Should I Ask Her Friend If She Likes Me?
Here’s the situation.
You’re really into this girl that you met at your buddy’s party.
You two have been traveling in the same circle for the last few weeks and have really started to get to know each other. You think there may be a connection but just can’t tell.
To ascertain whether she has the hots for you or not, you decide to make a move. Except the move you make isn’t to man up and go in for the kiss or share a sultry dance with her. Nope. Instead, you ask a buddy to do some reconnaissance for you and figure out if she’s into you or not.
This method of romantic exploration is, well, childish. It’s something your 13-year-old self would be proud of.
Even though this tactic is callow, is it really the wrong way to go?
In this article, we’ll weight the pros and cons related to the question of “should I ask her friend if she likes me” or not.
Pros: Should I Ask Her Friend If She Likes Me?
The question is a contentious one. We need to explore both sides of the coin before you make your move. Here are the advantages of asking her friend to play matchmaker.
You Save Face
Rejection is terrifying.
Rejection is the main reason we don’t achieve our goals whether they be professional, social, or romantic.
If you straight up asked her on a TDL, she may straight up say no, perhaps even prefaced by an “ew.”
Asking a buddy to inquire for you will save you some embarrassment would she have said no.
It’s incredibly awkward getting rejected. Even should you learn that she’s not interested, the subsequent emotions that arise with learning about her lukewarm feelings towards you won’t hurt nearly as much had you asked her yourself.
Preserves The Social Circle
Let’s think of the situation in which you’d enlist a buddy to do some recon for you.
You won’t ask a friend of hers to figure out if she’s into you if she’s someone you met on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge. The only way you’d ask a friend of hers to do your dirty work is if you and her run within a similar social circle.
If this is the case, asking a friend to do your dirty work might actually be a courteous move. There’s no easier way to break up the social harmony of a friend group than by having unrequited feelings for a woman and having everyone know about it. To keep the friend group intact, discreetly ask a friend to do your bidding for you.
Should you learn that she doesn’t have the hots for you, no worries. She nor anyone else in the group need to know your true feelings for her.
When you do ask a friend, make sure it isn’t one that’ll gossip about your romantic feelings. If the feelings are unrequited, you’ll want to keep your affinity under wraps.
You Have A Leg Up
Knowing that she’s into you -or not- will dictate how you behave around her.
Imagine if you knew how every woman felt about you within the first 10 minutes of flirting with her.
You’d be much more inclined to flirt with her or get her number if you knew she wasn’t going to reject you. Knowing she’s into you will drastically speed up the romantic relationship. Naturally, learning that she’s got the hots for you will convince you to ask for her number, start dating, and of course get your smooch on.
If your buddy comes back reporting bad news, well then hey, you know that it’s not meant to be and you can move on to the next one.
Both Parties Are Privy To How The Other One Feels
Let’s imagine the following situation.
You ask Sam, who’s a mutual friend of Steph, to ask Steph if she likes you.
If Sam’s allegiances are closer to yours, she’ll discreetly and casually broach the point to Steph. If she’s closer friends with Steph she’ll most likely reveal that you have the hots for her. In all likelihood, if it’s a mutual friend you’re asking, or even a female friend, it’s highly probable that she’ll spill the beans.
This is just fine if the feelings you two have mirror each other. In fact, having both sides know how the other feels about them will quickly lower inhibitions and allow for the relationship to quickly blossom.
Cons: Should I Ask Her Friend If She Likes Me?
Acting like a callow pre-pubescent child around the woman you’re into when you’re a man well into his adult life has its downsides.
Here they are.
Your Wingwoman Won’t Always Be There
That’s exactly right.
When happens when you’re at a bar, friend’s party, a date with a chick from Bumble, at the gym, etc.? You’ll want to flirt and get this girl’s number but you probably won’t because you won’t have a friend to help you out.
Your wingwoman will be there every once in a while.
You aren’t able to wholly rely on a friend to play matchmaker.
Relying on a friend in this way is an emotional crutch. You’ll be romantically limping all about until you find the strength and humility to get rejected the old fashioned way.
It Could Backfire Bigly
If you walk right up to Amanda at the close of your friend’s party and ask her out, only 2 people will know of the encounter.
You and her.
Sure she might tell a friend or two -you might as well.
But it’s this cold, old school rejection that inhibits the spread of rumors and gossip.
