A first impression is everything. But when that first impression is reduced to a single line it becomes magnified. If meeting someone in person, you have time to redeem yourself or shape your image. Online dating doesn’t grant users such opportunities. For the intrepid online dater, this one line is your only chance to make an impact. Below you’ll find 50 online dating first message examples for guys that have been proven to work. But before you scan the list, copy, and paste, here are some things to keep in mind.
Get Acquainted With Her Profile
The best types of messages are personalized. A generic, “Hey, what’s your favorite movie?” is nothing compared to a more tailor-made message. To make a message personal, read through her entire profile to get a sense of her likes and dislikes. Don’t ignore the fact that she mentioned “Forget meditating to relax, I do PEMDAS instead.” Address her profile by responding to something she wrote.
Edit/Revise
It’s all about creating awesome first impressions. So when you slovenly write “your” when you should’ve written, “you’re,” you come off as a bit juvenile. A quick read through of your message before you send it ensures that any grammatical or spelling errors will be remedied.
Before pressing send, revise your message. The best writers in the world spend hours throwing away entire pages before they’re written something of worth. Take a note from the greats and think of the first message you write as a rough draft. Compose yourself before sending it off and ask if you can write an even better online dating first message. Chances are you can.
Be Different
She’s already getting inundated with vapid “H factor” words like: hi, hey, hello, hola, etc. If you don’t believe me, ask to see a female friend’s Tinder account and check for yourself. An insipid first message isn’t worth responding to unless your profile makes you out to be a superhero. Being different will make you stand out. When the recipient can tell that you’ve taken the time to write something unique, she’ll feel special. That’s never a bad thing.
Online Dating First Message Examples for Guys
When She Has No Written Bio
This is a tough one. How are you expected to create a personalized message when the written portion of her profile is blank? Hopefully you can glean enough about her from her photos to write her a witty first message. But if she’s only posted bathroom selfies, there’s little chance of that. There are two things you can do in this situation. One is to ditch her. Is the prolific bathroom selfie taker really the type of girl you want to be chasing? Option two is that you can ask her a probing question that forces her to tell you something about herself. Here are a few online dating first messages that will help you out.
Online Dating First Message Examples #1: “Hey Chelsea, tell me something cool about yourself.”
Whenever possible, use her name. Dale Carnegie, author of one of the best selling books of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People, says that “a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Writing her name gives the message a personal touch.
Follow it up by soliciting information about her. Asking her to tell you something cool about herself is to ask her to prove her worth. It also works because now you’ll get to know something unique about this stranger. When possible, skip the default getting-to-know-you questions and opt for something a bit more edgy.
Line 2: “So tell me Rebecca. What was the last song you belted?”
This is a variation of the oft-asked question of, “What’s your favorite band?” This question more easily leads to an in-depth conversation. More so than learning about her musical interests, this question seeks to find out how that specific song was selected, where it was sung, and why. There’s a story connected to the question. It’s fun for the recipient because she’s never received a first message like this one before. The act of recalling the song and basking in the enjoyment of singing it is a fun mental exercise.
Line 3: “Let’s skip the customary ice breakers. Instead, tell me something weird about you.”
Again we see the banal opener being sidestepped for a stimulating question. She’s likely to tell you something odd about herself because you’re currently nothing more than a stranger. To her, this conversation just became a quirky little game.
Line 4: “Your profile says so much about you, but I can’t help but think that I’m missing something. Before we go any further, is there anything else I should know about you?”
This request for information will likely lead to her sharing the information that she was too lazy to write in her profile. The message works because it’s flirty on a subtle level. Her profile says absolutely nothing about her. You’re playfully poking fun at how god-awful her profile is. You will surely elicit an interesting response with such a question.
Line 5: “So tell me Mariela. How can I make you fall in love with me?”
Yup, it’s bold, but that’s why it’ll work. The message isn’t salacious or irreverent. It’s innocent enough to be romantic. It’ll make her comb through her past experiences to figure out what it takes for her to fall in love with a guy. If she answers, she’ll be giving you the key to her heart. Now all you have to do is walk through the labyrinth to get to the door.
