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Should I Follow Her on Instagram After We Match on a Dating App?

Should I Follow Her on Instagram After We Match on a Dating App?

Ahh yes, the classic, should I follow her on Instagram after we match on a dating app dilemma.

Well maybe it’s not classic yet, but it definitely is a quagmire, one we’ll help you sort out.

Initially, you might be thinking, “why in the world would I not follow her?”



You matched with her on a dating app so there must be some connection, surely she won’t mind if you follow her on IG.

Here’s the thing.

You can 100% always get away with following her after matching in the respect that she won’t block you.

But just because you won’t get blocked doesn’t mean that you should hit that follow button.

The initial stages of courtship are the most fragile.

One bad joke, one boring comment, or one click to follow could dampen any Tinder you had intended on burning.

To understand the dynamic at play when following on IG after a match I turned to the experts.

Should I Follow Her On Instagram After We Match on a Dating App?

The simple answer is yes, and also no.

But allow me to elaborate.

should i follow her on instagram

No, Not Immediately After A Match

Women, regardless if they’re on Tinder or IRL are after high-value men.

A man of high value might be one that plays the piano, owns a Tesla, or have a super symmetrical face.



An indication that a man is also of high value is if he has a freakin’ life.

As Audrey, emlovz’s Gen Z dating coach will tell you, having a life doesn’t involve digital stalking,

“Following someone on social media right after you match on a dating app usually comes across as overeager and conveys to a female that you have nothing better to do than gawk over her photos and read her captions.

While some may view this as charming persistence, the abundance of interest is dangerous to exhibit right away with a stranger, and you could easily come across as a stalker in her mind.”

To be clear, stalker isn’t the look you’re going for.

No… But Maybe

Audrey isn’t the only dating coach who thinks subsequently following a woman online is a bad idea after a match.

When I asked Jackie, another one of emlovz’s supremely sage dating coaches this is what she had to say:

“I would probably not want someone to add me on the internet before setting up a date and actually meeting.

Guys do this all the time to me, even though I don’t include my handle. I think it’s weird (and a little desperate) to add someone that is a stranger. BUT, if she has her instagram on her dating profile, then she definitely wants you to follow her.”

Hmm.

The key takeaway from Jackie’s comment is that if she has her IG handle clearly listed in her account you’re allowed to follow her, but if she doesn’t — don’t go sniffing her out online. 

As you can gather, Jackie’s clearly grossed out when guys follow her even before establishing any kind of rapport IRL.

The words she uses to describe these men are:

— Weird

&

— Desperate

Those are two words you never want a woman calling you.

Jackie also makes it clear that if she already has her IG info in her account it’s okay to follow her.



To be clear, linking to her IG isn’t enough. It’s only acceptable if she has her IG handle written in her profile.

But even if the info is there you have to ask yourself why you’d follow her.

If you’ve yet to make contact with her and still choose to follow her on IG you’re really just a lurker.

That brings me to my next point.

Yes, You Should Follow Her On IG

There’s a caveat here.

You should only follow her if you’ve already tried to make contact on the dating app.

I’ll let Audrey elaborate.

“Appreciate the dating app for connecting you two and stick to messaging her on there at the beginning.

If she doesn’t respond on the dating app, a week or two later would be sufficient enough time to follow her on social media without appearing obsessive. You can then leverage this connection on social media because it will remind her that you exist!”

Look, not all women check their Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge accounts on a daily or even weekly basis. Hell, not all women even use dating apps for romantic reasons as this LendEDU study shows.

should i follow her on instagram

As Audrey says, try hitting her up for a couple of weeks on the dating app before transitioning to Instagram.

If she doesn’t reply to your first message wait a couple days to send her another. If this feels awkward to you, use an open-ended kind of question that you can follow-up on if she takes a while to answer. Here’s an example.



“Hey Jen, tell me something cool about yourself.”

Two days pass.

“There’s nothing cool about you? I don’t believe you.”

It’s light, playful, and in no way do you come off as creepy or annoying for sending her a second message.

Emyli, emlovz’s founder, recommends messaging her 3x before following up on social media.

