Should I Lose Weight Before Dating?
Women don’t care about looks as much as guys do.
And no, that’s not something men tell themselves so they don’t feel bad -it’s science.
Women are much more concerned with finding a partner that will be there for them, can provide, and isn’t going to chuck their newborn off a cliff.
While women place less importance on how symmetrical one’s face is than a man would, in today’s dating world it feels like our superficial traits are placed front and center.
But in today’s dating app world, you’re simply one of a thousand cards in the deck. So yeah, she’s going to compare your images with other guys.
In her mind, choices are abundant, so hey, why settle for an overweight dude when I can score this guy with the photoshopped 6-pack?
A guy’s weight isn’t a deal-breaker for all women, but even if you don’t want to believe it, you have male competition, and a lot of these guys are in great shape. As you can guess, there are plenty of pros and cons to losing weight before you begin dating.
Let’s go over some reasons why you might want to lose weight before getting back out there.
“Should I Lose Weight Before Dating?”
First, Are You Insecure About Your Weight?
It’s not her, it’s you.
You’re the one that’s lacking confidence because of your weight. You’re the one that thinks she won’t like you because of those few extra pounds.
While an out of shape man might not be attractive to all women, a man whose confidence is out of shape isn’t attractive to any women.
Is your weight sabotaging your confidence?
If so, then yeah, maybe you should begin the process of losing weight before starting to date. Not because she may not find you attractive, but rather because you don’t find yourself attractive.
Dating is a fragile interpersonal dance. If one dancer is feeling off-balanced the tango suffers. There’s little point in dating if you psyche yourself out before the date even begins.
It all comes down to confidence. If you’re feeling insecure about anything that might hinder your date, seek a remedy stat.
Fight against that internal battle by reminding yourself that science is arguing against your mentality. Studies have time and time again shown that women care more so about one’s personality, confidence, sense of humor, ability to make her feel comfortable, and other traits that have nothing to do with appearance.
If your appearance is diminishing these other traits, then yes, consider losing some weight. But even more beneficial, consider changing your mentality. Learn about what women want in a man and how to give it to them.
Women Are Attracted To Men Who Can Produce Strong Offspring & A Good Environment for Those Offspring (Even If They Don’t Want Kids)
We -as in women- are programmed to look for a man with a healthy body and good genes. This is because, in order to survive, our species must procreate. This doesn’t mean every single woman wants kids (or more kids), but it’s how we’re hardwired and so it’s always a benefit to a woman when a man is in good shape.
We’ve discussed that when it comes to choosing a boyfriend, women use an internal ranking system, one that places more importance on certain traits than others.
In her book, The Love List, author Elena Murzello spoke to hundreds of women and asked them to rank the most important characteristics in a partner. The top three were: a sense of humor, honesty, and intelligence. For men, these traits were physical attractiveness, sense of humor, intelligence.
The thing is, while physical attraction didn’t make it into the top three traits, women do still find physical attractiveness to be an important characteristic.
The reason being that physical fitness is an indication of high-quality genes. And even though evolution is lagging a bit behind in this regard, women see a fit man and equate it to their ability to provide for an offspring. Of course, in today’s society we know that one doesn’t need to be fit to earn a living, our brains haven’t exactly caught up yet.
So just how fit do women like their men?
In a 2006 academic paper studying how sexy women find muscles, researchers asked this very question. On a scale of 1-9 they asked women to rate how attractive they were to certain body types.
Of the 141 women surveyed, researchers found that average ranking for the following body types were as follows:
It’s no surprise that women find chubby men to be the least attractive when only accounting for physical fitness. But what’s surprising is that more muscle doesn’t equate to more attraction.
Don’t let the wording fool you, men that are classified as “toned” have less muscle than both “built” and “brawny” men. This shows us that women don’t find super jacked dudes more attractive than a toned guy. Hell, even the slender dudes were ranked on average less than 1 point lower than jacked brawny dudes.