What really lights gossip aflame is by sneakily recruiting a friend to ask Amanda for you. Look even if Amanda is slightly into you, she’s much more prone to gossip about your undercover wingwoman.
Simple, because you refused to man up and ask her. What you did in her eyes could easily be perceived as sleazy. Ya see, by talking in confidence to a friend, she confessed that she was into you. She may not have been supplied the information that you are into her as well. In this way, you can use the knowledge of those warm feelings to act differently around her. You can leverage them for your own needs.
Sleazy begets sleazy.
If she figures out that you’ve employed a mutual friend to do recon, she’s more prone to act in less than honest ways herself. Besides, before you yourself make a move, all this about you having feelings for her is hearsay. Until you make a move, this may be nothing more than a game to her.
Leads Down A Slippery Path
You obviously see the positives in using this strategy.
The biggest one being that it saves face.
You don’t have to work up the courage to ask her out or worry about rejection when you already know that she’s into you.
It’s this promise of success that will lead you to question why you should ever resort to asking a woman out without already knowing her response ever again.
But it’s this insistence in avoiding awkward situations that will have you missing out on a huge number of women.
It’s also this limiting strategy that will prevent you from MegaDating.
MegaDating is the act of prolifically dating. It involves mining for dates both online and IRL. As you can see, you’ll have quite an issue dating multiple women a week when you’ll only ask a female out if you first have to send in your wingman. Liberate yourself by doing away with this romantic crutch and taking charge of your own romantic life.
It isn’t just in your romantic life that you’ll see changes. If you continue to rely on someone to help you avoid award situations from happening, you’ll do your darndest to always avoid them. You’ll see this habit manifest itself in professional and non-romantic social situations.
Life isn’t meant to be lived with fear. This is a crazy and fickle world. Live it with humility and a recognization that everyone fucks up once in a while and falls on their face. If. you get used to rejection you’ll soon get used to winning. Just ask Jia Jiang, a man who purposefully sought out rejection for 100 straight days.
You Turn Into The Beta Male
If the alpha male is the loudest, most courageous man in the room, the beta male is, well, the opposite.
The beta male is a follower. He’s the guy that never dissents against the popular opinion or says anything noteworthy.
A beta is scared of the world, perpetually in a state of fear. They’re are in general clingy, jealous, impatient, and passive-aggressive. These guys refuse to take charge of their life. That’s why they rely heavily on the help of their friends in their love life. Women don’t like betas. Rather we prefer alpha males.
How To Not Be The Beta
Look not all guys need to be alphas in order to get the girl. If that were the case women would never again go out in public for fear that testosterone-riddled dudes would hit on them on every block.
I’m not encouraging you to be an alpha, rather I just don’t want you to be a beta. There’s a happy moderate middle that you should aim for. To be a non-toxic alpha, or have alpha-like tendencies you only need to acquire a few traits.
You’ll need to:
- Own your own life
- Know your values
- Be honest with yourself about the life you want to live
- Prioritize your own well-being, while being kind and compassionate towards others
Being an alpha doesn’t have to mean hitting the gym every week, always being the loudest voice in the room, and hitting on every woman whose pheromones waft up your nose.
Verdict: Should I Ask Her Friend If She Likes Me?
That’s a resounding no.
The only situation in which I’d suggest doing a bit more research and asking a friend to help you out is if you know that getting rejected face to face could have a negative impact on the lives of others. If your rejection will destroy a friend group, consider recruiting a friend to help you out. In all other contexts, this is just an issue you’ll have to figure out yourself.
Dive in headfirst when revealing your feelings to women. Comporting yourself in an honest and direct fashion will help you quell your nerves, get results quicker, and will fill you with gratification. Hearing from a friend’s mouth that she’s into you is like having someone else unwrap a Christmas gift for you and telling you what’s inside.
Get Jiggy With It
Never send a buddy into the field to do a job you’re perfectly qualified for.
I totally understand that one measly article won’t convince you to change your ways.
To help you become a man of great romantic power, why not hire a coach?
Book a 1-on-1 Zoom new client session with me today so that we can create a tailor-made dating blueprint just for you.
When you and I team up, you’ll have the option of embarking on this journey via group and/or private coaching sessions.
Together I’ll equip you with the dating know-how to become the alpha male you’ve always wanted to be.
And if mining for dates truly isn’t your thing, my team and I have you covered with matchmaking services.