Line 6: “Tell me a secret” or “Tell me something you don’t want your Mom to know about you.”
There’s no better way to accelerate a bond than through the sharing of secrets. Ask her to tell you something her mother doesn’t even know about her.
Line 7: “Did you know Sarah Palin calls her husband Todd, the “First Dude”?
Pretty much any fun fact about Sarah Palin is gold. This one just happens to be one of the funnier ones. When in doubt, send her a random, yet funny fact.
Line 8: “What does your perfect day look like? Also… if it involves anything to do with rock climbing can I come with?”
The first question alone is a bit generic. Other dudes have probably messaged her that exact line. But by revealing what you like to do she learns a little bit about you, thus making you more human in her eyes and thus more worthy of a response.
Line 9: “So Jessica, tell me. What do you do for fun when you’re not flirting with strangers you met on Tinder?”
Two things are happening here. You’re showing a genuine interest in getting to know her while (hopefully) making her laugh. It’s the perfect combination of edgy and authenticity.
Line 10: Is it just me or is Meryl Streep by far the most overrated actor?
Right though? Everyone has seen a Meryl Streep movie and thus it’ll be more or less easy for her to comment. Personally, I’d agree. She’s good, but she’s not Daniel Day Lewis.
When Her Bio Includes Info About Her Favorite Show/Series
Online Dating First Message Examples for Guys #11: “Love is like starting a sentence that goes nowhere and just hopes to find meaning along the way.”
Any devout follower of The Office will recognize this variation of a Michael Scott quote. Sure it’s dorky, but if you send this, you’ll just have combined her two most favorite things. Michael Scott and falling in love.
Line 12: The Office Trivia: Who Said It? “Dwight you ignorant slut!”
Generally I’d say stay away from including the word slut in an online dating first message, but when it’s a The Office quote, an exception can be made. The beauty of trivia is that it works for any show. Just pick whichever show she’s interested in and make your own trivia question.
Line 13: “Did you know Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams didn’t get along at first? I never would have guessed it.”
Sure it’s cliché, but you’re bound to run across a woman who lauds The Notebook in her profile. Don’t shy away from broaching it. Always steer the conversation towards things she likes.
Line 14: “I don’t know how I’ve made it this far without being exposed to any Game Of Thrones spoilers. Almost there!”
Spoilers are the bane of any serial series watcher. Bond over your shared ability to elude spoilers and love for one of the greatest dramas of all time. To the wall!
Line 15: I don’t know if this is going to work out Vanessa. Roma was hands down the most overrated movie of 2018. I tried to like it, I even watched it twice, but I just couldn’t.”
There’s nothing wrong with being a bit edgy. Most men that strike up a chat online are at fault for being too agreeable. Playfully and respectfully show her that you disagree with what she’s said about her favorite movie. It’ll quickly lead to a stimulating conversation.
When She Talks About Pizza
Online Dating First Message Examples #16: “Have you tried the La Regina pizza at Tony’s down in North Beach? It won the gold cup over in Italy.”
It doesn’t mater if she isn’t in San Francisco. Every foodie loves to talk about their favorite spots to eat. If she’s a pizza eater, ask her if she’s tried pizza at a particularly happening or obscure place.
Line 17: “Did you know that pizza as we know it originated in Naples in the 1600s? I learned that when an Italian guy yelled at me for saying that Little Caesar’s isn’t absolute garbage.
Facts are great and all but you don’t want to come off as a know-it-all. A little backstory as to why you know a certain fact creates a more well-rounded online dating first message.
When She Talks About Ice Cream
Line 18: “I hear your favorite ice cream tells a lot about you. Judging from your interest in Phish Food I’m going to guess that you prefer an all night jam band over a rave.”
Make assumptions. Even if they’re wrong she’ll feel obligated to correct you. Just make sure those assumptions are playful.
Line 19: “Have you tried that new place over on ‘x’ avenue? I hear its Mellow Yellow will split your tongue in half… I assume that’s a good thing.”
