12 Tips for a First Date After Meeting a Woman Online
I went on no less than 52 first dates during my 100-date experiment … so I’d say I know more than the average person when it comes to tips for a first date after meeting online!
During the experiment, I used OkCupid (which was super popular back then) to source the majority of my first dates. Needless to say, I had some interesting experiences, which leads me to make this list of first date tips. Going out with a person you met online is quite a bit different than meeting someone recommended by a friend, or that you already know from real life.
When you meet someone from a dating site or app, you have to start from scratch when it comes to selling yourself. You also have no idea what she’s like (those profiles aren’t as accurate as you might think) so it makes no sense to over-invest in the experience. Finally, you want to establish trust, since that is crucial with women (especially since you’re still a stranger to her).
Here are 12 Specific Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online
Send a Date Reminder
Seems basic, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t do it. Since you don’t know each other, neither of you may be super invested in this meeting. So be sure to remind her beforehand, in case she makes other plans by mistake, or just forgets to show up. I’m sure you’ve had this happen to you … not fun.
Message her the night before or the morning of your first date. For example, you might just say, “I’m looking forward to meeting you tomorrow at 11 am. See you soon. :)” This is a low-key way of confirming with her and it gives her an opportunity to express her interest in you as well. You also just gave her the chance to flake. (If she was going to anyway, isn’t it better that she do it now than later?)
Set the Date for an AFTERNOON
I can’t tell you how many Forensic Files episodes I’ve seen where the woman meets the man at night for their first date after meeting online … and the woman was never seen again.
Daytime dates always feel safer to a woman than nighttime ones, especially when she doesn’t know the person she’s going to meet. Since all she really knows right now is your first name and that you have a cute profile pic, suggest that you meet during the day. It will ease her mind about the chance of you being a crazy psychopath (sadly, women have to think about these things) and increase the chance of her actually showing up.
Set the Date for a Saturday
Not only is it easier to schedule a daytime date on a Saturday, but it will put your date into a better frame of mind. You might be a total catch, have mad conversational skills, and a killer body — but if she shows up for the date preoccupied with work or in a bad mood, it won’t matter how great you are. You’ve already lost.
Saturday is the best day for a date because it’s far enough into the weekend to make sure she’s out of work/school mode. Sunday isn’t as good, since Monday will be just around the corner and she’ll already have the Sunday blues. Stick to Saturday so she brings less mental baggage to the date — and that goes for you, too.
Show Up to the Date on Time
Someone you met online has very little information about you to go on. So in the beginning, the little things matter. If she doesn’t know you, and you’re even two minutes late, she’ll likely move on to someone who “respects her time” more.
It may not be true that you don’t respect her time, but again, how would she know that? Since she doesn’t know anything else about you, she can’t put it into context. Easier to just cut bait.
Don’t Bring Flowers or a Gift
Never try to buy a woman’s affection. It won’t pay off. Bringing flowers or a gift on the very first date is overkill, simply because she has done nothing to warrant it. And when you get a gift that you don’t feel you deserve, how do you feel? Guilty, weirded out, and maybe even slightly irritated.
Don’t get me wrong. The intention behind bringing a woman flowers is lovely. But flowers should be given to the woman you’ve actually started to build something with — not a random person you’ve never met before. She will wonder why you’re trying so hard, and when she doesn’t give you the reaction you’re hoping for, your ego will take a hit. Just take my advice and avoid it.
Pay for the Date
There are a hundred other men swiping right on her right now. Like, literally. Considering how much competition you’re up against, you don’t want to be one of the guys who takes her out and doesn’t pay … because if you don’t, guaranteed other guys will. And she may assume you’re cheap or don’t value her as much as those other guys.
Plus, if she’s looking for a relationship, she’s also testing whether or not you can keep her safe. In other words, from an evolutionary perspective, women want to feel protected and cared for when they’re with a man romantically. Do we actually need this? No, but it’s just how we’re wired to feel. So paying for the date will give her that feeling of being safe with you.
Keep in mind, the date doesn’t have to be expensive. I recommend you spend no more than $10 on a first date — meaning a cup of coffee or a cocktail at most. An eclectic coffee shop or bar with a comfy couch will make it feel classier. Make the second date free (do something active and/or outdoors) and then spend money on a nice dinner for the third date, if you like her.
