“She won’t give me a second chance, what did I do wrong? Well, let’s set the scene.
You’ve gone on two dates with the girl you eyed reading Sapiens in your city’s local park. You’re enamored, there’s no doubt. But when you go to ask her out on a third date she refuses. It’s puzzling really. She checks all your boxes and you thought you checked hers.
To figure out what went wrong we’ll need to give your hippocampus a good workout and comb through your memories to figure out what went wrong. It’s time to stop saying, “she won’t give me a second chance,” and figure out why.
Poor Structuring Of First Three Dates
The first few dates are always the most sensitive. Here you and the person next to you are assessing whether it’s worth investing time in the other person. With the abundance of options today’s daters think there are, we’re more likely than ever before to drop a potential suitor if even one detail about them isn’t to our liking.
To create the optimal dating environment you need to follow my MegaDating and date plan blueprint processes. The MegaDating process is an in-depth dating practice that encourages you to go on as many dates as possible until you find someone you really connect with. Below I’ll outline rules that apply to the first two dates.
The date should not exceed one hour nor should more than $10 be spent throughout the course of the date. Do you really want to spend half a day and half a paycheck on a stranger? A first date is like a screening. The purpose is to figure out if you are compatible or not, nothing more. Going on such brief dates will free up time and ensure that dating doesn’t feel like a chore.
Second dates must be active and free. Making a second date active allows the conversation to revolve around the activity. Being that it’s free not only will you continue to save money but you’ll also weed out gold diggers in the process.
These are the basic dating parameters set out by MD and my date plan blueprint, but it takes much more than these rules to make for a good date. Perhaps the date elapsed more than an hour, thus killing the mystery. Or maybe your nerves took over and your loquacious talk turned her off. Perhaps you just weren’t able to make her feel secure enough around you to go on another date.
With my 1-on-1 Signature Coaching Program you’ll be provided a step-by-step blueprint for the first, second, and third date so that you don’t unknowingly sabotage yourself by committing an easily remediable error such as scheduling the date too far away from her home.
You Weren’t Truthful
There aren’t many ways that will ensure that she never wants to talk to you again; lying is one of them. There are degrees of severity when it comes to lying. Telling her you like chai so it seems like you two have something in common is a basic lie, whereas informing her that you’re not seeing anyone else is a super boneheaded one.
Be upfront about your dating. Even tell her about the MegaDating strategy. Honesty is a great foundation to build a relationship on. If you’re MegaDating tell her that yes, you’re dating other women, but that few women make it to the coveted third date. Tell her that you date a handful of women because you don’t want to wait any longer to find someone who you’re most compatible with, and the best way to do this is to date more and be selective.
If your promiscuous ways are exposed she’ll label you a player and never call you back. It’s best to be upfront so that you can control the narrative.
If the topic of dating multiple people doesn’t arise naturally, don’t feel compelled to thrust it out in the open. That being said, be upfront about your intentions and what you’re looking for romantically.
Any sensitive information that might derail the nascent relationship should be gotten off your conscious ASAP. Let her know about any chronic illnesses, pending divorces, and children. Also don’t be one of the more than 53% of online dating users that lie on their profiles. Lying will help you secure a first date but never a second. Ultimately lying on a profile is a waste of time, especially when a doctored or old photo is posted.
Was She Dating Someone Else?
Don’t assume that you’re the only one that’s dating around. She’s single and has just as much right as you do to see other people. Until the rules of the relationship are discussed, it’s fair game to date anyone.
Both you and her have plenty of romantic options. Never before have there been so many singles in America. For whatever the reason she determined that someone else she was dating was more worthy of her investment than you were. Fine. Don’t waste time on ruminating on the rejection of someone you barely know. If you’re MegaDating you probably already have another date lined up around the corner.
Sharpen your ability to discern whether or not she’s attracted to you by mentally replaying each date as soon as it’s ended. Be cognizant of particularly good, bad, and weird moments. Also take note of when the vibe has completely shifted. This mental exercise is akin to an NBA player watching game footage after a game to identify what was and wasn’t working for them.
Were Her Life/Career/Dating Goals In Line With Yours?
For most people, the goal of dating is to find someone that you eventually strike up a romantic partnership with. Rightly so, if two people have conflicts that will hinder that goal, it’s unlikely that they’ll continue to see each other.
If you’re a programmer content to spend the rest of your days in San Francisco while she’s a journalist anathema to the tech scene, it’s unlikely that you two will work out.
Do you want kids and a home to settle down in within five years, but is she preaching about how overpopulated the world is? There are certain personal conflicts that your date isn’t willing to put the work into transcending.
Perhaps if you two had been dating for quite some time she’d be more willing to bend her goals and compromise. Since you’re more a a stranger to her after the first couple of dates, she’s more likely to be unwilling to change.
Don’t take it personally if your life, professional, and dating goals don’t all align. She won’t give you a second chance not because she isn’t a fan of your character, but rather because your long-term goals don’t align.
How Many Chances Did She Already Give You?
Just because she hasn’t made you aware of the chances she’s given you doesn’t mean that she hasn’t been tallying them up in her head.
Look back on your dates. Did you two have any arguments, did you show up late, zone out while she was talking, or ever show aggression? Make a list of all the times that you disappointed her, argued, or made her feel uncomfortable. If you two only just started dating she’s unlikely to give you many strikes. Mess up just a few times and she’ll likely move on.
It Was All Wrong From The Start
You watch GOT, she watches The Great British Bake Off, you take yearly vacations to Cape Cod, she only travels in-state, you’re a Democrat and she’s a Republican. The whole “opposite’s attract” bit makes for a great story, but most of the time it’s not how attraction works. We’re interested in people that are similar to us, not different.
In the back of your mind did you know this was never going to work out? If so, why did you push the relationship forward even when you knew there were built-in roadblocks?
You may have charged forward with your head down because a woman had finally agreed to go on a first date with you. It didn’t matter if you were an odd match because finally a woman was willing to show you affection. This is a classic case of settling. It happens when we adopt a scarcity mindset. We think that there’s no one out there for us, so when an eligible bachelorette finally glances your way you latch on for dear life. This mindset won’t kick in if you MegaDate.
Don’t worry about not being able to score a lot of dates. MegaDating will change that by having you tap into multiple dating channels. A channel is anything that puts you on a crash course with an available women. Some dating channels examples might be: online dating, mining friends for single friends, work relationships, PTA meetings, co-ed sports leagues, parties, speed dating, Meetups, etc. There are tons of channels out there that only need tapping into. Lining dates up makes it easier to acknowledge when someone isn’t right for you.
She Won’t Give Me a Second Chance: How to Move Forward
Let’s get back to the scene at hand.
She just rejected you… now what?
As mentioned, take a moment to think about why “she won’t give me second chance.” Once you’ve come up with a few potential reasons why it’ll be much easier to move on. Take the time to grieve if it’s necessary but allow yourself no more than two weeks to bounce back from being snubbed.
Once you’ve composed yourself, stack your calendar with social engagements. Hanging out with friends and family will fortify your emotional state and decrease the likelihood that you’ll dwell on your former flame.
Take what you’ve learned from the time spent identifying what went wrong in your past relationship to make your next dating experience more successful. Get back out there by applying MegaDating techniques. To get the most out of this dating strategy, consult with me via a 1-on-1 Skype session. During our intro session we’ll diagnose your dating history, uncover anything that might be holding you back, talk about your long and short term dating goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you.