Get foodie with her. If she’s an epicurean, feed into her love of fine foods. Broaching a solid place to grab a scoop of ice cream is a nice segue into asking her out.
When She Talks About Brunch In Her Profile
Online Dating First Message Examples #20: “The next time you want to feel fancy while eating brunch just know that it originated in England in the 19th century.”
Make her life feel a little bit more spectacular with an interesting fact or two. As long as you’re not coming off as arrogant, you’ve probably constructed a message worth sending.
When She Talks About Scuba Diving
Line 21: “Your profile makes me so jealous. Can you teach me to be as cool as your?” (I’m referring to your badass scuba diving skills btw)
Flattery should only be used if it’s warranted. That being said, when scuba diving is in the picture, it’s definitely merited.
Line 22: “I’m not gonna lie, when I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said scuba diver. Instead I chose to be (only insert your profession here if it’s somehow humorous in contrast to what you wanted to become).
Line 23: Let me see if I can stump you. Which are older: great white sharks or dinosaurs?”
It’s trivia time! Put your drinks to the side and get that buzzer hand ready. It’s never a bad time for a little spontaneous trivia.
Line 24: “Did you know mermaids smoke seaweed?”
I’ll be the first to say that this line won’t work on every woman. Only use it if she says that she’s into lame jokes or seems like the type of person that is into a lazy laugh.
Line 25: “I was kind of bummed to hear that there are only 70ish shark attacks every year. I still think you’re super brave.”
Call her valiant, make her feel like a knight, and she’ll surely respond positively to your message in due time.
Line 26: “Tell me something cool about scuba diving.”
When in doubt, remember to talk about a topic that she’s into. If you ask her about her passion she’ll start talking. This is the goal of a first message.
When Her Bio Includes Pictures Of Her Skiing/Snowboarding
Online Dating First Message Examples for Guys #27: “Be honest… do you beef with snowboarders?”
You’re right, it’s kind of dumb. But it’s also cute. Talking about her passion is never a bad call.
Line 28: “Global warming’s a bummer. It leads to war, the washing away of islands, and makes our president sound like an idiot. But for all the bad it’ll do I’m most worried about not being able to ski on fresh power.”
Such an online dating first message only really works if you two share the same passion. Should this be the case, harp on that until you’ve got a first date. When doing so never be afraid to show a little bit of wit.
Line 29: “Did you hit up any good mountains this past season?”
Simple and straightforward. The message shows that you read her profile and most likely share a hobby. Initial messages don’t need to be intricate. 70% of guys don’t even write initial messages that contain more than two words.
Line 30: “My biggest fear is getting crushed by an avalanche and stuck under the snow. I felt the need to share that with you.”
Addressing biggest fears right off the bat, that’s cool. It’s even better when that fear pertains to one of her hobbies.
When She Shows Off Her Pooch
Online Dating First Message Examples #31: “How long did it take to house train your pooch? I think my Lolita’s stench seemed into the wood floor.”
Bond over the struggles of doggy parenting.
Line 32: “Have you ever taken your dog to Cherry Park? They just landscaped the lawn and it’s now a doggy haven.”
Careful with how you frame such a question. She’ll be leery to disclose the places she frequents to a stranger. Write this question so as to advise her to check out a certain place instead of asking if she goes there a lot.
Line 33: “I just adopted a dog and am now going through the name process but am overwhelmed. There are like 3,842 quality names out there (I know I made a list). How did you decide on a name for your pup?”
Asking for advice is never a bad way to go. Just don’t make yourself look ignorant or lazy.
Line 34: “I just found out that dogs see in more frames per minute than humans. So compared to us, dogs see in slow-mo. Despite that my dog still can’t catch a tennis ball.”
A fact followed by a humorous anecdote is a solid 1-2 punch as far as online dating first messages are concerned.
Line 35: “Have you noticed the anti-bulldog stickers posted around Brooklyn lately?”
Bring up a contentious topic concerning a subject she’s interested in. The merit of breeds is just such a topic.
Line 36: “Did you know that petting a dog and staring into their eyes releases oxytocin?”