Don’t Think When She’s Talking
When she’s talking, listen to her. Don’t think about anything else. You might be tempted to let your mind wander to what you want to say next, but try to stay focused. At this point, this is a random person you know nothing about, who’s probably pretty interesting — so be sure to soak in what she’s saying. Science even shows (by way of this University of Melbourne study) that females prefer to have sex with males who are good listeners.
If you think you’ll want a second date with her, also be sure to take mental snapshots of her interests as she talks. Before you leave, you’ll want to set up plans to see her again, so it’ll be important to tailor that idea to something you know she likes to do.
Have a Few Second Date Activities Planned Out BEFORE the First Date
Speaking of setting up a second date, be sure to also create a list of three or four activities that you like to do. Maybe it’s hiking, biking, jogging, rock climbing, bowling, ziplining, or even jiu-jitsu. As you listen to your date, if you hear her mention ANY of these things, remember it. You can suggest it as a second date idea at the end of the first date.
Use a TDL
A TDL stands for time, date, and location. It’s the one element you must include when asking a woman out on a date. You’d be shocked to learn how many men avoid this basic principle, instead saying things like, “We should go out one of these days” or “What’s your schedule like next weekend?”
Show your leadership and confidence by not only suggesting a compelling date idea, but giving her a time, date, and location. It might sound something like this: “I know you love the theater, and I’ve been planning to go see the new John Leguizamo one-man show over at the Ahmanson. Want to come with me to the 2 p.m. matinee this Saturday?” If nothing else, a clear invite like this will make her respect you more than if you were wishy-washy.
Touch Her at Least Three Times
If you think this date has potential, see if you can start building sexual tension by introducing light, non-sexual touch. Touch is a powerful communicator and can later stimulate sexual attraction.
While it’s more important than ever on a second date, touching at least three times on a first date is mission-critical. Simply hug hello, hug goodbye, and touch one more time to convey that you’re not looking for a friends-only connection. (If your hugs feel awkward, practice hugging everyone hello and goodbye beforehand until they’re seamless.)
For the third touch, I’d cue up a cool photo or funny video on your phone and lean in, touching arm-to-arm to show it to her on the tiny screen of your phone. (I know they’re not so tiny these days but just roll with me here.) That’s all you have to do — just find an innocent way to create physical contact to get things rolling. Later, if there is mutual attraction, it will lead to sexual tension.
Don’t Text Her Right After the Date
Early in the courting stages, you want to maintain a sense of mystery. Being overly available or eager could kill any motivation a woman might have to see you again before you even have a chance to set up a second date. So for that reason, don’t text her right after the date. In fact, don’t text her for anything other than to confirm your second date (or give her a TDL for one, if you didn’t already).
To put it another way, make sure you only text with intent. Wanting to set up another date means there’s an intent behind the message. But texting her something like, “How’s your day?” or “Happy Monday!” with no intent just makes it harder for her to respond. Remember, you don’t really know each other, and the best way to get to know her is in person.
Hire a Dating Coach
It’s easy to read advice online and try to put together a dating strategy. But the truth is, there are many other unique factors to consider. It’s impossible to find a one-size-fits-all solution to something as complicated and human as dating — which is why hiring a dating coach can give you the ultimate advantage.
I work with clients with all types of backgrounds, experiences, and stories, and have seen first-hand how many dating scenarios play out in real life. You can try to learn about dating by muddling through it via trial and error … or you can simply hire a dating coach to give you the answers. It’s really that simple.
In my Signature program, we’ll review your dating history, your current prospects, how you generally approach women and what you are looking for, to come up with a personalized strategy that will outperform any other dating techniques you’ve tried. Clients look to me all the time to help them find the hidden factor that’s holding them back from attracting the women they want, and it’s usually something they couldn’t have discovered without help. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to up-level your dating life by using a coach: Book a 1-on-1 client session with me, and we’ll evaluate whether my Signature program is right for you.
Tips for a First Date After Meeting Online: Conclusion
Hopefully, you now have a little bit more info to help you make your next first date phenomenal. When it comes to tips for a first date after meeting online, I think the most important one is having empathy. Simply put yourself in her shoes: Meeting a strange guy at a random place could be awkward at best. So, the more you can do to make her feel comfortable and show that you’re stable, safe, and fun to be around, the better she will feel about you. Good luck!
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