From this study, we can deduce that while women don’t find chubby guys physically compelling, to significantly increase one’s sex appeal, a chubby guy need only become a bit more slender.
There’s A Lot More Variation In The Body Types Women Are Into
When men see a woman they want three things; hips, breasts, and a symmetrical face.
What men consider vital in a woman’s appearance are so universal and well known that they can be distilled into a single question; boobs or ass?
Women on the other hand, well, we’re the more flexible gender I suppose.
I personally used to be a bit of a chubby chaser. It used to make me feel a bit insecure if a man was smaller than me or in better shape. I also personally felt that chubby guys were more sensual, who knows why I thought that. My point is, women like all types and there’s a ton of variation so don’t get too hung up on it, unless it personally bothers you.
But hey, that isn’t just me talking, it’s science.
In a 2009 study of over 2,000 participants, women were asked to merely rate how hot they thought a series of men were. For the most part women found thin, yet tone men to be most attractive. That being said, researchers found a huge variance in how women rated men, “Some women gave high attractiveness ratings to the men other women said were not attractive at all.”
Ultimately Wake Forest researchers walked away having learned a couple of key differences between the sexes, “Women who are trying to impress men are likely to be found much more attractive if they meet certain physical standards, and much less if they don’t. Although men are rated as more attractive by women when they meet these physical appearance standards too, their overall judged attractiveness isn’t as tightly linked to their physical features.”
Never think that she’s not into you because you look a certain way. This study corroborates the idea that dudes have no idea if a woman finds them attractive or not. Not all women think alike. You should have known this before, but now the claim has been validated.
Lose Weight If You Get Tired Often
There are most likely two reasons why overweight people get easily fatigued.
One is that if you’re overweight you have more weight to lug around. It’s this excess weight that makes you more tired than you otherwise would be.
The second reason has to do with diet. Weight is gained because we provide our bodies with an excess of fuel. We eat high caloric foods that are nutrient deficient. While these foods may give us a rush of energy, your goal should be to maintain “sustainable energy ” from eating a balanced diet.
Once you get back out there, I recommend you MegaDate. MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves dating multiple women simultaneously. As you can imagine, going on 2-3 dates a week is tiring. To have the energy to sustain this strategy, you’ll need to lose weight. The more you date the more vacations, sex, and profound emotional conversations you’ll have. Are you physically ready for the marathon that is dating and relationships?
What Happens If You Break Your Promise?
At this point in the article, you’re probably still torn.
You don’t know if you should wait to lose weight to begin dating again, or get back on the horse this very week.
You may have promised yourself that you’ll start dating as soon as you lose a little weight. But what happens if you never do lose weight?
What happens when your New Years’ resolution fails again? Will you never download a dating app, never flirt with that woman from your volleyball class, never move in with a woman you love?
The time to date is now.
“Should I Lose Weight Before Dating?” What Now..
Chances are, the next woman you go out with will know how skinny, muscular, or chubby you are.
She will have seen a photo online or know you from an IRL interaction can has a pretty good understanding of your size.
Despite however odd you may feel about yourself she still wants to go out with you.
Look, as long as you’re truthfully portraying your figure, you should feel good about your odds of forming a connection on a first date. She knows how you look and still chose to go out with you. That alone should imbue you with the confidence to woo her.
If you want to get back out there but feel as though your weight is hindering you, don’t worry. That’s a totally reasonable feeling. But instead of waiting to lose the wait to start dating again, why not just overcome your fears?
The best way to do that is by improving your dating skills. Knowing that you’re a kickass date will give you the confidence to take charge of your dating life again. So how will you revamp your dating life? -with a little help from me.
Feel free to setup a new client session via a 1-on-1 Zoom with me. In this call we’ll discuss your options going forward.
We’ll create a dating blueprint, teach you how to overcome your fears, discuss my 3 month private or group coaching program, and if needed will use our matchmaking services to hook you up with women you’re bound to fall for.