Sure you want to be the source of oxytocin generation but before you can get there you’ll have to woo her. The best way to do this is by first woofing her up with comments about her beloved pooch.
Line 37: “I love “dog breed name.” I hear they “dog breed fact.”
Show her dog’s breed some love by letting her know you appreciate her pooch. Throwing in a cool fact about her dog’s breed will make you seem like a knowledgeable man.
Line 38: “Let’s be honest. The only way this will work out is if our dogs are buddies. Sooo, doggie date?”
A recent study found that users that have a photo showcasing their furry companion have their odds of getting a woman’s phone number from 10% to 33%. There’s a reason dog is man’s best friend. There’s nothing wrong with using your pooch to score a first date. Especially not if Spot makes a friend during the process.
When She Talks About Skydiving In Her Bio
Online Dating First Message Examples #39: “So I see that you’re a badass. Can you teach me your ways?”
This line works when she has showcased her skills in any extreme sport. The line is perfect because it begins with flattery and ends with a request to meet up.
Line 40: “I randomly recently heard that the youngest person to skydive was 4 year old. That’s badass and all but I’m pretty sure his parents are now locked up.”
A mixture of fact and humor is never a bad call.
When She Showcases Her Boxing Skills
Line 41: “I’m not going to lie. I honestly just thought George Foreman was a glorified grill salesman.”
Sure it’s a little silly, but sometimes silly works. Especially when the competition is settling for “Hey cutie” as an online dating first message.
Line 42: “I’m tempted to use a silly pickup line with you but I’m afraid you’ll beat me up. You kind of seem like a badass.”
Pickup lines are just about never a good idea, unless they’re unbelievably brilliant and your subsequent message acknowledges how stupid the pickup line was. So basically, don’t use them. Be genuine and complement her non-physical features instead.
When She’s Into Cats
Line 43: I don’t want to get nerdy on you or anything. But I just learned that a group of cats is called a clowder.”
Show her you care about her interests by talking about them. You’re also more likely to receive a response if you keep the conversation on a topic she likes.
Line 44: “So I’m currently team dog, but I’m considering switching sides. Think you can persuade me?”
Challenge her. Just make sure the challenge isn’t too difficult.
When She Talks About Netflix
Online Dating First Message Examples for Guys #45: “Favorite show on Netflix that isn’t The Office, go!”
Not everyone scuba dives or even is the lucky parent of a K9. But surely everyone has their favorite Netflix show. It might not be the most exhilarating conversation, but it’s one that everyone can have. Keep it relatable.
Line 46: “I just finished Big Mouth and am need of a new show. Any suggestions?”
She’ll be flattered when you ask her for her opinion. Soliciting her advice increases her self-worth is makes her feel girl. Well done.
When She’s Clearly Into Travel
Line 47: What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten while on vacation?”
Nowadays there are two things everyone is into; food and travel. Combine the two to create a question and you’ll surely receive a response.
Line 48: “What’s the coolest thing you did during your time in “France”?”
You’ll be able to tell where she’s been because of her photos or she will have written about it in her bio. Once you know where she’s been simply ask her what she enjoyed most about the city/country.
Line 49: “Did you know that in Bora Bora putting a flower in your left ear indicates that you’re single?”
A lot of women have been to Bora Bora. Log onto Bumble and see for yourself. Any talk of their most prized vacation destination will likely result in a full blown conversation.
Line 50: “Where’s the coolest place you’ve been outside of the USA?”
The whole purpose of an online dating first message is to get her talking. What better way to encourage chatter than to ask her about something that excites her as much as travel?
Wrap-up: Online Dating First Message Examples for Guys
The purpose of displaying the above online dating first message examples is to give you an idea of what women will respond to. As you can see, women are most likely to get back to you if you ask them a question about something their passionate about while adding some humor to your initial message.
Crafting a clever online dating first message is just one of the many components you’ll need learn to reach your dating goals and ultimately find the RIGHT woman to settle down with. If perfectly fine if you still need a little guidance.
That’s where I come in. When you book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me, we’ll address any concerns you might have regarding online dating first messages, discuss your dating history and any other sticking points you may have, co-create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you!