Yes, Even After The Conversation Fizzles Out

She’s a busy woman, if for no other reason than she’s being bombarded with messages on dating apps and cant’ get to them all.

Women receive many more messages than guys do on dating apps.

And every time she receives a message newer than yours, your conversation will be pushed down the queue.

should i follow her on instagram

As evidenced by the profile above, women receive oodles of matches and messages a day.

She’s bound to forget about you if she’s being messaged by 10 new guys every hour.

If your convo fizzles out it’s likely that her attention has been pulled away. Win back her attention by messaging her on Instagram.

Follow her and message her something that’ll stand out like:

“Hey Sam, it’s Dave, that super attractive and dateable guy from Tinder (your words not mine)”

You can then follow up with a question about her profile or continue the convo you had via the dating app. You can also use a TDL to ask her out.



Yes, Even If Your Online Dating Conversation Is Going Well

Think of dating like online marketing.

The more customer touch-points the more likely it is that a prospective customer will buy your product.

The same rules apply to online dating.

If you two chat on a dating app, follow each other on IG, and like each other’s playlists on Spotify, it’s likely that you’ll go on a date. Each touchpoint serves to humanize you.

This is why Audrey says it’s cool to connect with her on social media even while chatting it up a the dating app.

“If she does respond to your message on the dating app, continue to have fun back-and-forth conversation without following her on Instagram right away.

You can then easily follow her on social media about a week after the initial match, with confidence that she won’t be put off by your follow request.

You can even ask her what her social media is in the middle of your messaging if you can’t find her account! Let’s say you found a funny photo/video you want to share with her. “Hey what’s your Instagram handle? I saw something that made me think of you.”

What’s important to keep in mind though is that ultimately you don’t want a pen pal or a new follower, you want a date.

I mean according to Hellen Fisher, PhD, Biological Anthropologist, Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com, and all-around badass, calling an app or site like Tinder a “dating app” is a misnomer.

“The bottom line is these are not dating sites they’re introducing sites.”

By this Fisher means that you can’t actually date or seriously get to know someone online.

The only way to really get to build a rapport with another human is by connecting with them in the real world.

It’s for this reason you’ll want to shift the dynamic from an online one-to-one IRL as soon as possible.

Yes, Follow Her After A Date

Hoorayyy, in this hypothetical situation you scored a date.

Congrats.

Continue to remind her of your awesomeness by following her on IG a couple days after the date (assuming the date went well).



Jackie says that:

“Even better, if you land a date with her, following her on social media a day or two after the date is expected and appreciated by women.”

The primary reason you want to follow her is to continue to show her that you’re the right person to be with.

Ideally, your IG account is riddled with awesome photos showcasing how fun your life is.

Even if it’s not, having yet another touchpoint that connects you two will work in your favor.

So, “Should I Follow Her on Instagram After We Match?”

As you can see, this isn’t a simple yes or no question.

Each situation calls for a different response.

In most cases, you’ll want to follow but clearly not in all.

And even if you follow our advice to a tee she might still get upset and block you.

Keep in mind that dating and messaging specifically is a numbers game. We can’t control the way any single woman responds to us but we can create a consistent outreach strategy that we follow the same way each time for every woman. Some women won’t respond the way you like, others will be flattered by your persistence. We never know why one person reacts positively and another negatively but what we can do is keep our messaging strategy consistent.

If you give up after one bad interaction, you’re not going to get very far. The path to finding the one is riddled with rejection. The best you can do is be resilient and follow a tried and true courting strategy. 

If you’re looking for a plug-and-play messaging strategy that can help you get more matches, responses, and dates than you can even respond back to, check out my coaching program.

I help men get way more responses and get in front of the super exciting women that are hard to get to respond.



Just last week 3 of my clients got into long-term relationships with women they’re stoked about. 

In my program, Dating Decoded, men will learn about the four most important stages of 21st-century courtship.

  • MegaDating
  • Dating App Profile Creation
  • MegaMessaging
  • 3-Date Blueprint

Let’s get to know each other by setting up a brief call via Zoom.

During this call, we’ll talk about your dating history, goals, and figure out if Dating Decoded is right for you.

Oh and P.S. — since we’re on the topic on IG, there’s one woman that you should definitely follow.

 

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