages come less frequently. The time she takes to respond widens more and more. When you call, she suddenly has somewhere to be all the time and she’s canceling plans.
In this case, have you heard of the elastic band theory? You may want to start putting it into practice.
Just like a real elastic band, this theory states that the more you pull away from someone, the closer they want to get to you, and vice versa. Some people take this theory to extremes, which is equally as bad as being a clinger. For example:
- Being deliberately mean to someone because you think she “likes bad boys”
- Pulling away as a form of manipulation
- Chasing after someone who distances themselves from you
Instead, pull away if she seems to be bothered by you. If you even need to ask yourself, “Am I coming on too strong?” then it’s time to take a step back. This will give her some breathing room and can reignite interest.
#3: She Insists on Splitting the Bill
There may be a few outliers here but, for the most part, women really like it when men pay for at least the first three dates. This isn’t about being a bad feminist or a golddigger. Although we’re living in progressive times, men still get paid more than women in general. Moreover, women tend to spend a lot more than men on getting prepped for a date, by doing things like mani/pedis, buying an outfit, makeup etc.
Finally, women encounter lots of skeezy guys in the dating world who (on the first date, mind you) want to split the tab on an order of mozzarella sticks before trying to navigate a way back to her place. When a guy insists on taking you out and paying, it’s chivalrous. Women appreciate this.
So if you’re trying to show a girl a nice, non-creepy time and she insists on splitting the bill, she might be4 trying to show you that she’s not interested.
Sign #4: She Straight Up Tells You
Some women don’t mince words. She may not want to beat around the bush when it comes to you coming on too strong. In these cases, she’ll straight up tell you that you’re being annoying. If that’s the case, you really don’t need to look for any other clues here.
I know it’s brutal, but consider it a favor. She’s not being wishy-washy or stringing you along. Grow from the rejection — no matter how harsh — and move forward.
Now that you know some of the signs that you’re coming on too strong, let’s move on to strategy. The following tips will help you cool off and avoid coming on too strong so you can find more success in the dating world.
Strategy #1: Make Appointments with Friends
Have you allowed your interest in this woman to encroach upon your time with friends? Quit it. Whether you are dating, in a serious relationship, or unhappily single, keeping your friendships going is an integral part of overall wellness.
In fact, staying social could even increase your lifespan!
According to a study, Harvard researchers found that a lack of socializing can increase mortality and cardiovascular disease in men. Moreover, a study from the University of Rochester found that people who had smaller social circles were at a higher risk for things like:
- Excessive drinking
- Overweight and obesity
- Tobacco use
Spend more time with friends and also increase your social circle if you don’t have a lot of friends. Taking an improv comedy class is a great way to make new friends, build confidence and improve your approach when it comes to talking to women. Improv teaches you how to think on your feet and be charismatic.
You can also check out Meetup.com for some groups and events that appeal to your interests. Meetup provides a great way for adults to build new friendships, network and meet quality women.
Strategy #2: Hold Off on Sex
Do you find that you tend to come on too strong after having sex very early in a relationship? First date sex is something that can lead to clinginess and anxiety. It rarely results in a long-term relationship.
When you have sex very early into dating, a variety of chemicals are released that make you (a man) crave more and more sex. Furthermore, having sex before you know much about a person can make things awkward. She might not know how to handle it and even want to distance herself from you.
For best results, hold off until the third date to have sex and make sure that you have assessed that you and she have similar values and morals that make you a good fit for a relationship.
Strategy #3: MegaDate
This is perhaps the most important strategy when it comes to dating success. I used this strategy during my 100-date experiment and couldn’t believe how much insight it gave me into the dating world. It helped me achieve my dating goals and I currently enjoy a satisfying relationship with a man I met during this experiment.
MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several different people at the time. When you MegaDate, you get to see firsthand that the dating world is full of options. You will be less likely to get hung up on one person because you will be hanging out with a few different interesting people during the week. This method lessens the pain of rejection, prevents you from settling for the mediocre and keeps you from coming on too strong.
This strategy also makes you way better at approaching women and keeping cool on a date. You will be practicing your approach over and over again, and practice makes perfect.
Ready to get started? Check out some cool dating services below to help you crush your dating goals!
Strengthen Your Dating Game
I’m here to help you overcome your dating roadblocks and achieve your goals. If you’re ready to get started, head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our session, we will create an action plan that is tailored specifically to your needs and concerns. This will set you on a path toward dating success.
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Finally, check out my comprehensive online dating course for men for a ton of great strategies and tools. This course will give you everything you need to stay out of the friend-zone for good!